Ouch - more expense

The damn car's just needed all its up and downstream sensors replaced which has cost me another small fortune.  Of course they needed to be done - the damage to the catalytic converter would have been a consequence otherwise.  

Could have done without that - and I've still not heard about the job which comes with a car (if wanted).  It's crazy that no one has got back to me after all this time.  There you go though, it just  adds to the fun of my current life.  If they'd taken me on last year it might have been an interesting time right now with all that is going on with my return to hospital.  I have no idea if it will have a bearing on my prospects - I would hope not.

I have to keep in mind though that I may need to do something flexible in terms of turning a buck if this comes back and I have treatment again.  I guess I need to make up my mind pretty quickly what I want to do.  It seems to me that I should decide by the end of May what needs to be done - I may have the results and understand the lay of the land by then.  

No More Bacon

That's the end of my supply and so I'll just substitute that for some other form of protein.  I can have eggs of course and perhaps I'll work on some way of fitting some Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese in with that?  At least I'll make a start on this as soon as we've been shopping and I've got my ingredients to go.

I managed to successfully work my way around the food last night all except the crab cakes which were bonded to their breadcrumb outer coat!  Other than that it was easy enough to stay on diet.  I find it pretty easy now to think about what I can and can't have and just manoeuvre my way around it. 

I was reading a few more details about Nitrosamines which are a known Bladder carcinogen.  The PDF is available here.  You can right click on the PDF to save it or hover over until you see the disc (save) icon.  The trouble is that they haven't done the sort of study you'd expect and it is a bit open in terms of its findings - however, I think there is enough in this to make it prudent for me to skip Bacon and perhaps be careful about skinless chicken.  I think I will also be very careful about what I term as typical british barbecue food - - burnt :-) 

Just an interesting article anyway even though a bit difficult to follow for the layman.

    

Nice afternoon out

At a meeting over in Twickenham - Flocky Bicep drove me there and back - I just had to get to a pub near him and it was certainly an enjoyable day but so hot inside - their air conditioning is always a bit dodgy and so it proved again today.

I'm just waiting up for A to get in from work she is on a late event and they pay for a taxi home but she doesn't have her keys with her so I'm staying up to let her in.

I had a funny old turn on the bus going to the pub to meet Flocky.  I suddenly saw my dad at the end, lying in his bed, eyes open.  It fairly shook me - and I felt quite upset for a moment as the vision - clear as you like - came upon me.  I have no idea what brought it on or whether I'd been thinking about my dilemma.  Then there was a moment when I thought that I wouldn't want to do that to my family - a strange thought - because you really don't mind when someone is ill and for a long time.  You just get on with it.  You can understand feeling like that and that was something along the line of my thoughts.  Things like I didn't want to go like that or I wouldn't want to die alone or something like that.  

It passed as quickly as it arrived but it did take me aback - I don't tend to get moments like that, that often.

What is in my diet?

I'm following the Tim Ferriss diet, the 4 hour body (4HB).  It is a modified Atkins type diet, high in protein, low in carbohydrate.  Where it differs from Atkins is in the lack of milk or milk products, the cheat day (1 day in 7 you can eat what you like) and it brings in legumes to give calorific load and a sort of slow release (low glycemic) carbohydrates.  The main idea is to provide you with a low insulin, low glycemic index diet that helps you lose weight.

So far so good.  Protein builds your body, repairs it, helps maintain muscle and loads of good stuff.  Carbohydrates in quantity are bad they trick your body into wanting more of them than is good for you or that you could possibly use and so store it away for future use.  Of course you do use some of it.  There's no fruit and all white things - flour, potatoes, rice, pasta and bread are strictly off limits for 6 days out of 7.

So this diet shouldn't be bad for me, in fact being higher in protein it should be good and help me repair my body what could I possibly have done to brought on a recurrence?  Given that at the end of August last year I was clear and had a CT scan as well and had almost 5 years of no recurrences.

So I listed some of them:

1. I have reduced my Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese intake - in fact I haven't had any for 4 weeks.  I brought it down from daily to twice weekly then it tailed off for reasons I'll discuss later.  I've been on low levels for 6 months or more
2. I eat a lot of the same things over and over.  Eggs, Bacon, Mushrooms, Spinach, Chicken, Liver, Kidney, Steak, Sausages etc
3. I exercise a lot less at the moment so a little more sedentary than I was
4. I'm two and a half Stone lighter than I was in September
5. I haven't taken up smoking
6. My blood pressure is lower than it was 6 months ago
7. I'm in a better place mentally than I was 6 months ago
8. I'm no longer taking antacid tablets every other day for indigestion etc
9. I'm still on my basic blood pressure and statin meds

Well, there's not a lot to go on here excepting areas 1 and 2.  I had been eating a lot of Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese before my diet but last year was aware of the dangers of adding milk or these probiotic drinks to the mixture (to thin it down a bit as it is a bit thick).  Once I took away those parts it made it difficult to fit it into my diet.   I'd used it as a mixture for my breakfast cereal (museli) now not in my diet and then with dried fruit and nuts (the fruit not in my diet) and so got out of the habit.  I now intend to get back into the habit of having this again.

But the one that stood out from the rest was Bacon.  The reason?  I have 3 or 4 rashers every day with eggs to start my day off.  It's a staple of the 4HB but I remember questioning it at the time but hey, the pounds dropped off and it worked but there is something wrong with bacon and with other cured meats for that matter and somewhere in the back of my mind, last week, I thought about two things.  First, that there was an issue with bacon and a direct link to Bladder Cancer and secondly that it was the quantity and frequency that may be having an effect.  

So today I'm doing a little research about bacon.  I'm going to drop it off of my diet in the next day or so and then re-introduce the flax seed oil and cottage cheese.  I'm not certain what I am going to replace the bacon with at the moment.  I will also drop all processed meats for the time being including sausages and stick to chicken, steak, tuna and like.  There's no hard and fast stuff here yet but the circumstantial evidence is there. 

The evidence is a it sketchy but here are some links I've found so far:

Link One - Blog

Link Two - BBC News

Link Three - The Telegraph

Link Four - The Harvard Crimson

Link Five - The Independent

It appears that the Nitrosamines are the fellas to blame and I guess, as I've already had Bladder Cancer I'm just so much more susceptible to it.  I'm thinking that it may perhaps be OK to eat a few rashers of bacon once a fortnight but that sticking the stuff down you neck as often as I do can't be good for you.  

So that's where I am in my thinking.  I've made loads of changes to my lifestyle and a recurrence wasn't exactly what I was expecting or hoping for but that's the hand I've been dealt so I've just got to get on with it.  Right at the beginning of the journey I said that I had to take responsibility for the non surgical elements of my treatment and I've done that trying to change diet and lifestyle accordingly.  It would be ironic indeed if changing my diet brought this on :-)

However, I can at least remove bacon and all other meat that may have been cured or preserved in such a way and take away one potential contaminant.  I can also reintroduce my Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese regimen - although quite how I'm not sure yet - to boost my system a bit more and give me a good chance of recovery and hopefully no more recurrences....  That's the plan anyway.

Diet and Holiday

I had a real concern that I would stack on the pounds on a holiday to Italy but in general terms I tried to be pretty sensible but still have a good time.  So to find that I'd put on about 3 pounds over the week was pretty gratifying especially as I've had around 8 cheat days in a row.

Luckily the Hotel had cheese and scrambled eggs as well as ham available, the remaining things other than water and coffee were cereal or flour based or contained sugar of some sort.  Now a good plate of Scrambled eggs, ham and cheese will do you a world of good in terms of staving off hunger.  I could manage to exist on these all day long so on the odd occasion that we stopped for lunch I'd just have something like a beer and maybe bruschetta or a salad.  I'd leave eating until the evening and then generally have red wine and mixed meats and cheeses followed by some sort of seafood a salad and aubergines or something like that.  On the odd occasion I'd have the bread provided (with mussels to assist with the gravy) and I did have a couple of desserts and gelatos.  We did a lot of walking but even so I have to say I'm pleased with my visit to the scales this morning.

I don't eat ham, unless I make it myself as I find it salty and "wet" generally and I was loathe to eat it on holiday as indeed it was salty and wet :-)  but this got me to thinking, as you do, about food and processed food in general.  A lot of the food I had for a starter was meat cured in some way and then that got my head into a real tingle.  What had I done to myself in the past 6 months that could have brought on a recurrence?  Did the food I now eat do something to me?  See the next post.

With Views Like This

You just know that it says Italy, the Mediterranean and beautiful turquoise waters, blue skies, warm sun and great food.

I have to say that I thought last year's holiday where we travelled to the major cities of Italy by train was special but this was in many ways better as we had plenty of time to take things easy and with views like this wherever you go, the backdrop of the Bay of Naples continually with us and sights like Vesuvius, the Amalfi Coast, Ravello, Sorrento itself and Herculaneum and then the Island of Capri to cap it all with its views and stunning colour of the sea around its coast and the steep ascent we made to Anacapri up what appeared to be a never ending staircase up the side of a mountain and you can see we were enchanted by the area.

This balcony is part of a Sorrento Hotel and you can dine here.  It overlooks the Sorrento and the Bay of Naples and Wisteria grows and blossoms over the loggia.  It's all picture postcard stuff like this.

Here a Cruise ship lies in anchor just outside the Harbour - they were only here for half a day - hardly enough time to see the town.  The backdrop of Vesuvius  dominates the Bay.  To get an idea of how big the mountain was before the eruption draw imaginary lines from the low sides upwards and you can see how high it was before.  You feel that you could just reach out and touch it.

The sea is blue and you can see into its clear waters to see fish swimming throughout.  We went to the smaller or the harbours, called the grand harbour (this is Italy - it makes sense to them) and there had fried sardines (almost larger Whitebait) that had been landed a few minutes earlier.  We saw the fishermen bring in whatever they'd caught in their nets and hand it over to the various restaurateurs.  The food everywhere was stunning and plentiful but overall it was expensive eating out lunchtime and evening - although after I'd shown Mrs. F. the Scrambled Egg, Ham and Cheese breakfast trick (loading up with protein) we found we could last with that breakfast and not need to eat - other than perhaps a Bruschetta with a beer until the evening.

Our Hotel was great, the restaurants were great and the views were stunning.  Interesting point is though that I'd probably not go back there again although I have no reason not to. 

Well That WAS A Nice Week

Well - after all the performances we finally got to the airport on time and have duly had a fabulous week in and around Sorrento in Italy.  I'll post some more details when I get the time this week - it's been a hectic week in some ways and relaxing in others.  We spent a great deal of time actually doing nothing this week which is very unlike us.

Mrs. F. actually found out that she doesn't mind some shellfish where before she'd shied away from it.  This is great news and I enjoy preparing and cooking various shellfish.  

I've just had myself a good time and tried to not think too much about the recurrence.  Of course though, I've given some thought to what might have sparked this recurrence and I'll share some of that a little later this week after I've done a little research.  I made a major change to my diet in January and it suddenly occurred to me that one thing that is now a daily staple of my diet may just be the culprit.  I intend to dump this from my diet as soon as I have finished off the present batch.

I've also had a bit of advice that I'll follow and share as well.  More later

Ohh Packing - Keep Out Of The Way!

Nothin worse I find than Mrs. F. Packing and at 8 in the morning saying that "I'll never be ready! Why did we say we were going to your friend's birthday party?"  and so on.  There's no pleasing her she will go off and do the martyr bit and try and do everything at once.  As usual I am all but ready I just need a few things from the laundry and that's me done.  I've done all the reading, got all the documents ready and to be fair (why is everyone saying that and "to be honest" at the moment?) we were going to my friend's 50th way before we booked the holiday it isn't as if I just sprung it on her :-)

I just want to be there and enjoying the place and relaxing a bit too.  I would like to spend some time just doing next to nothing but we will see if Mrs. F. has anything else planned she did say she was going to relax - it would be a first for sure.  I just need to eat sensibly.

I'm in a strange place today for sure - I know that I've got the cancer back again but I'm not like I was when I was first diagnosed - in fact just before I was diagnosed - I was really in bits.  Now - well I'm more pragmatic about it.  Sure it is a set back and sure I really don't need it but I am lucky in that it is very early on in the process and that it has been caught relatively quickly.   I am also thankful that at present it is in my bladder and let's hope that is where it stays.  

I have to say that I'm really positive about things as I know that they can sort this out but what I don't like is the possibility that I may be getting closer to the point where I may lose the bladder altogether.  That is someway off I believe but we will have to see.  My friend had a number of recurrences and a number of BCG rounds before having to have his bladder removed last year.

Anyway - positive thoughts and working on ways to live with this diagnosis are now high on my list.

Reflections on another recurrence

In some ways it is a bit disappointing to make such progress and then get a recurrence.  It shows the sort of problems bladder cancer throws up.  In many ways it should act as a reminder about how serious this stuff is.  I know I tend to speak lightly of it but that's because I'm pretty positive about tackling the damn thing and I also know that it is controllable and that I should have a pretty good chance of getting over this and whether with treatment or not be able to overcome it.

It's so annoying because I've been doing everything I can not to get a recurrence but I have to say that last year I did neglect my diet towards the end of the year and only really started on it again in mid January.  It just means that I need to double my efforts and keep all sweet things and as many carbs as possible out of my system and make sure I settle in to it and not fall back into old ways.  I also feel better today than I've felt for years and so also find it a little confusing that now, when I'm in much better shape than I have been that I've got a small recurrence.  This time it wasn't a red spot (which turned out to be nothing) he drew a small cauliflower looking thing on the diagram.  I now know that I've got to have a rigid cystoscopy for that and then see what will happen from there.  

I think this is the 3rd recurrence but in reality it is the first since I cleared the BCG treatments.  

I'm going to just cut loose and enjoy my holiday and then figure out what to do after that.  The timing is pants of course especially if I was to get that job I've been involved in for 6 months - typical it would come to a head just as I've got this diagnosis.

Go With Your Gut Feel (Sometimes)

Well those little flecks I thought I saw were indeed from a very small tumour about 1/3rd the way up on my bladder wall - not where they have been before (not sure if that's what he meant).  After waiting for an hour and my MP3 running out of battery :-( I had some sort of suspicion that it wasn't going to be good news.

As far as it goes - there will be an operation (rigid cystoscopy) in 4 to 6 weeks time and then I suppose they'll biopsy it and see what to do next.  

I'm feeling pretty neutral about it.  Disappointed that after 5 years or so I've got a recurrence but pleased that it is small, operable and that I'll get it sorted in relatively quick time.  They told me to drink lots of liquid which of course I do anyway on my diet.

Will just have to regroup after our holiday and reset my expectations.  Other people are always more devastated than me at my news :-) 

Off for a bit of a rest - more later.

Eggs and Diet

Not a newspaper I normally read but the Daily Mail has an interesting article on eggs here.  A large part of my diet is made up of eggs and it seems amazing that they've been so demonised   in the past.  It seems utterly bizarre to me that the advice we get to eat grains and the like is right.  Vegetables and meat and eggs - yes I get those but fruit - although lovely - does spike your body to produce insulin.  This article mentions milk is OK but I can't see that as it also produces an insulin reaction in the body.  I imagine it wasn't generally available to man until after he started farming although, who knows, maybe they kept a few around?

So far I'm feeling pretty good on this diet and getting ever closer to dipping under 16 stone - it's the thickness of the needle at the moment :-) but I can see progress which is also great.  Next week will be a challenge in Italy but I reckon if I stay off the Pasta and the Bread I could get through without too much damage.  I know what I can eat and although I may end up with the odd beer here and there I can stick pretty much to the low carb diet.

A Little Too Keen

Have to laugh - I was just getting ready to go when I realised that it is only 08:30 not 09:40!!!!  Nervous - not me :-)  mind you I think that anyone who would consider rushing out so you can have done what I'm going to have done may be looked at suspiciously.

So far no more signs of anything wrong with me but at least we will find out today.  It seems strange that 6 months ago I was clear in all areas but let's see what happens - I can't second judge this and the tests and scope will determine it.

Other than that - I've just found an hour to kill :-) maybe by then the weather will have settled down and this drizzle will have gone - it looks as if the sun wants to burn a hole in it so fingers crossed on that one.

Here we go again

The final lap before getting into the Hospital and having my scope.  I'm pretty much prepared for it these days, it's not a major problem for me to go on my own now - I'm sort of OK with preparation for that and as long as I make sure I'm hydrated properly and that I take my ibuprofen and paracetamol just before I have the procedure it means that any pain can be controlled.  They are using a new local anesthetic these days which seemed to make a real difference last time.  It certainly stopped the stinging I've encountered a couple of times.

I haven't seen any problems since last Sunday and so I'll just have to see what the answer is tomorrow.  I guess if it is bad news I'll have to live with that and go around the roller coaster again.  It's a bit too early to say of course - tomorrow we will know I'm sure.

I've got some water and my stress balls to take and my MP3 player will be charged up with some tunes so I'll be fine with that.  I intend to do next to nothing when I get back other than a few calls and update the blog I suppose.

No Signs

I don't know what is going on and tomorrow we should find out for sure with the results of my urine test and the scope.  I haven't seen any signs of haematuria (blood in my urine) since I thought I saw a fleck or two last week.  I'm being vigilant but the test tomorrow will sort this out.

Last thing I need at the moment would be a recurrence but I'm surprised as I actually feel very well and the gloom and depression has lifted away and I feel fine not at all like I was when I had Bladder Cancer the first time.  Anyway, I can't second guess the scope and so we will have to find out tomorrow. 

Interesting Graphic Fructose Overload

I know that the Mercola site can be a bit daunting in terms of all the information in there and recently I've only gone for the weekly digest as there was so much information coming out.  This information though I felt was worth putting up on the site as it should be frightening to us all.  Whilst it is US based information I imagine that the same holds true over here although Agave and Jell-O aren't familiar to us.

You can read the whole article here.  

Discover the fructose content of common foods, beverages, sauces, and even sugar substitutes in our infographic "Fructose Overload." Use the embed code to share it on your website.

Discover the fructose content of common foods, beverages, sauces, and even sugar substitutes in our infographic "Fructose Overload."

What's Going On?

At last - hopefully - I will get an answer on this job I've been lined up for.  We are now in month 6 (or is it 7) in the process and they have a meeting late this afternoon.  Let's hope that they arrive at a decision one way or the other and let me know.

Curiously I haven't seen anything abnormal in my urine since reporting it on Sunday, nothing and yet at the back of my mind I did think I saw something and saw it on a few occassions.  It could be nothing or it could be a recurrence.  At the moment I'm just being vigilant but it has been three days and no signs at all.  Could it have been something else - perhaps there's some explanation but of course I'll find out on Friday if there is anything.  I'd sort of be surprised if it were - I had a clean scan and had no recurrence for 5 years or so.  Oh well - let's see I can't second guess these things.

Feeling a little jaded today after my friend's funeral yesterday it wasn't as somber an affair as I thought it might be and so that was good and we had some interesting anecdotes to tell because strangely my friends knew him but through his association with Rugby and I knew him from his Freemasonry and work at the old people's home where the Easter Egg hunt is held each year - he arranged the Spring Fair for many years.

I'm planning our activities in Italy and hope that we can go to Herculaneum and Pompeii and if the weather is good to go to Mount Vesuvius too.  Having printed off all the details and downloaded a few apps it all looks to be readily accessible and nice and easy from our base in Sorrento.

A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts

And so I offer you my late night thoughts.....  Having attended a friend's funeral today and having been eating and drinking since then I have perhaps attained that position where what I say might actually reflect what I mean :-)

Having spent a day mourning the loss of a friend who was only 6 years older than I although in family terms much different with married children and grandchildren, I found myself in a strange predicament this evening discussing the ups and downs of having a cancer prognosis.  My friend had a very very very bad prognosis and within weeks died.  That in itself should give you a clue to my issue.  You see, I had a pretty bad prognosis and no one in my immediate family seemed (to me) to be that concerned about it and I, for my part, never ever gave the appearance that it was any worse than I perceived it was. 

Today I want to do everything and anything.  I want to celebrate life and enjoy myself.  Life is, to me, very short indeed.  This Friday, perhaps, I may get some bad news, I know not but life goes on, people argue over trivia, over a seat on a train, over borders drafted by cartographers, over a recipe or some other trivial matter.  People die to protect these ideals and boundaries and for what?

?

That's right - for nothing.  Why can't we just live together without all these niggles and problems?

I hope I may plumb those questions in the next few weeks - I really do.  So far I haven't found any relinquishing features in humankind to pull us back from the abyss.

Slow Monday

Things got better during the day - I was able to eat a little at lunchtime and a fair amount in the evening.  I am back to normal this morning.  I drank plenty of water yesterday and consequently went to the bathroom frequently but there was nothing to see and no repetition of what I'd thought were flecks in my urine.  I'll keep a watching brief but Friday will be the day when we see if it is just me being paranoid or that I didn't imagine it.  Either way I'll just have to live with it and you know things could be worse.  I'm going to a funeral of someone who was only 6 years older than me later today.  Sobering stuff.  I don't suppose I've ever felt "old" even at 55 it doesn't feel much different to being 40, perhaps I'm not as physically fit though as I used to be.

A friend who can only be 3 or 4 years older than me was telling me that he's just been diagnosed with emphysema that on top of his existing colitis and suddenly you start to be thankful that you've only had Bladder Cancer - which isn't to trivialise it!  Add to that my other friend who has just been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and suddenly it looks like we are all in the firing line.  I'm pretty pleased that all I've really had is the Bladder Cancer.

Things are back to "normal" this morning, a nice hearty breakfast, on my 2nd pint of cold water and a black coffee and at the PC.  I'm doing some more research on my holiday which I am looking forward to.

Monday Blues

The day after cheat day is always a bad one for me.  With yesterday's scare with something in my urine I drank quite a bit of beer and water all day and noticed nothing which is a tiny bit reassuring.  Luckily I have my scope on Friday and so that will determine what (if anything) is going on.  I knew I was a bit cranky during the morning but by the afternoon I was performing for the crowd and I felt OK albeit I didn't mention it to anyone not even Mrs. F.  I think if I had seen any more then I would.

This morning I feel like poo, cheat day really does mess with my system and I suffer reflux overnight and that's not nice.  So it starts to reinforce some of what I've been reading about food and I don't suffer from indigestion or gas or heartburn at all during the week.

I daren't even tell you what going to the lavatory is like the day after a cheat day other than - you seriously get an idea of the rubbish you throw down your throat that you think is good :-) 

I have to say that I feel so bad this morning that I don't even want to force myself to eat breakfast.  Now it's one of the golden rules to eat within one hour of waking but I just feel that if I eat I will probably just feel worse than I do at the moment.  My stomach is churning away and all I'm doing is keeping hydrated with cold water.  

My friend Flocky Bicep has just called to say he is ill and cannot go to a meeting this afternoon and as my car is showing an engine warning light it is doubtful that I can go either as it is a fair distance and I need my car checked over before I drive any distance.

The Piano, despite being booked to be taken away on Saturday didn't happen so that needs to be attended to.  At the moment - my thoughts are on Friday's scope followed by our trip to Italy.

I'm wondering whether to just calm down cheat day somewhat to try and minimise the sick feeling I get overnight and the next morning.  I need to do enough to spike the body's insulin but not so much as to make me feel so horrible the next morning that I don't want to eat at all as I do now.

Oh Dear :-(

I know I can be a bit paranoid but that's the third or fourth fleck of something in my urine in a week.  It isn't noticeable in terms of feeling it but I've just caught these tiny flecks out of the corner of my eye and can see them in the pan - only individually too.

OK it isn't conclusive but it does make me feel as if there may be a recurrence.  So I'm not feeling quite as chirpy as I should be on cheat day.  I'm just going to monitor the situation and see how we go from there.  It is a little concerning but I have my scope on Friday and that will determine if there is anything there or not.

At the moment it is infrequent - perhaps 4 or maybe 5 times in the last week or more.  

Can't even begin to tell you quite how this makes me feel.  Fear is high on the list :-(

At least today we have people over and I can let what's left of my hair down :-)