What a Day

Our weather forecasters (who also assure me that Global Warming is real) suggested that we would be clear of rain by lunchtime and that it would be a lovely day from mid afternoon onwards.  At around 2 pm I found myself turning on the lights as it looked like an Apocalypse was about to unload itself on us.  

I was due out and was going to walk the 2 or 3 miles or whatever it is to a meeting but ended up hanging about and then grabbing public transport.

To make matters worse after the meeting Mrs. F. kindly came and got me but it was obviously begrudgingly.  I could have got a Taxi or someone could have run me home but as it was I spent a while in the car going home trying to make conversation against the "great wall of silence".  The unfortunate thing is (I realise) that I won't be seeing Mrs. F. until late Sunday night at the earliest as I'm away now until then.  I feel bloody minded enough just to let that happen and see what the effect is.  I have a meeting that means I wont be home until midnight at the earliest tomorrow and then on Friday I'm away early in the morning and I won't be home until Sunday.

I'm neutral, almost blasé about this because - it isn't me that's dealing out the grief, far from it.  I just find that any grief fired in my direction only gets my back up further and I reciprocate in kind and add interest.  OK maybe I shouldn't do that but that's the way I'm built, that's the way I protect myself and that's just tough.

In a way, I don't care at the moment as I am out to please myself (I know that's selfish but perhaps, just maybe, I've earned that right by now).  Whatever it is, the parting has been one of no words or anything else and that's sad, I did try but that's not important I guess.  

In recent months I have been really trying to communicate and get back to some semblance of "normality" and yet despite those efforts it isn't to be.  I have a mission to sort this out when I get back from Scotland once and for all because it makes for troubled times and it ties me to an impossible plot and theme one that I cannot hope to achieve.