Everyday, there's this feeling that I should be "doing something" it is strange and it only really crossed my mind yesterday that it's missing the habit of getting up and going to work. That ritual of waking up, getting ready and then heading off to work whether walking to the station (in all weathers) or jumping in the car and travelling to a customer's location or wherever I was working at the time.
More than that is the ritual of work itself all planned out and laid out in front of you and I, for one, normally knew what I was doing weeks in advance. Train travel meant a switch off reading a book or a newspaper, grabbing some breakfast on the way in. Only on a very few occasions was I bored and twiddling my thumbs.
So there's this feeling of being beholden to someone and I get the inner feeling that I should be doing something. Currently I am working on this business App and I feel that I have to do my best to get a result one way or the other. It's more that I have attempted everything possible to get it to work. If it works great, if it fails well I've given it a try and can shut it down.
Getting this out of the way would actually give me the break I feel I need and then there are only a few demands on my time and so I wouldn't feel this ghostly obligation to do things that no longer exist. I need to claim my time back.
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