Concentration Or Rather The Lack Of It

 I hate being a Treasurer.  I find it one of the most difficult things because my programme and project logic is at odds with financial logic.  Whilst I grasp the concepts of a balance sheet it doesn't come naturally to me so things like in arrears and in advance payments and accruals somehow hit an invisible mental roadblock in me.

A task that an Accountant could take a few minutes doing takes me hours as I have to work out how I treat any entry that is out of the ordinary.  If it was straight income and expenses it would be easy of course because that is how most of us run our home accounts but because if the precise nature of the balance sheet and not always understanding whether an entry should or shouldn't be there is another thing.  

An advance payment made in the previous year for example was shown in the bank last year but needs to be accounted for in this year when that payment should rightly have been made.

Anyway, sat here for a few hours and all the figures are merging into one now so time for a rest and I will have to renew the efforts again tomorrow or maybe this afternoon if I feel up to it!  Such an annoying thing because really I shouldn't have problems grasping this at all but somehow my mind doesn't work the way it does on other problems that are not financial in nature albeit project accounting is no problem at all!!!

The harder I look at the figures the worse it gets and it is easier to just stop for a while and come back than making a rushed decision and then having to un-knit the work I've done.

What A Time To Be Alive?

 There's lots going on in the world and so many interesting things happening and I, like many others I imagine, watch on as our "elders & betters" make decisions based on school playground logic and turn around endlessly as their ill thought out ideas get challenged.  It does remind me of school though, the stupid unscientific assertions and I'm just waiting for one of the Cabinet members to state "My dad's bigger than your dad!" or some such unqualified statement.

When you are a Director or a Manager you actually have to be good at your job.  I think I had to be more than that, I had to be outstanding in it as I dealt with so many numpties and Muppets.  If you weren't good you got found out and those small chinks in your armour became gaping chasms and that's what we see with this government.  No one seems to actually do any real investigation before coming up with these stupid ideas, there's no foundational premise to start with either.  No coherent strategy and no integration or leadership.  It's like sailing a ship without any Captain, no Navigator and all the crew are inexperienced have a go sailors who've never sailed a ship before. But worse!

My old boss used to come in to work on any given day and like Michael Caine in the Italian Job state "I've got a great idea"  - he may well have done but generally you could drive a bus through his ideas and theories and that idea would be superseded by the next idea.  None of them had any chance at being successful as he didn't realise that having an idea and making it happen are quite different things.  Driven by ideology these imbeciles come up with ideas that turn out to be faulty and built on sand.  Rudderless, they pitch and toss around in the wild seas and become overwhelmed by the waters.

Our old work saying went along the lines of "His men would follow him anywhere...... But only out of curiosity!"  "Somewhere a village is missing it's idiot!" "Like a six pack without the plastic bit that hods it together!" and so on.  If it wasn't so serious it would be funny.  Watching us (the UK) and the rest of Europe getting roasted by President Trump was an education.  Let's hope it shocks these weak lily-livered excuses for human beings into doing the right thing.  I can only imagine the fallout from the resent WEF meeting.  Although many won't understand that the criticism was justifiably about them such is their cognitive dissonance.   

A Quiet Day Coming Up

 I've done a little every day on the business and gradually working towards seeing if it has any potential.  Quite a lot of activity yesterday means that things are now in approval and so nothing is happening until that has been done.

So I can get on with other things today.  My other accounts for example will need to be sorted and a review of finances too as I may need to support the business for a month or two whilst this work is ongoing.  I am comfortable that I've given it every chance so far - what is needed is to get it in front of enough people to see whether or not it will be a success.

At least I get the day off today as it is quite intense when you get the previous results and then have to adapt to it.  Not today though so that's good.

The Waiting Game - It Will Happen In Its Own Good Time

 I hate waiting, I like action this day and getting stuff done.  This latest iterative work really doesn't suit that approach at all.  Mainly the market is in the US and so I cannot see any results on something I do now until tomorrow!  Also waiting for approval can be 24 to 48 hours between submissions and so once again, it just means you have to wait and measure your responses..

I used to have this problem when I first wrote this blog about how you'd wait around for ever waiting to be seen or waiting to go home and concluded that it was just the speed that they worked at no matter how much I wanted it.

So it is now, I think I want an answer to my business question so I can make decisions but in reality I need to just let it work its own way out.  I am learning to live with it, I can't make it speed up and so just have to ride with the shots and then get my answers when they do their bit not when I want it.

It is giving me the opportunity to use the waiting time to do other tasks and to reflect too so it isn't a problem.  Maybe I am finally calming down?

Slowly Paying Dividends

 Last year was a bit sh1t for me and whilst things are better, there's still some of the left over disappointment and a little anger at the way I was treated.  This year I am moving slightly differently and taking stuff as it happens.  My testing of the App is going not so well these last two days but went brilliantly the previous two days.  Why's that?  Well it;s an iterative process and I need to know what works and indeed what doesn't and it doesn't matter if a day goes past without some positive result.  A negative result is just as good when you analyse it.

So I cannot do anything about it until tomorrow and that's it.  So rather than worry about it like I would have done last year, I am getting on with something that I would normally put off and rather than doing that in an intense way, I am taking my time and taking short breaks in between.  Accounts are notoriously difficult for me I really do not enjoy them at all but they need to be done and as I have to do some other work on the figures, why not tackle it and get it done?

I am also prepared now for things to go wrong with the business as well as (if I can work it out) for them to go right.  A decision point needs to come in the near future and I am comfortable with either of the outcomes, in fact I'd probably prefer the failure of the business so I can walk away from it once and for all but if there is life in it, I need to see it through and determine that commercially it is (or is not) viable.

But it is no longer the be all and end all, far from it, it's what will be will be and that is the way I am treating such things from now on.  I'd far rather be enjoying my time like some of my friends who are retired in going on holidays and trips - they are in sunnier climes and good luck to them.  I think that I would prefer to do that with my time but let's see how this short period of market testing goes and we can decide from then.

Cutting Through The Static & Gloom

 With all that is unfolding around us both at home and abroad you can be forgiven for feeling the weight of it all.  I know that I do if not for me, for my children and grandchildren.  In many ways it appears the world has gone mad and perhaps it has?  The tail wagging the dog must soon stop before the dog bites that tail clean off.

The vast majority of us live in a consensus way and I think we still have the British tolerance and spirit of fair play but, by heck, it's beginning to wear very thin indeed.  The pathetic politicians, the "be kind" brigade who are so full of tolerance only as long as you think and act like them.  If you don't you will quickly see that veil fall and a diametrically different attitude come into play.   Witness their inability to logically and calmly discuss any subject that goes against their narrative and you will soon see that you are dealing with cult like opinions and scratch beneath that surface and you will fine the worst in humanity posing as sweetness and goodness.  

I think that people have had quite enough of this, have stretched to try and meet these ignorant low IQ individuals halfway.  Remember never argue with an idiot because they will bring you down to their level and beat you with their experience! and more memorable perhaps is to "Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it!"

When things don't go their way watch the way they react.  For us, the sensible normal people we accept if we have been out voted or perhaps well argued in a discussion with facts and logic.  Not them, a loss is greeted with screaming insults and behaviour you'd expect from a small toddler.  Gradually they are being exposed for the lunatic fringe they really are and it will be delicious to watch them as the world turns against them and their woke, cultist, non reality stances.  They obviously didn't go to the right schools as their sort of behaviour was beaten out of them by the time they were 16 and if not, by the end of their first week or working in the wider world.

Sit back, grab your popcorn and enjoy the bottom falling out of their world in the next 5 to 10 years.  

Patience - Not My Best Trait

 Honing in on advertising keywords and the like is an iterative process and you cannot rush it.  Sometimes it yields great results and other (like today) zero results.  You have to logically go about it and you then learn from the results and then adjust and wait again.  It's only been 6 days and I'm half way through my budget spend and results have been mixed but that's the way it is.  If you knew the right way of going about it in the first place, you'd not need to hone in this way and of course I am dealing or competing with large well funded businesses with years of experience.

I am having to learn all over again the slow and methodical process of having a plan and following it.  Follow the process as I am wont to say.  I have to wait between 6 and 12 hours after each iteration to see the results, analyse them and tweak the settings.  Only 6 days (5 and a bit to be exact) and I have had more downloads in those days than in the 3 months previous so it is doing something.  It's getting the volume that is the next step and quality and quantity too.

You cannot rush it I have to continually remind myself and the USA / UK time difference is also a determining factor. 

Twenty Years Coming Up

 How utterly crazy is that?  It will be 20 years this July that I presented with Bladder Cancer and so close to 30% of my life I've lived with that although of course, in reality it was probably 2 or 3 years of treatment and operations followed with regular check ups until about three or four years ago when I finally got the nod and was discharged.

I find my mind turning to mortality more these days.  I suppose as you start losing your friends more often and your Christmas and Birthday card lists get smaller you tend to reflect on it.  I've got my Lasting Power of Attorneys sorted out and I must sit down and finish the wishes sections which are missing some final in depth details that I need to add.  This to make it easy to erase me from Social Media and to close down my civilian and social media lives!  

I might get wobbly around July it's always bad as so many things happened at the same time and in the same year and across the years it's been a funny old period of time.  My friend and I diagnosed around the same time,. certainly in Hospital around the same time might grab our traditional breakfast meeting and perhaps react like Samuel Pepys may have done when he yearly celebrated the "Cutting of Ye Stone"

Samuel Pepys' "cutting of the stone" refers to his successful, but agonizing, bladder stone surgery (lithotomy) in 1658, performed without anaesthetic by barber-surgeon Thomas Hollier, a notoriously risky procedure where he was strapped down as a surgeon made an incision in the perineum to remove the stone, a deeply traumatic event he celebrated annually for the rest of his life. 

I believe the stone itself was displayed during the festivities!  This was the surgeon who operated on my ancestor for the same problem.  We think that by the time he was operated on the surgeon's operating tools were septic and it eventually killed our man.  You cannot even begin to imagine the painful procedure - thank goodness most of my procedures were with anaesthetic (not all).

Anyway, not that I kept any souvenirs of my procedures so they will not be produced at the breakfast in question.

Now That's Interesting

 I've been working with AI on this Advertisement campaign.  It's been very interesting and I'm massively impressed with this "teamwork" as within 4 days trying various iterative keywords we have nailed it to getting really decent hits and downloads.  Because the sales data is disconnected by two days I cannot see if we have actually sold anything yet but the download rate is now excellent and interestingly yesterday alone I had more downloads in a day than I have had in three months!

What I like about this working with AI is that I can ask stupid questions and interact with it in such a ways as to have built what looks to be a successful campaign in just a few days adjusting and refining as we have gone along I am very impressed with the results so far.  If it converts to people buying then I will be happy but also I will be in a quandary as to what to do next.  I really didn't think that it would be this successful an exercise and so maybe, just maybe, it will bear some fruit 9 years after planting the seed!  Nice.

Will The Veil Fall From The Eyes Of The Masses?

 The unbelievable erosion of our way of life continues and the writing is on the wall for those who can lift their eyes from their doom scrolling mobiles long enough to read it and moreover understand it.

This morning's ONS stats showed a 0.3 or 0.1 % growth in GDP and was once again hailed as things aren't so bad it's all going to be OK.  Of course, look a little deeper and one part is showing a recovery from the JLR hack and so that is a correction but what disturbed me was the loss of construction contribution of 1.3%!  That's huge news.  We always used to say that you could work out how economically good or bad things were by the number of cranes over London.  Coming in on the train you could see it and working in that industry you knew things were tough or booming.  

It was also telling that you can feel something boiling under now.  More elections have been delayed, things are getting progressively bad in terms of free speech yet again.  The "be nice brigade" are being anything but nice and in many ways there are things going on that should not be happening in the UK.  Banning people coming into the country because they hold a differing opinion to the Government.  Our local water company has seen massive infrastructure issues lack or no water, treatment systems gone wrong, tens of thousands affected and questions asked whether they can provide new provision for the thousands of new homes proposed. 

It's all gone to hell in a handcart and it's no wonder that the people are beginning to stir.  These people have one job and they fail utterly to do it.  Keep the people safe and deliver services to protect and grow the nation.  They keep failing miserably, trying to fix stuff that isn't broken and then when they screw that up double down and screw it up further.  Utter shambles the lot of them.  They are so out of the depth on just about everything and incompetent doesn't even go part of the way in describing what it is like.  No plans, no clue, no vision, no ideas, no leadership just nothing an abyss of low IQ mediocrity.

But I still hear people coming out with their BBC headlines completely missing the point.  Follow the money, scratch the surface, chip away the thin already cracked veneer and gasp in horror at what these people have done and where they want to lead us. Dinosaurs led by Donkeys.  It's getting worse by the day and somewhere it has to be halted when the Emperor's New Clothes are exposed for what they are.  I feel a number of us are there before the remaining citizens.  We just need to drop our gaze from our TVs, mobile phones and devices to actually see what these people are doing destroying our once great country. 

More Evidence, If Any Were Required

 In a few areas.  Initially the Digital ID about turn from the Government and this wishy washy Prime Minister who wanted to turn us in to a "Ihre Papiere, bitte!"  state.  I think someone said it was the 11th about turn and he just doesn't appear to get it does he - or his amateur school ground MPs either.  Rather than fix the problems the country has, you've bought a bloody great digger and are trying to get to the bottom as fast as you can.  Total destruction and not one thing you can look to that matches their mantra of growth!

Secondly, my App isn't performing well either and so a decision will need to be made on that.  Perhaps a few more tweaks today and see how we go?  It's all data points for whether we go forward or shut down the business (I say we in the business sense in reality it is only me).

Edit - it is 13 U turns now and perhaps some more coming in.  His back benchers can see the writing on the wall and they must be getting furious correspondence from their constituents!  

Tuesday A Blues Day?

No, not this Tuesday it isn't although it is a quiet sort of morning.  The advert I set up yesterday doesn't appear to have done much at all really so it has been tweaked to see if any traction can be had from that.  It's important as it is an experiment on the App and whether it can be seen, downloaded and more overly bought by some of the people who download it.

It's the acid test really to see if it is going to be viable.  I need to have given it every chance to succeed before pursuing it or closing it down.  There aren't that many options left open to the business if no one sees it or buys it.

It's one of those things isn't it? It is out of my hands at the moment until the results arrive and frankly the overnight results were - well - nothing at all! So a few tweaks to see if the system needed a few more dollars spent to get it to activate.

I feel that I have given it enough in the past 9 years and so it only really remains to give it the final acid test and if people buy it, great and if they don't well I tried.  

Blue Monday Apparently

 follow the money!:

"Blue Monday, typically the third Monday in January, is popularly dubbed the "most depressing day of the year," a concept created for a travel company's PR stunt, not based in science, but it serves as a timely reminder to check on mental well-being during a gloomy winter period of post-holiday blues and bad weather."

My Monday is going to be a bit different I think.  I have some accounts to complete and then I am going to do some business analysis and do a short exercise in sales and advertising / marketing.  Having got a very few downloads I am going to try an experiment with paid product placement and see where that goes.  When the period of experimentation is up or I run out of £s to run it, I can review the success or failure rate and then it gives me the information I need to either go forward or rethink the whole venture.

I would imagine that either way will be interesting as an intellectual exercise but in the back of my mind I am coming around to the idea that if I close it down then I at least get my life back and can properly retire something that this has prevented.  But who knows?

Interesting Week Coming Up

 Today I am off for my Lodge meeting and I have a fair bit of work to do, tomorrow will be banking and doing my Treasurer bit and then on Monday I will do either the first or last thing with the business.  What do I mean by that?  Well it is a make or break exercise to determine if there really is a market for the App.  It will be an interesting exercise in an area that I am unfamiliar with and we will see if people like and more importantly will buy the App.  It is a freemium offering which means you can download and try for free and if you like it you can do in-App purchases but it isn't a subscription model.

Based on that exercise, I can determine if it is worth running the business or just pulling the plug on it.  Either way, it sets the direction for 2026.  In some ways it is a key moment as in my heart of hearts I've had enough of it and I really don't feel like going through all of hassle I've suffered this past 18 months or so.  

It may be that it is freedom calling and freeing me from any further obligation to people who 2 to 3 months ago didn't want me to run the company on their behalf.  I probably should have let them win then and sit back as it all fell apart as they have / had no idea what was setup and how to operate it.  It would have crashed and burned.  It will be what it will be of course and that will be that.

Over Compensation

 On Tuesday I was late to get to the Garage because of roadworks and I guess it was about 20 - 25  minutes delay.  I did get to the Dentist in time as I had planned extra time.  Not wishing to be caught out I left 1 hour for my journey to the Dentists today.  That would allow me say 30 to 45 minutes of delay and still get there in time.

You know what's coming next, of course.  I left with an hour to spare and I was through the traffic lights and the roadworks, parked and parking paid in 14 minutes. I was in the dentist reception as it was throwing it down with rain and windy just 50 minutes early!  I didn't stop for coffee or food like I might normally do as I am sure my Hygienist would not have appreciated it.

I would rather be early than late.  Anyway all was good and so a visit in 9 months to scale & polish so that's OK then.

More crazy stuff from our politicians.  If you are distrusted and despised, keep lying etc.  What would you do?  I think I'd be on some sort of charm offensive to win back support but no, not our lot, they continue to double and triple down on policies that are there just to spite us.  There's no reason to do them, they show complete disdain for us and it appears that they'd rather be the MP for Gaza or somewhere in Pakistan than actually roll their sleeves up, dirty their hands and look after their own constituents.  

They truly are a disgusting bunch of low life scum with little or no understanding where their loyalties lie.  They need to fix stuff here, most of which they've broken in the first place.  As I wrote to our recent Council consultation "If it ain't broke, don't fix it or try to make it better" because, they never do.  Pathetic meddling and interfering with our lives and freedoms and liberties will come to a head and then we will see which way up is.  My old boss used to put his stupid oar in where it wasn't needed.  My jobs were successful despite him not because of him.  I was forever repairing relationships with customers and firefighting where he had stuck his nose in where it wasn't wanted.  Best of all is where we lost a multi million pound contract and I got the potential customer to write to our Chairman about it and why through my boss's interference and stupidity they could not award the contract to us.  We were the preferred contractor until he gate crashed a meeting and then made an arse of himself in front of the customer.  How I didn't deck him as we left the meeting I don't know but the bollocking I gave him in the middle of the street was excellent.  

The top man called me into his office to tell me off for yelling and swearing at my boss.  So I explained my position and the huge loss of revenue and the circumstances and said a letter would be forthcoming about it.  I looked around for a new job and got it a few weeks later and left them to it.

Is That Any Way To Run A ####### Ballroom?

 The phrase "Is That Any Way To Run A ####### Ballroom?'" refers to the phrase that was part of a recurring comedic line, often delivered by one character to the other, usually involving the criticism: "Is that any way to run a ####### ballroom?" It was, of course, a phrase used by the alter egos of British comedy duo Peter Cook and Dudley Moore (also known simply as "Pete and Dud"). 

Indeed the phrase comes to mind every time I hear or see a Labour politician these days.   Have they no idea how pathetic they sound, how disjointed their arguments are and how awful they appear to ordinary people?  They ignore evidence right under their noses, they argue that black is white and vice versa.  It's like listening to a child arguing and having no logical clear thinking.  It is as if none of them has ever actually tackled anything bigger than ordering a sausage roll from Greggs - even then, I'm not convinced they'd not burn their mouths when attempting to eat it.

The more they argue or try to communicate the more they dig a hole for themselves.  Nothing gets better and their continued appearance pissing on me and telling me it's raining, is wearing mighty thin and not only is patience running out with them but they are now so regularly awful that it is beginning to become apparent what a shambles these politicians are to the wider public (and it is about time people started to see through it).

The slow motion car crash has taken just 18 months (or thereabouts) to demonstrate that they have no ideas, no plan, no vision, dreadful communication and things are accelerating to a financial and social disaster.  They've already run out of other people's money.

My daughter is leaving the country for "a year or two" and I wonder if she will return?  That's a difficult thing, given my age and medical history.  She's not the only one who is leaving.  Those young enough and mobile enough are "Getting the hell out of Dodge!" It is difficult enough for them to get on the housing ladder and any hard work is rewarded by vicious theft via taxes and as usual ideology trumps hard work.  They never ever get it do they?  If you punish enterprise and ambition you get nowt, zilch, nada, nothing.  Socialism has never worked but those who voted that way are now learning that they really are scumbags.  They have no idea how the vast majority of us live, not a clue, the politics of envy they call it and this is right in your face, no shame, no pity and let's hope these evil gits are drummed out of office and shunned by all reasonable law abiding people. 

What Interesting Times We Inhabit

 I find it quite hilarious in some ways when we look at the current state of politics and generally any utility business and some of the people in local Government too.

You have (or had) one job!  But rather than spend our money wisely on the services we require, they go off on some crazy vanity project or squander money on stuff that isn't actually important.  I saw one council spending money on a mural, another on suggesting that flags some 15 metres in the air made it difficult for car drivers to see!  Really! Then there are the other pseudo science things - some 150 councils have signed up to Net Zero and are haemorrhaging our money on that.  Some are putting parking restrictions and parking fees and fines up so that anytime you park it costs you.  At the same time they wine on about no one visiting the town centres and blame it on online shopping.  I suppose that is true as I can get the same things with no parking fees, no hassle, no carrying for miles to get to my car and generally 10% or more cheaper.

All the while they stuff up business rates and make the place unattractive to visit, they continue to support minority groups with grants of our money and yet ask them to deliver the services we want and they look at you as if you are mad!  The do the basics well ethos has gone, no one is sacked for cocking stuff up and more often they are rewarded.  I see one councillor screwed up so often and conducted themselves in a less than professional way but got a New Year's Honours gong anyway.

The Water company boss who presided over a complete failure of the one job he has - to supply water to people gets away with a light slap on the wrist.  In all the years of privatization it appears that they forgot what their primary role was, there is no planning, no sort of contingency plans and everyone suffers as they just do not deliver what they said they should, what they are paid for!

It's a real nightmare watching the PM and the Government just digging themselves into holes and making things worse and then telling us that they are the adults in the room!  They have no idea and don't seem to realize that we can all see how awful they are. they command no respect whatsoever and just appear to be the best incompetence duffers of a bad bunch.  It's pathetic to watch them squabbling and weasel wording and still doing nothing.  They complain about stuff not realising that they, themselves, have the absolute power to change things.  Not a bloody clue.  The most hated politicians ever I'd suggest.  Yet they think they are the complete opposite!  

It's all falling down and crumbling before our eyes but they cannot see it, do not appear to even sense it.  I kind of hope that it does come as a complete surprise to them and they fall as only those who occupy high position and are totally clueless can into the fiery pit of public anger and outrage.  How these low IQ people ever got to power if beyond me.  These sorts at my old school were separated from those who could into classes that had low expectations of any achievements at all.  

Dentist & Car Brakes Mission Completed

 That sort of worked out OK, dropped the car off at the garage but delayed due to having to take OH to the station and then running into roadworks but a quick call and five minutes late seemed to be OK.  Then the Dentists who were running late anyway, a quick inspection but need to go back to check on a spot on the gums in a month and I'm back there on Friday for the Hygienist as well hopefully the traffic will be a little less but I know now so can plan for the delay.

Back home via the Butcher and Supermarket and so that's another chore done.  Boy was it cold and I had to divert to have a breakfast and then a coffee on my way back to the garage.  It is -6 or so and it felt every bit of that.  When I got in it started to snow but that appears to have passed through now.  

At least that's the big expense on my car out of the way.  The mice have returned by  the looks of things too, I thought I saw mouse poo and put the traps out and one presented for me to dispose of on arrival to the Kitchen and so I need to check it out regularly.  I was surprised we hadn't got any this year so far but I did have the holes in house filled last year because we had so many Mice.  Way over 40.  The Sheep have disappeared from the field again.  They have been doing the Hokey Cokey this past month or so.  

Anyway the New Year is busy to start which is probably a good thing.  

Gosh It's Cold Today

 A good few degrees minus I'd say and the small amount of snow we had on Friday remains where it is in the shade.  Another day of slow but steady progress today and alleluia the accounts balanced - I hate doing accounts and I'd almost got them to balance but the chap who audits them for me is really good at finding these little errors. I'd found one of the big ones (accruals are a pain in the nether regions).  A few odd typos and we were there.  Anyway, with those done I can get onto catching up with another set of accounts and seeing how they do.  Hopefully it should be easier now.

My other accounts are done and so I just need to tidy those up and hopefully I can do that later this week.

I really do feel cold though, my hands particularly as I am typing away and the whole house feels bitterly cold.  I need to make sure I wrap up warm tomorrow as I need to take my car in to get its brakes fixed and whilst that is happening I can go to the dentist about 15 minute walk away but I imagine it will be pretty chilly walking through the industrial estate and the High Street. 

Next week is make or break with the business.  Whilst I'd set myself a target of March - sales are non-existent and actual downloads are in single figures - double if you include last years.  At least I will be able to make a decision based on some hard business facts and then will have to face the reality of it all.  

That's The Ticket

 A bit at a time and small steps works.  I have just done a few hours work on the business and in just over a week I go for a trial to see if I can drum up any interest at all as sales are sluggish to say the least but the competition is quite fierce but my model is different.  That needs my full attention and so it is a week and a bit away as there are cars to be fixed, dentist and hygienist to see as well as some other pressing jobs.

It is kind of make or break in a way to see if I can get the sales moving and it requires a little investment (speculate to accumulate) and so a short term experiment is required.  It will determine whether or not to pursue the business.  At least it will give me some ideas of where it is headed and whether to close it or not.

It's perishing cold outside and bringing in the bins was a chilly affair.  My hands still aren't warm and I've been in for half an hour!

Anyway, quite pleased that I have at least got some constructive work done and will be able to do some more this afternoon. 

I Cannot Get Going Again Today

 It's one of those things I suppose.  I want to get tucked into some work and getting things done and I just cannot get motivated at all.  I don't get it.  I have a list of stuff to do and yet three hours in I have only achieved one thing and that's it.  I go to start, get distracted, nothing gets done. Crazy. Actually two things. 

Mind you it is cold today and my fingers are freezing, overnight snow but mostly melted now and just not a lot to get me motivated.  Having said that I have actually done a few things on my listing but mainly the easiest things there is other stuff to tackle.  

Elephant eating is required and I will attempt to do that by breaking stuff into bite sized chunks.  Here goes, once more into the breach...

It's Not Easy Trying To Get Yourself Up

I think once you#ve dug yourself into the rut you are in it is quite difficult to get back out of it.  You know you need to do it but somehow, just letting it all wash over you for another hour or day is OK even if you feel bad about letting that happen.

Of course, these things cannot happen overnight and take time but I observe myself just wasting my time and deciding to play a game of Solitaire rather than getting on with what i need to do to break free.

It's a slow process and I will get there it will just take time and effort and determination to achieve it.  At least the first hurdle is out of the way - there's no more beer in the house and it was all too easy to pour a drink, watch YouTube and wallow in my depression.  I need to set to and start to tick these tasks off of my to-do list.  I managed to do some quite complex tasks and finish them before Christmas so it is achievable, I just need to settle down, get distracted less and do it.

Roll On 2026

New Year's Day. It's just another day but you can treat it as a milestone and make various changes.  I am making a few changes and the business is the first one to attempt and then my health as I cannot quite believe how much weight I have put on in the last month so I will get back on track with that.  I am not drinking either and ceremonially drank my last beer just before midnight.

It's make or break on the business and in July it is 20 years since the Bladder Cancer presented itself.  If nothing else I need to make myself fit again and to stop injuring myself with alcohol and the wrong food.  

Moving forward is the way to go without doubt but I still have the odd flash back and regrets about the past but there's nothing that can be done about those and so I will be working more on that too.  I have too many ups and downs and it needn't be so.  I think too much and get lost in endless analytical loops.