Recuperation

Was the goal for today. I needed to get up late (mission accomplished), relax (managed to do that too) and get to bed early (totally failed at that).

I had a really good night on Saturday I haven't done that for years.

Off to bed now and let's see how the week pans out. I need to do some sorting out this week for my diary for December as it looks pretty full already.

Thoughts for this week are for Steve in the US who will have his poke and peek on Thursday and so prayers, crossed fingers and all good karma to be focused over there for the 3rd December. If clear - no more BCG treatment. Also keep a thought out for my friend JM over here. I saw him Friday and he had some serious issues with the initial TURBT as they managed to get him bleeding and had to reenter and sort it out. The scan was inconclusive but no spreading to the Lymph nodes which is good. Wishing JM all the best as he has another scan and a poke and peek too soon.

Awesome Flocky - Just Awesome

A word that I use very infrequently.  Flocky Bicep and I turned up to our Lodge Ladies' Night normally attired and then changed into Jake and Elwood - the Blues Brothers.  Flocky got the hats and they were exactly what we needed.  

We came on and did a cameo set for about 3 or 4 minutes and then I did my Disk Jockey bit for about an hour.  It really took me back and despite all the effort that went in, it was still a real buzz finding tracks to get people dancing.  Now I can remember why I used to get such a kick out of it when I was younger.  In those days we were well practised in the art of getting everyone up dancing, changing tracks to suit moods etc.  This time it was difficult as I had a much wider audience.  I did cheat and put on an 80/90s record to get them dancing.  We did really well as I had recorded enough music to last 4 weeks and used just one hour of that - which is a shame as so much was geared to the people there.

I am going to sleep well tonight.  We finished at 1 am and it is 1.35 now - I did a long set and then loads of dancing in character so I should have no problem in falling asleep and I may not be too fast getting up in the morning.

I really did let my hair down tonight and got stuck in to try and ensure everyone had a good time.  I am absolutely whacked out as we did the routine at the start and  carried on dancing until we finished.  PHEW!!!

I have really enjoyed myself tonight and I'm really glad that we had a good number to enjoy the evening with us.   I am not sure if  Flocky and I will ever make it as entertainers but we did try our best!

An interesting day

Well the evening was as I was out with my Nephew and I really enjoy an evening listening to him and having a bit of a laugh about work and goodness knows what else.

Work was - well - boring but the drudge is almost over as the documents are so near complete that I can hear them saying "print me".

I must sort myself out and get away from work for a while before I scream and do something stupid! I am likely to do that and self-destruct if I have to take any more brain numbing, pedantic semantic, committee driven nonsense.

In fact if I work this properly I can complete most of my outstanding work by mid December. Then there are the rounds of parties to attend but I can probably do that this year. Lat year I was going into Hospital (or wasn't) whatever the case maybe. Then I ended up not getting back to work until February!!!!

I am still working away getting ready for my Gig on Saturday as DJ Dave dididando or whatever they are going to call me. It will be a BIG nostalgia trip but I now realise that I have produced at least 30 hours worth of tracks for a 1 1/2 hour slot!!! Doh.

I find that I am quite moved by listening to some tracks that I haven't heard for 25 or more years though. Some of the tunes brought memories flooding back to me of my young, care free days. Ahhhhhh. Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

Pitiful

It really is crazy and I finally got to sort out some odds and ends of work today that have been hanging about but even so the titivating about was just pitiful as the odd change here and there actually cause the rest of the story to read wrong and then you have to make more changes and before you know it you are back to the article and story you first had.

Luckily it is almost over and done with for this year bar the shouting - in 4 weeks time (yes just 4 weeks) it will be the last day at work although I might just take longer off again.

I am so tired too but I think it is boredom and utter frustration that are doing this - work is just a drudge at the moment and whilst I am sure it will get better in the New Year I'm still not certain that I can continue to numb my brain like this for long periods of time. It isn't built for it.

Nearly lost it again today

I've outgrown my job and to get my work back 4 or 5 times today with minor amendments on it was almost too much this morning. Why these people can't do what I've been doing for 20 years which is change the document themselves is beyond me. I think that our catch up interview is going to be interesting in a week or two.

I spent most of the day messing around on pedantic semantics and not getting on and doing my job. By the time the afternoon came I had accomplished the square root of sweet Fanny Adams! Then I just wanted to go home and go to sleep. I find it tedious and not a little demeaning that I am treated like some clerk and my patience is beginning to slip because no one seems to get it into their heads that drudgery and routine are not something I search out. It may be fine for my colleagues to turn up day after day and do the same thing in some mechanical no thought manner but in reality, doing that to me is like caging a wild beast in very small cage. I'm going to rip your arm off and eat it or beat you over the head with it or something silly because you are oppressing my natural tendency to be creative. Kill that off and there isn't any reason to hire me. If you want a clerk, hire a clerk. The trouble is I can hear myself saying this to the boss in a week or two as it IS what they need to do.

Other than that - this week looks to be as busy as you like. Plenty of things going on lots of meetings and parties to go to. I just hope that I survive in my job to the end of the week!

A weekend of preparing

For next weekend. I have a party next Friday and a Lodge meeting preceding that and then on Saturday we have a Ladies' Night for the Master of our lodge which is a themed 60s and 70s evening. I'm really pleased that Flocky has stepped up to the plate and organised an outfit for me so the two of us will be going as the Fabulous Blues Brothers - one of my favourite films and a tribute to the automotive industry in the US - We have a scrappage scheme for kick starting our motor industry. All the US needs to do is let the Blues Brothers loose for a week and everyone will need a new car!

As an Ex-DJ I have to do a set or two on the evening and the discos these days do not have Record Decks - oh no - they have CD decks - so I have been transferring vinyl to disk most of the weekend as well as being out yesterday to attend this Lodge meeting where my Friend initiated his son.

That was a very emotional and touching ceremony. I drove his son there and chauffeured them around arriving back about 2 am. They were laughing at me as I was drinking Tomato Juice and Worcester Sauce all night and - sure - I'd have liked to whack a couple of Vodkas in there but the main thing was that THEY had a good evening and I was able to provide transport for them to and from their door and they could just get on and enjoy themselves.

I was up at a half reasonable hour this morning but have been stuck on the deck and burning CDs all day which has been a bit tedious - nothing is ever as easy as you think it is going to be!

Having a day off

Appears to have helped my temperament but I also took time off so I could pursue my other business interest and that got cancelled on me so I wasn't best pleased that I had behaved myself the night before, gotten up and then found that the conference call had been cancelled.

Today should be interesting my friend's son is being initiated into his Father's Lodge and I have the privilege of going to collect his son in an hour or so and escorting him to the hall and I'll get to drive him and his dad back tonight. I will - for once - not have anything to drink and that will probably do me good anyway, I drank enough on Thursday to have used my whole month's units :-)

I'm looking forward to seeing him getting initiated he is allowed to join younger because his dad is a member - normally you have to be 21, he is 18 but has always wanted to become a member as most of the immediate family are members. I went out and chatted to him last week and he too is looking forward to today. There will be a lot of people there including the Provincial and Deputy Provincial Grand Masters and I'm sure a string of other dignitaries too. A memorable day for all I hope.

Venting my spleen

It was an interesting committee meeting - one in which I made my point quite firmly and perhaps a little too firmly but I reckon that the point is made and I now have the opportunity to go and work on it.

I hope that they appreciate it but I don't think too many actually understood the rationale behind revisiting the strategy of the area I am working on. Ho hum, maybe we can get there and I can get back to making a difference. If not - perhaps I'll not be there shortly....

The niggling little cough is still just about there and I'm feeling OK. I had another one of those strange things occur. I was sitting down and suddenly felt like I wanted to light up a cigar, after all this time and after all this damage - how strange.

A lie in

That was good - I managed to get a long lie in and found out afterwards that I didn't really need to get up as my conference call has been cancelled.

I am still surprised that I am in relatively good shape after the "normal" evenings out drinking with these guys.

At least a day at home for recovery. Off again tomorrow for an afternoon and evening out. I think I will have a day out with no drinking and see if I can manage that.

Well that was nice

Out with old friends and we ended up at a really nice gastropub place.

An out of the world Fruit De Mer to start with Old English Pork followed by a Spanish Cheese Board.

3 or was it 4 bottles of red wine and a good three or four beers before hand. Worryingly I got home in one piece stayed awake all of the way - I did cheat with Taxis to Charing Cross from Euston and to the end of my road. A couple of pints of water will, I am certain, stave off too much overnight dehydration but I am surprisingly sober.

I went out with these guys some time ago and I'm still getting flashbacks of that night now. It would be easier to list all the bars, clubs and restaurants we didn't go to in the Greater London area than list the ones we visited!!!

The three wise men out on an evening - as luck would have it - we have calmed down a lot and I actually got home this time. They are staying in an Hotel in London.... Good for them!

Niggling cough

Today the same dry niggling - not quite a real cough kept me annoyingly coughing throughout the day. I had a better day today and got plenty done but in fact I really still didn't enjoy it much. I have a new project to look at which is nice and some new challenges to look at. I'm still uncertain as to whether I really want to do them.

I have my meeting tomorrow and am out with some old friends in the evening although I hope not for too long as this cold feels as if it is about to break.

I managed to get a little revenge in tonight. My colleague packed paper and bits in a load of my files but I was in early enough to clear it all out and so not make a fuss. This was a while ago. Today she arrived in wearing a hat. I was able to put some paper clippings in that and I hope to find her pretty annoyed with me in the morning as she hadn't gone home when I did and would have an interesting moment when putting on the hat.

I am having Friday off, I need to catch up on a lot more work at home and I need to sort out records for a 60s and 70s disco that I am being DJ for in a few weeks time. Life is busy and work is the opposite. I just need to get through tomorrow's meeting with the Chairman and the rest of my Committee. I will see if I can steer them in to the committee I deserve. At the moment, sometimes it feel like a punishment from hell rather than anything else.

As I said to my colleague

I am getting pretty annoyed with the general level of my health these days - this year in particular has just been one niggle after another. I'm sure that some of it is actually a bit of protection for myself. If I get really annoyed at work then it is sometimes good that I am not there to "quit" or do some other self destructive series of actions. I can do that and have in my past. However, unless this is just figment of my imagination - I do appear to have had a series of odd things happen to me.

One thing after another though - can you believe I now have a sore throat and a dry cough - just an irritating cough every few minutes but that's enough.

I wonder if some of it is to do with work and my heart not really being in it at the moment. Today was just dire and I fell asleep at my PC again this afternoon. There is nothing really exciting happening and the Christmas Cards arrived today and no one quite realises it but apart from my committee meeting on Thursday my year's work is pretty much wrapped up.

The trouble is many think that I actually do other things in the organisation where, in fact, I just enable them for others. There just isn't any ownership and so it looks as if it is my doing.

Anyway, I'm certain that there is some truth in the fact that I really can't be bothered sometimes to drag my sorry arse all the way to London to sit and stare at a PC screen and help someone complete their Excel spreadsheet!

He has an "unusual" sense of humour

How I was described, rather nicely I thought. We were discussing my macabre, surreal and eccentric humour and how I can see funny things that many cannot.

Picture that we are in a club, near a railway and the front door is alarmed to make a two tone noise as people enter and leave through the security door. It is very quiet and not many people are in the room and the door alarm goes off, just the once.

"Wow" said I, "that was a really tiny train wasn't it?"

Now - if you can put yourself in the place of my audience of about 5 people. 3 got it immediately and burst into laughter, one joined a little later and one sat blank faced for about a minute and then got it. To even connect the railway behind the club and the alarm sound is a long leap and so for anyone to actually pick up on it was pretty good.

I have a lateral brain and it picks up connections and parallels in conversation and (thank goodness) is back to almost as sharp as it used to be. I love the spontaneity and sheer pythonesque qualities of my sense of humour. I also like the very dark stuff too - although it doesn't wash with my parents who never got the funny side of my Tee Shirt "I'm Not Dead Yet!" and still don't. Well if it was your child talking like that about their cancer what would you think?

My personality keeps me going. My whole family have the most in tune sense of humour you can imagine. A room full of us are about as controllable as a barrel load of monkeys. Each would feed off the other. My kid Brother and I can spark a series of conversations on the phone which comprise, humorous lines, mimicry of almost any dialect and language you want, old and new punchlines, completed by each other in real time and in stereo and still have some room to get in a few digs at each other. The verbal fireworks are great - it is who I am, it what people expect of me and I do try and deliver a "good performance" and be on my best form as it is one of the reasons I feel I should survive and be around a bit longer. A smile and bit of humour and some wit and repartie contribute to living - its what it is all about. All the time your are down and upset are wasted moments and if only everyone could be a little looser, a little less uptight the world would be a much nicer place.

I am determined to be good humoured no matter what and spread good feelings as life is too short and it ain't a rehearsal. Shame it takes quite such a threat to my life to make me see it though.

As exciting as it gets

Stuffed about 1,000 envelopes today. Had food, came home.

Nuff said!

Work tomorrow

Not looking forward to it really. I don't know why but I've a real downer on work and the last few days at home have meant I have been able to get a good run at some of my paperwork.

I think I might need to work out what is left to do this year and sort out if I can get the remainder of the work done and spend less time in the office. I tend to think I can.

My leg still hurts a bit I just hope tomorrow isn't too bad getting in to work.

Oh Hell

Heard tonight that someone I know reasonably well has Prostate Cancer - the worst scenario - 20+ Radios on their way for his lottery. For lottery it surely must be as there is little to be gained from radical work - these are the last throw of the dice. How terrible to have that in your sights.

At our meeting tonight my friend and I are pronounced as being clear, technically in remission and the to hear that our colleague was this bad was just so devastating. I bumped into someone unknown to me before tonight and he was telling me that his wife had just months to go before she dies from some other particularly nasty form of disease that will render her blind first and then death will follow quite soon. It makes me shudder writing it.

Despite all of that we had a good evening and met up with some people we haven't seen for ages.  Just a shame about the other news.

Not in work today either

I can't say that I feel any better today really.  I got dressed and can still feel this cut / abrassion against my trousers and I know that if I walk any distance I'll set it off again.  So I've stuck a load more cream on it and decided that discretion is the better part of valour.  I can do my work from here for a while.

I am getting fed up of this time off work but I know it is better to do this than to go in today and end up twice as bad ready for next week when I need to be in.

At  least the weekend awaits and I can get a few days R&R in before heading back to the office.

Battling with myself

I find that I'm constantly beating myself up and questioning things and I've done that most of my life. I am very critical of my own work and I expect others to be as good if not even better than me. I'm no perfectionist but I like a job done well and I like to work with professionals and people who inspire me. I like to learn new things and see how different approaches to a problem can help me solve that in a more elegant fashion.

I'm continuing working on this "other" project and it is really exciting but I'm getting impatient to get stuck in and really give it a go. It probably wont be until the end of Q1 next year but it will just be so interesting to work on and to produce something really interesting. The current job doesn't inspire anymore as it is dealing with the same old, same old and how anyone can have a job that never actually produces anything but just keeps the wheels turning is beyond me and YES - I know we have to have jobs and industries and people like that but I'm not one of them and I just don't get it :-)

All the time I beat myself up because I'm not delivering or I'm not achieving what I could do. I tell you that I am coming back on stream with avengence and getting back to my old self. I don't have the energy but I sure do have the brain power back which I can tell you I have really missed. I get the odd word wrong and it takes me a little while to remember things and names but in reality my mind is working at a speed and at a level of lateral and creativity that I am now much happier with. If you go back a year or so, you may recall that the treatment was making me forgetful and lethargic whereas now - I feel I am climbing back towards the levels I used to have. All I need is the energy and fitness to catch up with my brain and I can announce that I am back.

A little better today

Still feeling this nasty raw patch on my leg - it really hurt yesterday and I think I've got things under control so I can get into work tomorrow. What a nuisance - I have no idea how I did it.

I seem to have had so many ailments in the past 3 and a half years which have made up for my near 30 year clear run!! If anything comes along I appear to get it. Got the Dizzy spells, that awful cold and infections earlier this year, this problem with my leg and all sorts of stupid little niggles. I'm actually getting quite p1ssed off with being not 100%.

I shouldn't moan and I should be aware there are people far worse off that I am but even so, I just never seem to feel on top of my game, 100%, fit, healthy, the right weight and all that good stuff. It is frustrating not depressing.

I still wonder whether I ought to look to have a short rest period away from work just to sort myself out and get my head and body back into some sort of shape.

These two days have actually been quite good as I haven't been able to do much and so have sat down and actually got stuck into some of my outstanding paperwork.

At Home - on a Wednesday

Strange - it is early morning and not unlike last week, I am at home. This time it is more to do with managing to hurt the inside of my leg. I did this yesterday and I've scrapped the inside of one of my thighs and so it kept getting caught on the seam of my trousers and rubbing. It was pretty cold yesterday as well and by the time I got to work I was feeling a little sore. By the time I got home I needed to go and put some cream on it. This morning I thought all was well but find that it isn't really. It needs a bit of rest.

I can work from home - the office is aware - or will be wen they get in and I am set up to work from here.

Yesterday was again a boring day and I was falling asleep at my desk. I think I remember last year being this bad too. There is little real work to get your teeth into and what work there is appears to be bitty and mundane.

I hope that I will be OK to go out later today. I am due to a meeting this afternoon and just hope that my leg has calmed down a bit by then.