I have been in a horrible place all day - not I hasten to say the despair and Black Dog of previous years. No, this is more concerning really it is something to do with what lies ahead and I was in mini panic attack mode on a couple of occasions over things that hadn't happened (and aren't likely to either). I was able to work my way through things today and that got me through but did warn Mrs. F. of the terrible place I had been and the shortness of breath and suffocating feelings really weren't needed.
It's probably a good thing as a reminder why I'm going on a diet, beginning to sort out getting a job (or not) and all those good things. I'm surprised that since I got cancer that I'm like this as I didn't expect to be having depression and similar episodes but in my own way I think this is all telling me that I need to stop the procrastination and sort things out one way or the other. I need to have some uncomfortable conversations. I've been trying like crazy to make changes but it hasn't really made much difference to me or those around me. Perhaps it's best just to tackle the problems head on. Much as I prefer this, most people don't and I realise that I'm clinical, direct and non emotional about things that probably need tact, diplomacy and and a certain amount of political dancing. Trouble is, the message can be lost that way.
Tomorrow I'm off on an errand which will be a good distraction to check out a car for my cousin and later in the day I am off to a Burns Supper which will also be nice. Hopefully I'll be in a better frame of mind at the end of it.
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
Nasty Start
I feel absolutely horrible this morning. Just dreadful, I've gone from being really positive this week to suddenly having a mini panic attack in the bedroom and needing to get up and moving. I had sudden forward flashes of not wanting to attend a couple of meetings due this Saturday to just wanting to be out of the house and breathing properly.
I'm calmed down now - it didn't take long to reason with myself but I'm really emotional and upset now although I feel in control. I'm guessing I've kicked out an adrenalin surge in a fight or flight sort of way and that's coursing around my body with no where to go.
In many ways the diet can't start soon enough for me - I'm starting this Sunday and neither can the benefits that will bring with a healthier lifestyle, less weight, some exercise and I hope some sort of distancing myself away from these claustrophobia attacks. These little panic attacks are quite disturbing even though I know them to be based on nothing and have no grounding in fact, they are just something my sub concious is torturing me with.
I'm calmed down now - it didn't take long to reason with myself but I'm really emotional and upset now although I feel in control. I'm guessing I've kicked out an adrenalin surge in a fight or flight sort of way and that's coursing around my body with no where to go.
In many ways the diet can't start soon enough for me - I'm starting this Sunday and neither can the benefits that will bring with a healthier lifestyle, less weight, some exercise and I hope some sort of distancing myself away from these claustrophobia attacks. These little panic attacks are quite disturbing even though I know them to be based on nothing and have no grounding in fact, they are just something my sub concious is torturing me with.
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
The Thick Plottens
For such is the strange world that is employment. Someone wants me to work for them, their HR department are spending an age getting me sorted out for a basic test that is a bit of a laugh as if I didn't have these basic skills (this is normally for graduates) I'd never have the CV and experience I do. I've left them to go internal warfare whilst they sort this out amongst themselves.
I find it amusing that even some of the best names in the industry are as bad as each other. Corporates are just awful sometimes internally. I've hated this sort of stuff all my life but hey, they might just give me a job and I might just enjoy it and who knows, it might sort my sorry arse out and stop me floundering around.
I' just wish they'd hurry up and sort themselves out so I can take the damn exams and then get on with the interviews.
I find it amusing that even some of the best names in the industry are as bad as each other. Corporates are just awful sometimes internally. I've hated this sort of stuff all my life but hey, they might just give me a job and I might just enjoy it and who knows, it might sort my sorry arse out and stop me floundering around.
I' just wish they'd hurry up and sort themselves out so I can take the damn exams and then get on with the interviews.
Monday, January 07, 2013
Facing Your Demons
I still think about my cancer every day and it's not what you might think - it's not a self pity thing or anything like that. It's more how lucky I am and also most of the time it is something reminding me about it but I don't look back to the really bad times or at least not a lot. Occasionally I get a reminder of those times and whilst I've considered how other people reacted I've never really explored it.
If I can make an observation about people in general (so it is a generalisation). I find that they tend to assume a lot and don't understand why you aren't grieving (in the case of my dad), in some sort of ecstasy for beating my cancer nor can they understand why my hair didn't drop out with the treatment - so many things are stereotyped and expected and if you "act" outside of the norm they don't get it. I'm sure that some want you to perhaps deliver some sort of uplifting message for the assembled to take away about how you beat the Big C.
Today I read a blog from someone who is coming to terms with their imminent demise and how they are combating the pain and how the family members are now beginning to come apart at the seams. You can't be a hard bastard all the time and despite what you may think, many people have a stake in you, your health and well-being. I can see his problem and he's talking about funeral details, number of cars, music and all that. In a way I'd have liked my dad to have left a few notes for guidance but there you go. I've written some notes myself which are sufficiently woolly so as to allow those left behind to do what they'd like - it's not as if I'm going to be bothered.
I've blanked a lot of the nasty stuff away and hidden it somewhere stored away and try not to remember the operations nor the BCG treatments. They are the things that saved my life of course and so you can't dismiss them as such but the truth is that they weren't pleasant and added to the stress of the diagnosis they are some of the low points. I can't say that I was in much pain - some but not a huge amount although the treatments, as I've often said, aren't for sissies. It also depended on how your body reacted on a particular day as to how you'd feel.
When I get these flashbacks (for that is how they appear) they are very disturbing indeed. I don't know if they are exaggerated or whether they are realistic? I don't recollect if I was just manning up for the treatments and operations or whether they were that nasty and I blocked it out. What I do know is that they often catch me unaware as did that blog this morning. Just reading the issue he was having to deal with and suddenly it all came back to me like a wave. It was quite upsetting and made me feel really sad and a little ill at the same time.
If I can make an observation about people in general (so it is a generalisation). I find that they tend to assume a lot and don't understand why you aren't grieving (in the case of my dad), in some sort of ecstasy for beating my cancer nor can they understand why my hair didn't drop out with the treatment - so many things are stereotyped and expected and if you "act" outside of the norm they don't get it. I'm sure that some want you to perhaps deliver some sort of uplifting message for the assembled to take away about how you beat the Big C.
Today I read a blog from someone who is coming to terms with their imminent demise and how they are combating the pain and how the family members are now beginning to come apart at the seams. You can't be a hard bastard all the time and despite what you may think, many people have a stake in you, your health and well-being. I can see his problem and he's talking about funeral details, number of cars, music and all that. In a way I'd have liked my dad to have left a few notes for guidance but there you go. I've written some notes myself which are sufficiently woolly so as to allow those left behind to do what they'd like - it's not as if I'm going to be bothered.
I've blanked a lot of the nasty stuff away and hidden it somewhere stored away and try not to remember the operations nor the BCG treatments. They are the things that saved my life of course and so you can't dismiss them as such but the truth is that they weren't pleasant and added to the stress of the diagnosis they are some of the low points. I can't say that I was in much pain - some but not a huge amount although the treatments, as I've often said, aren't for sissies. It also depended on how your body reacted on a particular day as to how you'd feel.
When I get these flashbacks (for that is how they appear) they are very disturbing indeed. I don't know if they are exaggerated or whether they are realistic? I don't recollect if I was just manning up for the treatments and operations or whether they were that nasty and I blocked it out. What I do know is that they often catch me unaware as did that blog this morning. Just reading the issue he was having to deal with and suddenly it all came back to me like a wave. It was quite upsetting and made me feel really sad and a little ill at the same time.
Saturday, January 05, 2013
Funny Thing
Ended up having a beer and chatting and the lads told me about a chap I sort of know and they were discussing his cancer and operation and how he now has to have enzyme tablets etc. Then they suddenly recollected that I had been ill and the dynamics changed and it was a strange thing to hear how many see Cancer as a death sentence. It is 50/50 I believe with this other chap but he's had radical surgery and ongoing treatment and only time will tell with that but of course I was the living proof that you can survive it.
Of course I still think that it's coming back to get me at any time :-) Such is the impression it can make on you.
Of course I still think that it's coming back to get me at any time :-) Such is the impression it can make on you.
Friday, January 04, 2013
Voldemort
Interesting that people wouldn't say his name in the Harry Potter books/films. It's similar in the Cancer world or is that the "C" world. No one likes to use the word at all and I suppose we can all understand that - it has bad memories for very many people and we all know someone who has had it or died from it and so it strikes fear into people.
I get asked "how is you little problem?" which isn't quite the sort of thing you'd ask a gentleman now is it? :-) "Are you alright now after your experience?" but no one mentions Cancer directly.
So that's just one of those observations that is ongoing as I remember early on finding that no one really wanted to say the word - I wonder if they didn't want to upset me? Perhaps.
I get asked "how is you little problem?" which isn't quite the sort of thing you'd ask a gentleman now is it? :-) "Are you alright now after your experience?" but no one mentions Cancer directly.
So that's just one of those observations that is ongoing as I remember early on finding that no one really wanted to say the word - I wonder if they didn't want to upset me? Perhaps.
Thursday, January 03, 2013
And once again the link doesn't work
It drives you mad doesn't it but I guessed that the link to the test wouldn't work as it has been over 10 days and it just had to be. So I swatted up this morning and was ready to take the test and it didn't let me. Oh well - perhaps another day when they issue the next link.
At least I have some idea what will be in front of me. These tests are actually quite difficult to do with distractions and so I need to lock myself in and concentrate on them as there are a number of areas you can easily trip up on.
Feeling OK still which is good, my spirits are up and once I get myself motivated I can really get moving along - the maths tests are fine but I take a while to get cracking at those. I think I need to get myself some squared paper for that but verbal reasoning I seemed to do OK in although the way the questions are constructed isn't the way I talk or think but there you go, a means to an end.
I will proceed with this application and see where it leads me. I don't have high expectations for it as I had already dismissed it last year. I also turned down another opportunity today but I really didn't fancy a 60 mile trek around the M25 (each way) each day and also knowing that the money would be half of that with this present job.
If I get this job so be it but I'm thinking that it may not happen and so I can fall back on plan B. The former makes things easier in some ways and puts me on a footing to control my destiny a bit. The trouble is, I'm not certain that I really, deep in my heart, want to go back to doing what I used to. I may have been "born for the role" but it doesn't mean that it will be the right thing to do. It may be the right thing for the wrong reason for example. Oh well let's see how it pans out.
At least I have some idea what will be in front of me. These tests are actually quite difficult to do with distractions and so I need to lock myself in and concentrate on them as there are a number of areas you can easily trip up on.
Feeling OK still which is good, my spirits are up and once I get myself motivated I can really get moving along - the maths tests are fine but I take a while to get cracking at those. I think I need to get myself some squared paper for that but verbal reasoning I seemed to do OK in although the way the questions are constructed isn't the way I talk or think but there you go, a means to an end.
I will proceed with this application and see where it leads me. I don't have high expectations for it as I had already dismissed it last year. I also turned down another opportunity today but I really didn't fancy a 60 mile trek around the M25 (each way) each day and also knowing that the money would be half of that with this present job.
If I get this job so be it but I'm thinking that it may not happen and so I can fall back on plan B. The former makes things easier in some ways and puts me on a footing to control my destiny a bit. The trouble is, I'm not certain that I really, deep in my heart, want to go back to doing what I used to. I may have been "born for the role" but it doesn't mean that it will be the right thing to do. It may be the right thing for the wrong reason for example. Oh well let's see how it pans out.
The Gap Between
It struck me tonight that there is quite a gap between what I want or like to do and what actually happens. For example, I really fancy going out a couple of nights a week to have a meal or go to some live music or just for a beer and I'm the only person in the house that does nights during the working week. Most are in their PJs at 9:00 and off to bed not much later. Me - I can do 11 or later most nights always been able to and can just about do that still. Used to do it after 10 or 11 hour days too. No need to look at why my lifestyle may have contributed to early onset of cancer I suppose.
However, here I am looking at the extra time I've been given and thinking I ought to do something with it and yet it's just me that wants to or has the inclination. I don't abuse this and in fact more often than not I stay in even though it gets like a ghost town shortly after 9 at night. I like the fact that I'm told how tiring this all is for them when I regularly used to be up at 4:30 and home at 11 or later day after day :-)
I think this will make for an interesting conversation for us to have. It occurs to me that this is also one of those incompatibles that needs to be dealt with.
I'm feeling a lot better in myself at the moment and hope that continues a little longer than usual and I can stay up for a while.
However, here I am looking at the extra time I've been given and thinking I ought to do something with it and yet it's just me that wants to or has the inclination. I don't abuse this and in fact more often than not I stay in even though it gets like a ghost town shortly after 9 at night. I like the fact that I'm told how tiring this all is for them when I regularly used to be up at 4:30 and home at 11 or later day after day :-)
I think this will make for an interesting conversation for us to have. It occurs to me that this is also one of those incompatibles that needs to be dealt with.
I'm feeling a lot better in myself at the moment and hope that continues a little longer than usual and I can stay up for a while.
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
Starting the process
It's amazing that some 2 or 3 months ago someone asked me if I was looking for a job and we started this process off. Now, finally, I get the link to read what they want me to do after it taking an absolute age. So now I've read it I can perhaps go for these tests tomorrow as they are only 20 minutes each and I might just run a few exercises first. That is if the link is still working.
It's taken about 6 weeks to get the link sorted so I kind of wonder what value HR bring to the party - from what I've seen - they delay things so long that half the candidates probably don't want to continue the process but there you go.
Anyway, let's see what happens.
It's taken about 6 weeks to get the link sorted so I kind of wonder what value HR bring to the party - from what I've seen - they delay things so long that half the candidates probably don't want to continue the process but there you go.
Anyway, let's see what happens.
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
2013 - Let's See What You Bring
Don't feel too bad this morning and we didn't overdo the drinks last night as Mrs. F. had to run A to Heathrow so she can go to New York for a holiday. The 2nd time she has been to NY and this time she is with her boyfriend rather than her aunt who previously held her up from doing what she really wanted to do. She's there for 10 days I think and so she will be able to fit in a lot more than she previously did.
I'm tackling my diary at the moment and then I'm going to work out what I want to do in the next few days. I have a number of important things to sort out not least of which is to get some accounts into regular order. It is a nuisance that we haven't been given a decent set of model accounts to use and so I have had to build up my own set and use those. I need to adjust them now to make them more user friendly - they work for me but are hideously complicated where I'm sure a few tweaks could make them easy to use.
I've this set of mini exams to take which I might tackle tomorrow and I have to work on clearing the decks to start my diet etc. That's all very well but the food that we have left over from Christmas and the New Year will need to be frozen or eaten first.
The sun is shining at last and things always look pretty good when it does. Having had rain for what feels like 11 of the last 12 months it really is a nice start to the year. Resolutions for this year are few really - I need to sort myself out and try and work out what the hell I want to do with myself and perhaps who I want to do that with.
All the best for 2013 - Happy New Year!
I'm tackling my diary at the moment and then I'm going to work out what I want to do in the next few days. I have a number of important things to sort out not least of which is to get some accounts into regular order. It is a nuisance that we haven't been given a decent set of model accounts to use and so I have had to build up my own set and use those. I need to adjust them now to make them more user friendly - they work for me but are hideously complicated where I'm sure a few tweaks could make them easy to use.
I've this set of mini exams to take which I might tackle tomorrow and I have to work on clearing the decks to start my diet etc. That's all very well but the food that we have left over from Christmas and the New Year will need to be frozen or eaten first.
The sun is shining at last and things always look pretty good when it does. Having had rain for what feels like 11 of the last 12 months it really is a nice start to the year. Resolutions for this year are few really - I need to sort myself out and try and work out what the hell I want to do with myself and perhaps who I want to do that with.
All the best for 2013 - Happy New Year!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Coffee with Flocky
Nice change of scenery and a few coffees and a chat and a few beers on the way home - all good stuff. It's nice to get out and about. New Year's Eve already - where has this year gone? It's been one hell of a year and it all looked so different this time last year. Here's last year's post.
You can't tell (of course) what will happen and whilst some of it was inevitable some was openly speculative and didn't quite turn out like I had expected. I will again go for some more lifestyle changes as soon as the next few weeks and this mountain of food is eaten. It will be a combination of a number of things I think. Almost certainly the Low Carb diet and this time with some exercise and also using the juicer too as I used it a lot but then it was put away and didn't get used at all for a couple of months.
As for friends, family and work well that is a different matter and needs to be worked on speedily as I can't get my head around it at the moment. I feel I'm doing the wrong things for the right reasons and vice versa and my usual logic and thoughtful approach isn't working as emotions are getting in the way of my decision making.
2013 will I hope be a healthy one and I'm just trying to work on the other stuff too to see if it can be better than 2012 - let's hope there aren't as many traumatic times ahead.
You can't tell (of course) what will happen and whilst some of it was inevitable some was openly speculative and didn't quite turn out like I had expected. I will again go for some more lifestyle changes as soon as the next few weeks and this mountain of food is eaten. It will be a combination of a number of things I think. Almost certainly the Low Carb diet and this time with some exercise and also using the juicer too as I used it a lot but then it was put away and didn't get used at all for a couple of months.
As for friends, family and work well that is a different matter and needs to be worked on speedily as I can't get my head around it at the moment. I feel I'm doing the wrong things for the right reasons and vice versa and my usual logic and thoughtful approach isn't working as emotions are getting in the way of my decision making.
2013 will I hope be a healthy one and I'm just trying to work on the other stuff too to see if it can be better than 2012 - let's hope there aren't as many traumatic times ahead.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Bump bump bump
Bumping along the bottom and I've been somewhat down this Christmas - even been noticed by some people that I'm not my normal happy cheery self and indeed I'm not. I'm kind of in a strange old place really as I have many roads that I can choose to go (Oh sounded like Stairway to Heaven for a moment). Of course you can't predict the future and you can't always work out what is the best thing to do. If you did, well we'd all be rich and happy and satisfied with our lot.
I had the most awful vision as I climbed into bed last night, it was of my father dying and lying helpless in his bed at the Hospital and it really took me aback and unsettled me. Somewhere there was a shift in me last night that brought that on - I believe it was from a couple of programmes that were on TV and it sort of flashed in front of me and made me quite anxious and upset for a short while.
It's New Year's Eve tomorrow and I'm hoping that I can finally get some sort of cut off point and sort myself out. I have all these ideas and opportunities and yet I know that until I get the stuff that's messing in my head out in the open and discussed I won't be committed to making proper and well founded decisions.
I had the most awful vision as I climbed into bed last night, it was of my father dying and lying helpless in his bed at the Hospital and it really took me aback and unsettled me. Somewhere there was a shift in me last night that brought that on - I believe it was from a couple of programmes that were on TV and it sort of flashed in front of me and made me quite anxious and upset for a short while.
It's New Year's Eve tomorrow and I'm hoping that I can finally get some sort of cut off point and sort myself out. I have all these ideas and opportunities and yet I know that until I get the stuff that's messing in my head out in the open and discussed I won't be committed to making proper and well founded decisions.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Wonder when
My mobile phone will be fixed. I'm using the old trusty Nokia - you know the one that lasts for a week on a charge and allows you to talk to people! :-) The other one died when I was at my mums and looked pretty terminal when I took it into the shop last Saturday. Let's hope that they can fix the damn thing.
Lots of people around tonight for a party which will be fun (I hope). Still communicating in mono syllables here at the moment and will need to tackle that pretty soon. Pretty fed up in myself though - not sure but have been very flat this Christmas.
Just got news that another relative has died this year - that makes three (excluding my dad) and this one also died of Pancreatic Cancer. I'll write a little note to his widow - I hate it when you don't know and send a Christmas Card to someone who's died.
Have had assurances that the Piano will go in January - let's hope so and also hope that the temperature change by sticking it from house to garage won't overly affect it. There was no way we could get 14 around the table (tonight) with the Piano in situ.
I'm just having a breather ready to commence preparing the meal for tonight. I just need to go and work out a schedule for that. It should be easy as it is sit down and easy to prepare stuff, Italian Anti Pasta, Seafood, Cheese, Cold Meats and that sort of thing. I think I may be cooking some Chilli and some Lasagne but need to find out from Mrs. F.
Lots of people around tonight for a party which will be fun (I hope). Still communicating in mono syllables here at the moment and will need to tackle that pretty soon. Pretty fed up in myself though - not sure but have been very flat this Christmas.
Just got news that another relative has died this year - that makes three (excluding my dad) and this one also died of Pancreatic Cancer. I'll write a little note to his widow - I hate it when you don't know and send a Christmas Card to someone who's died.
Have had assurances that the Piano will go in January - let's hope so and also hope that the temperature change by sticking it from house to garage won't overly affect it. There was no way we could get 14 around the table (tonight) with the Piano in situ.
I'm just having a breather ready to commence preparing the meal for tonight. I just need to go and work out a schedule for that. It should be easy as it is sit down and easy to prepare stuff, Italian Anti Pasta, Seafood, Cheese, Cold Meats and that sort of thing. I think I may be cooking some Chilli and some Lasagne but need to find out from Mrs. F.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Shattered
Shattered indeed and also not in a great sense of humour this morning either. I do tend to work at keeping everything going during the day and do whatever is needed in terms of cooking, drinks and so on. Today, whilst there are people in the house I think I've actually only had a one word exchange and it's gone midday! Today is a rest day as we have another day full on tomorrow with our friends over. There's plenty of food to be eaten and my smelly cheese is lined up ready to be tackled too. Plenty of beer in the garage as well.
I will see if I can hold back my current feeling that I want to rip someone's head off :-)
I will see if I can hold back my current feeling that I want to rip someone's head off :-)
Monday, December 24, 2012
Christmas Eve - Bam that came around quickly
Last year we had a good Christmas as I recall but tinged with some sadness as we knew dad would be unlikely to see this one. He was recovering from a massive operation to sort out the infections he was getting regularly and whilst this did give him a little respite and probably prolonged his life I'm not sure how he would have balanced that out himself. I suppose at least we didn't have his death at Christmas because of this.
I'm marching off down to the Hospital to get my blood test done - I admit to engineering this in this way because I'd gotten into a habit of going at Christmas time and it means the place is almost empty. I will go in a short while, get my test done, wander back to the Greengrocer and pick up some odds and ends and then I might pop into the Cafe for a Bacon sandwich or something similar. I can walk home or go via my local pub for a beer and say hi to the Landlord and staff. Then back here for preparation for tomorrow. Party tonight is also on the cards.
It's highly unlikely that the piano will go and so I need to put some pressure on after Christmas for that to be sorted out. I think otherwise I will re-offer it to the family and if there are no takers I will see if I can just get rid of it or break it up - it's a sad thing to do but it can't sit in my garage for ever.
I'll probably sign off here for a few days so Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Let's see what 2013 brings.....
I'm marching off down to the Hospital to get my blood test done - I admit to engineering this in this way because I'd gotten into a habit of going at Christmas time and it means the place is almost empty. I will go in a short while, get my test done, wander back to the Greengrocer and pick up some odds and ends and then I might pop into the Cafe for a Bacon sandwich or something similar. I can walk home or go via my local pub for a beer and say hi to the Landlord and staff. Then back here for preparation for tomorrow. Party tonight is also on the cards.
It's highly unlikely that the piano will go and so I need to put some pressure on after Christmas for that to be sorted out. I think otherwise I will re-offer it to the family and if there are no takers I will see if I can just get rid of it or break it up - it's a sad thing to do but it can't sit in my garage for ever.
I'll probably sign off here for a few days so Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Let's see what 2013 brings.....
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Almost upon us once again
Christmas that is. Final bits and pieces are being picked up and acted on - a bit of shopping here and there, some gifts as we may have an unexpected guest on the day and odds and ends like that.
I'm busy transferring my music from vinyl, tape and CD to my hard drive and also now the stuff I got from my mum (dad's stuff). I must have doubled my DVD collection and have a hundred CDs and Cassettes to rip and store.
It's actually quite nice that dad and I had similar taste in films and music although I doubt he ever got my French and bizarre film collection - not many people do :-)
I'm having trouble being "nice" to people - it is the same every year - why on earth people get all stressed out about things is beyond me - no one expects it to go as planned surely that's part of the fun? Taking out their stress on me isn't the best way to make me sympathetic or help out - I tend to have to bite my tongue very hard indeed. At least stuck up here by my PC I'm not going to get involved too much! :-)
I'm busy transferring my music from vinyl, tape and CD to my hard drive and also now the stuff I got from my mum (dad's stuff). I must have doubled my DVD collection and have a hundred CDs and Cassettes to rip and store.
It's actually quite nice that dad and I had similar taste in films and music although I doubt he ever got my French and bizarre film collection - not many people do :-)
I'm having trouble being "nice" to people - it is the same every year - why on earth people get all stressed out about things is beyond me - no one expects it to go as planned surely that's part of the fun? Taking out their stress on me isn't the best way to make me sympathetic or help out - I tend to have to bite my tongue very hard indeed. At least stuck up here by my PC I'm not going to get involved too much! :-)
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Early Morning
Some idiot trespassing on the lines so A can't get to work, what is wrong with these people? Anyhow, meant a rude call and Mrs. F. has gone and picked her up and taken her to a parallel line into town so hopefully she can get to work on time. I could go on about our transport system especially having used it for 30 + years myself. The number of incidents you get that stop the damn thing working are a joke.
So that's us up and about this morning. Let's hope Mrs. F. is in a better frame of mind than she was yesterday - you'd have thought I was some sort of mass murdered the way she treated me when she got back from work - I've hardly seen her all week and all she could talk about was the couple of boxes I'd brought back from my mum to give to A so she could sell them. Rather than leave them and look in the New Year it had to be unpacked (and then re-packed) there and then, on the spot, in the hallway which then means your sort of cut off from getting anywhere else in the house.
So that's us up and about this morning. Let's hope Mrs. F. is in a better frame of mind than she was yesterday - you'd have thought I was some sort of mass murdered the way she treated me when she got back from work - I've hardly seen her all week and all she could talk about was the couple of boxes I'd brought back from my mum to give to A so she could sell them. Rather than leave them and look in the New Year it had to be unpacked (and then re-packed) there and then, on the spot, in the hallway which then means your sort of cut off from getting anywhere else in the house.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Christmas has arrived
My Turkey arrived mid morning and is sitting in the fridge ready to go along with other bits purchased and all the veg I bought yesterday. So at least we can eat :-)
Business partner came over and we had a few beers and lunch and a chat which was nice. I need to take my mobile phone in to the local shop to be sorted out - perhaps I will do that on Monday (if not tomorrow). Will try and arrange to go to the Hospital on Monday too so I can get my blood drawn for the Doctor so I can go see them in the New Year. Also need to see the dentist too - both of these are at least 6 months overdue but I really wasn't in the mood I have to say. I think maybe I can use 2013 as a "turning point" allowing me to move on a bit.
I'm concious that the inaction has gone on long enough and now is the time to declare interests and to make decisions. At least I don't have too much to worry about at the moment apart from the Piano which is now in the garage. I think if I don't get an answer or the thing moved that I will just recycle it.
Business partner came over and we had a few beers and lunch and a chat which was nice. I need to take my mobile phone in to the local shop to be sorted out - perhaps I will do that on Monday (if not tomorrow). Will try and arrange to go to the Hospital on Monday too so I can get my blood drawn for the Doctor so I can go see them in the New Year. Also need to see the dentist too - both of these are at least 6 months overdue but I really wasn't in the mood I have to say. I think maybe I can use 2013 as a "turning point" allowing me to move on a bit.
I'm concious that the inaction has gone on long enough and now is the time to declare interests and to make decisions. At least I don't have too much to worry about at the moment apart from the Piano which is now in the garage. I think if I don't get an answer or the thing moved that I will just recycle it.
Back from Mums
Not a sign of the Piano being moved and so glad it is stuck in the garage. In some ways it gets rid of one problem for me and reasserts my belief that if you want a job done - you'd best do it yourself. * sodding months it's taken and it still hasn't been Moved!
Had a good couple of days at my mums. Amused me going out with my brother, the one with the really important well paid job where he took a 5 figure drop in pay a few years ago which equalled the money I earnt in a year! For the 4th time in a row I've got him to come out and meet me and I've bought the first round, My mum bought the second and his father-in-law bought the 3rd. I notice things like this the tight sod! Of all of us in the room he's got the money to buy a round but even with the empty glasses staring him in the face he waited until his father-in-law offered. Oh well, why am I not surprised by this?
The rain has caused chaos on the roads but my journey was uneventful until a Dutch lorry rammed a car outside of the Dartford Bridge in the narrow roadworks! Crazy stuff but as luck would have it I was about 20 cars behind so managed to get through and keep moving. I've done all the veg shopping and see that my Christmas is on its way from good old DHL. I hope that it will arrive in the morning which might allow me out for a beer with a friend. Fingers crossed.
To make things really bad my phone has died on me :-( It is pretty annoying as it looked as if the battery needed charging which I did and then the phone just wouldn't work and kept turning itself off. So I need to get onto the manufacturer and sort that out - it is just annoying though.
Had a good couple of days at my mums. Amused me going out with my brother, the one with the really important well paid job where he took a 5 figure drop in pay a few years ago which equalled the money I earnt in a year! For the 4th time in a row I've got him to come out and meet me and I've bought the first round, My mum bought the second and his father-in-law bought the 3rd. I notice things like this the tight sod! Of all of us in the room he's got the money to buy a round but even with the empty glasses staring him in the face he waited until his father-in-law offered. Oh well, why am I not surprised by this?
The rain has caused chaos on the roads but my journey was uneventful until a Dutch lorry rammed a car outside of the Dartford Bridge in the narrow roadworks! Crazy stuff but as luck would have it I was about 20 cars behind so managed to get through and keep moving. I've done all the veg shopping and see that my Christmas is on its way from good old DHL. I hope that it will arrive in the morning which might allow me out for a beer with a friend. Fingers crossed.
To make things really bad my phone has died on me :-( It is pretty annoying as it looked as if the battery needed charging which I did and then the phone just wouldn't work and kept turning itself off. So I need to get onto the manufacturer and sort that out - it is just annoying though.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Commitment
Not where they stick me in a home! No commitment where you ask someone to do something and they do it when they said they were going to do it and how you agreed to do it - the sort of stuff I've lived with all my life as a Project Manager. Why oh why can't people just commit and that's it instead of saying one thing and saying or doing another?
The words I used to dread were "I've used my own initiative" or "I decided not to do it like we agreed" or "Did I say I was available tomorrow? Well I'm not now" Call me old fashioned but this is just another one of the failings in modern society no one (sorry over generalisation but I'm having a flame and it's justified) just gets on and does it these days there's always some stupid excuse or they want some sort of commitment from me when they aren't willing to give one themselves.
Had a good evening out with Flocky down in Sussex and had a great meeting and good fun with the lads (we tend to all meet up on "the circuit" as we call it). Luckily it wasn't a Christmas meal but a really nice Beef Bourguignon and a fabulous cheese and fruit board afterwards. My nemesis is a cheese board. Once Christmas is over I will need to get back onto the diet and cheese and many other things will have to be put to one side and only had on cheat day.
It is getting towards Christmas - one week on and it will almost be over for another year!
The words I used to dread were "I've used my own initiative" or "I decided not to do it like we agreed" or "Did I say I was available tomorrow? Well I'm not now" Call me old fashioned but this is just another one of the failings in modern society no one (sorry over generalisation but I'm having a flame and it's justified) just gets on and does it these days there's always some stupid excuse or they want some sort of commitment from me when they aren't willing to give one themselves.
Had a good evening out with Flocky down in Sussex and had a great meeting and good fun with the lads (we tend to all meet up on "the circuit" as we call it). Luckily it wasn't a Christmas meal but a really nice Beef Bourguignon and a fabulous cheese and fruit board afterwards. My nemesis is a cheese board. Once Christmas is over I will need to get back onto the diet and cheese and many other things will have to be put to one side and only had on cheat day.
It is getting towards Christmas - one week on and it will almost be over for another year!
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