Dreams

It is strange but I don't always remember my dreams, night dreams that is but there are some that I do and also I have recurring dreams that come back and must have some sort of significance.

The claustrophobia one is common although it doesn't occur as often these days.  It's always been a problem in real life and sometimes I look back on the horrors of being in places that I find overwhelming - not everyone understands it but it is pretty awful and I hate it.  Cinemas, Theatres, trains etc.  Definitely not my thing.

There's a transport dream and that is all about being on various trains and knowing the layout of the underground so well as to use all the hidden passages to navigate my way around.  A lucid dream is traversing London through subterranean passages, walkways, narrow bridges, through offices and so on.  This can also manifest itself as if travelling through a very large office block - a big triangular one over many floors that is based on one I actually used to work in which had trading floors, offices, deserted floors and so on so I never know exactly where I am.  

The one's losing your clothes or being in a stated of undress are also occasionally thrown into the mix.  

Recently the dreams have quieted and I find myself reliving specific scenes of my life and imagining that these had a different ending.  The love of my life in a relationship that could never be.  I can see, and almost smell and touch her.  It is most strange.  I don't recall many of these waking fantasies I'll call them. I can travel back to a scene at work, in my car, on a journey, in a meeting I'm sure you get the idea and replay a certain moment that's obviously etched on my mind.

Old girlfriends and what "might have been" seem to be more to the front of my mind and I don't think it is regret.  It's not that.  I hear the phrase along the lines of being asked "Oh my God, did you.....?"  and me replying "All my life!"  What might have been and perhaps in that parallel universe it may well have happened.  I suppose I've always wanted to know "what if?"  what if that had happened, what if we'd stayed together, what if something else had happened and so on.  I wonder if other people think and feel the same way too?

Destiny and circumstance are very strange things.  How you navigate life and what turns out and how it turns out.  Is there a plan?  Is it all "meant to be" or is there a serendipity here?  It is what it is and can not be any different.  Here I am, all these things have happened.  Was I just lucky, did I make my own luck? Right place at the right time or something else pre-planned preordained?  

I am unsure why I know I dream and yet I have only the vaguest of memories about what is was I dreamt about.