I've just seen the time and this morning has been really busy and time has marched on. I need to go and have an early lunch and have my last drink before the treatment.
Back to my rituals and setting things out and I should be a little better prepared this week.
Monday, June 11, 2007
And now for something completely different
Tomorrow will be interesting as I work out how to balance the work I have to do with the new job, with the consultancy I am doing and with some other work that just doesn't seem to want to go away!
The treatment will mean that I will be a third of the way through after this next one. I have to watch out for this one as the last time the second one was like getting hit by a truck and then the truck reversed over me. I hope to be ready for it this time.
It will be interesting to see quite how I am going to fit all of this in.
The treatment will mean that I will be a third of the way through after this next one. I have to watch out for this one as the last time the second one was like getting hit by a truck and then the truck reversed over me. I hope to be ready for it this time.
It will be interesting to see quite how I am going to fit all of this in.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Slept Well
I needed to as I'd had little in the way of decent sleep all week. This coming week is going to be going at a frenetic pace as I get up to speed with the new job and work out how to re-schedule the stuff that I also need to be doing.
The great thing is that I'm in the early stages of building a business and it is really exciting. The bad thing is that all else goes haywire whilst you are doing it.
The great thing is that I'm in the early stages of building a business and it is really exciting. The bad thing is that all else goes haywire whilst you are doing it.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Knackered
Off to bed - the week is catching up on me and I am as tired as you like. I even slept through half of the Canadian Grand Prix qualifying - unheard of.
A little bit concerning
I have a copy of the letter that went to my Doctor from my Consultant. It says a different thing to what I was told!
I was told precancerous and yet the "small area shows CIS" sort of shook me a bit. I thought that precancerous was non malignant where CIS was pretty damn nasty really.
I don't think it is anything to worry too much about as - let's face it - there was more CIS than anything else around last time.
So - I might just seek a clarification of the point in the letter just to make sure that what we spoke about and what the letter actually says are one and the same thing.
Today was great - lots of interest and pleasure that I was back to being in a situation where control was the watch word.
I was told precancerous and yet the "small area shows CIS" sort of shook me a bit. I thought that precancerous was non malignant where CIS was pretty damn nasty really.
I don't think it is anything to worry too much about as - let's face it - there was more CIS than anything else around last time.
So - I might just seek a clarification of the point in the letter just to make sure that what we spoke about and what the letter actually says are one and the same thing.
Today was great - lots of interest and pleasure that I was back to being in a situation where control was the watch word.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Been a test of stamina
This past three days I have been driving a lot, in and out of meetings and - living out of a suitcase.
I remembered to take my tablets though but the diet sort of went all over the place. Those cooked breakfasts were hard to resist - so I didn't resist - oh and black pudding as well this morning.
I've been feeling the effects of the treatment all week so far. Not massively painful, an occasional twang of discomfort or a sting and I don't remember being quite so stinging last time. The worst of this is you just get over the last one and it is time for the next one.
It is a crazy day tomorrow, my Lodge is meeting and it is the most important day of the year as the new Master goes into the Chair. So we get lots of guests and more members than normal. This is one of the largest meetings I can remember of recent years. I hope that it will be good but I have lots of work this evening to make sure it runs properly.
I remembered to take my tablets though but the diet sort of went all over the place. Those cooked breakfasts were hard to resist - so I didn't resist - oh and black pudding as well this morning.
I've been feeling the effects of the treatment all week so far. Not massively painful, an occasional twang of discomfort or a sting and I don't remember being quite so stinging last time. The worst of this is you just get over the last one and it is time for the next one.
It is a crazy day tomorrow, my Lodge is meeting and it is the most important day of the year as the new Master goes into the Chair. So we get lots of guests and more members than normal. This is one of the largest meetings I can remember of recent years. I hope that it will be good but I have lots of work this evening to make sure it runs properly.
Hello Blog - I missed you
My my - withdrawal symptoms :-)
Not really - had the most intensive three days you can imagine. Really enthusiastic about this job though. I shall be getting stuck into this when I get past treatment 2.
Right must go and catch up on the 250+ e-mails...
Not really - had the most intensive three days you can imagine. Really enthusiastic about this job though. I shall be getting stuck into this when I get past treatment 2.
Right must go and catch up on the 250+ e-mails...
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Taking it easy
It was Lad's night out tonight and we all took it pretty easy on the drinks front. I've to drive a fair way tomorrow and we all decided on the better part of valour - boy are we getting old :-)
It was so funny tonight as we worked out some of the worst jokes we had ever heard. The best ones are of course, politically incorrect and perhaps the stupidest ones too.
I daren't even tell you some of the remarks I got about my treatment. I had to dry the tears on some of the comments. Your friends tell it as it is and there are no pretences. I like that. I reckon only they could get away with such insensitive stuff. I'm glad they treat me like that and I'm glad that we are all enjoying the relief of my condition.
It was so funny tonight as we worked out some of the worst jokes we had ever heard. The best ones are of course, politically incorrect and perhaps the stupidest ones too.
I daren't even tell you some of the remarks I got about my treatment. I had to dry the tears on some of the comments. Your friends tell it as it is and there are no pretences. I like that. I reckon only they could get away with such insensitive stuff. I'm glad they treat me like that and I'm glad that we are all enjoying the relief of my condition.
Defeating the object
I was chatting to someone who told me that now I was on Statins (Cholesterol reducing) that I could have butter and cheese and so on.
I've consciously given those sorts of things up or reduced them to very low and my cholesterol is fine anyway.
It seemed a strange thing to say but I can see why you'd think like that.
I've consciously given those sorts of things up or reduced them to very low and my cholesterol is fine anyway.
It seemed a strange thing to say but I can see why you'd think like that.
A Hard Pill to Swallow
But it could do some serious damage if you threw it at someone
I saw this and burst out laughing - I could have done with one of those last night :-)
Getting Ready for work again
I've got out of the habit of work. It has been 6 months since I last worked "hard" for a living and so tomorrow will be a rude one! I have to be up in North London by 5:30! So that is a 4:30 latest start. Luckily that is all the driving I am doing until Friday when I drive back around the M25 (London Orbital Motorway - or the largest car park in the world).
We will be travelling quite a distance going to Wales in the morning and then onwards up to Cheshire after that and then coming back down again.
It will be interesting to see the interactions between us as there are 4 of us starting - I've met one of them already and he is totally different to me.
It is induction training and that in itself will be interesting as I already have most of the stuff here and I already have a very good idea what needs to be done.
The only trouble at the moment - I can't get all the demo software to load on my PC. Possibly because of some of the more "interesting" software packages I have loaded from the last business.
We will be travelling quite a distance going to Wales in the morning and then onwards up to Cheshire after that and then coming back down again.
It will be interesting to see the interactions between us as there are 4 of us starting - I've met one of them already and he is totally different to me.
It is induction training and that in itself will be interesting as I already have most of the stuff here and I already have a very good idea what needs to be done.
The only trouble at the moment - I can't get all the demo software to load on my PC. Possibly because of some of the more "interesting" software packages I have loaded from the last business.
Slow Morning
There was blood and bits last night after I'd written the last blog. A bit surprising but then reading the notes again, the cumulative effect would make that happen. I was tired more than anything and my joints were aching and I'm still a bit sore too. I had to get up during the night but that was clear as it was again this morning. I haven't been drinking enough this morning I've noticed so I need to go and put that right.
I'll be ready for next week now then. I hadn't expected to get straight back into the routine but that was what it was like between 2 and 5 last time. I can only hope that I don't get worse than this next time as it was hard enough then.
1/6th of the way through the treatment. It is surprising how fast it will go.
I'm in readiness now to go away for a few days and start my new job. It should be interesting and challenging all at once. If this flies it will be better than any adrenaline ride. Mind you we have a few months to go before it does that.
I'll be ready for next week now then. I hadn't expected to get straight back into the routine but that was what it was like between 2 and 5 last time. I can only hope that I don't get worse than this next time as it was hard enough then.
1/6th of the way through the treatment. It is surprising how fast it will go.
I'm in readiness now to go away for a few days and start my new job. It should be interesting and challenging all at once. If this flies it will be better than any adrenaline ride. Mind you we have a few months to go before it does that.
Monday, June 04, 2007
It's surprising what you forget
I hadn't remembered quite how much this hits you. I've just had the blood and gore started and my muscles and some joints ache. I've just come into my office to tidy up before turning in for the night.
The cumulative effect obviously is working as I never had this on the first instillation last time.
It's not as bad as the second time, last time as I've taken the pills and been lying down not doing anything. Even so - it is strange how the brain blocks out quite how bad it was. Even when I go back and read my notes (which are remarkably accurate) I still didn't get the feelings coming through that I feel now.
Believe it or not - I am one of the lucky ones - I don't get the serious side effects. You could have kidded me!
The cumulative effect obviously is working as I never had this on the first instillation last time.
It's not as bad as the second time, last time as I've taken the pills and been lying down not doing anything. Even so - it is strange how the brain blocks out quite how bad it was. Even when I go back and read my notes (which are remarkably accurate) I still didn't get the feelings coming through that I feel now.
Believe it or not - I am one of the lucky ones - I don't get the serious side effects. You could have kidded me!
Sharp intake of breath
It was a bit ouch this time, a bit of a sting on the way in and you always get a sharp intake of breath as the catheter goes past your prostate.
I'm just coming up for the two hours and to take my mind off of wanting to dash to the toilet (which I do this time) - I decided to quickly jot something down on the blog - note to self - do not have soup with lunch next week!
Pressure is building up and the body wants this stuff out as fast as possible. Side effects - only a very slight aching in my joints - very slight. I think I had that first time only last time. I've taken my tablets and I'm getting ready for this next bit of the ride.
It was a bit sad today as the chap before me was on his "last chance" medication and if this didn't work then it would be radical surgery. Me - I'm pretty lucky and this is treatment worked last time lets make sure and repeat it.
Excellent - I've used up the time and can dash off to the toilet now :-) Bye
I'm just coming up for the two hours and to take my mind off of wanting to dash to the toilet (which I do this time) - I decided to quickly jot something down on the blog - note to self - do not have soup with lunch next week!
Pressure is building up and the body wants this stuff out as fast as possible. Side effects - only a very slight aching in my joints - very slight. I think I had that first time only last time. I've taken my tablets and I'm getting ready for this next bit of the ride.
It was a bit sad today as the chap before me was on his "last chance" medication and if this didn't work then it would be radical surgery. Me - I'm pretty lucky and this is treatment worked last time lets make sure and repeat it.
Excellent - I've used up the time and can dash off to the toilet now :-) Bye
Next step
Shower complete, pills by side of bed, notepad by side of bed, medicine notes by appointment card, just the minor things left to complete before I get on my way.
Now to get the old sheets and stuff together and makes sure I have enough cleaning agents around as well and I'm ready. I'm a bit too early so need to push back this little routine by perhaps 30 minutes next time.
Now to get the old sheets and stuff together and makes sure I have enough cleaning agents around as well and I'm ready. I'm a bit too early so need to push back this little routine by perhaps 30 minutes next time.
That's Lunch and the last drink for 3 hours
Water heater is on - ready for a shower, appointment stuff is ready - stress balls (I really should call them something different) are ready and I've just got to get myself chilled out for getting this done.
The next step is to get myself ready, set up all my pills, bed covers and stuff so that I only have to get home, do my turning, and that is me settled in for the day. Water jug, notebook, book to read and bleach ready. Other than that there isn't much that you can do really.
The next step is to get myself ready, set up all my pills, bed covers and stuff so that I only have to get home, do my turning, and that is me settled in for the day. Water jug, notebook, book to read and bleach ready. Other than that there isn't much that you can do really.
Back on the treatment
Only a short time to go now - I'm OK about it today. I didn't like the idea yesterday but today - different attitude and I'm just getting myself ready to get back into the routine.
I need to get myself a note book so I can keep track of timings, fluid intake, symptoms and so on. I've got my last one here. It starts at treatment two as the first treatment was a non event really.
I have the treatment at 2 pm which means I cannot drink after 12. I tend to eat early so allowing me to have a drink by 12 and then have a shower and get changed into some casual clothes. My wife drops me off at the Hospital and then struggles to find a place to park so she normally ends up double parked somewhere. As I have to be treated within a certain time period, I am normally pretty much on time and so I can be in and out in 5 to 10 minutes and then can be driven straight home.
The BCG has to be inside you for 2 hours. The first hour you turn and do 15 minutes on each side to make sure all areas have been covered. After 2 hours you can dispose of it. Lots of Bleach needed and then I go to bed - it is probably the best thing as I drug myself up after the turning and then there isn't a lot to do afterwards. I found getting up and moving around made me feel far worse. In that 2nd hour I also drink up to three pints of water or juice to help with the washing out process.
After I have slept for a while I might go downstairs and eat. Again, plenty of liquid to ensure that you wash out your bladder. After 6 hours they reckon that the BCG is out completely. I continue with the bleach on Monday night up to 11 pm.
SO - it will soon be time to get ready and go through my little rituals. I'll let you know how I get on.
I need to get myself a note book so I can keep track of timings, fluid intake, symptoms and so on. I've got my last one here. It starts at treatment two as the first treatment was a non event really.
I have the treatment at 2 pm which means I cannot drink after 12. I tend to eat early so allowing me to have a drink by 12 and then have a shower and get changed into some casual clothes. My wife drops me off at the Hospital and then struggles to find a place to park so she normally ends up double parked somewhere. As I have to be treated within a certain time period, I am normally pretty much on time and so I can be in and out in 5 to 10 minutes and then can be driven straight home.
The BCG has to be inside you for 2 hours. The first hour you turn and do 15 minutes on each side to make sure all areas have been covered. After 2 hours you can dispose of it. Lots of Bleach needed and then I go to bed - it is probably the best thing as I drug myself up after the turning and then there isn't a lot to do afterwards. I found getting up and moving around made me feel far worse. In that 2nd hour I also drink up to three pints of water or juice to help with the washing out process.
After I have slept for a while I might go downstairs and eat. Again, plenty of liquid to ensure that you wash out your bladder. After 6 hours they reckon that the BCG is out completely. I continue with the bleach on Monday night up to 11 pm.
SO - it will soon be time to get ready and go through my little rituals. I'll let you know how I get on.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Now I'm not so sure
It is Sunday evening and some of the bravado has gone and I'm not really looking forward to tomorrow.
I've had a good afternoon, sat in the garden, it's been warm and sunny and I've had a few beers. Now, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow - who would be? The planes have been whizzing overhead from the Air Show and all in all it has been a relaxing day but with too much time to sit and think!
The old reality check has kicked in and - all the brave face stuff can be put aside. It was last November and December when I had the last lot and - come to think of it - the days were quite pleasant and mild but the after affects were pretty serious.
I was saying earlier that I can handle this next lot better - and I'm sure I can. I have a better attitude and outlook this time, and I'm sure that is right. Fitter and healthier too. The upshot is that this stuff is pretty harsh and whilst it is better than Chemo it really does beat you up.
Knock the brave bit on the head for a while - this is not going to be a thing that you'd want to do willingly. Sure it cures you but it does feel like you turn up for a beating sometimes - if you get my meaning. Who would want to voluntarily go and get their "equipment" kicked in once a week for 6 weeks?
Anyway, I'm allowed to be a bit tentative as it is me who is going to go through the treatment. As I said earlier - I'm more prepared for it this time - but I'm also more respectful of it too.
No doubt tomorrow will bring some more thoughts and ideas.
I've had a good afternoon, sat in the garden, it's been warm and sunny and I've had a few beers. Now, I'm not looking forward to tomorrow - who would be? The planes have been whizzing overhead from the Air Show and all in all it has been a relaxing day but with too much time to sit and think!
The old reality check has kicked in and - all the brave face stuff can be put aside. It was last November and December when I had the last lot and - come to think of it - the days were quite pleasant and mild but the after affects were pretty serious.
I was saying earlier that I can handle this next lot better - and I'm sure I can. I have a better attitude and outlook this time, and I'm sure that is right. Fitter and healthier too. The upshot is that this stuff is pretty harsh and whilst it is better than Chemo it really does beat you up.
Knock the brave bit on the head for a while - this is not going to be a thing that you'd want to do willingly. Sure it cures you but it does feel like you turn up for a beating sometimes - if you get my meaning. Who would want to voluntarily go and get their "equipment" kicked in once a week for 6 weeks?
Anyway, I'm allowed to be a bit tentative as it is me who is going to go through the treatment. As I said earlier - I'm more prepared for it this time - but I'm also more respectful of it too.
No doubt tomorrow will bring some more thoughts and ideas.
Knowing what to expect
I actually find that OK now. After I had the hypnotherapy I have a different attitude to this. I know that it isn't going to be pleasant but at the same time, look how different it is to the last time. This is going to help me get rid of this and there is no letting up on what is to be done.
The last time I had CIS - which is Grade III - serious stuff indeed. It is a very aggressive form of cancer! So given that - and the BCG wiped that out, then this lot of treatment is going to reinforce that. Some may question why you need it but this lot of treatment is working on stripping the bladder lining and growing a new one, this time without the malignant cells and without any other malignancy or premalignancy in there.
I'm fitter both physically and mentally than I was 5/6 months ago and so I am hoping to be able to cope better with this. Last time I didn't drive for 6 weeks. I'm not looking forward to the blood and gore bits (who is) but that means that the BCG is doing its job.
The last time I had CIS - which is Grade III - serious stuff indeed. It is a very aggressive form of cancer! So given that - and the BCG wiped that out, then this lot of treatment is going to reinforce that. Some may question why you need it but this lot of treatment is working on stripping the bladder lining and growing a new one, this time without the malignant cells and without any other malignancy or premalignancy in there.
I'm fitter both physically and mentally than I was 5/6 months ago and so I am hoping to be able to cope better with this. Last time I didn't drive for 6 weeks. I'm not looking forward to the blood and gore bits (who is) but that means that the BCG is doing its job.
Getting back to a work routine
Is going to be difficult as I start whilst having the treatment so I am going to have to work around that and to be able to produce the right sorts of results.
My induction training starts on Wednesday but first we are off to a Partner Presentation at the Millennium Stadium in Wales (nice). Then off to Shrewsbury and then onto Warrington to do the induction training.
I'm going to have to play Tuesdays by ear as they'd like me to be at the Reading Office. I'm not sure that I'll really be able to do that as the morning after is when you either get up and feel OK or you lie in a heap. I've a feeling that this time I'll get the next level of side effects. They say that the effects are cumulative - I expect that the first one will be OK and it will be the 2nd one again that flattens me. We shall see, it starts tomorrow. As usual the work I was expected to do last week hasn't arrived and somehow I will need to fit that in as well. I'm not too worried about that, I can sort that out and I can invoice for it so it will keep money turning over in the business until the money flows from the work I am doing now.
So this coming week it isn't going to be too much like work but the week after, once I have had my induction training I'll need to get back to the disciplines of getting up at a certain time and structuring my working day. It should be a bit of a laugh at least.
My induction training starts on Wednesday but first we are off to a Partner Presentation at the Millennium Stadium in Wales (nice). Then off to Shrewsbury and then onto Warrington to do the induction training.
I'm going to have to play Tuesdays by ear as they'd like me to be at the Reading Office. I'm not sure that I'll really be able to do that as the morning after is when you either get up and feel OK or you lie in a heap. I've a feeling that this time I'll get the next level of side effects. They say that the effects are cumulative - I expect that the first one will be OK and it will be the 2nd one again that flattens me. We shall see, it starts tomorrow. As usual the work I was expected to do last week hasn't arrived and somehow I will need to fit that in as well. I'm not too worried about that, I can sort that out and I can invoice for it so it will keep money turning over in the business until the money flows from the work I am doing now.
So this coming week it isn't going to be too much like work but the week after, once I have had my induction training I'll need to get back to the disciplines of getting up at a certain time and structuring my working day. It should be a bit of a laugh at least.
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