The Silence Of The House

It's bizarre how silent this place was this morning.  Mrs. F had got up and gone to work but switched off the lights.  L is away and A was lying in so it was pitch black and so quiet when I woke up this morning.  At least I got up and was breakfasted and ready to meet Flocky for Coffee.  The sun came up brightly and it was a beautiful morning.  Now it is lashing with rain once again.  

The lack of communication may be the way that people are dealing with the situation at the moment.  I try my hardest not to be changed by it all.  It is though a deafening silence and whether it is just ignorance or deafness (I still thinks Mrs. F. has a hearing problem she need to sort out) it is just another barrier and another timely reminder that, if I am honest and level with myself, it always like this.  No one told me what they were doing until the last second.  Everyone wanted something done "NOW" and I'd be the bad guy if I didn't drop whatever I was doing and fulfil said task or deed.  "Don't bother!" would be bandied around if I were just a few milliseconds too late in picking up the gauntlet.  

Any regrets that I have - and I do have some, bound to have, are pushed to the background as I see now that I just lived through this and put up with it and I no longer need to.  I suppose we will eventually get around to talking again.   I can understand the hurt and the angst and sadness but I suppose I'm so used to having to repair and arbitrate big problems when I used to do that sort of thing that as a living.  Not so easy when it is personal I guess.

So there you go - things are still in never never land state at the moment.  I know that it won't be long though and that once out of here I can just cut loose and get things going.  At the moment it's difficult to concentrate on what I need to do, it just feels like there's a oppressive atmosphere, a huge black cloud hovering over the place.