It's Not Easy Trying To Get Yourself Up

I think once you#ve dug yourself into the rut you are in it is quite difficult to get back out of it.  You know you need to do it but somehow, just letting it all wash over you for another hour or day is OK even if you feel bad about letting that happen.

Of course, these things cannot happen overnight and take time but I observe myself just wasting my time and deciding to play a game of Solitaire rather than getting on with what i need to do to break free.

It's a slow process and I will get there it will just take time and effort and determination to achieve it.  At least the first hurdle is out of the way - there's no more beer in the house and it was all too easy to pour a drink, watch YouTube and wallow in my depression.  I need to set to and start to tick these tasks off of my to-do list.  I managed to do some quite complex tasks and finish them before Christmas so it is achievable, I just need to settle down, get distracted less and do it.

Roll On 2026

New Year's Day. It's just another day but you can treat it as a milestone and make various changes.  I am making a few changes and the business is the first one to attempt and then my health as I cannot quite believe how much weight I have put on in the last month so I will get back on track with that.  I am not drinking either and ceremonially drank my last beer just before midnight.

It's make or break on the business and in July it is 20 years since the Bladder Cancer presented itself.  If nothing else I need to make myself fit again and to stop injuring myself with alcohol and the wrong food.  

Moving forward is the way to go without doubt but I still have the odd flash back and regrets about the past but there's nothing that can be done about those and so I will be working more on that too.  I have too many ups and downs and it needn't be so.  I think too much and get lost in endless analytical loops.