Grinning and Bearing It

Soon be over I keep telling myself, it will soon be over and I can get on and mostly importantly move on.  I just don't feel able to do that at the moment.  It's the atmosphere and I find it oppressive because whilst I am quite used to be being ignored - at the moment the old silent treatment is pretty galling and the surprises - say goodbye to L she's back off to Cambridge - 2 or 3 days earlier than I was expecting - Oh OK :-) Bye...

The ins and outs the not knowing who is doing what is just marginalising me and I guess that's to be expected but it isn't particularly nice and neither is it helpful in trying to be just a little bit civilised.  I for my part do not bite at it too much unless I feel like making a bit of a point.  It's mainly that when I ask some question I get an answer that has nothing to do with the question I've asked or is designed to be obfuscating in some way.  Never mind, it will be all over soon and in many ways it can't come too fast.  It will give january some focus and allow me to try and spend my days concentrating on my business and on building it as soon as possible.  In many ways I'm going to be a month or two behind where I thought I'd be but that's the way it is and I can't do anything about that.

For some irrational reason thoughts have turned to being on my own, I say irrational but I did "feel" it last night at the pub and I knew some people but none of the people I know as regulars were there, none of the regular bar staff were on and so it was a little lonelier than I was expecting and it probably got me thinking and the brain giving it large about being on your own and all that.  I should know from 2013 that this isn't actually true and that I don't necessarily need to worry about it.  I suppose it's just one of the sweep of emotions that you are bound to get.

I don't doubt that I've made the right decision though and that's good.  I know that it would be easy to call it all off and say let's start again but that isn't going to happen, for my own sanity it cannot.  

So the beginning of 2014 and it's a thoughtful and yet unproductive start.  I think perhaps it might be worthwhile tomorrow to just start lining up the ducks (so to speak) bringing together the stuff I want to take with me and working out some basic logistics on that.  There are lots of things I could take but if I am going to be moving again in 6 months then perhaps I'd better consider leaving them here - like my Piano and some of my books.  At least it will give me something to focus on for a while.