That hit the nail on the head

The Kindle is rather good - I have it set to deliver some newspapers and one of the joys of a Sunday used to be getting a couple of Sunday Papers and then spending the rest of the week reading them. Having them delivered electronically is a bit bizarre I know but there was an article in the Observer HERE that caught my eye. Bill Oddie, who may not be known outside of the UK was a mainstay of my younger life when he starred in the Goodies a quite surreal (at times) and often slapstick weekly series that has (sadly) never been repeated - these guys were pretty much superstars in their day. They all went on to other things and are still writing and in radio shows etc. Bill Oddie became a TV naturalist and whilst things like Springwatch and Autumnwatch may have their place in light entertainment - I actually wasn't convinced that Oddie and his co-presenter actually got on well together especially as if you doubled Kate's brain cell count it would have made 10. Bill disappeared a while ago suffering from Depression.

What on earth has this got to do with me and this blog you may rightly ask??

Well it was because this leapt off the page at me "It would be silly to pretend my mind is at rest. Last year was the worst of my life. It destroyed my confidence and identity."

That really stuck with me. I was talking to my Mum earlier today and saying that for the first time in years I actually feel really well, I'm getting things back into some sort of order, I'm getting myself fixed up and doing all those things that for 4 years (at least) I haven't done. Things just got put on hold, stuff I should have done hasn't been. When I look back and beyond the 4 years (you may recall that in hindsight I felt I had been ailing for a while before) I see that I just switched down all activities other than what was immediately important. A bit like the words with the dentist earlier in the week - it hasn't been on my list of things to get done until now. Suddenly life is more back on track and this week has been full on and productive and, dare I say it, optimistic.

A new optimism and a new outlook and I am absolutely certain that whilst I always portrayed things in a positive light, was able to see the funny side and be quite brutally honest (most of the time) that in reality, I was far more depressed and certainly, like Bill Oddie, had lost my identity and a fair amount of my confidence too. I know these are different illnesses but this is why that leapt of the page at me. Denial (not a river in Egypt btw) is perhaps too much of a word for it but certainly how about deflection and illusion maybe?

What I realised as I read this was that it suddenly answered some of those questions and here I am being so much more upbeat than I have been for ages. Actually tackling things that I left 4 years ago - head on - like these accounts Ii haven't completed (and it is only a few hours job). The will wasn't there, the belief wasn't there and neither was the energy or the confidence to tackle them. Along with many other things I'd rather not do something than do it. I'd rather talk about doing it but then not do it. My University thing was part of that - I needed it to prove I could do it and it was easier to not complete it (even given how ill I was) than to try and catch up. Now I could have knuckled down and have done that - then - I didn't have the drive, certainly not the energy and, as strange a sit may seem, my brain would not have coped with it. Now I feel I can work with all my brain, most of the physical energy I have and things like concentration and stamina are really good. I don't have the tired spells any more and feel what I guess is about 80% fit but certainly much much much better than I have for 6 or 7 years I think.

I feel for Bill Oddie and the results of his illness just resounded with the sort of stuff that now I look back at, realise I have been through.

I'm actually pleased, in an strange way, that I have been through these things, these "tests" if you will, that I've had a bit of a stare at the dark side and that I've had to work my way out of the abyss that was requesting the pleasure of my company. Why? I think that the experience and the lessons I've learnt can only help to serve me (and others perhaps) better for the future. Age and experience - that's what I've got now and if I can call on the experiences properly it can only make me stronger.

That's enough for a Sunday - back to the papers - or the eReader should I say.

Accounts and Stuff

What a week that was - chaos and I don't normally like chaos but it was caused through needing to get involved in logos and design work, web design, copy-writing and other such stuff. My Kindle feels like it is weeks old and yet I've only had it 4 days. What a great little asset that is. At the moment I am using one of the experimental features - an MP3 player which is running in the background whilst I work. I've worked downstairs all this week to give myself a break from the Office and that appears to have worked as I have also been distraction free but the downside? I've worked every night into the early hours apart from last night where I consciously took the laptop in to the lounge, and watched a couple of movies. I'm listening to Yann Tierson and music from Goodnight Lenin and Amelie as well as Ennio Moricone and the film score to the Legend of 1900 - a great film.

Yesterday I went to see the Dentist. My jaw is a little aching today through one of my teeth being in not particularly good shape - but I knew that. The plan is pretty extensive and in two weeks time I'll go and get a couple of fillings and I need to make up my mind about some root canal work on one tooth and an extraction on another. I have a couple of others to be sorted out as well but at least I will finally get around to sorting this lot out. "How long since you were last here?" "4 years and 3 months". "That's pretty precise", "Well as you can see that is about a month before I got Bladder Cancer". "I wasn't sure if having great teeth would be much use if I was pushing up daisies!" "I can see that"

He was very nice and went through all the things that were needed and described what was going to happen pretty well and so I got the plan and now all I need to do is go and sort out that sort of money - pretty expensive stuff.

I'm finishing off a series of accounts, again mainly held up due to a series of unfortunate incidents which I can trace back to being ill. Like having to take over as Treasurer from someone who was leaving and then wondering after 2 or so years where the Statements from the bank were and having to sort out the "fact" that despite accepting my signature and me going in and out of the bank paying stuff in etc - they didn't have me down as the owner of the account!!! Great - so now I have that sorted and have enough statements (and an on-line account) I can go back and check and reconcile my records with the bank statements which allows me to present the accounts to the Auditors. What a nightmare - anyway - glad to see my record keeping was pretty good and it all appears to balance.

So finishing that off at the moment and then see what else I need to sort out as next week is busy as you like. My Dad's 80th Birthday on Thursday too.

Wow where did the week go to?

I have been setting a blistering pace this week but getting to bed in the wee hours of the morning will take their toll if I keep that up. The trouble is once I get "into" something I have to keep at it. Today I did 10 hours straight on our business architecture and set-up. Additionally I had a number of conversations about our business cards which look great, our Letterhead which looks a lot whiter than I thought it would :-) and other design stuff.

Tomorrow I have the dubious pleasure of visiting the Dentist. My least favourite job of all time and yet, you know, I reckon that it is nothing much after what I've been through these past 4 1/4 years. I mean its not as if he is about to ram something up my nether regions - well I hope not. I've specified a check up as after 4 1/4 years we need to catch up on my medication and my situation and then he needs to see the recent damage. It isn't going to be a one off visit and will need some planning I guess. Anyway - will see what he recommends and then have to go and get some cash moved to pay for it all I guess :-)

I also realised that I wrote the Web Site specification last night too. Blimey I've been busy. We have now got to that point where almost everything is coming together. The research is mainly done, deliverables from 3rd parties are due this next week or so and the planning and background work has been worth it as we can get a proper move on towards finalising business plans and financial forecasts. All exciting stuff but tempered with caution with some of the rumblings on the economy... Let's hope that it isn't as bad as some say it is.

Well I had better finish off this, convert some more books for my Kindle - which surprises every day - I had a newspaper delivered on it this morning. As I turned it on, so the Newspaper arrived ready for me to read over my morning coffee. How cool is that?

Better steer clear of Garlic and Onions - I don't want to give the Dentist a hard time - hopefully he won't give me one then :-)

Kindle Day

My Kindle arrived around 9 am which was great as I could get it booted up and charged, connected to my WiFi and downloading my first batch of books. I've been busy for days converting my existing books so they can go on and that was pretty painless.

The Kindle itself is great, brilliant technology and it sure helps not being backlit and makes it easy on my eyes. I'm just having it read to me whilst I do this - neat.

The business will take a big step forward tomorrow as we should settle the Logo and fonts to be used. Next week we hope that we will actually get to the delivery of the 60 second drill from our sales and marketing guy. He said it was hard - blimey - I could have told him that - I've been at it for 18 months or more :-) and 3 or 4 months now full time.

well this time I need to get to bed - leaving the converter running on a 50Mb conversion job. Some of my books are that large and a couple of thousand pages - it takes a fair amount of processing power to convert them.

Feeling a little jaded after hitting the exercise bike today and recording what for me are very low blood pressure readings. I did feel somewhat light headed as I finished and at 105 over 70 I was not surprised. I've started to lose weight again, just a pound down this week but my trousers are falling off my waist and I've noticed that some of the bulk around waist and neck have gone. I'm hoping to get back to a more regular regime but working the hours I do I am sure I am burning up calories just doing that.

To Tweet or to Twitter or whatever

Well I signed up for a Twitter Account today - mainly for the new business but suddenly got engrossed in the buzz that is Twitter. The business logos were flying around everywhere today and it got really amazing as we got more excited and animated about our logo, our mission statement and all that. Added to that - I managed to finish off 5 years accounts all in one day, get everything filed and sorted and lord knows, I can get that lot verified and sorted out. Here's the rub - I should have done them in June 2006 to start with which was just before I got diagnosed with "Der Big C". That can now be sorted - I knew I'd kept the record properly and once I sorted the paperwork out, verified it was correct and filled in the right columns the whole thing just clicked into place (balance sheets do just what the name suggests). I then ran that on and 5 years accounts were sorted.

I was frightened to hear how much unemployment is out there at the moment. A number of my friends are close to closing their businesses as a direct result of the spending freeze by the new Government. This moratorium is killing all the little businesses that actually prop up the bigger companies and it is really hitting home. Schools and Hospitals that were planned are stopped, no money for them. The arguments about the contracts etc., will go on for years but an industry looks to be lying in ruins from what I heard tonight. The trouble is, it is the people who voted for this Government that appear to have taken a pounding. I hope it isn't as bad as it was painted tonight but my friend, who I've know for getting on 37 years or so now is in trouble as well as his market has faded away. It is all the more worrying as he is one of the top in his field. Also saw my other friend who is hoping that his training next week leads to some decent employment. It appears to me to be the experienced people who are now deemed too old and to expensive are getting hit. I don't want to go there with that argument here but it is a spreadsheet manager's decision. I used to surround myself with older more experienced people because they'd protect me and give me sound advice and I'd get more out of them for less effort and I'd get less trouble on my jobs with an old hand doing it.

I'm glad I am out of that construction area business and in the IT world. Even that is seeing a change in dynamics but, I like to think that an old dog, such as I, can chart a way through all of that.

Do you know what? I feel like I am really getting back to my fit and healthy self at last. Having worked through those accounts and been quite busy with the other business stuff, I felt really good and massively confident and suddenly back on my game. I began to believe in myself again today.

Tomorrow is special (oooooppppps - later today it is late again!) as I get my hands on my Kindle from Amazon - I am really quite excited about the prospect as at last I will have something designed to let me read these technical books and journals without being connected to my laptop which being back lit and wide screen really isn't conducive to achieving that.

Long Post

Yesterday's was a long post - just a load of ramblings but it was a bit of a mind dump and probably needed to get it out of my head and onto - well - paper - albeit electronic paper.

Speaking of electronic paper I finally got my despatch notice for my Kindle which should be with me on Tuesday. Here's hoping that it actually does. It's an e-reading device and I am hoping that it is going to help me to read some of my existing ebooks - it is meant to be easier on the eye as it uses a display called e-ink which is completely different to backlit displays. It can be read out in the open. All of my technical books may then at last be viewable to me and easy on my eyes.

I've been quite good today and although I've been on my PC I have steered clear of work itself.

I have been looking at some of the accounts I need to get settled in the next few weeks. I'm pretty pleased that they are in good order but I need a little longer to sort them out for auditing. Hopefully they will come together as good as they look now. I've kept the records really well but it is ensuring that the balance sheets actually show the right figures when I bring them in.

The biggest change

Is that what's important to me these days isn't important to my friends and family. Not that it should be of course, everyone has their life to live. I'm still not quite up to the bit where I want to do the world cruise or do some outrageous things. What will be will be and in the interim I am pursing my particular dream and seeing if this project will deliver a living for say the next 5 years which will kind of do me. If I can turn a few bucks, sick some of that away I have plenty of things Ii want to do and that will keep me amused for quite a while I hope - if I'm spared that time of course.

Now this all sounds a bit strange you may say? I was out with Flocky for a mid day curry - we were the only ones in the restaurant and the food was excellent and the service was of course exemplary. Now we are both, more or less, in the situation where our high flying crazy, work all hours, burn yourself out culture of work has resulted in the two of us taking a different view on life, work and all that. Whilst I may have come out of over 2 years in the Charity, I would never have lasted there because I come from corporate life where it's all about economies, smart ways of working, change and having really good productive people. So I've opted for something that at the moment is intellectually challenging and if we get finance will be physically challenging too. However, my choice and it could never be like the way I used to work years ago.

So trying to get back on track here. I find that so many people are getting stressed out working and taking it all so seriously (OK the market is bad, the economy is rubbish and the way work is these days is stressful enough). However, getting ill really does stop you and make you ask the question of whether or not you are enjoying this thing that takes so much of your time. Ask you why there are all the petty little things that go along with and all that. Is it all worth it? Are yo doing the right thing? Can you stop or alter your life and actually go and live a little.

I've been mulling just that - I'd like to go do something else, I'd like to spend some time with my family and friends but everyone is so busy that they really can't afford that time. It seems that the attitude that it isn't that important, that nobody died, that I tend to have is not the way non-cancer, non serious illness sufferers look at things. A bit like the terminally ill lung cancer patient continuing to smoke - sort of what's the point of giving up? Indeed! But there is the other view, a very personal one. The euphoria of surviving it - like me I know the years and months and almost the days and hours if I thought about it from first symptoms to here I am. The joy of living is suddenly a different thing. I suppose nothing, not even a close family member or friend dying actually prepares you for your ultimate destination? I mean it isn't something the average person thinks much about.

One of the guys in the Lodge, 62, wandering along the High Street, heart attack and was dead before he hit the pavement (side walk). That's it, there's no second chance, no goodbye, nothing. Walked out of the door, down the road and no one saw him alive again. I bet people were saying, I didn't get to say "so and so" to him blah, blah, blah. It is the nature of these things. They describe it as tragic. Everyone regrets something about a tragedy.

I feel the need to be doing things today so that if anything happens in the future there won't be regrets or what ifs but only me - no one else gets it (well probably not true - some people I know will get it - guess what we've got in common?).

A life lived. I doubt I could claim to have that but everyone makes a difference one way or the other. Sometimes you hear of these lives where people have done amazing things and I'm not interested in that either. I just want the remaining time I have left of which I don't know how much that may be to have some sort of meaning or celebration or experience to it. Given the circumstances behind my bladder cancer I'm not ruling out some other such occurrence before I turn my toes up. All I want to do is to spend some time doing enjoyable things but most of these are met by a reason it can't be achieved. A weekend away, a holiday or short break, a trip out somewhere. Something to do, somewhere to spend some time together. Oh well, maybe the answer is to go do it myself or find someone who fancies joining me on some of these things.

Well that all looks a bit jumbled up, I think it means the same as some of my earlier postings. You change, no one else does and you can't expect them to. They just need to get over it. Either that or I'm just changed so much that I'm not the person they knew before I had the experience. Whatever it is, it kind of shows that cancer does more than getting a broken leg or a heavy cold. I've come out of it changed in so many ways that I tend to forget how difficult it is for others to deal with my view of the world. It changes the dynamics of your relationships, your family life changes quite a bit, I know now that everyone was sh1t scared but they never told me - I suppose you wouldn't do that.

It has made me a much nicer person (some people would have difficulty remembering how I was before this all blew up) I'm not sure I liked myself very much in those days and yet I do feel that I was coming down with something for a few years leading up to diagnosis. I lost the job I'd always desired but that doesn't matter either now - it's all experience, stuff I bring to bear these days for helping people and whilst I still have a major problem with fools and idiots (I have a very low threshold for people who are stupid. Stupid and Ignorant really gets me going!) I get on with people a lot better and generally feel I've come a long way now to being a more patient, all around good guy.

I think it is difficult to articulate this without it sounding wrong but let me see if I can try it. A friend of mine told me that he didn't want to live on his own as he didn't want to die alone. How sad is that statement? I'm seriously considering whether that would worry me or not? I'm an INTJ I can go for days without needing to say anything to anyone if I want to. My public face and who I am are completely different and so I think it would work OK. if I need to see anyone there are coffee shops, pubs and all sorts of distractions. I think what I'm saying is that I just want to please myself and be selfish, do what I want to do, when I want to do it and not be held back by external forces and limitations that are not of my doing, not in my control and that, perhaps, may finally settle where I want to go and what I want to do. I'm as tired of my home life as I was of working at the charity. Like the place is full of nice people but the word dynamic just got cut out of the dictionary when they joined. Not all of them there are a couple of good ones there as there is here. I feel I should be doing more with my life than routine and imprisonment by factors outside of my control. By imprisonment it means that I naturally wish to involve people in my plans. I will, I notice, not do things myself if they cannot join in. Perhaps, I take control and just go and do them myself it may clear my head and my conscience too.

Thrash Thrash, Bish, Bash, Bosh

I am going to have some "ME" time today. I cannot believe the amount of work I've put in this week. Not all of that work has been productive (thanks to some flaky software).

I spoke to the dentist who can see me next Friday. I expect a damning report and multiple visits to be the outcome as to be fair, I've neglected a number of things as they just never made it to my list of things to get done.

I should be going to a large meeting this morning but to tell the truth - I just can't be bothered to go. I actually need to walk up the road and get some stuff for this cut tongue caused by a tiny sharp edge on my tooth! This meting, when it is down at Margate is good fun as we go for the weekend. Last year we came back from South Wales on the Friday Night and drove down to Margate the next morning. We had a good nigh out on the Saturday too. However, I can't say Bromley has the same draw for me and for the first time in I guess 10 years I haven't gone. Mind you none of my mates could make it and I'd be hanging around on my Jack Jones pretending to be Bill Nomates.

Flocky is at school this morning and so he and I may go out and have a curry at lunch time or perhaps something else. We haven't decided yet.

I still need to spend some time this weekend working as I have some accounts to resolve and get straight for Monday night. As usual time has caught up with me. It is almost the end of September - suddenly everything re-starts and I'm back to sorting out these accounts. If I spend some time doing them this weekend perhaps I can ensure that they are under tighter control this coming year. Finally we managed to move our classes of instruction tooa more reasonably priced venue and so the problems I've had balancing the books should go away this year. It is more the issue of negative balance sheets that are plaguing me actually making a loss for two years just messes the books up horribly. Everything comes back together this year so that will be a major improvement.

Oh No

I've done it again - it's Friday morning already and I'm sat here thrashing away at work and other stuff. I managed to find the bug in the software - it took hours and I wasn't best pleased when I found out it was another "feature" in Word 2007 that crashes my application or doesn't allow me to save properly when background saving (which is a default setting) is turned on. I like many users of MS products often use CTRL S every few minutes to save out work out of bitter (and twisted) experience.

My business partner just got back from a short break and he and I caught up a number of times today on the company business, logos, business plans and all that stuff. The problem then arose that I also had some other calls to make and so I made those, then Mrs. F. arrived and asked me whether I'd seen the letters that needed posting on the table? Ermmm - no - but I would have posted them if she'd have asked. Then she gave me the copies of the logo designs that her colleagues had critiqued - great. Then she asked me whether I'd rung the dentist. No I'd do it now - unfortunately they are shut - it was 6 pm and I'd been at it all day apart from a few coffees and some soup at lunch time!!!

Tomorrow - well later today actually I need to sort it out. The days are just blurring and I'm beginning to get back into 14 to 16 hour days - its good stuff as I'm just working on getting stuff out of my head and onto paper. It's incredibly exciting (to me) as things and ideas are crystallising and all the work we have done in the past three years is paying dividends. When I look back at the documents we produced before we actually incorporated the company - you can see that all that effort has paid off in spades.

The trouble is - it is like a Tsunami and the ideas just keep coming and my fingers aren't typing as fast as my mind is working and worse than that - it is coming out in sections but not a single document at a time - no not me - what did you expect? I am parallel working on the business plan, the finances, the marketing and sales plan and the competitive analysis. Well they are all linked but it just shows that things are hotting up and to add to that I've had to drop a line to the Tax man and deal with the Logo and arrange some meetings next week the whole day feels like a blur.

Right - off to bed.... Or Else :-)

Ouch

Sharp edged broken tooth - sore tongue, difficult to eat or drink and what a wally I am, I didn't ring the dentist - when I remembered it was out of hours. Such has been my day that its just been phone calls, emails, all sorts of things happening. I got a fair bit done but had the usual PC woes, downloads that faltered half way through, programme updates that didn't - update that is and caused major fault on my PC requiring a re-boot. I must call the dentist tomorrow...

Mind you, it is pretty impressive that I've been bashing away despite all of this. I managed to go do some exercise after I realised what the time was.

Crazy days - damn technology - if the truth be know I ought to get a new PC sorted out at some point in time as this one is really struggling with the latest software. Ho hum...

Stormed through the day but

Ooops - I need to get to see my dentist. I haven't been for ages and I've cracked a tooth and I know what that means so - best get an appointment for that.

Mixed reactions to the logos for the company - not unexpectedly really as there are so many to choose from and having an international audience throws a lot of spanners in the works as logos really are different to different cultures. Mrs. F. is taking them in for the Nursery School teachers to have a look at tomorrow. Both daughters chose similar logos but even they differed over their favourite. Luckily I have a foot in both camps as I like both of their favourites.

The web site design too got some admiring glances and we really are pleased with it so far.

I'm thrashing through the Business Plan and the Sales and Marketing Plan. I've had to switch away from MS Word as it keeps crashing (even though it assures me it isn't its fault and has repaired itself). I'm using Open Office which does what I want it to do and probably just as well if the truth be known. How anyone can put Office 2007 out in the wild and lose my ability to dictate to it I'll never know - apparently a 'feature' where do they get their ideas from - after having trianed my system to know my voice and to be happily dictating and then to upgrade so they can take that away??? Who thinks this stuff out - they walk amongst us and probably procreate too! Is there any chance for Planet Earth I ask myself?

I missed exercise tonight but for a nice reason. I have changed my Skype Handle to say "So you see, the best way to be happy, is to make the other person happy." — Dalai Lama

An old colleague and friend - we worked together 13 years ago on this huge Global Project that took me off around Europe for about 6 months or more, fired off a text and we exchanged pleasantries. He is a lovely guy, French Canadian and is now living in Paris (where he used to love) via Zurich. His boys are both 2 years older than my girls and have gone back to Montreal to University. He has the brain the size of a planet and was always very rude about my French :-) He said I spoke very slowly and deliberately and therefore sounded a "bit slow" by that I think he meant of low intelligence. It was very funny though when he realised that I understood French far more than I ever let on. Having both English and French as his language he absolutely adored Monty Python especially "Holy Grail" and it was funny to hear him mimic John Cleese "Your farther was an 'amster and your mother smelt of elderberries!" Brilliant such wonderful memories I learnt SO MUCH on that job, having to deal with people from all over the world. Happy days. Although they are much happier looking back.

The funniest thing was that they wanted a "Hard, tough, scarred Project Manager who knew his way around and would get things done!" Everyone wants one of those until you start ripping people new ar*eholes and then suddenly they don't like it. Mind you we got the job done, on time, on budget and the best specifications and designs they had ever seen, everyone learnt something good. Nearly everyone has gone on to bigger and better things too.

Exercise Nailed

Yes - finally I gave myself some time today to get back to the exercise regime and pounded out 5kM as an opener. I'm really struggling to keep my trousers on as well much to everyone's merriment I look like one of those kids with their underpants showing above their jeans belt.

Hopefully my new belt will arrive tomorrow as I broke my old one which I must have had for 20 years - good old trusty belt that was too!! There is a good 2" gap now around my trousers and jeans which is really encouraging me to greater exertion and a renewed vigour to get my weight right down.

We did have Sunflower Seeds in the larder (not pine nuts) along with Pumpkin seeds and now I've added mixed nuts, Brazils included which adds to my dried prunes, figs and apricots. For a treat I got some yoghurt covered raisins too - MMmmmm.

So things continue apace and the logos are in for the company and all is excitement as we work our way through them. There are insufficient hours in the day and I have lots of reading to do. I was completely daunted at one of the reports I need to work through as it is heaving it at over 125 pages. I've an electronic shelf full of these to get through all of which are market reports both of the UK, Europe, US and World markets. Additionally, all the Government papers and lobbying stuff about Digital Inclusion. It has to be done to back up the work we are doing.

I just need to find the 48 hour day that's all :-) I'm pretty good about things though, now I have my strength sort of back although nowhere near pre cancer days it has to be said, I am able to work quite hard at this but I do know my limitations and can tell when I've had enough and need to rest.

I'll be doing another hour and then calling it a day today as there are some things I need to clear up and as my PC was misbehaving I need to set some background tasks to work overnight whilst I am asleep.

Exercise still sucks but it least I am back on the case again. I just need to make sure that I get back into the habit!

Frustrating Technology Day

Again, I find that the technology just lets me down when I need it the most it is just a pain and I have been trying to do some research today and get to grips with the huge amount of data available. I need to convert this to read on my Kindle when that arrives and I have a PC Kindle reader so that I can get stuck into some of the technology reading I have to do. The converter seized up and needed a reboot but that took out the whole PC, then Firefox did something bizarre and I had to reboot once again. It is just such a nuisance that I can't just get on and get things done.

the stuff I am working on will actually cure that. Great excitement today as the first graphics have hit the email system - they all look great and our web site design looks pretty good too. Now to decide what we like and what we want to do. It's all great stuff and great fun. The journey is beginning to get really exciting now as we get identity and then we can really crack on with getting ourselves in front of people and releasing what we are about. All we need is a few £ Million, so if you have a bit of spare cash send it over :-) I've probably broken every rule in the book saying that so ignore it :-)

I'm having a bit more fun trying to get my 36 years experience into two sentences :-) A bit difficult I have to say - but it will happen, like so many things that we do, we just make it happen.

I'm wondering whether to have a 5 year survival party next year. Just go out and do something to record and celebrate the 5 year statistic. They measure this sort of thing when you look at survival rates so 5 years is a nice milestone to achieve and to celebrate.

I need to share this with you

Oh dear, I nearly wet myself laughing at this post from Steve in the US. Those of you who know me understand my sense of humour (humor) can be black, surreal and downright silly, well Steve's post managed to tickle the funny bone and had me laughing until I cried.

It might be a Cancer survivors thing, we are allowed to laugh amongst ourselves and you can join the club if you've had cancer because you know that your doing it for the right reasons. I saw someone try and do it who had no link whatsoever and frankly it fell flat and wasn't funny. I don't suppose their audience actually got it either - you have to "do it right". Anyway, Steve hit the nail on the head with this post and whilst it sounds strange that something as bizarre as having BCG shoved into your bladder may appear funny. To those of us that have had it done, you have to take every opportunity to "joke your way through".

Consider my episodes and a few of the one-liners that happened. I take a pair of stress balls into the room so that I can concentrate on squeezing the hell out of those and keeping my arms and body still whilst they stick a catheter into me. Of course, your exposed from the waist down to do this and "David, you may want to give your balls a squeeze now!" wasn't quite what I thought she meant :-) How we laughed, her longer than I as I had a catheter and treatment going on whilst trying not to laugh too much. I remember explaining to one of the Urology Nurses that I felt certain that she had probably seen and handled my "wedding equipment" more times than my wife - well I'd find that a funny thing to say!

However, as I said, you probably need to be in the situation to get the joke. I managed to wear my "I'm Not Dead Yet!" T-Shirt last week as I found it again after it had got its way to the far end of the wardrobe... Not everyone gets it of course.

That's two weeks (or is it three)

Without exercise and I need to do something about that now. I've done nothing but work and so I've kept weight down through burning off through my own single mindedness here at the PC.

I need to do something about that - I've not put on any weight but neither have I lost any either. I want to lose some more and I'm only going to do that by burning off the excess. I still run my diet pretty much as it has been going and fruit, low fat foods and lots of fish etc are my main diet along with soup and no bread. Maintaining the weight is OK but I need to push to get back on track.

I'm the same weight as I was last week and for the past 3 weeks 223 Lbs.

Saturday - Work Day

I know - I said I wouldn't but we needed to do some tidying up, needed to knock out some eBay stuff, tidy my room, try and sort out if anyone wants this stuff on Freecycle and do some Lodge Treasurer's business too.

The day has shot by and now I'm getting my Kindle in a couple of weeks I have started to arrange my eBooks into some sort of order. I know where everything is but I've never catalogued them so I've been trying to do that and watching my PC crash with alarming regularity today. The worst day's work I ever did was upgrading to Office 2007 - it just seems to be unstable all the time and do what it wants not what I ask. I ran some diagnostics and repairs late this afternoon so fingers crossed it will be OK.

My business partner has just sent over the rushes for our new web site - they are great. Really impressed with his work - as always - he has a very good grasp of technology and can really bring things together. It was really exciting seeing it for the first time.

I need to do some resting tomorrow. It is MotoGP in Spain so that will give me a reason to sit on my backside after lunch and spend an hour or two just relaxing. Let's hope there isn't a repeat of the fatality of 2 weeks ago to one of the young riders.

Cracking Day

What a good day I've just had - the trouble is I can hardly stop working. I tried but the TV programmes are pants tonight. Maybe I should go and grab a DVD and watch that? That might do it and stop me working at this sort of speed...

Yes - I've completed the major document and I've got quite a bit done today so ought to go and relax a bit.

More Nuts

Brazil nuts that is?

Another report linking selenium to positive benefits for Bladder Cancer Sufferers HERE. I already have Brazil nuts whenever I can - not sure if I have any Sunflower seeds here - plenty of Pumpkin seeds and pine nuts but will need to see what else I have around the house.

New Day - Optimistic Cheerful Start

Good morning - feeling really chipper this morning, really upbeat and thoroughly enthusiastic and go ahead. Can only put that down to a number of milestones. I finished off a major piece of work last night and issued it to the committee, the wiki is completed and looking great and in just 6 months things have really come together. I know I was glum after they'd pulled my original document to pieces and lost all the formatting but now it looks great (even if I say so myself). There is something really satisfying about a job well done and I'm really pleased with it. It probably doesn't mean anything to anyone outside of Freemasonry but it is to do with raising money for the charities and is a manual about how to plan and execute a Festival.

The new business has started to become even more of a reality with its logo and artwork, web site, business letterhead, business cards etc getting nearer to being finished. We only await out "copy" of our 30 and 60 second drill, 2 minute picth and conversation piece to complete the picture (we are unable to currently describe what we do in simple layman's terms due to its complexity)

The sun is shining, the sky is blue, it's Friday, I'm healthy, I haven't put on any weight this week, in fact it looks like I may have lost a little bit and everything is well with the world.

In the US, Steve, who has been clear now for 27 months will commence his set of three BCG treatments for maintenance today. Steve makes me smile too, always has done, with the great super hero title of BioHazard Man :-). I'm sure we all wish him well and for there to be as little side effects as possible.

Yes - things look and feel good. I hope that I keep this happy for as long as possible!

A Reminder to 4 years ago

Today we got our graphic designer in to start our branding exercise. We did a bit of reminiscing as I haven't seen him since just before I went in to have my operation - I kind of knew what it was. He was interested to see how I had got on because and I quote:-

"you were sh*****g yourself last time I saw you. You were in a right old mess!"

Well on reflection he wasn't wrong - I knew I was pretty ill and it was 2 days before my flexible cystoscopy which actually diagnosed it and in less than a week I had the operation. I've corresponded with him since but it was only today that we met up again.

I'm looking forward to working with him as he is really creative and I hope that his work gets us moving forward as a business - we need to start to get some traction and this is the first real step.