Last Post For A While I Imagine

So here we are it is almost the 28th January 2014.  It is a day like no other I've experienced before.  Sure I've moved house and had a flat which was great and not at all like today.  I was excited when I got my first place and when we (the future Mrs. F. as she was then and I) it was emotional and exciting and it was the beginning of a wonderful journey.   We had a lovely house, lots of space and a garden full of fruit and vegetables it was great as we needed to be a little self sufficient to make ends meet.

We had nothing (very little) we bought cheap second hand stuff (we still have some of it) and we built a house and a life together.  We moved here to our present house in 1988 and we worked hard and we made this a lovely house to live in and to bring up children because that's why we moved here.  I wouldn't have it any other way, I wouldn't want for that not to have happened.  

With regret I wished that we hadn't started drifting apart all those years ago.  With hindsight maybe I could have done something about it but I was in my 30s I was building my career, I was climbing the greasy pole and doing the right things.  I changed industry and whilst that was a risk I built us a financial pile and no one wanted for anything apart from love.  For that was what suffered.  Our children have not wanted for much - sure I wasn't rich in terms of money but if it was uniforms, trips, music lessons etc they were provided so I don't feel that I didn't provide for the family in that way but perhaps, given where I am today, I may have left part of the overall equation out.  :-) But hindsight is an exacting science as we all know.

So there we are my life up to now interrupted by cancer and torn apart because no one knew how to deal with me?  I recollect that not only did I have to convince myself but I also had to convince others.  The strategy was not to mention it and that works but it ignores the very heart of what was going on with me.  

But I digress for where I am now is where I am.  It's time to make that split from this house and to start off as an independent person once again.  It's time to make that break and to see what life is going to throw at me.  It's time to explore and to make new friends and to seek out new civilisations to boldly go where.... Oh you get the picture :-)

This is turning a new leaf, taking the high ground, doing something new and being able to finally make that break and to take stock and to see where we are.  I sincerely hope that Mrs. F also gets to see it like that.  I also hope she realises that I'm depleting our savings at double the rate as I live away from this house :-)

I felt absolutely horrible during the day and it was nice to talk to Flocky earlier.  We have both been through a lot these past years and finally both of us are doing something about it and moving on.  Where I know that today I've been very sad about it and I have no doubt that won't change tomorrow - at least I'll be out of the way and able to affect my own future far better than I can today.

It may be a while until I post again and I hope that when I get out of the other side it will be for the better.  I certainly hope so.