Not Sure What That Was All About

Or maybe I do - was up till 4 am listening to my tracks that remind me of last year's good time summer.  I played the list that reminded me of all that happened and drank a few tumblers of Scotch too (not too many).  It was a very strange night.  I was wide awake and reliving the past which I know isn't always healthy but this was a series of very happy memories and I know what sparked it as I'd been online and my friend came online and we just had a short conversation and a chat like we used to.  Suddenly I was transported back to those heady days of June, July, August and September.  

I can't even tell you what it was like considering that at the same time I had made up my mind to leave Mrs. F. I was at the same time freeing all the shackles and chains that had held me back and made my life - well - hell really.  Suddenly music flowed and the sun shone, the warmth of those halcyon days still makes me smile, the buzz of insects and birdsong, the invisible wind blowing across the corn fields, all of it made last summer special.  

So in many ways it wasn't unexpected that I'd travel back in time and just remember how good I actually felt and what all that music meant to me and how it ran around me head - a soundtrack to 2013.  Somewhere, in all of this of course is a catalyst that would make all this happen and so it was great to just chat and we are so alike that as we write or talk we come up with the same things, the same phrases, the same ideas and we truly are kindred spirits which is how we described ourselves - at the same time.  It is very spooky how this happens all the time.  We bounce off each other and our music, literature, art and humour are so similar in so many ways.

I think you probably get the picture here.  Which of course is why it is so galling that it can never be anything other than it is, a lovely friendship and that's that.  I'm lifted every time I talk or correspond and I know it works the other way too.  

The trick is to see past it all and to have that relationship as just good friends :-) I feel she was my Psychiatrist because if I hadn't had all those long conversations, I doubt that I would have come out of my malaise and be where I am now.  I suppose you aren't allowed to have a crush on your Shrink :-)