I Knew I'd Feel Like This

It is very strange indeed as I feel quite breathless this morning.  It's just a phase and it's to do with the unknown the excitement and the trepidation of it all, the enormity of what I'm about to do.  There's the slightest panic about getting things sorted out and making it all happen but I need to realise it won't happen overnight it's going to take some time to occur and I'll no doubt have some frustrations waiting for it all to happen.

The sooner we get started the sooner it can all fit into place.  In some ways I'm feeling anxious about things - like the business but the reality is it will take time.  It's taken 3 months longer to get to where I am now, I shouldn't be surprised really.  But there you go it does get to you, it's bound to.  There's a lot of hidden stress to deal with.  I can feel it.  You think about trivial things too which again aren't going to matter in the long run.

There's a big shop not far from the house and there's food and everything else you need to live so I'm not going to starve :-) If I'm missing anything I can just go and buy it! :-) 

I can also live out of boxes for a while too.  Not sure if I can live without the internet for too long but again, not an insurmountable problem as I can come back to the house here everyday and pick stuff up, use the internet and transact any online stuff and go back afterwards.  It is simple enough.

I'm looking forward to it and at the same time, I'm a little anxious too.  How will it work out?  Of course the bottom line is that it will be what it will be - there can be no reward in worrying about it, it hasn't happened yet.  I need to heed my own advice and just work in the moment.  The past is gone, the future hasn't happened you can only do anything about the present moment.

It's really an adventure but of course there's this cutting off my own past - not that it hasn't happened but that it's a sort of baggage that I don't need to carry with me.  Cutting away that baggage is very difficult to do.  You're not cutting away all that has happened you just aren't bearing it as some form of Cross.  

Anyway it all feels pretty strange at the moment and I'm going to take the opportunity to write on the the blank page I'll have after next week.