That's Nice

The University have offered to allow me a 3 week gap to see if I can catch up with my studies. I'll think about that over the weekend. If I can just shake off this cold which has moved to the one deaf ear, hacking cough and sniffy nose stage now, I should be able to get onto that I hope.

What a nuisance, the pressure behind my ear is making it difficult to hear anything at all. I feel like a total wreck at the moment. I can hardly believe that I am like this. If anything I am worse now than I was at the start of the week :-) If I was a Horse, they'd have to shoot me!!

I've finished my preparation work for tomorrow now so I need to go and drug myself up and see if I can get rid of this cold as much as possible for tomorrow's meeting.

I hope all the effort will have been worthwhile. I am sure it will be.

Better but not much better

Now I've got the blocked nose and sore throat and headache from hell. Great :-) I've got lots of talking to do tomorrow in a large hall with about 100 people in it and it would be my luck that I'll have a voice of a shy 5 year old instead of one everyone can hear. Add to that I also have the sneezes - that took me by surprise as I was typing this too. I'm also a bit concerned about the throbbing around my bladder area - it could be palpitations - perhaps it is the bladder flexing to get rid of the other scabs. Whatever it is, it is noticeable and distracting too.

I've whacked some Vitamin C and I am having one of these Max Power Lemon Cold and Flu thingies with added honey. Sore Throat tablets and anything else to soothe my throat also being considered.

Another scab and bits came out this morning, this time more reasonably pea sized like normal.

Today, I'm on tenterhooks awaiting deliveries of toner for my laser printer, binding equipment for my brochures and working out all the other logistics for tomorrow. I'll need to ask the lads to move chairs and things around tomorrow (I must remember not to do that myself).

Damn I feel knocked out and just not right at all. I'm sure it will all be fine tomorrow, it always is, but I could have done without the added problems too.

OMG Ooooooooo YUK!

Oh boy - could it get any worse. Went to the loo about 8 pm and had a long load of debris and blood and bits firing out and thought Oh no! It was horrible and of course a little blood goes a long way when watered down but this was loads of bits and pieces. I thought someone had been up with a Chimney Sweep's broom :-)

About 45 minutes later I went and I kid you not, the scab must have been the size of Wembley Stadium. Oh alright then, a bit smaller than that about the size of a 10p piece (size of a Dollar US) I'm guessing, no more blood but hell, if they cut bits that large into me no wonder I feel beaten up.

I've been on the drugs all day for colds and Flu and back into a warm bed in a moment to see if I can sweat the rest out. Sore throat, sneezes and coughs - I'm being paid back for the past couple of years of being cold free I guess :-)

I can't believe this - I'm so unfit at the moment.

Everything I've touched today has turned to poo

I have had "one of those days" today. The Printer gave out, suddenly I'm expected to sort out the Table Plan for Saturday - as if I haven't got enough to do on the day. In addition to that, they can't find my next day delivery that should have been here on Tuesday and can't even tell me where it is until tomorrow which will be too late by then.

I then found that my Laptop hard drive (I bought a new one for it) isn't compatible and then I knocked my coffee all over my desk and the floor of my office!!

On top of that I sent a note quitting the University Course I was doing as there was no way I was going to manage to finish that with all the impromptu stuff going on as well.

I'm just mighty hacked off with everything at the moment.

What else could possibly go wrong

Well, how about my laser printer for one. It gave up the ghost about 10 minutes ago just as I was trying to complete a run of brochures. That has left me about 30 short of the target number. It is just the cartridge but what a nuisance.

I'm feeling - well, to put not so fine a turn on it - sweaty - I've been sweating this cold/Flu, whatever, out these past few nights and I am now also steaming away inside my jumper and tee shirt. Hopefully I'll get rid of the damn cold thing as I want to be fit for this weekend.

End of a Day I'd rather forget

Mind you I did get stacks of things done but I still feel like poo and I have this irritating cough that sends a shudder through my chest and stomach and groin which is really uncomfortable.

I need to see where I am with things tomorrow morning if I can realistically get my work done by Friday night I will try but I am losing hope of ever catching up now. There is just so much to do that I am not certain I can fit it all in.

I also need to work out what I am going to say in my talk on Saturday night - I haven't even written that yet!! I need to have a flexible talk to do anything from 5 to 15 minutes. It is all again a bit of a rush and didn't need to be as I was going to do this last May and didn't actually do it until last week!!

Back to clear again

Back to clear this time which is a relief - I guessed it wasn't a problem but you never know with these things.

I have dosed myself up with cold and flu remedies and will be taking it very easy again tonight. I was going to go off to the Jazz night but couldn't face the cold or the possibility of making this cold any worse than it already is.

I've managed to finish off most of the brochures for the weekend. I am getting a final proof read done and can then assemble them.

Nothing like

A stream of bloody urine to grab your attention is there???

I'm guessing all this coughing and racking my body has dislodged one of the scabs. It wasn't just a scab it was a full on flow for a short while and then afterwards went clear.

Shudder!!! It brings back many worrying memories but I'm certain this is OK and it just means all the scabs are coming away now. I just need to make sure I don't do anything silly whilst that happens.

What on earth was that?

I went out with two friends yesterday to have a few beers and lunch and to edit and review the documents I need to print off for Saturday.

I was really surprised to find that when I got home, I sat down and went into a Flu like series of shivering, hot and cold, headache, legs like lead, sore throat. Where on earth did that come from. I've dosed myself up with drugs and gone to bed and sweated most of it out during a very uncomfortable night's sleep. I still have some of the symptoms in a minor way but it did take me by surprise.

I was going to venture out tonight but it is so cold and I don't want this cold to get worse. What a nuisance.

I think I have also resigned myself to having to give up my course. I just don't have the time to catch up and I haven't been able to give it the concentration and attention that I should do. I will discuss that later this afternoon and probably give that up. It isn't what I wanted but I have been so low with this set of tests and over Christmas and the New Year that I would need to make a supreme effort to catch up and I just don't feel up to it.

Changed Date

I thought so. I sent off an e-mail querying the date for the Out Patients Appointment as late February really did seem too far away.

New appointment is next Monday (will I ever get back to work?) late morning. So at least by this time next week I will know which way the land lies and what the next steps are going to be.

A bit of trepidation around that meeting but maybe I'll find out a bit more about what went on and of course, the answer to the most important question of all - is it clear?

Well you certainly got my attention

Steve K and I have mentioned that awful moment you do your first Pee after biopsies or Peek and Poke and it is as if you are p1ssing Razor Blades or fire.

Well in this case I believe they took this a little too far. We used to say "only in America", but it can now also apply to Australia :-) Enjoy....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7812875.stm

Ventured Out

It is very slippery out on the roads and pavements and a couple of friends very kindly picked my up and dropped me back from the Lodge of Instruction meeting tonight. I have to say that I was really worried walking on the slippery surfaces. However, I managed OK and it was good to get out. I felt a bit cumbersome having to keep getting in and out of my Chair and walking around but I will be alright by Saturday. I need to set myself that target at least!.

I broke the back of one of the documents today and hope to complete the rest tomorrow. I still have lots of little bits to do but must get on with my course work as well. I feel that my time management skills really will come into play tomorrow! They need to.

Oh nuts

Nothing like giving yourself a bit of pressure is there? I just rechecked my assignment dates and they aren't the 15th January when I thought they were they are this Friday - the 9th. GULP. Guess who hasn't even started doing the lesson let alone the assignment.

Damn. I'd better get my arse in gear for that.

On a brighter note, thank goodness I didn't go for today to have the Operation. Knowing what I know now I'd have been lucky to have made it for this weekend's big show. Mind you I might have got my assignment done on time.

No need to panic quite yet - tomorrow morning will do for that :-)

In a Way

Thank goodness I decided not to go to work this morning. We have a thin layer of snow and ice and one slip and I'd no doubt have felt that all the way. I'm still not right. Funnily enough at least my mind is clearer than it has been for ages and I don't have that "heavy head" any longer. My stomach still feels like it needs a few weeks toning to get back to normal. I cannot fit into my ordinary trousers as they feel too tight and that's nothing to do with Christmas either as I haven't eaten huge quantities of food.

I just hope that I can get fit quickly enough to get back to work and to get Saturday out of the way. Also that I can sit at my desk for a little longer than I can now. I can do about 1 1/2 hours at a time now but even then that is pushing it.

Getting Somewhere Now

Thank goodness that I felt good enough and I actually got on and did some work today. A good run at this tomorrow and I'll be happy as I might get to knock this out in time for the weekend. I need to produce about 100 booklets of about 20 pages each.

I also need to do another booklet which is far easier as it is an A4 folded in half, again about 100 of those.

So I'm pleased with the progress and it has been good to sit down and concentrate on just getting this sorted out.

I've passed a few more scabs and bits tonight and so at least the inside of my much beaten up bladder must be getting better and back to what it considers to be normal.

I am beginning to feel better and hope that a few more days convalescing will have me sorted out and to get me back to some semblance of normality.

Better but some pay back

I managed to go to the party and survive although standing on my feet for the best part of 4 hours has played havoc with my back and so I am resting in my chair with my feet up but also with the laptop so that I can continue to work. Additionally I've started passing the odd scab when going to the toilet. That is to be expected at about two weeks and isn't a cause for alarm although it doesn't sound or is, in fact, pleasant. It is a good thing in a way as I can gauge that I am getting better and can start to do more active things without the worry of starting to bleed again.

At least today I have made a decision not to go to work tomorrow and I feel for the rest of the week. If I am honest with myself, I am not up to it and I'd rather sort this out now than go to work and set myself back as I have managed to do in the past.

I've got so much of a backlog of work built up that I must tackle this starting today and somehow I need to work out a way of getting it all done by the end of the week. I like a challenge - obviously...

Living Beyond Cancer

This is a good UK resource but I reckon as applicable as anywhere else. Interesting that Neil, aged 51, same age as me, felt victimised in his workplace. I felt that people took a very different view of me after diagnosis. Click on the image to go to the site.

About Time Too

At last someone is doing something about the other side of cancer not just the treatment.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7752247.stm

Rip Van Winkle

Yes - another 12 hours sleeping and I generally have another 1 to 2 hours in the afternoon too. It is getting kind of strange that I should be this knocked out but then again, perhaps the body is repairing itself. It makes you wonder what on earth they did to me.

It is a friend's 50th party today so I was left to cook some of the cocktail sausages this morning. That surprisingly easy task has left me tired too. What a wimp :-)

At least I don't have all the heavy headed cold symptoms anymore to contend with. Mind you, can I cope with a night out again?

I'm also seriously toying with not going back to work on Monday - I really cannot see myself being ready for that by then. I cannot sit at my desk for longer than about an hour at the moment - what chance of a full day at work?

What the hell did they do to me?

I have to ask quite what they did to me this time. I know they've told me before that as these are biopsies they tend to do a belt and braces approach to the samples and dig far deeper than they would if scraping off a layer or two of cells when doing a TURBT.

But hey guys, I shouldn't be feeling this beaten up almost 2 weeks on? Whether they cut deep, bent me into shapes that aren't normal, strapped me upside down or whacked me with a massive General Anaesthetic only they will ever know I suppose.

I can't believe how lethargic I am, how weak and just washed out.

There is another explanation someone floated. It's like the end of a long race, like a Marathon and you've crossed the line and now you are exhausted and catching your breath. That is another explanation that is plausible. I can see that when you get to the end (or supposed end) of something like this you let your guard down and succumb to fatigue or something like it. It's almost like that - utterly knackered :-)

Anyway - I look back to my last few weeks of posts and find that I am bleating on about how rubbish I feel but other people are far worse off than me. I need to get a grip on this - I'm beginning to turn into a whinger and I don't like that.