Well - that's over a month without posting here. I guess there isn't a lot to say as I'm busy launching the business. Other people are busy having their own fight against Cancer and me? I'm doing fine, getting on with life and things are happening but altogether slowly at the moment.
The house sale fell through and I ended up with all my stuff in storage and so I'm hemorrhaging cash at the moment until the house gets sold. I'll have been here a year next month and that doesn't seem quite possible but there you go - a year ago I was hunting for a flat.
Christmas will be with P and her family which will be nice. Looking forward to that and New Year we are off to a Hootenanny which once again I'm seriously looking forward to.
Next year is going to be different, I can feel it in my bones. I just need to get my head around the business and move on - it's not difficult to do that it is however fragmented as the odds and ends that need tidying up get sorted out. The segways they take you on sometimes hardly seem worth the immense effort expended (yes I'm talking to you HMRC).
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Thursday, November 13, 2014
And Another
It seems to be a bad year as another friend has Cancer and this time it's Prostate and needs an operation. I wonder if that's why P was worried about me - I was sitting down and in my own little world and flashing back to everything that happened to me and then trying to imagine what my friends will have to go through.
You so quickly forget what it was like and I think the mind/brain is very good at locking this stuff out but when you go back and dip in you remember the frightening bits, the worry, the discomfort (for they have stuff for pain), the re-living of all those whom you've known have Cancer and the good and bad bits of course. You can't actually be human if you don't actually know someone who has suffered from, is being treated for or has died of Cancer.
So this week's been very strange for me as I've remembered things (no doubt recorded in the early parts of this blog) that I'd suppressed and hidden. Having been through (I think) it is 11 or 12 operations with Bladder Cancer and about the same number with my ear problems when I was a kid it I can relate to what is going to happen to my friend and my other friend having Chemo I can understand his dilemma too, I think I had 36 Immunotherapy treatments. I can't now recall how I felt at the time as my head has destroyed it. I can read about it but I don't actually relive the experience and that's so strange.
Operations and treatments are intensely personal experiences and you live through them and sometimes they aren't what you were expecting and whilst I was pretty grossed out to have tubes in and out of my body and all sorts of strange things shoved into me it was necessary and my medical team were there to heal me and get rid of the Cancer. The treatments I recall were in many ways worse than the operation to remove the tumours.
The operation is over and done with and you wake up with the work done whilst you weren't awake. Sure you feel groggy as hell and you have sufficient pain killers to make sure you don't feel bad and you can always ask for more etc. Treatments tend to be done whilst awake and come one after the other meaning just as you recover from one, you feel great for a day before they treat you again and you go back to feeling rough again. I likened it being kicked in the balls once a week for six weeks. Just as you got over one you went back and started all over again.
Yes it's been a strange week remembering my history of operations and treatments but having said that it was uncomfortable and if you've read some of the earlier stuff you'll know that it's no easy ride and it isn't for wimps. I was a wimp to start with but I wanted to be cured and I wanted to live. I was determined to see the treatment through and trusted in my consultant and the team (with a few documented exceptions).
Overridingly though, I'm still here and it's got to be 8 years and around 6 years clear. Every minute, hour and day takes me into longer being clear, less likelihood of recurrence and a fitter healthier life.
I've now a new lady in my life and life is really exciting again. It's a little rocky as we've both got baggage but who wouldn't have after 50 years on the Earth :-) I can see a life ahead of me that I wouldn't have had had it not been for the dedication of my health team and the care I was given.
It's a rocky road and your head interferes and messes with your senses and the little voice in your head tries to depress you but don't listen to all that. Today's techniques and drugs and more of us living through Cancer should be encouragement.
I was re-reading a book the other day and it reminded me that Cancer cannot survive in alkaline and sugar free environments. I do need to go "eat my own dog food" though as I haven't been adhering to my diet for the past 6 months and I must get back to it.
Good luck to my friends in their treatment though. The big lesson from being under the NHS was that it is a wonderful organisation but it moves at its own speed you cannot rush it. Likewise it takes longer than you think to recover and get "back to normal" so don't try to rush it and don't do what I did by rushing back to exercise and putting myself back weeks.
You so quickly forget what it was like and I think the mind/brain is very good at locking this stuff out but when you go back and dip in you remember the frightening bits, the worry, the discomfort (for they have stuff for pain), the re-living of all those whom you've known have Cancer and the good and bad bits of course. You can't actually be human if you don't actually know someone who has suffered from, is being treated for or has died of Cancer.
So this week's been very strange for me as I've remembered things (no doubt recorded in the early parts of this blog) that I'd suppressed and hidden. Having been through (I think) it is 11 or 12 operations with Bladder Cancer and about the same number with my ear problems when I was a kid it I can relate to what is going to happen to my friend and my other friend having Chemo I can understand his dilemma too, I think I had 36 Immunotherapy treatments. I can't now recall how I felt at the time as my head has destroyed it. I can read about it but I don't actually relive the experience and that's so strange.
Operations and treatments are intensely personal experiences and you live through them and sometimes they aren't what you were expecting and whilst I was pretty grossed out to have tubes in and out of my body and all sorts of strange things shoved into me it was necessary and my medical team were there to heal me and get rid of the Cancer. The treatments I recall were in many ways worse than the operation to remove the tumours.
The operation is over and done with and you wake up with the work done whilst you weren't awake. Sure you feel groggy as hell and you have sufficient pain killers to make sure you don't feel bad and you can always ask for more etc. Treatments tend to be done whilst awake and come one after the other meaning just as you recover from one, you feel great for a day before they treat you again and you go back to feeling rough again. I likened it being kicked in the balls once a week for six weeks. Just as you got over one you went back and started all over again.
Yes it's been a strange week remembering my history of operations and treatments but having said that it was uncomfortable and if you've read some of the earlier stuff you'll know that it's no easy ride and it isn't for wimps. I was a wimp to start with but I wanted to be cured and I wanted to live. I was determined to see the treatment through and trusted in my consultant and the team (with a few documented exceptions).
Overridingly though, I'm still here and it's got to be 8 years and around 6 years clear. Every minute, hour and day takes me into longer being clear, less likelihood of recurrence and a fitter healthier life.
I've now a new lady in my life and life is really exciting again. It's a little rocky as we've both got baggage but who wouldn't have after 50 years on the Earth :-) I can see a life ahead of me that I wouldn't have had had it not been for the dedication of my health team and the care I was given.
It's a rocky road and your head interferes and messes with your senses and the little voice in your head tries to depress you but don't listen to all that. Today's techniques and drugs and more of us living through Cancer should be encouragement.
I was re-reading a book the other day and it reminded me that Cancer cannot survive in alkaline and sugar free environments. I do need to go "eat my own dog food" though as I haven't been adhering to my diet for the past 6 months and I must get back to it.
Good luck to my friends in their treatment though. The big lesson from being under the NHS was that it is a wonderful organisation but it moves at its own speed you cannot rush it. Likewise it takes longer than you think to recover and get "back to normal" so don't try to rush it and don't do what I did by rushing back to exercise and putting myself back weeks.
Friday, November 07, 2014
Then a Friend Gets Cancer
And it all comes flooding back and no matter how hard you try it affects you. My friend has Bile Duct Cancer and needs chemotherapy before they can do anything. It's not a great situation especially as they told him he didn't have cancer and then changed their minds....
He's a lot younger than I was when I got Bladder Cancer. I had a chat with him earlier in the week and he's in good spirits and we chatted generally about treatment, time taken to get things done and his pain management. I was suggesting that he might like to get some soups and the like in as may not actually feel like eating after treatment. Let's hope he does OK and everything works out. As he is young they (the professionals) are throwing the book at him.
It's made me feel quite strange this week. Bile Duct is quite a rare Cancer and so let's hope that they sort him out. The worst part is his brother died just a month or two back of a brain tumour. He had to go tell his dad that he had cancer. How awful.
He's a lot younger than I was when I got Bladder Cancer. I had a chat with him earlier in the week and he's in good spirits and we chatted generally about treatment, time taken to get things done and his pain management. I was suggesting that he might like to get some soups and the like in as may not actually feel like eating after treatment. Let's hope he does OK and everything works out. As he is young they (the professionals) are throwing the book at him.
It's made me feel quite strange this week. Bile Duct is quite a rare Cancer and so let's hope that they sort him out. The worst part is his brother died just a month or two back of a brain tumour. He had to go tell his dad that he had cancer. How awful.
Friday, October 24, 2014
Flexible Cystoscopy - All Clear and No Stinging
I thought I'd write this quickly as for the first time ever, I've not had any stinging or any pain following my flexible Cystoscopy so maybe this may help for anyone in the future going through it.
Firstly, it is most important that you relax when having the procedure. Today I was with my new friend and partner P who accompanied me (I normally go alone). SHe is a very calming influence but we talked about yoga breathing and so I did my usual deep breathing exercises breath in, hold for a long slow count of three and slowly exhale. Whilst I knew I was tense I made a real effort to de-stress as I went into the room. Relaxing isn't easy I grant you but I'm an old campaigner now and I know what to expect.
I use stress balls to grip onto but I relaxed my body. It feels like you want to urinate when they put the scope in and so I just went with that as if I was urinating and just let it go. Things were fine even my consultant noted how relaxed I was. The whole procedure was over and done with - it was as usual uncomfortable but not painful.
P told me to use Arnica which is what she used with her eye operations. I'm a bit of a sceptic but had two lots (2 tabs under tongue) last night, One lot first thing and one just before the procedure (alongside my usual 2 paracetamol and 2 ibuprofen). I had two more as I was driving home and I have to say it seems to have worked wonders. I have just been to the toilet and lo and behold no intense stinging at all. You can feel it is different but no stinging which is amazing as I've never had that before.
So there we go - another 6 months, another all clear and life carries on - which is great.
Firstly, it is most important that you relax when having the procedure. Today I was with my new friend and partner P who accompanied me (I normally go alone). SHe is a very calming influence but we talked about yoga breathing and so I did my usual deep breathing exercises breath in, hold for a long slow count of three and slowly exhale. Whilst I knew I was tense I made a real effort to de-stress as I went into the room. Relaxing isn't easy I grant you but I'm an old campaigner now and I know what to expect.
I use stress balls to grip onto but I relaxed my body. It feels like you want to urinate when they put the scope in and so I just went with that as if I was urinating and just let it go. Things were fine even my consultant noted how relaxed I was. The whole procedure was over and done with - it was as usual uncomfortable but not painful.
P told me to use Arnica which is what she used with her eye operations. I'm a bit of a sceptic but had two lots (2 tabs under tongue) last night, One lot first thing and one just before the procedure (alongside my usual 2 paracetamol and 2 ibuprofen). I had two more as I was driving home and I have to say it seems to have worked wonders. I have just been to the toilet and lo and behold no intense stinging at all. You can feel it is different but no stinging which is amazing as I've never had that before.
So there we go - another 6 months, another all clear and life carries on - which is great.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Belongings
I popped around to see Mrs. F. who has sold the house and has found a new place, a lot smaller, to live in. I feel bad about it but there you go, it's progress. I had to be in attendance to make sure that the Piano was moved out and it has gone to its new home in Sussex.
I then had to go through a lot of my stuff to see what I want to keep and so on. I've taken photos and so on to allow that to happen. As Mrs. F. will move to a smaller place there is a lot of furniture that she just wont need - it wont fit and I'm not sure about the total cost of storage for it either. It's a bit of a catch 22 as I want to keep my books but do I want to store the bookcases. In a few months the cost of storage will reach the cost of buying new.... So I'm having to do an exercise to rationalise all these thoughts. I do hope to keep the Victorian Table and Chairs - it seats 14 and is built, as were all things in those days, to last.
At least things are moving on that front.
Judgement day looms and I hope that it goes well for what else can you do? I'm not being as rigid with my diet as I should but I'm back to losing weight gradually and sensibly now that P is healthy and has put some weight back on.
I've also been lumbered with a number of little jobs that are stealing my time when I should be launching my business.... The worry is that the money I have left is evaporating a little too fast for my liking but it is controllable - just. More effort after this week is essential.
I then had to go through a lot of my stuff to see what I want to keep and so on. I've taken photos and so on to allow that to happen. As Mrs. F. will move to a smaller place there is a lot of furniture that she just wont need - it wont fit and I'm not sure about the total cost of storage for it either. It's a bit of a catch 22 as I want to keep my books but do I want to store the bookcases. In a few months the cost of storage will reach the cost of buying new.... So I'm having to do an exercise to rationalise all these thoughts. I do hope to keep the Victorian Table and Chairs - it seats 14 and is built, as were all things in those days, to last.
At least things are moving on that front.
Judgement day looms and I hope that it goes well for what else can you do? I'm not being as rigid with my diet as I should but I'm back to losing weight gradually and sensibly now that P is healthy and has put some weight back on.
I've also been lumbered with a number of little jobs that are stealing my time when I should be launching my business.... The worry is that the money I have left is evaporating a little too fast for my liking but it is controllable - just. More effort after this week is essential.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Six Days to Judgment Day
Judgement Day (shamelessly stolen from Steve's blog HERE!) is just 6 days away. I can feel the tension rising. I know that I've actually not stuck as rigidly to my diet as I should have although I'm now getting back on track. It's very difficult to be looking after someone and feeding them up and at the same time trying not to feed yourself up.
Both P and I have been in the wars as such and She will be attending Hospital the day before me to see how her Cataract Operation has worked out. She doesn't think it is anywhere near an improvement which is a worry as after her Detached Retina Op, the Cataract grew rapidly :-(
The next morning it is my turn to get checked out. I can feel some tension no matter how "well" I feel. It is interesting though that for the past few weeks I've been having the hot flushes I had when I had treatment - that's weird indeed.
Life is indeed crazy and we were away this week to Cambridge to see L my youngest daughter's Graduation - which was a wonderful affair although she managed to send me to the wrong end of Cambridge altogether so I had to rush to get to the Ceremony in the centre where I hadn't long been before. It was a day of being in the wrong place at the wrong time as P was then waiting for me in the centre of Cambridge and I was back on the outskirts as the second part of the celebrations were held on Campus.
It is always nice to be in Cambridge though, I like it but I'm not sure I'd like to live there, it is just so busy with tourists, locals and of course, students.
Both P and I have been in the wars as such and She will be attending Hospital the day before me to see how her Cataract Operation has worked out. She doesn't think it is anywhere near an improvement which is a worry as after her Detached Retina Op, the Cataract grew rapidly :-(
The next morning it is my turn to get checked out. I can feel some tension no matter how "well" I feel. It is interesting though that for the past few weeks I've been having the hot flushes I had when I had treatment - that's weird indeed.
Life is indeed crazy and we were away this week to Cambridge to see L my youngest daughter's Graduation - which was a wonderful affair although she managed to send me to the wrong end of Cambridge altogether so I had to rush to get to the Ceremony in the centre where I hadn't long been before. It was a day of being in the wrong place at the wrong time as P was then waiting for me in the centre of Cambridge and I was back on the outskirts as the second part of the celebrations were held on Campus.
It is always nice to be in Cambridge though, I like it but I'm not sure I'd like to live there, it is just so busy with tourists, locals and of course, students.
Monday, October 13, 2014
What On Earth Has Happened To Me
My life is in utter turmoil - lol. Goodness knows I don't know what day it is, what month it is or anything some days and the emotional roller coaster of being back in a relationship is not doing my INTJ personality any good at all.
I'm not very good on the emotional (someone else's) point and things are often awkward and difficult as I just don't "get" what the problem is. It's very difficult when you hear a statement and take it on board rather than emphasising with that person. I mean, if you have a headache and tell me well that's a fact and that's that. Apparently not! I'm meant to do something with that data rather than just noting it.
Maybe I'll get the hang of that later on in the relationship. It's pretty much up most of the time with the occasional OMG moments....
I'm sure it will be OK in the long run - if I ever work out what the signals actually are :-)
I'm not very good on the emotional (someone else's) point and things are often awkward and difficult as I just don't "get" what the problem is. It's very difficult when you hear a statement and take it on board rather than emphasising with that person. I mean, if you have a headache and tell me well that's a fact and that's that. Apparently not! I'm meant to do something with that data rather than just noting it.
Maybe I'll get the hang of that later on in the relationship. It's pretty much up most of the time with the occasional OMG moments....
I'm sure it will be OK in the long run - if I ever work out what the signals actually are :-)
Thursday, October 09, 2014
Where is time going to?
Back from France, went up North to my cousin's for his 40th birthday then he came down here. P had her Cataract operation on Tuesday and now I've got my Flexible Cystoscopy on the 24th October at silly O'Clock - well it is 9:15 but it is at the same place I went to last time and so I need to make sure I get there on time. It is a bit difficult as it is near Croydon which can be a bit busy at rush hour.
The last time I went was earlier this year and I got there nice and early and sat in the car with my music so it wasn't so sad. This time P says she will come with me - not sure about that as I've been on my own many times before and I'm a bit quiet and grumpy - oh well let's see how that goes.
The last time I went was earlier this year and I got there nice and early and sat in the car with my music so it wasn't so sad. This time P says she will come with me - not sure about that as I've been on my own many times before and I'm a bit quiet and grumpy - oh well let's see how that goes.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Head spinning times
Good grief where did that month go? France for 2 1/2 weeks, a quick turnaround and off to my mum's then on to my cousin's. What a month. It doesn't stop there, we are off again to Canterbury for a wedding soon too......
In amongst all of this I'm about to launch www.unlockmypast.com and at the same time P and I are having serious discussions about the road ahead! It's time for some key decisions about what we want to do, where we want to go and so on. It's a matter of nailing our colours to the mast and just getting on with it. From my side I'm beginning to squeak as my money goes out and little comes in although I do have my first 2 paid jobs! At least it is a start and I'm hoping that P & I can get this up and running fast. We are also looking at the long term and what we want.
Mrs. F. has put the house up for sale and let's hope that it gets some interest. It would be good if we can get some takers and perhaps I can then start to sort myself out on that front too.
Anyway - it's nice to be busy and it's nice to finally be getting somewhere with the business but the social life is really getting in the way - I just haven't stopped for months - it's great but so time consuming too :-)
Onwards and upwards and let's also hope that my Cystoscope appointment will come through quickly too. I really want to get that over and done with sooner rather than later.
In amongst all of this I'm about to launch www.unlockmypast.com and at the same time P and I are having serious discussions about the road ahead! It's time for some key decisions about what we want to do, where we want to go and so on. It's a matter of nailing our colours to the mast and just getting on with it. From my side I'm beginning to squeak as my money goes out and little comes in although I do have my first 2 paid jobs! At least it is a start and I'm hoping that P & I can get this up and running fast. We are also looking at the long term and what we want.
Mrs. F. has put the house up for sale and let's hope that it gets some interest. It would be good if we can get some takers and perhaps I can then start to sort myself out on that front too.
Anyway - it's nice to be busy and it's nice to finally be getting somewhere with the business but the social life is really getting in the way - I just haven't stopped for months - it's great but so time consuming too :-)
Onwards and upwards and let's also hope that my Cystoscope appointment will come through quickly too. I really want to get that over and done with sooner rather than later.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Try Before You Buy?
I got in BIG trouble for saying that but in some ways I felt that P would be able to see me in a different/new light on holiday and could make her mind up about me. In some ways I suppose it is a bit of a crude way of saying that it was a bit of an acid test.
Well, we didn't kill each other but neither was it totally plain sailing either, it wasn't likely to be we are quite similar/different (yes I know). We are very similar in some ways and diametrically different in others. But having said that, it is never going to be plain and simple - ever.
We had a great holiday in the French Pyrenees with some amazing times and lovely memories especially driving through the Gorges around the studio where we stayed. We start next week (we have to go to a 40th Birthday this weekend and so are off again!) building the business and I hope a new life. We are certainly far more comfortable with each other and chilled after the holiday but wished that it could have been a week or perhaps even two longer.
We had a small, intimate Studio apartment, a small plunge pool and were in a very small, off the beaten track French Village of just a few dozen inhabitants and the occasional car would drive by counted on the fingers of one hand in a day. Just idyllic and just right.
I'm now doing 15 days washing and ironing :-) There's always a down side.
Whilst I was away the Hospital rang with an Appointment for a Flexible Cystoscopy resulting from a cancellation - that was a shame because I would have taken that but now have to wait my turn. P had her Cataract operation cancelled and moved back a few weeks now too and so we will both be having procedures in around October I guess.
Here are some photos of the Studio.....
Well, we didn't kill each other but neither was it totally plain sailing either, it wasn't likely to be we are quite similar/different (yes I know). We are very similar in some ways and diametrically different in others. But having said that, it is never going to be plain and simple - ever.
We had a great holiday in the French Pyrenees with some amazing times and lovely memories especially driving through the Gorges around the studio where we stayed. We start next week (we have to go to a 40th Birthday this weekend and so are off again!) building the business and I hope a new life. We are certainly far more comfortable with each other and chilled after the holiday but wished that it could have been a week or perhaps even two longer.
We had a small, intimate Studio apartment, a small plunge pool and were in a very small, off the beaten track French Village of just a few dozen inhabitants and the occasional car would drive by counted on the fingers of one hand in a day. Just idyllic and just right.
I'm now doing 15 days washing and ironing :-) There's always a down side.
Whilst I was away the Hospital rang with an Appointment for a Flexible Cystoscopy resulting from a cancellation - that was a shame because I would have taken that but now have to wait my turn. P had her Cataract operation cancelled and moved back a few weeks now too and so we will both be having procedures in around October I guess.
Here are some photos of the Studio.....
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
So France = Here We Come
At last the eve of going to France - gee, it's been a wobbly old ride for me - I'm used to structure and order and this hasn't been structured and ordered but we are getting there. To consider that at one time I got two days notice to go a week and a half I suppose has been good even though I've had to expand the time we are away as P doesn't really do early mornings. Me, I'm used to them and getting up at 4 or earlier are OK. Tomorrow it's a leisurely start and a slow drive down to Le Shuttle and then down to Chartres.
The next day down to Cahors and the next day into the Pyrenees. I'm looking forward to some real time with P and for us to start to really get to know each other without some of the pressures we both have.
Mrs. F. has put the house on the market and has spoken to a solicitor and got some advice (it sounds good to me anyway) and hopefully we can get the sale of the house and all that good stuff under way. That will make a big difference to me as I just frightened the life out of myself looking at my savings. I've put a lot of my money into the business and into the house here (renting isn't a great idea!).
The business should be ready to go when we get back and I'm targeting the 1st week in October. I need to hit the Christmas market for unusual gifts I think and this may just be the right time to do that. The web site is now visible to the outside world..... Way Hay!!!
If you want to have a look here it is Unlock My Past - it works with smartphones and tablets (resizing) and I'm hopeful that it will soon start attracting visitors. I may blog when I'm away, we have WiFi but in reality I hope I don't have time for that. :-)
The next day down to Cahors and the next day into the Pyrenees. I'm looking forward to some real time with P and for us to start to really get to know each other without some of the pressures we both have.
Mrs. F. has put the house on the market and has spoken to a solicitor and got some advice (it sounds good to me anyway) and hopefully we can get the sale of the house and all that good stuff under way. That will make a big difference to me as I just frightened the life out of myself looking at my savings. I've put a lot of my money into the business and into the house here (renting isn't a great idea!).
The business should be ready to go when we get back and I'm targeting the 1st week in October. I need to hit the Christmas market for unusual gifts I think and this may just be the right time to do that. The web site is now visible to the outside world..... Way Hay!!!
If you want to have a look here it is Unlock My Past - it works with smartphones and tablets (resizing) and I'm hopeful that it will soon start attracting visitors. I may blog when I'm away, we have WiFi but in reality I hope I don't have time for that. :-)
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
2 days and a welcome break
Off on Thursday to France and taking it easy with a slow drive down there. Not my preferred method - I like to do one long drive and one short but this way we are going to do a slow drive and take three days there and three days back. It's a reasonable thing to do.
We, P & I, want to spend some real time together as we tend to be doing or tackling things mainly to do with her situation and a bit of mine and whilst we are together it is quite "business like" I suppose. There's a number of things that need to be tackled including the business and how much effort needs to go into that. Where to and how to live and so on. At the moment we are, to all intents and purposes, living together but in a strange way as I am in a shared house with my friend and it isn't exactly how I want it to work either so perhaps we can work out all these things.
We are now being addressed as a couple and have invites and the like from a number of people for both of us so it is all a bit strange I have to say :-)
I'm sweating on some stuff from Amazon that I thought was under my Prime (next day) account but wasn't - I need it for the trip and so I have to make a few contingency plans in case they don't arrive today - they were all dispatched last week so fingers crossed.
I'm feeling quite well but we've had the most incredible weekend including a trip to London where P had her bag stolen from right under our noses at the RA. We've been at Local & Live most of the weekend and arriving home at 1 and then 2:30 a.m. on Saturday and Sunday and a late night on Friday, plus P was there (Local & Live) yesterday too. Today we need to focus on getting the holiday stuff sorted.
I'm looking forward to the break without doubt but with some trepidation as I've had to change some arrangements after I'd made them. Things are very different and P is nothing at all like Mrs. F. so I'm getting to know some of the idiosyncrasies that I've not had to deal with previously.
We, P & I, want to spend some real time together as we tend to be doing or tackling things mainly to do with her situation and a bit of mine and whilst we are together it is quite "business like" I suppose. There's a number of things that need to be tackled including the business and how much effort needs to go into that. Where to and how to live and so on. At the moment we are, to all intents and purposes, living together but in a strange way as I am in a shared house with my friend and it isn't exactly how I want it to work either so perhaps we can work out all these things.
We are now being addressed as a couple and have invites and the like from a number of people for both of us so it is all a bit strange I have to say :-)
I'm sweating on some stuff from Amazon that I thought was under my Prime (next day) account but wasn't - I need it for the trip and so I have to make a few contingency plans in case they don't arrive today - they were all dispatched last week so fingers crossed.
I'm feeling quite well but we've had the most incredible weekend including a trip to London where P had her bag stolen from right under our noses at the RA. We've been at Local & Live most of the weekend and arriving home at 1 and then 2:30 a.m. on Saturday and Sunday and a late night on Friday, plus P was there (Local & Live) yesterday too. Today we need to focus on getting the holiday stuff sorted.
I'm looking forward to the break without doubt but with some trepidation as I've had to change some arrangements after I'd made them. Things are very different and P is nothing at all like Mrs. F. so I'm getting to know some of the idiosyncrasies that I've not had to deal with previously.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Time Warping
Both P and I looked at each other this morning and wondered where July had gone. Better than that I asked, where has August gone? It's absolutely crazy that we've been together for 16 weeks or 4 months or whatever and it doesn't feel like that at all. We finally managed to book a holiday and we are off next week for a couple of weeks to the South of France in a small village and an isolated, private studio apartment overlooked by no one. Just what we need to spend time with each other.
We strangely are in each others company all day but we have been "working" tackling day-to-day stuff and working through a number of issues which, happily, seem to be coming to an end. That means when I get back I can concentrate on the business and we can get on with life. Quite what that means to us we have yet to define. It's very very very very strange. Neither of us were looking for anything and yet here we are quite fixed and living together. That's a worry in some ways as it is so quick and yet it seems all OK and comfortable.
The huge gaps in time are worrying though but I can see where they've actually gone as we've been tackling some pretty messy stuff and some of the decisions have had to take days to work through.
Health wise I'm OK but somewhat concerned at the burn rate of my cash. However, I need to recommence working on my return from holiday and that's a given. Let's hope that I can generate sufficient funds?
The next thing I need to do is to lose some of the weight I've put on. I've been feeding P up as she had lost a lot of weight worrying about things. Well she's responded quite well to my food. the trouble is that so have I :-) lol. So I'm putting myself on a diet and dropping the carbs that I share with her. Hopefully I will be able to drop a fair amount as long as I don't end up drinking beer in between.
We strangely are in each others company all day but we have been "working" tackling day-to-day stuff and working through a number of issues which, happily, seem to be coming to an end. That means when I get back I can concentrate on the business and we can get on with life. Quite what that means to us we have yet to define. It's very very very very strange. Neither of us were looking for anything and yet here we are quite fixed and living together. That's a worry in some ways as it is so quick and yet it seems all OK and comfortable.
The huge gaps in time are worrying though but I can see where they've actually gone as we've been tackling some pretty messy stuff and some of the decisions have had to take days to work through.
Health wise I'm OK but somewhat concerned at the burn rate of my cash. However, I need to recommence working on my return from holiday and that's a given. Let's hope that I can generate sufficient funds?
The next thing I need to do is to lose some of the weight I've put on. I've been feeding P up as she had lost a lot of weight worrying about things. Well she's responded quite well to my food. the trouble is that so have I :-) lol. So I'm putting myself on a diet and dropping the carbs that I share with her. Hopefully I will be able to drop a fair amount as long as I don't end up drinking beer in between.
Thursday, August 07, 2014
Hot Day
Phew - it's hot in my little office - the fan is working overtime - bless it!
Still no decisions on major things and it is a waiting game - it's annoying for a planner like me. i like to know what is going on and plan things. It destabilises me when I don't know - it really is difficult and it's obviously a clash when a planned person meets a "seat of the pants" person.
P has been away most of today so I've got stuck into some administration work. I've finished off cleaning up the garden and chopping back invading Ivy and Lobelia. I've put a few beers in the Fridge - I really shouldn't be drinking but at the moment it keeps me distracted whilst stuff goes on around me. These things aren't my decision to make, I can advise, I can empathise, strategise and theorise but I can't make the decisions.
Apart from the destabilising effects I am looking forward to going away with P and just chiling out for a couple of weeks. We seem to have done nothing but working and haven't spent much time with each other.
I hope that she makes her decisions tomorrow and we just move on with things. I can then set to and plan the holiday and the travelling etc.
Still no decisions on major things and it is a waiting game - it's annoying for a planner like me. i like to know what is going on and plan things. It destabilises me when I don't know - it really is difficult and it's obviously a clash when a planned person meets a "seat of the pants" person.
P has been away most of today so I've got stuck into some administration work. I've finished off cleaning up the garden and chopping back invading Ivy and Lobelia. I've put a few beers in the Fridge - I really shouldn't be drinking but at the moment it keeps me distracted whilst stuff goes on around me. These things aren't my decision to make, I can advise, I can empathise, strategise and theorise but I can't make the decisions.
Apart from the destabilising effects I am looking forward to going away with P and just chiling out for a couple of weeks. We seem to have done nothing but working and haven't spent much time with each other.
I hope that she makes her decisions tomorrow and we just move on with things. I can then set to and plan the holiday and the travelling etc.
Tuesday, August 05, 2014
New Phone, Nearer Some Planning
But not quite there yet. The car went in for service and at last it was a reasonable amount of money to pay and just a few items needed to sort the car out. It is now ready for a trip to France, if that is what actually happens. It's all up in the air at the moment for sure.
Poor P has to have a Cataract removed before they see what progress the eye they operated on has made. That can happen as soon as this Saturday but she needs to make that decision. The next available dates would affect any holiday plans for this and next month as we are constrained by other dates.
We were meant to go this Thursday - but I've planned and booked nothing at all. It's procrastination drawn out to its worst possible definition. Difficult decisions do need to be made and I can appreciate that having made those decisions exactly 1 year ago today! for it is a year ago that I told Mrs. F. that things were over. Ironically I am meeting her at lunchtime today to discuss the house and children, finances and all those sorts of things.
It's been a strange journey and I'm a lucky in some ways to be at the start of a new journey although with the hindsight of a previous one!
I'm keeping well and enjoying myself - as much as I can. INTJ types really prefer some decisive actions and certainty which is giving me the problems at them moment.
Poor P has to have a Cataract removed before they see what progress the eye they operated on has made. That can happen as soon as this Saturday but she needs to make that decision. The next available dates would affect any holiday plans for this and next month as we are constrained by other dates.
We were meant to go this Thursday - but I've planned and booked nothing at all. It's procrastination drawn out to its worst possible definition. Difficult decisions do need to be made and I can appreciate that having made those decisions exactly 1 year ago today! for it is a year ago that I told Mrs. F. that things were over. Ironically I am meeting her at lunchtime today to discuss the house and children, finances and all those sorts of things.
It's been a strange journey and I'm a lucky in some ways to be at the start of a new journey although with the hindsight of a previous one!
I'm keeping well and enjoying myself - as much as I can. INTJ types really prefer some decisive actions and certainty which is giving me the problems at them moment.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Wasp 1 Samsung Galaxy 0
I smashed the glass on my phone on Saturday swatting away a Wasp that had got close. Normally my good old phone can take a knock but I managed to swat and then launch the phone a good 5 yards! So I've just bought a Motorola G which is a nice phone and seems to do all I want without the iPhone/Samsung price tag. So far, so good. The migration app appears to work nicely, it syncs with Google nice and easily and brought over all my Apps too. Clever.
Let's hope it lasts 2 1/2 years like my Samsung did.
Feeling OK but frustrated that I've not been able to book a holiday yet. It's extremely difficult as P needs to sort some things out before I can. The trouble is the date is heading towards us like a train and 8 days is hardly long enough for me to organise things. I know things can't be rushed but I'm a planner and don't like unnecessary stress added to trying to arrange things.
Let's hope it lasts 2 1/2 years like my Samsung did.
Feeling OK but frustrated that I've not been able to book a holiday yet. It's extremely difficult as P needs to sort some things out before I can. The trouble is the date is heading towards us like a train and 8 days is hardly long enough for me to organise things. I know things can't be rushed but I'm a planner and don't like unnecessary stress added to trying to arrange things.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Is It The Weather?
I feel lethargic, unlike me (of late) to feel quite so tired and not up for much :-)
I hope it is just a today thing as the weather is oppressive and humid as you like.
I hope it is just a today thing as the weather is oppressive and humid as you like.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Wobbles - even If you prepare yourself
Wobbles and little set backs come and go and July is a bad time for me whether I want it to be or not.
Things like:
2nd July - Bladder Cancer Symptoms present
3rd July - Dad died
4th July - my birthday
7th July - Doctor suggests I have Cancer
21st July - Diagnosed with Bladder Cancer
24th July - Bladder Saving (lifesaving) operation
It's 8 years for Bladder Cancer - I'm still here, I'm healthy, I'm happy and I've a new life awaiting me in the wings. I have a nice lady friend to spend time with and life has new meaning and new purpose - that's great.
It's taking a long time to sort out P's issues but we are almost there now. I hope we can get a holiday in and then launch the business as I'm getting itchy feet and really want to launch it and start generating some income.
I find myself in July wobbling about between highs and lows and this July is no different even though I prepared myself for it.
Onwards and Upwards! :-)
Things like:
2nd July - Bladder Cancer Symptoms present
3rd July - Dad died
4th July - my birthday
7th July - Doctor suggests I have Cancer
21st July - Diagnosed with Bladder Cancer
24th July - Bladder Saving (lifesaving) operation
It's 8 years for Bladder Cancer - I'm still here, I'm healthy, I'm happy and I've a new life awaiting me in the wings. I have a nice lady friend to spend time with and life has new meaning and new purpose - that's great.
It's taking a long time to sort out P's issues but we are almost there now. I hope we can get a holiday in and then launch the business as I'm getting itchy feet and really want to launch it and start generating some income.
I find myself in July wobbling about between highs and lows and this July is no different even though I prepared myself for it.
Onwards and Upwards! :-)
Friday, July 18, 2014
Kerbam
Ohh it's been a rocky few weeks. Ups and downs abound. What are the chances that one of P's friends is married to the brother of an old mate of mine who lived next to my first girlfriend? I really didn't need my past to come out like that and suddenly everyone was interested and I really wasn't so that didn't go down well. 60 million people in the world and I happen to sit next to someone who knew me from when I was 19 years old!
All is OK now though and things are moving on nicely. I'm not sure where it is all headed which I suppose is also fun. For the new me it is fun - the old me would have been horrified about that I'm certain.
I think that P & I need a good holiday as we haven't really been spending real quality time together - we tend to spend time together working and that's a bit of a shame as we really should be getting to know each other. We are out on Saturday to a bell ringing day out followed by a BBQ. Maybe we can get some time together and we need to lay some ghosts out too whilst we are there. By that I mean there are a few chaps who aren't aware that I am on the scene that need to find out as it could cause embarrassment for them or for P.
I am fit and well apart from my shin which took a serious thump on the outside brick wall. It has only just started to come under some sort of control as it really ballooned up and I've been putting on two dressings a day to sort it out. Hopefully it will be OK for the weekend.
All is OK now though and things are moving on nicely. I'm not sure where it is all headed which I suppose is also fun. For the new me it is fun - the old me would have been horrified about that I'm certain.
I think that P & I need a good holiday as we haven't really been spending real quality time together - we tend to spend time together working and that's a bit of a shame as we really should be getting to know each other. We are out on Saturday to a bell ringing day out followed by a BBQ. Maybe we can get some time together and we need to lay some ghosts out too whilst we are there. By that I mean there are a few chaps who aren't aware that I am on the scene that need to find out as it could cause embarrassment for them or for P.
I am fit and well apart from my shin which took a serious thump on the outside brick wall. It has only just started to come under some sort of control as it really ballooned up and I've been putting on two dressings a day to sort it out. Hopefully it will be OK for the weekend.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Update
Well where did those 12 days go? I have no idea at all but there you go - it just disappeared and it's like that a lot these days, time just slips away. I had a good birthday going to the Royal Academy for the Summer Exhibition and then to see Dennis Hopper's photographic exhibition, Fortnum & Mason for Lunch followed by Ronnie Scott's for the evening. The only bummer being the ridiculously crowded train home - southern railways need to examine how they treat customers it was just ridiculous. Completely left me messed up with my claustrophobia kicking in big time. I managed to keep it together but not when I got home.
Anyhow, other than that it was a lovely day.
I'm feeling good and fit and healthy but could do with a holiday I think - if nothing else to get out of the current list of things that need to be done - get a rest and then launch the business.
I hope to get some more time to start blogging again, the main thing is that health is good, outlook is good and life is fine albeit a little to full on for me at the moment.
Anyhow, other than that it was a lovely day.
I'm feeling good and fit and healthy but could do with a holiday I think - if nothing else to get out of the current list of things that need to be done - get a rest and then launch the business.
I hope to get some more time to start blogging again, the main thing is that health is good, outlook is good and life is fine albeit a little to full on for me at the moment.
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