Ewww Too Much Information

Not sure I needed to know about Dad's "movements" however, now I know, have looked it up and it isn't at all good news.  At the end of the day, who am I kidding?  It's really bad news and he's on the cusp of moving into the next phase and there's nothing any of us can do to change it.  I just want to clear the decks here and I'll go up there and get myself in place for whatever comes next.


I have to admit to being a tiny bit emotional tonight but then I have had a drink (or two) and actually managed to have a good evening I think at least I had a few beers and an Indian meal - sure I broke my diet but there wasn't much chance of not doing that.  I'm annoyed but realised that I was going for a bit of a burn out.  I actually need to vent some fury at what my dad is going through.  The issue of it all being that I see him suffering and realise how it could well be me, it's agony for him and it's like sticking hot needles into me, all I see is him suffering when he shouldn't have that after all he did for us, it's unjust and not warranted, it hurts all who love him and everyone around him.  How cruel nature (or is it God) is to do this to people.


I listened to a talk the other day about how we aren't really meant to live beyond about 35 years old and this is why we have Cancers and other problems like Dementia and Alzheimer's.  We aren't programmed to live this long - period.  So we live longer and catch nasty things like Cancer, are more susceptible to Diabetes and so on.  I do hate the way that it is gradually killing my dad and didn't just be as certain as a heart attack or something that would have been short and over and done with.  To toy with someone with a great mind is too cruel for words.   Does a just God do that to their people?  I wonder.  I need to go have the time to myself to go and work that out I think.  I find it a difficult scenario where what happens to people could possibly be considered the act of someone compassionate and caring.  If you see the anguish it brings not only to the sufferer but also to those around them it isn't compassionate or caring at all, it's downright nasty.    


So I will leave you with this that I am listening to right now.  One of my fav bands, Camel and from the concept Album Dust and Dream (about the Great American Depression and the Dust Bowl Drought).  It's a really interesting piece of music.  In fact, see if you can pick up the whole album at some time especially "Go West" which is another fab piece of music.




Somehow I am drawn to this at these troubled times, I know not why.....