Which got me to thinking

There was a documentary tonight about Melody Gardot and I have to confess that whilst I have heard one or two of her songs I never knew who they were by.  Neither did I know about her accident and her recovery but it was an interesting 15 minutes where I pieced together some of what was said.

What was interesting was that her accident was a turning point but one that she had moved away from.  It was a reference point and whilst it may have affected her direction etc. she didn't live in the past but had that moment in time there.

So what?  Well it just got me thinking about that point in time, that reference point in myself.  Things sure changed whenever it was now - 6 years ago or was it 7 (this is good I should be letting go of the numbers after 5!).  But did they really start changing before then, is there a point in time when it all changed was there just that terrible day when the symptoms presented themselves?  Could it have been the diagnosis or the operation or the subsequent operation that really eradicated it?  Is it important?  Did things change for the better or for the worse?  Does survival mean a complete change in direction?   I'm blowed if I've got any of the answers for you but it starts a conversation in my mind about where you go from here.  I'm getting to a different place recently, one that kind of takes me away from lots of comfortable stuff, challenges what I do now and what I want to do in the future.

Melody appeared to be a real artist more painter or poet than musician, she painted words and I will have to explore her music some more as it sounded just wonderful.  I have to admit that whilst I love music, I haven't spent a lot of time pursuing that these past years and yet it meant a lot to me.  I have feelings that I gave many things up in the name of being ill.  I'd rather not do something than do it and whilst I don't like crowds and that sort of thing, I really haven't gotten to many concerts or been to the theatre or other things.  I've shunned the Olympics and the Paralympics (although the family are going) because of the crowds but I've made my mind up to go to Monza and see the F1 there and I know there are going to be lots of people there.  I'm sort of OK with that as I will have someone there that I know and that will be OK.

So thinking time once again as I continue with this long process of reassessment, testing and measuring the water since being ill and finding that there is little that I enjoy doing and yet would re-engaging with the things I used to enjoy be a bad thing?  Perhaps not, maybe I should re-discover them, I never know, I might actually enjoy them.