Monday, February 11, 2008

Not a criticism - just an observation

When you get Cancer - your friends are too close to you to know what to do about it as they have been hit about as hard as you have (in a different way). SO I don't want it so sound at all as if it is a criticism, in fact, I only realised this the other night talking to my friend in Canterbury. Those nearest and dearest to you get thwacked with your Cancer diagnosis themselves and they have to deal with it too. I'm annoyed now that they went through that and that it has taken me this long to realise.

What was amazing was that those who I knew well but I wouldn't put them into family and friends category came in closer whilst the close ones moved away slightly.

I'm not sure that this post is making sense or being sensitive enough about this. Just an observation that in getting my diagnosis it hurt the circle of my friends and family. It didn't send anyone into misbehaviour (apart from me) - I don't think anyone got angry or bent out of shape about it, we don't do emotion as a family and it is rare that voices are raised or doors slammed etc. My friends have been great but I hadn't thought that my diagnosis and treatment would upset anyone else but me - it does tend to be a personal and selfish experience in my humble opinion. It does affect other people around you and we all deal with it differently.

I'm annoyed with myself for not seeing this until now - sure - I've had lots on my plate but it isn't at all like me - I am pretty good about this sort of thing. Some would say that I was superficial but they'd just be scratching the surface!

All is OK now - I think that it is just an interesting subject to explore a bit deeper when I get time. I never asked anyone else how "they" felt about it as it seemed to be so personal to me.

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