I suppose after a while you get used to it. I still think about it all the time though. Yesterday lifting the machine and assembling and using it were all slight worries but you have to get back to normal - whatever normal may be. I have enough other things on my plate this week to have put most of that behind me.
I haven't really got much more to add about symptoms and all that at the moment, I feel quite well in myself still and I am gradually getting my strength back. I just wished I was getting my waist line back - I suppose that will take a little longer.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Grumpy Old Man
I have finally made it I can officially call myself a Grumpy Old Man now.
Today on a running desktop RSS feed ticker of News - NEWS mind you. came a gem about some minor "person of notoriety" I vomit if I have to say the word "celebrity" probably a D or E list one as I doubt anyone who has a pubic hair has actually heard of him. Apparently this little jumped up twerp stormed out of making a TV show because someone made fun of his wife who was also someone I'd never heard of before. HELLO BBC - this is not front page news, nor is the news that some baggage got thrown out of the Big Brother house. I am sure there are far more important things going on in the world than some over paid thick ignorant nobody walking out of a studio. If you are that upset just withhold his payment.
On a more serious note the third redundancy I've heard about this week is David Beckham - He is going to lose his job and I have no idea how he and his family will be able to make ends meet.
Today on a running desktop RSS feed ticker of News - NEWS mind you. came a gem about some minor "person of notoriety" I vomit if I have to say the word "celebrity" probably a D or E list one as I doubt anyone who has a pubic hair has actually heard of him. Apparently this little jumped up twerp stormed out of making a TV show because someone made fun of his wife who was also someone I'd never heard of before. HELLO BBC - this is not front page news, nor is the news that some baggage got thrown out of the Big Brother house. I am sure there are far more important things going on in the world than some over paid thick ignorant nobody walking out of a studio. If you are that upset just withhold his payment.
On a more serious note the third redundancy I've heard about this week is David Beckham - He is going to lose his job and I have no idea how he and his family will be able to make ends meet.
Exercise Equipment WORKS
I am absolutely knackered, got the machine upstairs and had to assemble it, was in quite a sweat and must have lost a stone building it. Wonderful, I'll go and order another and get some more exercise now or have I missed the point?
Unexpected Problem with Exercise Equipment
Just arrived and sitting in the Hall!
It took two big blokes to carry it in to the house and it is a big package and at 56Kilos it could cause some interesting moments with me trying to drag it up the stairs.
Now if I was fit I could do that but then if I was fit I wouldn't need the equipment in the first place so......
I might have to wait until my youngest daughter is back from school - she could lift it :-)
It took two big blokes to carry it in to the house and it is a big package and at 56Kilos it could cause some interesting moments with me trying to drag it up the stairs.
Now if I was fit I could do that but then if I was fit I wouldn't need the equipment in the first place so......
I might have to wait until my youngest daughter is back from school - she could lift it :-)
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Calm Down - Calm Down
I must remember that not everyone has the same enthusiasm I do for solving problems, project management, the intricacies of tacit knowledge management etc. I must learn to calm down and not be quite as explosive, pushy, know it all and so on.
Even if I DO know it all :-)
Even if I DO know it all :-)
Back Home
And just confirmed what I said earlier but, officially they have to do this. I wore the "I'm not dead Tee Shirt" - it works at so many levels I think. Anyway, it was a pleasant and civilised affair. I think that they really feel bad about it but it has to be done. There was hardly a soul at the office and it was quite eerie.
Anyway, I have 3 months notice so I cannot complain really. Who knows what will happen next week. 2007 has turned out to be quite exciting. Oh yes, the journey was tiring but with my "posh car" it wasn't that bad - it felt like taking my armchair out for a drive.
I now have to wait until next week for the final final final confirmation.
Anyway, I have 3 months notice so I cannot complain really. Who knows what will happen next week. 2007 has turned out to be quite exciting. Oh yes, the journey was tiring but with my "posh car" it wasn't that bad - it felt like taking my armchair out for a drive.
I now have to wait until next week for the final final final confirmation.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
One of "Those" days
Today will be - I have a meeting online in a few minutes and then will have to travel about 225 miles to stay in a Hotel to go and meet my bosses tomorrow to be told officially what is going on. It seems an awfully long and expensive exercise to be told that your services are no longer needed. It makes you wonder how they could ever have gotten into difficulties in the first place! Last bit to spat out with some sarcasm please :-)
The blog may go quiet for a day or so....
The blog may go quiet for a day or so....
Exercise
I got a call to say my exercise machine will arrive on Thursday so when I get back from my trip I'll be able to set up my gym and get down to some work to get fit again. I can't say I was ever super fit but I was reasonably in shape and I feel like a beach ball at the moment. I seem to have put a massive amount of weight on around my stomach and a little around my chin as I can see that.
I can't see if "My Bum looks big in this" thank goodness. I am now just checking to make sure that I exercise in the proper way, ensure that I take my BP and other readings and also try not to overdo it.
An old Project Management saying is that it takes a woman 9 months to have a baby - you cannot speed up the process by impregnating nine women to have a baby in a month (I know try telling THAT to New Labour!). Anyway - the exercise is a gradual and progressive thing - I can't expect to go crazy for 10 hours and come out with the body beautiful!
I can't see if "My Bum looks big in this" thank goodness. I am now just checking to make sure that I exercise in the proper way, ensure that I take my BP and other readings and also try not to overdo it.
An old Project Management saying is that it takes a woman 9 months to have a baby - you cannot speed up the process by impregnating nine women to have a baby in a month (I know try telling THAT to New Labour!). Anyway - the exercise is a gradual and progressive thing - I can't expect to go crazy for 10 hours and come out with the body beautiful!
Melancholic
I think that is the word I am looking for. It is how I feel right now. I'm accepting all that is happening around me and what is just about to happen and I'm feeling a little sad about it but at the same time I have a resolution that it is just another thing to meet and move on with.
I think once I get the definitive yes or no and the figures and the terms and conditions thrust in front of my face on Wednesday then I can figure out what I can do about it. As I've learnt these days it is no good second guessing things and it is no use worrying about them - that's rubbish because I am going to have some anxiety of course but I don't need to get quite as stressed out as I was earlier on with the condition or anything else that was happening to me. The trick is to try and relax and just let it ride over you. I mean it's not as if you are actually physically hurt when you lose your job. Anyway, I just have this slight nag of melancholy at the moment. Perhaps that will be gone come Thursday.
I think once I get the definitive yes or no and the figures and the terms and conditions thrust in front of my face on Wednesday then I can figure out what I can do about it. As I've learnt these days it is no good second guessing things and it is no use worrying about them - that's rubbish because I am going to have some anxiety of course but I don't need to get quite as stressed out as I was earlier on with the condition or anything else that was happening to me. The trick is to try and relax and just let it ride over you. I mean it's not as if you are actually physically hurt when you lose your job. Anyway, I just have this slight nag of melancholy at the moment. Perhaps that will be gone come Thursday.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Not Just Me
I just found out another friend of mine is also facing redundancy. It really is a sign of the times these days I suppose. I remember leaving school and listening to my father and others about having worked at their companies all their lives and being proudly shown a watch or mantle clock as proof. I think the longest I ever lasted at one company was 7 years. the shortest only a matter of days. It was what made me take up the contracting role and start my own business - at least then change would be a constant and risk and reward could be properly balanced out.
Of course when you run your own business you can't exactly make yourself redundant but there you go - you can't have everything.
Anyway, I hope that he gets sorted out as well - whilst it is one of those things - you really don't need all that pressure and all of those problems landed on you at any time let alone straight after the Christmas period.
Someone was making noises about this was "all I needed after the illness" bu actually it really isn't that big a deal. I said your attitude on life changes and this really is one of those things you look at and sort of say "Is that all you've got?" - "Go on, do something that really hurts me". You see, you can't really hurt me anymore, last year I lived through some of the worst moments of my life and whilst I am certain there can be worse moments, losing your job really isn't that high up the Richter scale.
Of course when you run your own business you can't exactly make yourself redundant but there you go - you can't have everything.
Anyway, I hope that he gets sorted out as well - whilst it is one of those things - you really don't need all that pressure and all of those problems landed on you at any time let alone straight after the Christmas period.
Someone was making noises about this was "all I needed after the illness" bu actually it really isn't that big a deal. I said your attitude on life changes and this really is one of those things you look at and sort of say "Is that all you've got?" - "Go on, do something that really hurts me". You see, you can't really hurt me anymore, last year I lived through some of the worst moments of my life and whilst I am certain there can be worse moments, losing your job really isn't that high up the Richter scale.
Why Not
Just do what we used to do when redundancy came around. Get the people you were going to make redundant, one at a time, give them their marching orders, get the security guard to go to their desk with them and pack their stuff and send them home. End of story.
this consultation process (so what bit of a consultation can you do with 50 odd people?) is a nonsense and disrupts everyone. Now say you were "at risk" but managed to consult and keep your job - just how would you feel? It tends to disturb the whole business and that is a major issue especially as you are already in the sort of position that means you have to get rid of 20% of your work force.
I'd rather know straight away and have it over and done with than all this mucking about. I suppose that would be some PC rubbish about affecting my human rights though - they've all gone mad :-)
this consultation process (so what bit of a consultation can you do with 50 odd people?) is a nonsense and disrupts everyone. Now say you were "at risk" but managed to consult and keep your job - just how would you feel? It tends to disturb the whole business and that is a major issue especially as you are already in the sort of position that means you have to get rid of 20% of your work force.
I'd rather know straight away and have it over and done with than all this mucking about. I suppose that would be some PC rubbish about affecting my human rights though - they've all gone mad :-)
Motivation
Or lack of it more like it. I've made a couple of phone calls and sorted my e-mail, started a couple of documents and I just don't feel like doing anything right now. I've stuck on the radio and really cannot get myself motivated to do anything at all right now. If I could get up the enthusiasm I'd try to achieve a good level of apathy but I just can't manage even that today!
Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory
I have no doubt that there will be some repercussions in the coming weeks and months at work but I can imagine the dilemma facing everyone when you actually need sales and yet it is that part of the organisation that is not performing.
With one exception I've always felt that they looked at me as if I was from Mars when I spoke to them and it is one of those things as you get older. You have years of experience (that is what you are employed to bring to the job) and half the time people thing you are a raving loony or don't know what you are talking about. Which in fact brings to mind one of my favourite sayings which I have used in anger many, many times:
"Don't you ever get tired of being wrong?" It normally stops them in their tracks. I suppose it is politically incorrect these days to bring someone's defects into sharp focus like that. I'd better watch my step in case they fire me.
With one exception I've always felt that they looked at me as if I was from Mars when I spoke to them and it is one of those things as you get older. You have years of experience (that is what you are employed to bring to the job) and half the time people thing you are a raving loony or don't know what you are talking about. Which in fact brings to mind one of my favourite sayings which I have used in anger many, many times:
"Don't you ever get tired of being wrong?" It normally stops them in their tracks. I suppose it is politically incorrect these days to bring someone's defects into sharp focus like that. I'd better watch my step in case they fire me.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
A New Beginning
Sounds like Star Wars doesn't it?
I was thinking that this potential redundancy may actually be a bit of a Godsend really. Don't get me wrong I actually love my job and I'm going to be pretty upset to go but I have to accept that - this is the way it is. There are the rest of the employees to consider after all said and done too.
Anyway, I was thinking, this gives me the opportunity to do something different - NO not working at B&Q - I reckon Joe Public and I would be having too many rows :-) Perhaps being able to do some part time work. Someone mentioned that I should perhaps lecture on Project Management at the local college? That sounds interesting. Or perhaps I could put my hand to something else.
Going back to contracting again isn't so bad as I'd be able to work flexibly again.
I was thinking that this potential redundancy may actually be a bit of a Godsend really. Don't get me wrong I actually love my job and I'm going to be pretty upset to go but I have to accept that - this is the way it is. There are the rest of the employees to consider after all said and done too.
Anyway, I was thinking, this gives me the opportunity to do something different - NO not working at B&Q - I reckon Joe Public and I would be having too many rows :-) Perhaps being able to do some part time work. Someone mentioned that I should perhaps lecture on Project Management at the local college? That sounds interesting. Or perhaps I could put my hand to something else.
Going back to contracting again isn't so bad as I'd be able to work flexibly again.
It WAS an interesting night
It was good to meet up and there were some very concerned people and I got a great reception. Even the "I'm not dead yet" Tee shirt went down well. Some missed the point until later.
All in all it was quite a good evening and there were a number of war stories that kind of cheered me up. My friend had a serious Thyroid problem many years ago and he was there right as ninepence and a number of my friend's parents had gone through and survived more serious things. Whilst I'm trying not to play down how serious the cancer I have actually is, I still don't look ill, I don't feel ill and apart from the weight gain and minor discomfort, I really am a lot better than ever I thought I'd be or that anyone expects me to be.
All in all it was quite a good evening and there were a number of war stories that kind of cheered me up. My friend had a serious Thyroid problem many years ago and he was there right as ninepence and a number of my friend's parents had gone through and survived more serious things. Whilst I'm trying not to play down how serious the cancer I have actually is, I still don't look ill, I don't feel ill and apart from the weight gain and minor discomfort, I really am a lot better than ever I thought I'd be or that anyone expects me to be.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Could be an interesting night
A lot of people I haven't seen for a long time - no doubt I'll get the usual batch of questions so as good old Cub Scout I'd better be prepared. At least I'm giving its first outing to the "I'm not dead yet" Tee Shirt - cool - surprised the wife allowed me to wear it really :-)
It is easy to feel the victim
I've been putting together my thoughts on the job I have been doing for my company and the good and bad bits of the job. It has been interesting as I went back and looked at what I was asked to do and despite all the recent problems with my health nearly everything I set out to do in June (1 month before diagnosis) has actually been achieved. I was pleased to see that and I am going to present that to the bosses when I go up and see them.
By reviewing this, reading through all the past stuff, contract of employment and so on, I was able to pick up on some of the original stuff and also to realise that it isn't me not performing that is the issue it is the sales people not delivering their part of the bargain - like some work for my team to deliver!
I don't feel bad about it but I can see why so many people feel that they are victims and get upset - it is just another fact of life and I think I am taking it quite well because once you've been diagnosed with Cancer then frankly there isn't a lot people can do to you to upset you really.
You can probably yell out "Come on - really. Is that ALL you've got?!" Hey, maybe I'll do that next week :-)
By reviewing this, reading through all the past stuff, contract of employment and so on, I was able to pick up on some of the original stuff and also to realise that it isn't me not performing that is the issue it is the sales people not delivering their part of the bargain - like some work for my team to deliver!
I don't feel bad about it but I can see why so many people feel that they are victims and get upset - it is just another fact of life and I think I am taking it quite well because once you've been diagnosed with Cancer then frankly there isn't a lot people can do to you to upset you really.
You can probably yell out "Come on - really. Is that ALL you've got?!" Hey, maybe I'll do that next week :-)
Late One
I finally managed to snooze off at about 3:30 this morning after listening to some music. That meant I didn't get up until about 11:30 this morning and even then only because someone rang me.
I can't even say that I was particularly worried about anything - OK, I have a lot to think about with the Redundancy and awaiting the results of the treatment of course. Nagging at the back of my mind is whether an employer will take someone on with Cancer and whether I have to disclose that - I suppose wait until you get the pre joining questionnaire on that one. If I run my own business again then I'll have to make sure I cover that off myself.
Perhaps they are nagging in the background. I don't feel worried about it at the moment. Annoyed but it was inevitable I think given the poor performance of the sales team in the last quarter.
I can't even say that I was particularly worried about anything - OK, I have a lot to think about with the Redundancy and awaiting the results of the treatment of course. Nagging at the back of my mind is whether an employer will take someone on with Cancer and whether I have to disclose that - I suppose wait until you get the pre joining questionnaire on that one. If I run my own business again then I'll have to make sure I cover that off myself.
Perhaps they are nagging in the background. I don't feel worried about it at the moment. Annoyed but it was inevitable I think given the poor performance of the sales team in the last quarter.
NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH
In case you were wondering what a TURBT operation looks like here are links to the AOL Health Web Site and two versions of the operation in High and Low Resolution.
You have been warned......
Web Site
High Resolutions Version of Bladder Tumour Removal HERE
Low Resolution Version of Bladder Tumour Removal HERE
Strangely I can actually look at these - anything else and I'd probably pass out - I have no idea why - I suppose because this was done to me so it is alright? Weird..
You have been warned......
Web Site
High Resolutions Version of Bladder Tumour Removal HERE
Low Resolution Version of Bladder Tumour Removal HERE
Strangely I can actually look at these - anything else and I'd probably pass out - I have no idea why - I suppose because this was done to me so it is alright? Weird..
Funny Possibly
Well I thought this was quite funny - it is a video clip about some men in the bathroom - multitasking!
Enjoy click HERE
Enjoy click HERE
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