What a day, I haven't stopped as of yet - been on the phone or the PC all day so far and haven't gotten around to sorting out half the things I should have done by now.
I have a shed load of things to do and I really need to tear myself away from the PC long enough to do them but I keep getting telephone calls followed by e-mails requesting information.
Its worse than being at work!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Phew what a day so far
Non stop phone calls, sorting stuff out and just this minute stopped. Due out this afternoon if the snow has cleared sufficiently to do so...
Sort of said my goodbyes on the phone, rang around a few more people and generally chewed the fat about what is going on at the company. For a small organisation the feeling from shop floor to director level is pretty remote. It is as if you are talking to two completely different companies when you talk to both levels. I hope they fix that quickly.
The real concern is that there is a lack of faith also in one part of the company over the competency of the other and that isn't a good thing to happen either. Of course the trouble is that I can no longer interfere and the issue is one for themselves to learn. They are having some serious pain at the moment and there are bound to be recriminations and even reprisals dare I say.
The concern is that they get over the shock, hurt and pain soon and get back together and start making a difference. They all know what they have to do to get there.
Sort of said my goodbyes on the phone, rang around a few more people and generally chewed the fat about what is going on at the company. For a small organisation the feeling from shop floor to director level is pretty remote. It is as if you are talking to two completely different companies when you talk to both levels. I hope they fix that quickly.
The real concern is that there is a lack of faith also in one part of the company over the competency of the other and that isn't a good thing to happen either. Of course the trouble is that I can no longer interfere and the issue is one for themselves to learn. They are having some serious pain at the moment and there are bound to be recriminations and even reprisals dare I say.
The concern is that they get over the shock, hurt and pain soon and get back together and start making a difference. They all know what they have to do to get there.
Last Call for....
Me.
The last conference call presiding over my team and chairing the meeting. I don't for one minute expect that it will be much different to the usual and it will probably be downright tedious. But my last meeting none the less and another bond to break.
I am going to force the pace as I cannot see that they want me hanging around and putting my 2 pence worth in every time. Giving the Laptop back sooner rather than later will be a massive break as my e-mail account will disappear. Then let's see them trying to get hold of me.
The last conference call presiding over my team and chairing the meeting. I don't for one minute expect that it will be much different to the usual and it will probably be downright tedious. But my last meeting none the less and another bond to break.
I am going to force the pace as I cannot see that they want me hanging around and putting my 2 pence worth in every time. Giving the Laptop back sooner rather than later will be a massive break as my e-mail account will disappear. Then let's see them trying to get hold of me.
How Dare you..
NOT WEAR YOUR TEE SHIRT!!!!!
It was a BIG disappointment not to have the Tee Shirt on tonight but next time guys, next time.
Was out with my school friends tonight and "the one" who convinced me to write this blog - for whom I have to say thank you as it really has been a good thing to do and whether it has kept my sanity or has added to my madness who knows. If it has added to any-one's education, well that is good too and to have helped anyone else would be a real bonus. Thanks KP - you know who you are.
2 years ago we all met up last. 2 Years - what were we thinking? We always have a great night, the jokes range from the side splitting hilarious to the groans of old, past their sell by date, puns!
We have always got on so well together that to only meet so rarely is a sin. I put my hand up for the past couple of years (if not 5 maybe) when I just haven't been up to anything at all - I said it tonight and I've said it before - I wonder if it was the cancer that was slowing me up?
We have promised ourselves monthly meetings from now on so the 4th Tuesday in the month from now on is a lads night out. failing that, more nights out to see the local live gigs are in order.
Shall I repeat the jokes on the blog as I was asked to? No, of course not but there were plenty of Parrot jokes, Monty Python references and even the odd bit of Derek and Clive live to provide light hearted banter in between the serious stuff and the mundane.
A great evening and I enjoyed getting out and about again and the really good company of friends who could never insult you with their humour and whom you could never take offence at their comments - WHY? You know them so well.
We spoke of an evening we had many years ago where the most amazing things happened and booze (the ultimate leveller) arranged a common denominator amongst our parents and us. That had been a night to treasure - full of spontaneity. I think I can add this evening to that list of magical evenings as it was so good to get together again.
Of course, all we have to do is make this regular as we parted tonight with those same good intentions of two years ago to meet regularly. Let's see if we really mean it this time. We have too good a laugh not to make it happen.
It was a BIG disappointment not to have the Tee Shirt on tonight but next time guys, next time.
Was out with my school friends tonight and "the one" who convinced me to write this blog - for whom I have to say thank you as it really has been a good thing to do and whether it has kept my sanity or has added to my madness who knows. If it has added to any-one's education, well that is good too and to have helped anyone else would be a real bonus. Thanks KP - you know who you are.
2 years ago we all met up last. 2 Years - what were we thinking? We always have a great night, the jokes range from the side splitting hilarious to the groans of old, past their sell by date, puns!
We have always got on so well together that to only meet so rarely is a sin. I put my hand up for the past couple of years (if not 5 maybe) when I just haven't been up to anything at all - I said it tonight and I've said it before - I wonder if it was the cancer that was slowing me up?
We have promised ourselves monthly meetings from now on so the 4th Tuesday in the month from now on is a lads night out. failing that, more nights out to see the local live gigs are in order.
Shall I repeat the jokes on the blog as I was asked to? No, of course not but there were plenty of Parrot jokes, Monty Python references and even the odd bit of Derek and Clive live to provide light hearted banter in between the serious stuff and the mundane.
A great evening and I enjoyed getting out and about again and the really good company of friends who could never insult you with their humour and whom you could never take offence at their comments - WHY? You know them so well.
We spoke of an evening we had many years ago where the most amazing things happened and booze (the ultimate leveller) arranged a common denominator amongst our parents and us. That had been a night to treasure - full of spontaneity. I think I can add this evening to that list of magical evenings as it was so good to get together again.
Of course, all we have to do is make this regular as we parted tonight with those same good intentions of two years ago to meet regularly. Let's see if we really mean it this time. We have too good a laugh not to make it happen.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Sad
Feeling sad as tomorrow will be my last conference call with the team. Whilst I may be hanging around for a while yet it will be difficult for them to move on or for me not to be a little resentful as I hear all the plans being made for something that I will not be a part of.
I'm still in a kind of upbeat mood about things but I am beginning to realise that it just won't work with me hanging around as the team needs to move on and to find their own way of doing things.
I feel a little sad about that and also that another colleague I spoke to today hadn't been told that I was going. For a small company they are a bit bad at communications some times!
I'm still in a kind of upbeat mood about things but I am beginning to realise that it just won't work with me hanging around as the team needs to move on and to find their own way of doing things.
I feel a little sad about that and also that another colleague I spoke to today hadn't been told that I was going. For a small company they are a bit bad at communications some times!
Monday, January 22, 2007
2 B or not 2 B
The more I think about it, the more it takes hold of me. Shall I do something altruistic, shall I become a teacher, shall I go around doing good deeds? Or shall I just chase the money and get as much as I can whilst I am still able?
It really is a hard decision and can I make it given the time I have left (meaning lasting on the money coming in for my notice on redundancy not whether I'm going to peg out!).
If I have learnt anything in the past 6 months it is that life is more important and yet how quickly you can go back to it surprised me. I was quite happy to go back to my job - but it was enjoyable and it was interesting and it paid the bills but would never have made me rich! I felt that I could make a difference and, given my new perspectives, be a little more "life's too short" on a number of subjects :-)
Please God I don't end up as a life coach - I mean the money is great but having to deal with people who actually need you would be difficult.
Someone suggested I work at B&Q - they take on old people (thanks) and I know a bit about DIY. Those who know me could probably guess what the problem is here. 1. Joe Public and 2. Working for low lifes - sorry, no matter what you might say I can't do that.
So - what can I possibly do?
Rock Star - no too old and can actually play a few instruments and sing in tune.
Author - Possibly, but don't use long words unlessIforgettopressthespacebar.
Postman - Bit early in the morning for all that hard work - and there never was a "Confessions of a Postman" film was there?
Milkman - Been there, did that, good tips, but smelt like yogurt most days - yuk
Teacher - No I'd be done for manslaughter
Big Brother Contestant - Would not work would be done for multiple murder and probably get away with justifiable homicide.
You see - nowhere to go just too talented, too good looking and too old!
Good night
Things you don't realise
Like - some months ago I was complaining that I kept forgetting words and felt very slow - well that has gone but it must have happened gradually and there was no one day that I could have said - Oh look I got my brain back! Perhaps it was getting out and about again?
I also thought of the painfully slow way I used to get in and out of a chair or bed and whilst I am still careful I can motor around now. I can dash up and down the stairs and I can easily do 10 minutes on the cross trainer now. I'm going to keep to 10 minutes for a little while but it is encouraging. Driving the car is easier and I don't need to stop so often. I also don't need to keep rushing to the toilet as well and I have settled back into having a sensible amount to drink during the day.
Working on your fitness takes more time but I am pleased my brain is back to normal - if I could ever have a normal brain that is.
I also thought of the painfully slow way I used to get in and out of a chair or bed and whilst I am still careful I can motor around now. I can dash up and down the stairs and I can easily do 10 minutes on the cross trainer now. I'm going to keep to 10 minutes for a little while but it is encouraging. Driving the car is easier and I don't need to stop so often. I also don't need to keep rushing to the toilet as well and I have settled back into having a sensible amount to drink during the day.
Working on your fitness takes more time but I am pleased my brain is back to normal - if I could ever have a normal brain that is.
A Strange Morning
The start of a new week; I'm officially redundant and yet I've logged on to my PC this morning. I've agreed an amount of work to complete before I disappear and it is all very strange. The e-mail is eerily quiet, there are no meetings in my calendar yet the ones I usually attend carry on as normal.
I have very mixed feelings. I suppose I should get on and do the little tasks they want me to finish but my enthusiasm isn't that high this morning. I actually feel slightly guilty about not doing anything for them - which is a bit bizarre as what can they do about it? Sack me :-)
Yes a strange morning but I am looking forward to lunch time and meeting up with a very good friend again who had his Prostate removed last year at the same time I was diagnosed. He and I will both be looking for jobs this year. Because he has had similar (although not quite the same) experience it is good to chat through what has happened to us. Not surprisingly our conversations these days are much brighter than they were 5 months ago.
Speaking of which it is 6 months yesterday that I was diagnosed - it feels much much longer because so much has happened. Crikey 6 months...
And so - to work! or NOT - as the case may be :-)
I have very mixed feelings. I suppose I should get on and do the little tasks they want me to finish but my enthusiasm isn't that high this morning. I actually feel slightly guilty about not doing anything for them - which is a bit bizarre as what can they do about it? Sack me :-)
Yes a strange morning but I am looking forward to lunch time and meeting up with a very good friend again who had his Prostate removed last year at the same time I was diagnosed. He and I will both be looking for jobs this year. Because he has had similar (although not quite the same) experience it is good to chat through what has happened to us. Not surprisingly our conversations these days are much brighter than they were 5 months ago.
Speaking of which it is 6 months yesterday that I was diagnosed - it feels much much longer because so much has happened. Crikey 6 months...
And so - to work! or NOT - as the case may be :-)
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Working on Levels with THE Tee Shirt
Well on Saturday I wore the "I'm Not Dead Yet" Tee - Shirt to the genealogy day and it raised many a smile as of course it works nicely when everyone in the room is tracing their dead ancestors and as I hadn't met some of my far flung family for two years - they could at least get to see that I was indeed in rude health.
But two years - I cannot believe that it was January 2005 that we last met - it seems impossible that it could be that long. I suppose I keep in touch on e-mail and by newsletter but - how strange. I missed last year through illness and I wonder now if I was feeling the beginnings of what I had then? In fact I think I said it before, that I haven't felt this well in many many years.
Will I be able to get my Tee-Shirt back for my Tuesday evening meeting with my mates who will appreciate the Monty Python meaning....
But two years - I cannot believe that it was January 2005 that we last met - it seems impossible that it could be that long. I suppose I keep in touch on e-mail and by newsletter but - how strange. I missed last year through illness and I wonder now if I was feeling the beginnings of what I had then? In fact I think I said it before, that I haven't felt this well in many many years.
Will I be able to get my Tee-Shirt back for my Tuesday evening meeting with my mates who will appreciate the Monty Python meaning....
Normality
After a long time I turned up at my committee meeting today. Got a good reception and many were pleased to see me and to know I was alright. Interesting phrase - "Re you alright in yourself?" Perhaps I'll discuss that later on.
The usual stuff a committee is always difficult to run especially one as big as ours. The trouble is, as I suppose with a lot of these things, you really need to have time on your hands to "Do" things and I do plenty already. Nearly everyone on the committee has lots of demands on their time but how do you get others to "do" rather than us, the same old faces? I'm not going to solve that one for sure.
It is good to get back to this sort of thing as I have missed it and I have actually not been able to attend regularly for many years. Let's hope that I can from now on - it is a good cause.
The usual stuff a committee is always difficult to run especially one as big as ours. The trouble is, as I suppose with a lot of these things, you really need to have time on your hands to "Do" things and I do plenty already. Nearly everyone on the committee has lots of demands on their time but how do you get others to "do" rather than us, the same old faces? I'm not going to solve that one for sure.
It is good to get back to this sort of thing as I have missed it and I have actually not been able to attend regularly for many years. Let's hope that I can from now on - it is a good cause.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Nice Saturday
Yes indeed,
I drove to Barking for the Family History AGM and Fair - it only took about 35 minutes which was great. I used to take the train but it took so long last time to get home. I saw some far flung cousins and I could have spent hundreds of pounds on genealogy stuff.
It was good to get out of the house. I also treated myself to a big greasy breakfast.
Oh, and my confirmation of termination of employment arrived!
Nice day
I drove to Barking for the Family History AGM and Fair - it only took about 35 minutes which was great. I used to take the train but it took so long last time to get home. I saw some far flung cousins and I could have spent hundreds of pounds on genealogy stuff.
It was good to get out of the house. I also treated myself to a big greasy breakfast.
Oh, and my confirmation of termination of employment arrived!
Nice day
Friday, January 19, 2007
Interesting Week Coming up
I am out on Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Now Tuesday on not just once a day either. Tomorrow I'll be off to the East End to meet with some of my remote family - researchers of the family name. Sunday a committee meeting. Monday off out to lunch and out in the evening, Tuesday fixing some computers and arranging a meal and then out in the evening.
Could it be that I am getting my life back? I certainly hope so! I haven't been this active for a few years.
Could it be that I am getting my life back? I certainly hope so! I haven't been this active for a few years.
It doesn't go away does it?
Sometimes you can do really well and forget that there is anything wrong with you but it doesn't last long. I think about my condition every-time:
Anyway, there you have it, a strange observation you may think but one that is always there accompanying you.
- I go to the toilet
- I eat anything
- I drink anything
- I exercise
- I see anything that might remind me (Cancer Research leaflet/advert etc)
- I see this site
- I log on to some other site
- I have nothing better to think or do :-)
Anyway, there you have it, a strange observation you may think but one that is always there accompanying you.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Exercise - a passing fad or here to stay?
I have been using the cross trainer and I have now built up to 10 minutes a day at about 1/2 loading. I have not used any of the preset programmes at the moment.
I almost look professional limbering up and then doing my 5 minutes increasing to 10 a day.
Can I feel anything? Actually I can already. My leg muscles and my stomach muscles are beginning to feel tighter.
As long as it helps me to get a little fitter than I am and to fit back into my clothes I will be delighted. It is early days yet but I can see the few minutes a day growing. I see the reason people have MP3 players strapped to them, it can be boring.
I almost look professional limbering up and then doing my 5 minutes increasing to 10 a day.
Can I feel anything? Actually I can already. My leg muscles and my stomach muscles are beginning to feel tighter.
As long as it helps me to get a little fitter than I am and to fit back into my clothes I will be delighted. It is early days yet but I can see the few minutes a day growing. I see the reason people have MP3 players strapped to them, it can be boring.
Opportunity to do something different
I wonder if I dare try and do something completely different - not get back into the IT world or have to work in the City or do some other soul destroying 9 to 5. It is all about balance and getting enough money in and doing enough to keep mind and body and soul together. I've often fancied just packing it all in and going to do something like run a tea room or perhaps a mill and tea room - something like that. The biggest problem is whether I could actually work with "Joe Public" I reckon I'd be like Basil Fawlty and be yelling at the "guests".
Someone suggested that I go and become a lecturer at the local colleges. That would be nice.
Someone suggested that I go and become a lecturer at the local colleges. That would be nice.
Now What do I do?
Good friend turns up tonight. Fancy being a Director of my business?
Gulp! I'm hardly cold from the last job as of yet :-) A night to sleep on it is required!
Do I want to be a Director - me, Mr. Angry? Not sure if I would but perhaps I might be well suited now after all my problems? Who knows
Gulp! I'm hardly cold from the last job as of yet :-) A night to sleep on it is required!
Do I want to be a Director - me, Mr. Angry? Not sure if I would but perhaps I might be well suited now after all my problems? Who knows
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
See - Not THAT Bad
A couple of sandwiches, a possible job just come through and suddenly things aren't that bad after all. Mate coming over to buy me a drink as well!
Catch you later then
Catch you later then
I didn't expect that to happen
I just got the call, about 11:45 am and the confirmation that I am redundant. I thought I was fully prepared for that and I actually do feel an emotional twang. It's not the money, it surely isn't the journey to and from Yorkshire both of which aren't particularly good. I joined because of the people and the products. They really are the bits I will miss but I will work with them again I am certain.
The company has a lot of soul searching and some serious growing up to do this year. Those who remain will have their work cut out to meet the challenge and it is the sort of environment that I actually thrive in when "backs are against the wall".
So - feeling a little cut up now that it is definitely over. I can now sit down and decide my future and what I want to do. I would have hoped that the Critical Insurance issue would be sorted by now as that is a factor in my future too. I got a letter saying that they had still not received the report from the Hospital and had now rung them. 3 months the Hospital have had the report to complete. Lucky I didn't need the money or was terminally ill - crikey, imagine if it was really bad and amongst all the problems someone had to keep chasing up this to make ends meet. Dreadful.
Anyway, I'm sitting here slightly shocked and a little saddened by the turn of events. I'll go and have some lunch and pick myself up this afternoon.
The company has a lot of soul searching and some serious growing up to do this year. Those who remain will have their work cut out to meet the challenge and it is the sort of environment that I actually thrive in when "backs are against the wall".
So - feeling a little cut up now that it is definitely over. I can now sit down and decide my future and what I want to do. I would have hoped that the Critical Insurance issue would be sorted by now as that is a factor in my future too. I got a letter saying that they had still not received the report from the Hospital and had now rung them. 3 months the Hospital have had the report to complete. Lucky I didn't need the money or was terminally ill - crikey, imagine if it was really bad and amongst all the problems someone had to keep chasing up this to make ends meet. Dreadful.
Anyway, I'm sitting here slightly shocked and a little saddened by the turn of events. I'll go and have some lunch and pick myself up this afternoon.
You Soon Forget
I was reading the story of someone who has just had their TURBT and as I read and recognised their experiences I thought how amazing it was that you just "get over" these things. Some are pretty horrible and uncomfortable and at the time make you feel wretched and yet, how soon afterwards all of that is forgotten. I think the only thing I can still feel is an ache on my hand occasionally where the cannula was. Other than that, the human body and brain soon recover from these traumas.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Terminator II - Judgement Day
Tomorrow that is....
I should be told tomorrow that I am redundant. No "I'll be back" although, I suppose that is always possible; it has been a rather stormy courtship.
Next to get my dark glasses and leather gear on - "Hasta la vista, baby!" - I'd make a great Arnie - maybe not then...
I should be told tomorrow that I am redundant. No "I'll be back" although, I suppose that is always possible; it has been a rather stormy courtship.
Next to get my dark glasses and leather gear on - "Hasta la vista, baby!" - I'd make a great Arnie - maybe not then...
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