As I suspected

Mrs. F. was on early shift this morning so I glimpsed her leaving.  Realistically I'm now not going to see her until Sunday evening!  Oh well, it just gives me a starting situation to work from.

Communication is a key thing and the trouble is that I am (despite what you may think) quite introverted in many ways and I'm not surprisingly extremely good at soaking up all the annoyances and frustrations and can do that for years.  You don't ever want to see what I am like when I get angry or annoyed :-)

It looks like I've got a hell of a lot of work to do when I get back from Scotland but then again I knew that.  Much of the indecision and also the time taken to think this through is that it is actually quite serious.  Whilst I can't change my life in one big step and one all encompassing move, change my life is what I want but at what cost?  If I were to just please myself then everyone gets "hurt" apart from me as I get my own way -- or do I?  If I compromise, as I have done for a number of years, will I ever be happy with my lot?  In many ways I want to keep some of this life with me but maybe, just maybe that wont happen.

I don't know the answer (or maybe I intuitively do and that's why I don't want to act).  Part of me feels I should untangle the situation I'm in now and some of me yearns for a break and a clean start and yet there are so many permutations and it's just a difficult question to answer.  I don't suppose that there is an malice in the way Mrs. F. acts as she isn't like that but perhaps through getting ill I now find I need some different sort of support.  I don't know!

I'm now out and about from later today and will be heading to different places and travelling around.  The girls will be arriving back tonight and so I might bump into one or other of them, we will see but I will be back late and then off and away in the morning to Southampton, then Saturday Glasgow and then home late on Sunday.  After this - I need to work on getting things completed for Christmas.  Newsletters, Cards, presents etc all need sorting out!  At least I will have few distractions even though I am out every weekend between now and mid January!