Father's Day - Without My Father

We'd talk and swap jokes and pass the time of day.  Not sure what I'd say to him today other than to thank him and that's not doing it justice is it?  Not for your dad.  It's not been quite a year yet since he died and I'm OK about it, I am.

I had very little sleep last night - stuff was going round and round in my head.  Good stuff mainly but some bad stuff too.  Thinking too much and mulling over the future and the past, what I'd do the same and what I'd do different.  

Then some words flew into my brain (I don't know how this happens - it just does!) and the words from the film 2010 came into my mind.  The Hal 9000 computer that had been at the centre of the 2001 film is brought back to life and just before the climax of the film the computer speaks - I'm not sure if it is exactly what it said but it played out this in my head:

"Dave, Dave.  Something wonderful is about to happen"  That made me smile and I'd have shared that with my dad on Father's Day I think.  Is something wonderful about to happen?  It would be nice to think that that is so.

Diet / Lifestyle

I'm almost thinking that this should be required viewing.....  Also see the web site http://www.dietdoctor.com/lchf 

Results

Yippee!

Letter through from the Hospital and there's an interesting line in there but more so because this line "His random biopsies and urine cytology as well as a CT Scan show no evidence of any malignancy.  He should continue with regular flexible Cystoscopies and urine cytology repeat.   will see him in 6 months time.

Interesting is that it says that in 2010 I had a recurrence pTa G2 which is interesting as I don't recall that in 2010 but I think it was more likely to be 2007/8 when I did have a recurrence - I need to go and re-read my documents.  

Goodbye faithful old printer :-)

I've had an A3 HP inkjet printer for many years - over 10 I'd guess perhaps even 14 years as I also used to have a A3 Laser which was massive and that got pressed into working alongside the colour one when I did the Family History weekend way back in 2001.

After all that good service it appears that it has finally given up the ghost and now only prints in black.  I will see if someone wants to recycle it and if not will drop it off to the recycling depot.

It's interesting as it has left a gaping hole on my office workbench - I will probably replace it in time but for the moment I'm just getting rid of stuff in the office as I think I can safely remove all my old books and mechanical and electrical stuff (I only left that industry 25 years ago)!  Gradually I'm getting around to sorting this mess out and will be able to move around the office and also archive off loads of other stuff.  I am wondering about how long I actually need to keep records for in terms of my Lodge accounts - I have them going back tens of years and they really aren't that interesting unless you are a frustrated accountant historian I suppose with a propensity for the minutiae of subscription and the price of food in the 1970s.  I shall ask the question and see if I can't get rid of it - I have no idea why anyone would want it, even for historical interest?

There's stuff here that I can't believe I've kept and so that has been shown the recycling bin :-)  It is horrific how quickly stuff goes out of use - all my original network equipment, old fashioned connecting cables and stuff that just aren't used anymore and yet my office couldn't function without way back in the day!

I'm feeling good at the moment and suddenly the room is beginning to get sorted, the wood on my desk is appearing from under the accumulated paperwork and files.  Amazing.

Long Day

It wasn't planned to be a long day but I eventually got home close to 11:30 at night after we had to reschedule the meetings.  It was interesting enough and two very different propositions to be sure.

I then found myself catching up online with a friend and then realised that it had gone 2 in the morning and I went to bed.  I'm pretty exhausted today - having not done meetings - and one was over 5 hours long - for a while, I am suffering a bit this morning.  My new super dooper coffee machine has arrived but there wasn't any coffee tabs to go in it!  I've now ordered those so I have a super machine that isn't making any coffee at all at the moment :-) Hopefully I might get some by Saturday.

Distractions just kept coming

Absolutely nothing got done today except I'm meeting a couple of guys who have some business going on they'd like my assistance with.  Well I'll go along as I know them but I'm not certain that I can actually do much with them at the moment.  I really need to be looking at my own ventures and getting some cash in through the door one way or the other.

Well it means that Wednesday will be a bit of a wash out for me but let's see how it goes.

Other than that - things were fine - just a day gone in a flash.

Monday wrecked

I had high hopes of a useful and productive day today and within an hour it was totally wrecked - nothing worrying just a series of phone calls that interrupted my morning and so stuff I was about to do is now moved to the afternoon and once again - another call and some more emails.

I need to get back to my project management principles and time management focus to get past all of this.  

I've no real distractions as my year in office ended on Saturday and I'm a bit of a free agent now but just need to guard this loss of time and erosion of my working day.  

More later no doubt.

Another Victim

Sometimes you forget just how fortunate you are.  Today Iain Banks died having been diagnosed with Bladder Cancer.  It was interesting too to listen to how many people in my Lodge have Bladder Cancer - I know of 6 now and one was having an operation over the weekend.  It is extremely worrying to know how frequently it is diagnosed and so many people have it.

The crazy thing is that it kills people and I've had this thing inside me that can do that.  Somehow it seems distant from me or maybe I've just never owned up to the threat that was posed to me.  Maybe I did but then focussed on the positives and put the other stuff behind me. 

Saturday was very successful and a huge blowout cheat day but I managed to do pretty well in the ceremonial stuff I did and most people said they enjoyed it which is good.  Today was a lazy day as I really did push out the boat and had far too much of everything.

Tomorrow is the key day to now get on and move on plans and start to build new life No. 4 or 5 - I'm not sure but a new page can be turned over and a new chapter written.

Cheat Day Comes Early

It was very difficult to stick to cheat day today - I kept to Red Wine but the food wasn't doing me any favours so I decided that I'd might as well succumb to the inevitable and have some bread and a few potatoes and the fish was breaded etc.

So I decided to do my bloods as I was home and around 2 hours afterwards (it could be 1 1/2) I'm not certain when we stopped eating and I'm happy that they are just 6.1 mmol/L which is within tolerance and not bad for 1 1/2 or even 2 hours after eating especially the sort of Carb laden food we had this evening.  Tomorrow is proper cheat day and I'll have some beers and stuff too - last week my blood glucose was 8.1 after a crazy carb filled fuelling of my body.  That's a bit heavier than I expected but just goes to show how these things affect your blood glucose.

And so to bed

As Samuel Pepys was want to say at the end of his diary.  It's a day where I've finally got my head around all the words I have to remember on Saturday and finally I feel comfortable with them.  I know there are a few words that are twisted around and need a final polish off but I think that I've got my head around them sufficiently to do a good job.

I'd quite forgotten about going out on Friday night to another meeting as an Honoured Guest but of course that happened last year as well and then I feel we went to another meeting afterwards and then my Installation on the Saturday where I managed to be in the bar for a very long time indeed.  

After Saturday I'm ready to get things progressing on the multiple jobs front and to start sorting out the next phase of my career (or that's what I call it).  In fact I'm going to cobble together a plan where I can put my hand to just about anything and build a loose framework so that I can operate through some businesses and also as a self-employed person doing just about anything that will turn a buck.  I'll reveal more as and when the plan takes more shape but I've sort of decided that I will sort out my genealogy business and get that running in the background along with looking at some short term projects of an import and sell on nature as well as some basic web based schemes.  The main thing is to provide a wide variety of things that may all bring in revenue at different times and in different amounts and try to not be jack of all trades and master of none in the process.  Keeping flexible options will be a priority so that I can follow opportunities as and when they arise and in many ways only have to commit to a few long term plans allowing seasonal and occasional work to intervene.  That's the thinking now for the actual planning as I must make sure that I keep rooted to the ground on this and make sure that I put in place the plans and financial controls to make sure there is actually some return on investment. I have my retirement to think about don't you know!  :-)

Off to bed then and dreams (gosh I've had some amazing ones this past few weeks) and prepared for this weekend and a new start on Monday.  

A Few More Bits of Debris

A few bits of debris whilst going to urinate this morning but that appears to be it now.  Certainly things are looking a little clearer and hopefully that's the lot and things will be better.

I desperately want to get back into shape and do some exercise and to, in doing so, bring down my blood pressure and blood glucose and to move my weight loss on even further.  I've got to about 15 and a half stone from 18 and a half so I'm 3 stone lighter than I was in January and it's June now.  So 5 months have been really good in terms of just how good I feel and how much I've lost.  With the operation I've slowed my weight loss and I think I now need to concentrate on working to being down the nest stone or two - I haven't settled on an "ideal weight" as I don't know what that should be.  I will be working though on getting down to fit into my outfits from 6 or 7 years ago.  It is funny that I've lost weight all over my body and once again my stomach looks fat again where it appeared to have gone altogether.  My hips, waist, thigh and chest measurements have all taken a tumble and I'm pretty pleased with progress.

You Look Well

It is always nice to hear that you look well.  I have to say that I feel well and am beginning to enjoy life once again.  I've still not heard back from the Hospital and that's my only 'back of my mind' concern.

I tend to think that you 'feel' ill or not quite yourself when you've got something although I'm not sure if you can put your finger on it.  When I look back at my dad we took him to the seaside and he really wasn't his old self at all.  He was a bit dodgy on his feet and didn't walk far.  This was three years ago when Mrs. F & L were looking at Universities and A and I took my mum and dad out for a day.  We have a nice photo of them eating ice creams which is one of my favourites - it's nice to have a photographer in the family.

I don't know if then dad could have gone to the Doctor and sorted something out - it was early days and I suppose the Pancreatic Cancer wasn't detectable but I feel that was the start of it.  I remember not being quite myself but I couldn't put my finger on it even now looking back I'd have never had registered that it wasn't anything other than just stress and wanting to impress in my new job.

I guess these 'warning signs' would be useful but I guess you'd have to go and have tests and even then they may not know quite what is wrong with you.  My dad never wanted to have blood tests or anything so in some ways perhaps if he had of gone maybe things might have been slightly different - I just don't know.

Funerals - Not My Favourite

My how I hate funerals and whilst I knew a few people there today I decided to hover at the doorway of the church - the place was rammed.  I hadn't realised that the lady in question who was the landlady of the local pub had had cancer at the same time as I had but there you go and at just 9 years older than me - well - there you go - how lucky am I?

I decided to take my leave at the time that the funeral directors turned up and went to the pub and met my next door neighbour.  Interestingly he and I got onto the subject of diet and it was an interesting conversation albeit that he wanted me to start having fruit juice and probiotic yoghurts which I'll never do :-)  

I'm off out tonight to the Jazz night and I'm looking forward to that.  I'm also looking forward to completing my year as Master of my Lodge this Saturday - I can then concentrate on work, income and making myself feel well!

Well Still Some Blood In There

Not everything is clear and I can still see blood in my urine on occasions, which is distressing but perfectly normal as the scabs come off and the bladder repairs itself.  The bladder is a muscle and so I imagine as it is in constant states of expansion and contraction it can't be easy to heal the gaping wounds where the biopsies were taken.

Still heard nothing and so I'm hopeful that it isn't going to be bad news.
 Been out to a funeral today but didn't set into the wake at the pub in the village - decided to go to the other pub which is still much nicer.  Met my next door neighbour who had a lung removed (Lung Cancer) and we have a long chat about diet, cancer, drink and so on!  

I'm off out again tonight to the Jazz night but need to load up on food as it is close to 4 p.m. and I ate at 9:30!!

Looks to have cleared up

Nothing quite as distressing as seeing your urine come out like red wine or in the final part of urinating actually deep red.  Yuk - but there's one thing to do at this point in time and that's to drink water, lots of water (and coffee in my case) to wash through the bladder as thoroughly as you can and to also not do too much else.  After about 18 hours, things have settled down with a final expelling of clots and bits - definately a ewwww moment I'd say.  I have now had two clear urinations and I hope that it the lot.  

I will continue to drink water for the rest of the day and see how things go.  I kind of remember something like this but it is some time ago since I had biopsies.  The one thing I won't be doing quickly is getting back onto my exercise bike and power plate!  I wouldn't mind but that activity brought down my Blood Pressure readings last night and this morning to acceptable levels.  I know that it does this as when I was last doing this regularly I got some good readings and now I'm so much lighter it is easier to do as well.  I just need to wait a short while before going back to the exercise!

Glad that things have cleared up a bit and that lots of debris and bits are now outside and no longer inside my bladder.  Let's hope that this is the lot now.

Whoa... Claret Time

How soon you forget what it is like to be urinating blood!  I had a rather large clot earlier today and noticed I had very high blood in my urine when I tested with the urine strips.  I'd had some clots come out last week too.  However I hadn't really expected this evening's episode.

I felt quite good today and decided to cut the grass using a hand mower and then I did 20 minutes cross trainer work with a few high impact bursts followed by 5 minutes on the power plate.  

As the evening wore on I had a slight burning sensation and went to the toilet and had a stream of blood and bits firing out in the urine stream.  I set about drinking lots of water to alleviate this and so far, I've been about 5 maybe 6 times and on each occasion have had blood and bits coming out :-(  I'd totally forgotten about this part of the process although I guess I've probably shaken these loose through doing some heavy exercise.  I just now need to keep hydrated and just be careful.

It is so annoying as I really wanted to get back to exercising in some sort of structured way and had just worked out that to do this I could do exercise at the end of a working day say three or four times as week.  I really want to now concentrate on exercise and fitness and starting to bring my weight down even more so that I can also bring down my blood pressure and also to bring down my blood glucose levels too.  These areas are the next step along the way to a healthier lifestyle and to getting myself under control.  I realised that I need to move away from my existing habits as well and mowing the lawn was another step to breaking routines and starting to move my life forwards.

I'm sure that this urine problem will go away in a short space of time and will calm down.  I just need to hold off the exercise - I've done this before with exactly the same outcome - I'd have thought that it would be OK by now but of course, I've no idea how big these cuts in my bladder were but I can see that I could easily have dislodged them.  The amazing thing is how far a little blood actually goes - you don't need much to make things look pretty horrible and pretty disgusting.  Because it is so unusual or unnatural it still takes my breath every time I urinate and it certainly makes me feel rough.

Urine Tests

I've restarted testing today - after my mum was here and all the furore of the visit the last thing I wanted to do was to be leaping in and out doing too many tests and check.  I was a bit shocked though to see that the blood scale was very high today, that was until I went to the toilet and passed a few large clots of blood which must be from some of the larger biopsies that they took.  Hopefully I will have trace readings for a few days and then hopefully, once again, these will go away.  

It is amazing that you can see the Ketones kick in when on the diet and these generally mean that the body is burning up some fat and that's good - you have to be careful though and make sure it isn't anything more disturbing.  Interestingly, since I've been recording my Urine I've never had any glucose in my urine which is good news.  

My blood readings were a little higher than I'd have like this morning but still way within boundaries for being non diabetic.  Again I've had a couple of high readings and these tend to be associated with "cheat day" or "dieters gone wild" the one day a week that I can eat just about anything I want.  Interestingly I have scaled this back as I don't like the rough feeling I get the next day.  I also took a suggestion from Steve Kelley in which he suggested that the day after you could skip breakfast and make it like a fasting day.  That seemed to work fine yesterday and I only felt hungry around 2 pm when I then had lunch.  

Monday

Quiet weekend after a hectic week last week - I re-read Friday night's blog and pulled it as it was a little too raw and to the bone.  I took the weekend off and enjoyed a good cheat day that actually started on Friday night.  Interestingly my Blood Glucose readings were a lot higher which I can only attribute to the sticky bun, bread and other goodies I had on Saturday.  Interestingly they had been low during the week leading up to Saturday and so I can quite easily see the impact of these sugary, carbohydrate fuelled excesses.

In so many ways I'm starting to settle into a lifestyle which keeps my blood glucose low and the only concern I really have is that my blood pressure is a little higher than I'd like.  Exercise will I am certain bring that down and start to help bring my weight down a lot more.  I have managed to do well and I'm now 3 stone lighter than I was in January and boy do I feel good for that.  I even managed to get up a ladder and do some DIY work at high level for my father-in-law on Sunday sorting out some soffit boards that needed rubbing down and painting.  I need to do a bit more on that later this week.   

I've made some more clarified butter which I tend to use to make scrambled eggs and cook things like Spinach and the like with.  I am now getting to a point where commitments on my time are getting less and I can start to put effort into sorting out business and getting things turned around.  Typically as soon as I find something to do there are three or four other things hovering around for me to do.  Goodness knows why this always appears to happen?  It is noise and distraction but I will just have to work my way through them to see if they have any substance.  I somehow don't see that they have much relevance on my future but you never know.

Interestingly I haven't heard back from the Hospital as of yet.  I guess that means good news and nothing to worry about?  I do hope so.  I'm still recovering a bit from the surgery - I still have the mark on the back of my hand from the cannula and it is still a little tender.  

The sun is out, it is a little warmer (we've had one of the coldest winters in years - some Ski resorts are still open in Europe and it's June!) so that lifts spirits and makes me feel good.  Time to see if I can stuff some Vitamin D into my body with a bit of sun exposure.  

Another Day Up In Town

It is amazing how many people think about me for projects they are working on but nothing comes of them.  Two in the past two days and both "may" come off.  Of course the problem is with these things that invariably they don't actually materialise and I get involved only to find that the work goes away or just doesn't appear at all.

Both these jobs sound great, right up my street but I'm uncertain whether I want to get involved anyway as I've only just got the other business under way - although it will take some months I believe to be ready to trade.  

I'm back up to London for the second day in a row - I certainly hope I'm not catching the 00:56 train back again like I did last night.  Goodness knows where all the time went last night we were having a good old natter as I guess we hadn't met for 10 years or more!  I certainly don't want to drink as much as I did as well - goodness knows I like Red Wine but could have done without bottle three appearing at dinner....  No after effects thank goodness although goodness knows I should at least have had a sore head but somehow I don't.  Tonight it should be a little less boozy.

Tragic news from a fellow BC survivor

Steve Kelley is a fellow Bladder Cancer survivor and blogger and we are bonded together through our diagnosis and experiences and the Internet through our blogs.  We share messages of support and advice and we are good friends that have never actually spoken on a phone or met in real life.  I pop into see his site regularly but today was the tragic news that his parents had perished in a car crash on the 28th May. 

These are Steve's words:

"TRAGIC PERSONAL EVENT

My parents both perished in a single-vehicle automobile crash this evening. They were in relatively good health for a couple near 80 years old. The entire family is in shock. It will be some time before the blog is updated again."

I hope you will join with me in offering prayers and thoughts for Steve, his wife and their wider family as words completely fail me at the moment.  I remember how I felt when I lost my dad but I had almost a year to prepare for that and so I really cannot imagine how this feels.  I am comforted by the fact that Steve's church and faith are strong and I am certain they will help them come to terms with and deal with this terrible tragedy.