I have been in a horrible place all day - not I hasten to say the despair and Black Dog of previous years. No, this is more concerning really it is something to do with what lies ahead and I was in mini panic attack mode on a couple of occasions over things that hadn't happened (and aren't likely to either). I was able to work my way through things today and that got me through but did warn Mrs. F. of the terrible place I had been and the shortness of breath and suffocating feelings really weren't needed.
It's probably a good thing as a reminder why I'm going on a diet, beginning to sort out getting a job (or not) and all those good things. I'm surprised that since I got cancer that I'm like this as I didn't expect to be having depression and similar episodes but in my own way I think this is all telling me that I need to stop the procrastination and sort things out one way or the other. I need to have some uncomfortable conversations. I've been trying like crazy to make changes but it hasn't really made much difference to me or those around me. Perhaps it's best just to tackle the problems head on. Much as I prefer this, most people don't and I realise that I'm clinical, direct and non emotional about things that probably need tact, diplomacy and and a certain amount of political dancing. Trouble is, the message can be lost that way.
Tomorrow I'm off on an errand which will be a good distraction to check out a car for my cousin and later in the day I am off to a Burns Supper which will also be nice. Hopefully I'll be in a better frame of mind at the end of it.
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