It was Thanksgiving yesterday - so belated Happy Thanksgiving Day. When I worked for DEC of course, how could we forget - the place almost closed down.
Off work today and I am deciding what to do with myself... I have a Lodge meeting later this afternoon but whether I want to drive or not is the thing. It is a fair way away and I can do public transport to it - a bit convoluted but it can be done.
And so on to the next batch of things to be done before next week's assessment (can it really almost be that time already) and the week after and that particular meeting with destiny.
As usual loads to do, not a lot of which can be shared and it is my time that needs to be managed. I have - I think - done all my Christmas Shopping (thanks for the Internet Berners Lee) and somewhere in this I have to produce two newsletters and do all my Christmas Cards.
Time is the one thing that is going to give me grief in the next few weeks. I'm sure everything will get done it is just how I manage to do it.
I'm feeling a little anxious / nervous which is always the way leading up to going to get violated in the cause of science and survival. It has to play on your mind and the back of hand is throbbing already where they normally put the cannula in! Psychosomatic or what :-)
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Day off tomorrow
Again. Well I have three days - no make that two left to take and somehow I have to make up for them somehow. I'll manage something.
Tomorrow I fancy a sleep in and then if I can to do some work on my course and I have a load of stuff to do for the Lodge meeting....
It really shouldn't be down to me but it will be.
At least I don't need to get up before I go to bed tonight :-)
Tomorrow I fancy a sleep in and then if I can to do some work on my course and I have a load of stuff to do for the Lodge meeting....
It really shouldn't be down to me but it will be.
At least I don't need to get up before I go to bed tonight :-)
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Pants
It was a boring day really. My friend is now off to have his Prostate sorted out - he is getting a reamed TURBT to sort out a restriction caused by an enlarged Prostate. I lent him the book my friend gave me - "the book of Piss" which is most amusing. I hope he finds it to be so too.
I was bored because I've done a lot of preparation work and got the handover sorted and I'm just waiting now - everything is ready to go but nothing has arrived for me to do anything with.
Tomorrow I plan to spring clean my desk - well there's nothing like starting it early. That is if I stop yawning long enough.
Oh yes - the dreams - blimey the one last night was so real that I was having real difficulty when I woke up working out why I was in my bed and not up the road with some friends listening to a terrible account of how someone had died...
Weird stuff but often get this but more noticeable these past few years...
I was bored because I've done a lot of preparation work and got the handover sorted and I'm just waiting now - everything is ready to go but nothing has arrived for me to do anything with.
Tomorrow I plan to spring clean my desk - well there's nothing like starting it early. That is if I stop yawning long enough.
Oh yes - the dreams - blimey the one last night was so real that I was having real difficulty when I woke up working out why I was in my bed and not up the road with some friends listening to a terrible account of how someone had died...
Weird stuff but often get this but more noticeable these past few years...
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Good News
On Steve's Blog he mentions that HK in Canada has non malignant tumour so HK will be going onto BCG again and be kept an eye on. Good for HK and let's hope that one resolves itself.
This BCG isn't the nicest thing you've ever had done to you but it sure does seem to be effective.
This BCG isn't the nicest thing you've ever had done to you but it sure does seem to be effective.
Tuesday - back to business
Everyone wants to know how you are and when you tell them you feel like poo it sort of wipes the smile off their faces a bit. I find it difficult to say "I'm alright" because clearly I'm not.
I have a hint of trouble to come if I go permanent as there is a back to work interview each time - I don't need to do that as I am a consultant and don't charge them but it is funny as I said to the boss - "if I am off as much as this at least I'll get some quality time with you once or twice a week!"
I did explain that they might like to reconsider a permanent role as this wont go away in the short term.
So other than that it was the usual funny day. Exasperating as ever as I was asked why we were right down to the wire on the deadline and that I should have started things earlier. I explained that I had started things earlier but this had just given more people the opportunity to comment and alter the work I started two weeks ago. In fact I hate Parkinson's Law - as a Project Manager it is my enemy. Parkinson's Law states that if you have three weeks to do a job you will expand the time to take the full three weeks.
Anyway, onwards and upwards at least that is the last deadline out of the way for this year. Except the Christmas Cards - which incidentally I started in July and that only got agreed two weeks ago - see what I mean! They need to arrive, be signed off and posted in the next few weeks. All the Labels are ready on my desk I just need the cards. I don't fancy signing 500 odd but at least I got self sealing envelopes!
I have a hint of trouble to come if I go permanent as there is a back to work interview each time - I don't need to do that as I am a consultant and don't charge them but it is funny as I said to the boss - "if I am off as much as this at least I'll get some quality time with you once or twice a week!"
I did explain that they might like to reconsider a permanent role as this wont go away in the short term.
So other than that it was the usual funny day. Exasperating as ever as I was asked why we were right down to the wire on the deadline and that I should have started things earlier. I explained that I had started things earlier but this had just given more people the opportunity to comment and alter the work I started two weeks ago. In fact I hate Parkinson's Law - as a Project Manager it is my enemy. Parkinson's Law states that if you have three weeks to do a job you will expand the time to take the full three weeks.
Anyway, onwards and upwards at least that is the last deadline out of the way for this year. Except the Christmas Cards - which incidentally I started in July and that only got agreed two weeks ago - see what I mean! They need to arrive, be signed off and posted in the next few weeks. All the Labels are ready on my desk I just need the cards. I don't fancy signing 500 odd but at least I got self sealing envelopes!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Blah - Monday!
What a day - got home after practising for our Banner Dedication in January. All the usual suspects were there, the people who turn out time after time and will actually do a job for you. The others - well underwhelmed by their response. It is annoying that I have little time left when I am fit and healthy to get everyone ready for a once in a life-time ceremony and yet they wont turn up to make it look half reasonable.
It is the trouble with all clubs and committees that some of you end up doing all the work and those on the outside look in and cast stones but don't actually do anything themselves! Such is the way of it.
I do it becuase I care - I'd rather take a back seat as I have been doing this for years but there you go.
It is the trouble with all clubs and committees that some of you end up doing all the work and those on the outside look in and cast stones but don't actually do anything themselves! Such is the way of it.
I do it becuase I care - I'd rather take a back seat as I have been doing this for years but there you go.
A low day today
I don't like taking time off work but I know I must do it. It would have been useless me going in today like I was - I'd have been a asleep on the train and potentially at my desk too.
I've done what needed to be done today whilst I have been sat here at my office desk and apart from one thing that I hadn't banked on (forgetting where I stored a document - which is very unlike me) no one died!
I tend to work in the charity sector, much as I worked in Financial Services, IT and business; at breakneck speed, everything was resolved as quickly as humanly possible. Generally the customer was the one who needed things working so they could make the money which eventually meant that you got paid too.
It is a LOT different. No one expects that things get turned around in minutes as we have finite (not infinite) resources but I still do my bit to my old speed and often it isn't needed, no one was expecting it and other people who have to input have their schedules too. I haven't learnt to slow down. Not a bad thing as tomorrow I can catch up I suppose :-)
Why else do I feel low? Letting other people down is one but I'm not really and if I don't work I don't get paid so it isn't as if there is any sick pay involved. No one has been let down and I think it is just me, being - well - me really.
Others? Grey old winter day outside, inside not particularly warm either, the tasks are getting done but it is drudgery not enjoyable. I think it is just like that at the moment there isn't much to brighten up my day and the day of reckoning is on its way - 2 weeks tomorrow.
Back to the pile of paper on my desk which is going down slowly.
I've done what needed to be done today whilst I have been sat here at my office desk and apart from one thing that I hadn't banked on (forgetting where I stored a document - which is very unlike me) no one died!
I tend to work in the charity sector, much as I worked in Financial Services, IT and business; at breakneck speed, everything was resolved as quickly as humanly possible. Generally the customer was the one who needed things working so they could make the money which eventually meant that you got paid too.
It is a LOT different. No one expects that things get turned around in minutes as we have finite (not infinite) resources but I still do my bit to my old speed and often it isn't needed, no one was expecting it and other people who have to input have their schedules too. I haven't learnt to slow down. Not a bad thing as tomorrow I can catch up I suppose :-)
Why else do I feel low? Letting other people down is one but I'm not really and if I don't work I don't get paid so it isn't as if there is any sick pay involved. No one has been let down and I think it is just me, being - well - me really.
Others? Grey old winter day outside, inside not particularly warm either, the tasks are getting done but it is drudgery not enjoyable. I think it is just like that at the moment there isn't much to brighten up my day and the day of reckoning is on its way - 2 weeks tomorrow.
Back to the pile of paper on my desk which is going down slowly.
Another day off work
I cannot believe how tired I was this morning, I woke at 5:25 and had a thick head and was so lethargic. All I wanted to do was go back to bed which I did after e-mailing the office.
I still have dull aches over my eyes - perhaps I have a small part of this cold everyone in the house has had and I'm just having partial symptoms because of the Immunotherapy?
Maybe I was just battling with the post before and battling things out in my head?
Anyway, I'll do a little work from home today but other than that take the day off - I can catch up tomorrow as long as I keep my eye on the ball. That is that I have 10 working days left before I go into Hospital.
I still have dull aches over my eyes - perhaps I have a small part of this cold everyone in the house has had and I'm just having partial symptoms because of the Immunotherapy?
Maybe I was just battling with the post before and battling things out in my head?
Anyway, I'll do a little work from home today but other than that take the day off - I can catch up tomorrow as long as I keep my eye on the ball. That is that I have 10 working days left before I go into Hospital.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
So how are you feeling?
Strange would be the nearest thing to say about how I feel. I am not sure - I feel quite peculiar - I think it is to do with the letter actually rather than anything else. It gets you to thinking again about what is going to happen - my left hand started throbbing as it knows it is going to get a cannula shoved into it.
My dreams have become very real again recently, long coherent and most life like although they aren't particularly worrying they are extremely realistic and I can wake up imagining that these things have actually happened.
It is a most unusual feeling - sort of not ill, not right, a little light headed and light bodied (if that makes sense) and I wonder if there isn't a little bit of fear in me. There are always terrible thoughts going through my head when I stop to think about things and being wheeled into Theatre is a pretty bad time and so there is a nag going on in there as well - there must be some doubt and I'm guessing it is just the build up of emotions the nearer I get towards the event. There'll be the worrying afterwards, of course until the results are known and who knows, dare I think of having no further maintenance - that would be the best result ever.
As I typed this I thought of what I said about the terrible thoughts and they aren't as bad as they used to be but they are still there. The voices still nag at you and taunt you, your mortality and your equilibrium. I've said many times before that I am far more emotional these days than I ever was before and to stop and think can be almost tearful, certainly a choking feeling and I'm still not strong when it comes to sad stories and tragedy despite dealing with it at work it still shocks and upsets me far more than it ever did.
Anyway, off to bed and see if I can shake this off for the week.
My dreams have become very real again recently, long coherent and most life like although they aren't particularly worrying they are extremely realistic and I can wake up imagining that these things have actually happened.
It is a most unusual feeling - sort of not ill, not right, a little light headed and light bodied (if that makes sense) and I wonder if there isn't a little bit of fear in me. There are always terrible thoughts going through my head when I stop to think about things and being wheeled into Theatre is a pretty bad time and so there is a nag going on in there as well - there must be some doubt and I'm guessing it is just the build up of emotions the nearer I get towards the event. There'll be the worrying afterwards, of course until the results are known and who knows, dare I think of having no further maintenance - that would be the best result ever.
As I typed this I thought of what I said about the terrible thoughts and they aren't as bad as they used to be but they are still there. The voices still nag at you and taunt you, your mortality and your equilibrium. I've said many times before that I am far more emotional these days than I ever was before and to stop and think can be almost tearful, certainly a choking feeling and I'm still not strong when it comes to sad stories and tragedy despite dealing with it at work it still shocks and upsets me far more than it ever did.
Anyway, off to bed and see if I can shake this off for the week.
Letter Arrived
Today - a bit bizarre to arrive on a Sunday although it was DHL or TNT or some such.
Pre-Assessment on the 2nd December - Operation on the 9th December. All very clinical stuff these letters :-)
So at least that is all set now. I feel a lot better and worse all at the same time! Oh well soon be over I suppose.
Pre-Assessment on the 2nd December - Operation on the 9th December. All very clinical stuff these letters :-)
So at least that is all set now. I feel a lot better and worse all at the same time! Oh well soon be over I suppose.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
No letter?
I've not had confirmation of my day in Hospital yet? Mind you that is often the case. I suppose if I don't have it by Tuesday I ought to ask as I would need to be assessed on 1st December.
My colleague goes in this Thursday for his operation and then won't be back to work until the New Year and I am guessing that is true from my side too once I go in, in reality I won't be back until the 18th or 19th at the earliest - I will have to see how I am - we tend to close down for the two weeks (almost) over Christmas and the New Year and so the 5th January is realistic for me too.
I am expecting, dare I say it, to be clear again. It will be bitterly disappointing if it is anything different. The next month or so is a no-mans land as I'm still not sure what to expect. This time I am far more confident of the outcome and yet there is still some doubt. It nags at the back of your mind that this, of all cancers, has a nasty habit of coming back. It is treatable but I really could do with getting back to being me and moving on again. No matter what you think this hovers over you all the time and you are faced with (as a friend put it yesterday) FUD - Fear Uncertainty and Doubt.
If the uncertainty goes then perhaps the other two will fade away and I can get on and make some decisions in 2009. Decisions? If things are clear and I have the gift of more time - what am I going to do with it - time that is?
My colleague goes in this Thursday for his operation and then won't be back to work until the New Year and I am guessing that is true from my side too once I go in, in reality I won't be back until the 18th or 19th at the earliest - I will have to see how I am - we tend to close down for the two weeks (almost) over Christmas and the New Year and so the 5th January is realistic for me too.
I am expecting, dare I say it, to be clear again. It will be bitterly disappointing if it is anything different. The next month or so is a no-mans land as I'm still not sure what to expect. This time I am far more confident of the outcome and yet there is still some doubt. It nags at the back of your mind that this, of all cancers, has a nasty habit of coming back. It is treatable but I really could do with getting back to being me and moving on again. No matter what you think this hovers over you all the time and you are faced with (as a friend put it yesterday) FUD - Fear Uncertainty and Doubt.
If the uncertainty goes then perhaps the other two will fade away and I can get on and make some decisions in 2009. Decisions? If things are clear and I have the gift of more time - what am I going to do with it - time that is?
Friday, November 21, 2008
What a week that was
I am now very tired and off to bed - I have no idea how I managed to get through that lot and last night I didn't get home until very late. Tonight I have snoozed on the train and in my chair and I still need to get to bed.
All in all it hasn't been a bad week at all and I am happy that I got through it and managed to get to work every day. Only two weeks to go before the Operation and time is oozing away fast. Tomorrow is going to be interesting as I need to catch up with my studies (again) and get other items finished that are now urgent.
All in all it hasn't been a bad week at all and I am happy that I got through it and managed to get to work every day. Only two weeks to go before the Operation and time is oozing away fast. Tomorrow is going to be interesting as I need to catch up with my studies (again) and get other items finished that are now urgent.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Every day this week
I will have been out every evening this week come Friday. I didn't plan it that way - it has just happened like that.
Someone asked me to help them out - I said yes and suddenly I am up to my eyeballs and beyond with it. Oh well, all in a good cause.
The trouble is I am yawning like crazy so will take myself off to bed and hope for a good night's sleep.
A came to work and took some photos which was great - nice to see her using her particular skill.
As for me - my colleague was back from his awful time. He is having an operation next week and we wont see him until the new year. At least he was in reasonably good spirits despite the fact he has to have a serious operation to come. It isn't a million miles away from a TURBT so I showed him the picture from a few days back which amused him somewhat.
Someone asked me to help them out - I said yes and suddenly I am up to my eyeballs and beyond with it. Oh well, all in a good cause.
The trouble is I am yawning like crazy so will take myself off to bed and hope for a good night's sleep.
A came to work and took some photos which was great - nice to see her using her particular skill.
As for me - my colleague was back from his awful time. He is having an operation next week and we wont see him until the new year. At least he was in reasonably good spirits despite the fact he has to have a serious operation to come. It isn't a million miles away from a TURBT so I showed him the picture from a few days back which amused him somewhat.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
As if to counter the previous comment
I was out with friends and spoke of this concern that I am just turning up and doing day to day (menial tasks).
The rough interpretation was "Why not take the sh1t for a few years? You've worked hard all your life and got ill to prove it, why not take it easy, do the 9 to 5 and retire?"
You can see that at 51 years of age, no mortgage left that it would appeal and yet, I don't have the capability to be a drone - I never have. I wonder what I should be doing in this situation.
I continue to fight with these demons - I ought to be doing good things with all of this and yet to 9 to 5 and take the money isn't my style at all, it isn't in my make up (not mascara and lip stick Flocky Bicep!!).
Too late to moralise now but it needs consideration as I still love the job but the menial sometimes really hacks me off.
The rough interpretation was "Why not take the sh1t for a few years? You've worked hard all your life and got ill to prove it, why not take it easy, do the 9 to 5 and retire?"
You can see that at 51 years of age, no mortgage left that it would appeal and yet, I don't have the capability to be a drone - I never have. I wonder what I should be doing in this situation.
I continue to fight with these demons - I ought to be doing good things with all of this and yet to 9 to 5 and take the money isn't my style at all, it isn't in my make up (not mascara and lip stick Flocky Bicep!!).
Too late to moralise now but it needs consideration as I still love the job but the menial sometimes really hacks me off.
Monday, November 17, 2008
I am not a number
I am a free man. The Prisoner - excellent. No idea what was going on but there you go. It makes as much sense as my day to day these days.
I'm getting the feeling that I am being treated a bit like a clerk. I think I am changing my attitude a bit - I mean I can put my hand to anything but I'm not sure that I really am ready for being employed again. Well not if I'm going to be "clerking" rather than using my 30 years of experience for something a bit more - well - useful.
I'm getting the feeling that I am being treated a bit like a clerk. I think I am changing my attitude a bit - I mean I can put my hand to anything but I'm not sure that I really am ready for being employed again. Well not if I'm going to be "clerking" rather than using my 30 years of experience for something a bit more - well - useful.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Previous Post
I saw that picture on Steve's blog and it still "gets my attention". It is a brilliant piece that only fellow suffers can truly appreciate. The only way to show it any differently would be to have razor blades flying out :-(
If you could put a thousand words and expressions into a picture - that would be it :-)
I am getting myself ready to face another week. It appears that my work colleague may be having something similar (in the same locality) done to him which will take him out for 4 to 6 weeks and with me also going into Hospital and unlikely to get into work until the last few days of the year it could mean that I'll be having a very interesting time indeed in the next few weeks.
I have about 6 weeks work to fit into 3 weeks and that should be interesting. Time is getting booked into my diary and I defy even Stephen Hawkins to be able to sort that out for me!
Oh well, best get ready for the early morning start and see what awaits - I have no idea how I am going to fill in for two people for the next three weeks though :-) On top of University work and work for the Lodges I suddenly realised that I haven't started my yearly newsletters to family or for my researchers of the family name and I haven't even bought a Christmas card or present yet either. EEEEkkkkk!
If you could put a thousand words and expressions into a picture - that would be it :-)
I am getting myself ready to face another week. It appears that my work colleague may be having something similar (in the same locality) done to him which will take him out for 4 to 6 weeks and with me also going into Hospital and unlikely to get into work until the last few days of the year it could mean that I'll be having a very interesting time indeed in the next few weeks.
I have about 6 weeks work to fit into 3 weeks and that should be interesting. Time is getting booked into my diary and I defy even Stephen Hawkins to be able to sort that out for me!
Oh well, best get ready for the early morning start and see what awaits - I have no idea how I am going to fill in for two people for the next three weeks though :-) On top of University work and work for the Lodges I suddenly realised that I haven't started my yearly newsletters to family or for my researchers of the family name and I haven't even bought a Christmas card or present yet either. EEEEkkkkk!
Accepting the situation
I wonder if you are meant to just accept that you get tired and out of condition and all the other baggage that goes along with this?
I seem to be constantly moaning about this that and the other. Not that I was ever a hypercondriac, far from it, I hadn't really been ill in 30 years and couldn't understand how people could get so ill all the time (yes - now I know).
So whilst I am writing in here all the day by day symptoms and side effects it sounds like a constant whinge to me and I don't mean it to be. It occurs to me that there is a way back from all of this and you just have to grind away and work at it all the time to "get back to normal". Perhaps the statement you often hear "life completely changes after diagnosis" is exactly how it is. Everything changes and it doesn't ever return to what it used to be like and that is why they say it!
I am sure of one thing though; I have the luxury of looking back a year and seeing what happened (in fact 2 years). When I look back on how I was a year and then two years ago the progress has been markedly improved, the outlook has gotten better each year. In fact it is funny as it was a year ago the old business self-destructed - looking back now I don't think I have ever seen such a performance where a guy that effectively owned the business told the investors how it was. Utter disbelief around the table as it transpired that the guy was morally corrupt, the business didn't own the product at the core of the service and that there was next to no money in the account. The more amusing thing was there had been a huge launch party 6 months previous and a massive sponsorship deal the day afterwards at a prestigious annual awards party. You couldn't make it up could you :-)
So two years ago - not sure whether the treatment was going to work. One year ago, elated that the treatment had worked and got a clear, but was disappointed with the business I had worked to build betrayed me and the investors. This year, I really should be even more elated that I remain clear and that this could be my last operation coming up.
So to the original note - should I accept the situation that I will be like this ongoing? Of course not, I really find it difficult to have any stability when one day I can "climb Mount Everest" and the next day I can't get out of bed although, having said that, that hasn't happened for a few weeks now! Things aren't as extreme as they were 2 years ago or one year ago. It would be good though if they were to not be part of everyday existence although I'd rather have those than cancer.
Finally, it is probably wrong to ask to be back to normal and not have these niggles as, in the overall scheme of things, others suffer far more than me and I have recovered from BC. Many other people are suffering far worse things in the world and I really should be grateful that I am over the worst and that I am able to tell the tale also that I am allowed to whinge about it. It all seems somehow trivial now I think about it:-)
I seem to be constantly moaning about this that and the other. Not that I was ever a hypercondriac, far from it, I hadn't really been ill in 30 years and couldn't understand how people could get so ill all the time (yes - now I know).
So whilst I am writing in here all the day by day symptoms and side effects it sounds like a constant whinge to me and I don't mean it to be. It occurs to me that there is a way back from all of this and you just have to grind away and work at it all the time to "get back to normal". Perhaps the statement you often hear "life completely changes after diagnosis" is exactly how it is. Everything changes and it doesn't ever return to what it used to be like and that is why they say it!
I am sure of one thing though; I have the luxury of looking back a year and seeing what happened (in fact 2 years). When I look back on how I was a year and then two years ago the progress has been markedly improved, the outlook has gotten better each year. In fact it is funny as it was a year ago the old business self-destructed - looking back now I don't think I have ever seen such a performance where a guy that effectively owned the business told the investors how it was. Utter disbelief around the table as it transpired that the guy was morally corrupt, the business didn't own the product at the core of the service and that there was next to no money in the account. The more amusing thing was there had been a huge launch party 6 months previous and a massive sponsorship deal the day afterwards at a prestigious annual awards party. You couldn't make it up could you :-)
So two years ago - not sure whether the treatment was going to work. One year ago, elated that the treatment had worked and got a clear, but was disappointed with the business I had worked to build betrayed me and the investors. This year, I really should be even more elated that I remain clear and that this could be my last operation coming up.
So to the original note - should I accept the situation that I will be like this ongoing? Of course not, I really find it difficult to have any stability when one day I can "climb Mount Everest" and the next day I can't get out of bed although, having said that, that hasn't happened for a few weeks now! Things aren't as extreme as they were 2 years ago or one year ago. It would be good though if they were to not be part of everyday existence although I'd rather have those than cancer.
Finally, it is probably wrong to ask to be back to normal and not have these niggles as, in the overall scheme of things, others suffer far more than me and I have recovered from BC. Many other people are suffering far worse things in the world and I really should be grateful that I am over the worst and that I am able to tell the tale also that I am allowed to whinge about it. It all seems somehow trivial now I think about it:-)
Did I say tired?
Mmmm
I actually sat down and watched a Laurel and Hardy DVD - one of my set I got for my birthday. Now they aren't everyone's cup of tea but I enjoy watching them in small doses. Of course the trouble is that it is quarter to one in the morning and I am wide awake :-)
I shall turn in and see if I can get some shut eye quickly. I feel wide awake unfortunately.
I actually sat down and watched a Laurel and Hardy DVD - one of my set I got for my birthday. Now they aren't everyone's cup of tea but I enjoy watching them in small doses. Of course the trouble is that it is quarter to one in the morning and I am wide awake :-)
I shall turn in and see if I can get some shut eye quickly. I feel wide awake unfortunately.
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