There's a clue

I have a programme that replicates the files on one device and copies them to another.  I finished the cataloguing and set this going last night - it's going to take another 4 days to complete the transfer of files from one device to the other across a reasonably fast network - even so - that's a lot of data being transferred :-)

Of course, I've changed practically every file name, all the tag data associated with each one and also much of the Folder structure!  

I was having another one of my "episodes" again last night - not really getting to sleep and getting all worked up about something - not sure what it was.  Today I'm procrastinating a bit I need to go and sort out appointments and the like and I think I've got my diary in some sort of order so I can ring the Dentist and get my 4 appointments set in stone.  I have a number of days where I am out and about and suddenly I wonder where all these things have materialised from.

Still no word from potential employers but in some ways I am getting used to that.  Out this afternoon to a meeting and must go and get ready soon for that.  Weight is still coming off nicely and my belt can go the extra notch in and also my watch is loose on my arm and my ring fits my finger again!  I'm getting used to the diet again now but this weekend need to move cheat day back a day to Sunday as we are going out.

Catalogue

Finally I have completed cataloguing my music - well that I already have recorded that is.  It's taken absolutely ages and at least 60 or more hours of work I reckon.  Anyway, it is completed now and I'm just tidying it all up.  I can now search directly and see what tracks and artists I have.  

Now I need to keep up the discipline and move the rest of my music over a bit at a time.  

I also now need to get my schedule in order so that I can get my dentist appointments scheduled along with all the other bits and pieces I need to sort out.  

Spit it out man

Thanks to Flocky for those words earlier :-)

Interesting- I went to a friend's house earlier and we chatted (as you do) and he was interested about how I felt about my dad.  It's strange (funny peculiar) as I am neutral about it - I have an attitude that everyone dies and when your time is up, well that's it and that it is part of "life" if that isn't a tautology in itself.  

I read with some emotion this blog entry by Jim Tuffin in his ongoing blog about his terminal cancer.  I only know Jim from having exchanged emails 10 years ago but saw his blog and was curiously drawn to it because, in many ways, it could have been me.  I am beginning to find his blog both disturbing and yet I'm drawn to his pragmatic and optimistic outlook as well as some "moth to a flame" attraction because "there but through the grace of God go I"

In many ways Jim has been wrapping up what it feels like to know that the end is coming and who knows when it will be whilst he still keeps up his own spirits and those of his family.  It demonstrates how you don't suffer in silence yourself but how you suffer for ty=hose around you and worry about them.  Wonderful human characteristics but perhaps somewhat misplaced as you won't be there after the event - or will you - as Jim discusses?

So back to the plot and I was talking about my dad and how I didn't feel that he had a "good death" that he lay there helpless in bed and for many weeks on end knew that he could do nothing for himself (and I mean nothing).  for a man of his standing and independence it must have been humiliating and upsetting and I did see him upset for the first time in my life.  I saw fear in his eyes, I saw hurt and I saw helplessness in someone that had, until that point never been helpless before but had been the "head of the family", strong, resolute and a leader to us.  He was reduced to a helpless, feeble, grey shell of the man I knew and it does upset me.  It upsets me because you don't want to see this sort of whimpering away of life; this steady and then rapid decline.   

So did it affect me?  Of course it did but I'm comforted by a number of things and disturbed by others.  My father and I were never "close" but we knew between us what was going on - I felt every bit of survivor syndrome when he was diagnosed and he knew it and reassured me about that.  He knew what was coming and he dealt with it as only he and we knew he would.  He was a very brave man and considering he'd never really been ill or been in Hospital for well over 60 years - he had a good innings.  He bore the Hospital stuff as well as he could and whilst he was "spaced out" on a number of occasions (often you are thankful for that when you think about it as he didn't know what was going on), he dealt with everything heroically.

How do I feel now?  I guess I don't want to die like he did.  It wasn't "fair" and it wasn't "nice" and you can see why Cancer has this fearsome reputation.  I've been moved in many ways (and humbled) by his and my own experiences.  However, this hasn't manifested itself very well in me as I want to go and live life to the fullest and my circumstances and my own conservative and introvert (yes I KNOW that's difficult to comprehend if you know me) personality stop me from cutting loose and living my life flat out.

Interesting times ahead.....   

Phew

That Was an interesting afternoon and night out - as usual I got the jitters as the meeting started as I still have this mini panic attack about being in these rooms and getting hot and airless but they had the fans on and it wasn't as busy at it was a few years back and so there was room to move around and I felt fine.

We had a good Burns Supper and a good few drinks back at the Club and I arrived home at 02:30.  It was a good night out.  Reality bites and I'm back on my diet this morning and the cycle starts again.

I'm continuing to re catalogue my music and have two PCs running together closing in on each other from either end of the alphabet.

I managed to chip a lump off one of my teeth which all adds to my bill with the Dentist!  I need to arrange a series of visits to get all this lot done and the Root Canal treatment is the first on the bill - as long as he numbs my head it will be fine!

An Afternoon And Evening

It's time for the boys from Scotland to come down here and this afternoon and tonight should be a good evening once again.  It is one of those meetings that is quite enjoyable once I've got over the mini panic attack with the crowded room at the beginning but we call off for tea halfway through and so that's normally OK.

We then have a Burn's Supper with all the pipes and Haggis etc - very nice.  Then on to the Conservative Club and have a few drinks before getting home in the early hours.

It is cheat day and so I will have plenty of things to cheat with including beer and potatoes and Cheese so I'll be happy and fully stuffed when I get home.

I've lost around a Stone so far but have far more to go on that.  I happened onto a Programme from Aljazeera last night - a South African chat show and a chap called Tim Noakes was on there talking about diet and he very much promoted the Atkins / Tim Ferris approach but more that that went on to explain some of the interesting facts around the food and drugs industries.  Look him up on the Internet - he is a University Professor in South Africa.

As an approach it makes perfect sense to me and you can see where all these processed foods start to give you trouble.  

I start week 4 of the diet tomorrow and I'm hoping for yet more improvement although I have a number of functions coming up that will challenge me - I was able last week to only eat those things I'm allowed to and refused the others.  I feel pretty good about that and I know that in keeping to this diet (this time) I should be able to get back into my clothes!  

I've had a relatively good week this week but I've been occupied and not disturbed too much so that's probably what it is - my mind being off things.

Turning Out To Be An Expensive Week

This time at the Dentist :-(  All looked OK until the mention of a small blister which looks to be from the tooth adjacent to the Root Canal filled one.  At one point it looked as if that one was due out but a trace dye and X-Ray sorted that out and found another two fillings!  So Root Canal to see if the Tooth can be saved and clear the wee blister.  Then a further two refills for loose or potentially loose ones.  

I've got the estimate so Mrs. F. took a sharp intake of breath when she saw that. 

Had a long chat with my business partner - we are both having the frustration of trying to do something new that isn't "going back" on what we did, in other words, we want something to build on what we did in the last few years.  

I'm having some doubts about quite what I want to do but hey ho, I'm pressing onwards and let's see what happens.

Observations

• After a while you forget you had bladder cancer for hours and sometimes a whole day.  
• I find myself talking about having had a serious illness or major incident in my life rather than saying Cancer - not because I don't want to say it but that I don't want to alarm the person I'm with
• On reflection, looking at photos and thinking back - I did look like sh1t when I was ill.  Sorry I looked grey and drawn even though I kept a good sense of humour my looks betrayed what was happening to me.
• I am a little crazier than I used to be and in some ways it doesn't matter - one day I will act my age but I fear that is many years away
• Whilst I'm confident about the future - I'm going to have one for some sort of time, I'm actually hiding the fear that I will be "got" next time as I escaped this time - survivor syndrome.

Anyhow enough for now - just a few observations 

Car Fixed

Expensive to get things done these days and a new battery for the car was "reassuringly expensive".  If I get this job it comes with a car (or the money) and so I can probably have a think about that then.  If of course they get back to me!  At the moment it is just over the week so we will see, they are apparently notoriously slow in getting people in via the normal process.

So onto more mundane stuff.  A little later today I'm off with Flocky Bicep to a meeting over in Berkshire.  I've been to the centre we are going to before - it's built like a prison block :-)  At least the cars are safe given the number of CCTV cameras they have there!  

I'm progressing with getting my music library into some semblance of order.  I am only up to the letter C but that includes all my Classical Music of which I have a large collection.  After that I should race through until I get to the Films and Soundtracks section which also has a lot as well as Jazz.  At least I've worked out that I can selectively index the sections so that is helping loading and unloading.

I'm pleased with my diet - in fact I'll see later if I can fit into my suit again - I wasn't able to 2 weeks ago which really spurred me on to get back to a proper diet.  I've lost around 1/2 a stone but the main thing is that my Stomach is contracting and the flabby bits either side have all but gone now (Love Handles as they are sometimes called).  I've lost some weight off my hips too and a little around my neck.  Hopefully it can be steady progress from here.  Tonight will be a challenge as there will be bread and cheese and other forbidden stuff - I will make sure I don't touch them.

The Trouble With Extreme Cold

Is it picks out when there is a small problem and makes it worse.  My car decided that enough was enough and the battery gave up on me on Saturday morning.  Normally I'd shrug that off but this was the one day a year I may have got to see my wider family and for the last 2 years I haven't been and so I was determined to go but was really worried about the overnight forecast which was for between 2 and 4 inches of snow!!  However I guessed that if I got up at 6:30 and it was snowing well the day wouldn't happen but as it happened rain had been and so all was set.  I was going to go and get the HS1 Javelin Train to Stratford (Where the Olympics were held) and walk to the School (I helped to build years ago) and on the way have a slap up breakfast.

However, I got in the car only to have it just click and then whir at me :-(  I tried it a few more times but it's pretty obvious what it is.  I rang the garage (eventually) and they will hopefully come out tomorrow or Tuesday to sort it out.   

So on Saturday I eventually took myself to the Post Office to pay in some cheques and then but some Wine Gums that I then consumed on a walk down to the Doctor's surgery to put in my repeat prescription.  I then tried to call Mrs. F. as agreed but couldn't get through - she was vacuuming.  So I walked home and then we agreed to go out for a spot of lunch which was nice.

I did next to nothing today for some reason I'd knocked all the get up and go out of myself but I think it is really that I was disappointed about Saturday and also just a little down.  I'm focussing on getting my record collection sorted out as I've realised what a bad job I have done cataloguing and indexing it these past months I've been making all the vinyl, cassettes and CDs electronically accessible.  So far it seems that whilst I've transferred the music successfully I've been less than successful in identifying the year, genre, album and even the proper name of the band or artist.  A brief indexing audit has thrown up a lot of anomalies I need to deal with but I have a nice bit of software caller tagscanner that helps a lot although it does like to crash once a day on me.  It takes a good hour to re-build the index which is a nuisance but once done I can do multiple changes and it automatically does certain tasks for me too - capitalisation, file renaming etc.

It will be a week on from the interview and I wait to hear what may have happened.  I spoke to Mrs. F. about some ideas I have to progress things and will see what she makes of them in the weeks to come.

Ah Sonos

I'm a happy bunny as my Sonos 5 arrived today and after 10 minutes setting it up I was able to thump out some of my tunes from it via my mobile phone - how neat is that?  :-)

It's one of those gadgets that actually work straight out of the box with minimal interference and so far, so good.  I now realise that my indexing of my music really is pants and so I need to spend a bit more time sorting that out - I'm using a thing called Tagscanner but with over 30,000 tracks and counting, it is hard work to make sure that I keep on top of it.  It's silly things like capitalisation and where full stops and commas are used as well as other little nuances with saving the files.  Anyway - at least I can see what I need to do and can get on top of that in stages.

I am hoping that the bad weather that is due overnight will not be as bad as they say so I can get out and go up to London to my Family History AGM which for one reason and another I've missed the last two years!  Fingers crossed.

I've lost three inches off my middle, an inch off my hips and around 1/2 stone in two weeks which I am pretty chuffed at - I think I've lost about 1/2 Inch around my neck too.  The diet can be a bit boring but tomorrow is cheat day - I have to get up early to grab some breakfast before I go and can then just pig out for the rest of the day :-)

Feeling up beat at the moment but I need to put some time into sorting out accounts and the like next week.  Now I've got my go anywhere speaker system there's no reason I cannot work on the dining room table and spread out with my music thumping away at the same time :-)

I'm feeling so much better than I was earlier on in the year - it goes like this - up and down - that's the roller coaster.

Don't Annoy Mrs. F.

She really laid into the Credit Card Company who have now, after 20 years with them, been given their marching orders despite them trying to calm her down and crediting her back extra interest they'd claimed after a f*** up with the bank and their internal systems last month that meant we had to do some emergency payments and then they baulked the electronic transfer and charged us again - bunch of shisters. 

So Mrs. F. blew her top at them and when they kept lumping out the same old drivel she told them where they can stick it - good for her.  I've got to run around changing a number of things tomorrow but that's no hardship.  I think we will have a bit of fun with the letter to them telling them how not to keep a customer but then again they have thousands of other customers and losing a long term customer probably isn't too much of a worry to them.  But they are a bunch of tossers and hopefully the new cards and arrangements we have arrived at will see us OK in the future.

Nice one - I'd hate to be on the end of a Mrs. F. Rant :-)  Mind you - you haven't seen me go for someone either - that's exciting too :-)  I remember withdrawing all my funds from a bank as one of the Tellers gave us a funny look as if we couldn't afford a mortgage and said something similar so I withdrew all my savings - that shocked the little pratt when he realised I had enough to buy half the house - so he called the manager and I had much pleasure explaining in a slightly too loud voice about how badly I'd been treated and that the Teller didn't think we would have enough to raise a Mortgage.  He looked stupid, the manager looked furious and I took my money out anyway as a point of order.  Then went around the corner to another bank showed them the cheque and asked if I were to deposit this amount would they consider a chat about a mortgage - you'd be surprised how quickly they responded.

Anyhow - glad she's in bed and not ranting - it was quite frightening :-)

Digitise My Life

Now I have the Server setup for the house and all the back up and stuff working nicely I've decided to take the plunge and put all my music online too.  I've invested in a WiFi bridge and a Speaker system from Sonos which I can operate by PC, Smartphone or one of the girl's tablets.  As it is WiFi I can take it into different rooms and play music anywhere in the house.  It also connects to Internet Radio.  I've missed my HiFi system and I just don't play enough of my stuff on the Surround Sound system which is stuck connected to the TV.

So I'm looking forward to being able to stream my music to any room in the house and to control it by genre, artist etc.  Cool.

Beginning to notice the weight coming off this week - same as last time with the good old love handles going first and the stomach becoming less intrusive.  Still a long way to go but hopefully if I can continue this I can bring my weight down to more acceptable levels.

Feeling OK at the moment which is good.  Haven't been down for a week or so which pleases me.

All Work and No Play

Mrs. F. is once again working on her day off that's twice now and with hardly seeing her at the weekend and (let's not forget) I'm a feature in the house, we still hardly ever see each other.

It's a bit annoying - not that I'm possessive or particularly demanding  in anyway, I certainly don't need attention but it would be nice to spend more than 5 or 10 minutes a week together!  

Somehow I'm feeling that this particular job I'm after isn't the right thing to do for me but it will at least get me out of the house 12 or more hours a day and just leave weekends to sort out.  Perhaps that's not the right way to look at it but it may settle things or start to.

Interview - Maybe

An interesting telephone interview this morning to check that I aligned with some core competencies and now I have to wait possibly a couple of week to see if they will proceed further. Interesting.

The snow is still hanging around and we expect more - it of disrupts loads of stuff and travel is a nightmare.  I will see if we are going to meet tonight - I'd call it off as there will hardly be enough of us to make a quorum I would guess.

Yes indeed we got snow

Nowhere near as bad as we have had before but as usual the railways managed to screw up meaning A had a long journey home and spent over 3 hours by various means to get home and looking at their performance I doubt things will be a lot better when everyone gets back to work tomorrow.  I know I've had some journeys from hell but surely in these days of technology and surely having learnt from the past they are able to actually do something about it.  Obviously not!  In some ways though I shouldn't be surprised.

I have my Interview in about 9 hours time.  The upside is it is by phone so no worries about the weather there.  I have an invite to go for a lunchtime drink too so I may take that up if I feel I have been successful in the interview.  Can you believe it that I re-checked the email they sent me out and the link still doesn't work.  How shoddy is that?  So that's why things don't surprise me any more even top world class businesses have staff that aren't above average I'd say.

I need to get an appointment with my Doctor and with my Dentist and so I'll plan to nail that this week and I've a few other things that need sorting too.  Hopefully I will get around to them soon. 

I worked out that I spent 5 minutes with Mrs. F this weekend and perhaps 15 minutes in total if you include sitting down to lunch as time spent.  She did sit in the living room at one time but read her book and didn't utter a word.  Was she out all weekend?  No of course not for once I was home all weekend so it is a pretty remarkable feat given we were locked in the house that we hardly saw or spoke to each other in all that time!  

Oh well better get to bed so as to be a bit bright and breezy for my interview later.

Snow - Well I guess so

We have some snow but it looks more like Ice will be the issue.  It's been fine snow blown around in very strong winds.  Mind you is has disrupted a lot of the transport system yet again....

I got the next step of my interview process coming up on Monday which is good - a telephone interview this time - again that's good and we will just have to see how it goes from there.  I suppose the results weren't too bad after all?  

The nice thing is that it is conducted on the phone and that means that I don't have to have the stress of trying to get to an appointment when the weather is bad.

Interesting Day Coming Up

It will be interesting to see what they make of my varied test results but today is going to be interesting as I'm catching up with an old work colleague. He has moved down to Rye which is a lovely village in East Sussex - I'd like to live there myself.  I have early memories of family holidays and outings - to nearby Camber Sands where we really did have SANDwiches for lunch :-)

We are expecting some sort of snow event tomorrow and we are getting warned that it will be like 2012 or some other disaster movie but - it's just snow!  A few flakes and the country comes to a standstill!

I am gradually getting my record, cassette and CD collection sorted out and catalogued - I was surprised at how much I actually have.  So far I have over 25,000 tracks on the server!  That was a surprise but, then again, being a DJ many years ago, I suppose I shouldn't be.

The sun is out today but it mush be -4 or -5 out there :-)  So a crisp walk off to lunch...

My general outlook is quite good at the moment and the diet appears to have taken a good inch of perhaps more off of my stomach already so encouraging signs there.

Test Results

Well it's official - I'm a bit on the thick side on one of the tests and a little better than thick on the other one.  Fair enough, let's see if it daunts them to speak to me.

Had a crazy day all around today - I am trying to get my music off of Vinyl, Tape and CD and onto my Server.  This is OK but it is taking a lot of time to do.  I've also now realised that I should be indexing the tracks a bit better and have a piece of software to do that - great - however when you consider that I have close to 26,000 tracks already electronically recorded it is taking me some time to index, re index, merge duplicates etc.

Diet is taking hole nicely now and I'm beginning to get myself into the flow of drinking plenty of water and of eating the same things over and over again - until Saturday that is when I can take a bit of a rest.  I'm out tomorrow to the local pub and so I need to make sure that I'll be on my Red Wine regime and also just have to be careful what I eat.

Feeling quite well and that may be because I've got some things sorted, the diet has started working and other factors.

Not too bad

I only managed about 2 thirds of the numeracy test before it timed out - shame really but the language these people use makes comprehension difficult.  I hate some of the old tosh they come out with but there you go.  It was interesting that I finished the verbal reasoning test in short order - 3 and a half minutes early - I could have gone back and flaffed around I suppose but was happy with most of my answers  - or as happy as I can be.  Mind you like all these things they'll get enough data from the bits I've done to take it to the next stage.

So let's now see if takes 3 months to get an interview....

Finally

We get around to doing these tests - what has it been?  It feels like three months to me - certainly since October I've been waiting on them - unbelievable really.  Anyway - I will make time this afternoon and go through the tests and see how I get on.

It's one of those things that I find surprisingly stressful as I don't tend to work like most people on these sorts of things - I can work quite fast and accurate but these tests, from what I see, aren't really aimed at Program Managers and Directors - they look more like Accountant style questions but hey ho, let's see what they actually appear like on the day.

Just need to get in the zone for them and get no interruptions and noise and as both girls are around and one of their boyfriends I need to make sure they keep out of sight.

Strange Behaviour

I guess I've grown up as an early adopter of technology and so email and spreadsheets and word-processing are familiar every day things I do so it always amuses me when I get emailed something (invoices in this case) and then get them posted to me as well.  I mean why would you do that?  They are so funny and so very quaint.

One of my old bosses printed out every email (or rather his Secretary did) and then he scrawled the responses and let his Secretary answer his emails.  Different - we weren't allowed to do that  but he was - used to make me laugh anyway.

So - what has today been like?  I still feel a little bit hungry which means I just need to adjust my diet to take on board some more food (yes some more).  You shouldn't get hungry at all but you shouldn't over eat either.  It was quite an interesting day today and I managed to do pretty well with the food I had available - tomorrow will be interesting and I'm looking forward to being creative with the same old ingredients.

Monday Diet Progresses

Still a slight headache which I think is normal for changing your diet and shifting the emphasis towards a slow carb regime.  So breakfast this morning was 3 boiled eggs, mushrooms  spinach and Adzuki beans.  Very nice apart from busting an egg over my hands... 

Funnily enough I'm feeling good and got on with a load of treasurer's work this morning counting the money and sorting out cheque in, payments out etc.  We have a dusting of snow this morning and are expecting a lot more later in the day and the week if the Met Office are to be believed - how these people can predict anything with any degree of accuracy amazes me - we were going to have a drought this time last year and it was almost the wettest year on record.  Let's hope our feeble transport system can also cope with the 3 or 4mm of Snow we have at the moment!

Finally got the link through to do my tests - will have a go at those tomorrow I think and see where we go from there.

Also - drinking loads of ice cold water - by product is many trips to the toilet but keeping the bladder irrigated is a good thing of course.

Not So Bad

I cracked on with the diet this morning and so far so good.  I feel a little hungry but then realised that the family meal had no carbs at all so probably where that was missing.

I just need to keep my discipline now and get this weight loss started - I did really well last time and I just need to continue without distraction and follow my plan.

Interestingly enough I've had a bit of a headache today - I don't normally get them - it can be part of the change in diet which is quite sudden.  

Oh well, let's see how we do.

Diet Starts in 5 minutes

Yes indeed I've been out all day on Saturday to two meetings and had two enormous meals and plenty to drink.  I'm definitely ready to start a weight loss programme now and get back to where I was around about April last year.  

Of course it is a matter of just setting out a new way of living and I need to get straight onto the diet in the morning and to make sure that I follow it strictly.  I suppose if it hadn't of been for breaking the habit in April. May and June/July of last year with Dad being ill and all I'd be at least 3 or 4 stone lighter than I am now.  I have a goal to be lighter but I haven't set an ideal weight - I think perhaps I need to think about that in the next week or two.

AT LAST I have the opportunity to complete the tests for the potential job interview.  Diplomatically I could call it a series of unfortunate incidents but really it is incompetence at its worst level.

It was nice to get a lift home in my friends Bentley Continental though :- )  What a lovely car!

Burn's Supper

Well it was very nice indeed and a nice price too considering we had plenty of whisky (malt whisky) to go with the meal of Cock-A-Leekie Soup, Haggis Neaps and Tatties and Plum Duff followed by Chesses and Biscuits.  They even included wine too.

Well - it was just one of those really enjoyable nights and the Lodge members went way knowing that they had put on a great show for us and we had all enjoyed ourselves.

Was nice that Flocky gave me a lift home too as we managed to have a bit of a chat.

Off to bed now and hope to get a good night's sleep - heard bad news today about Wilko Johnson diagnosed with Terminal Pancreatic Cancer.  He is an amazing guitarist and one of the first bands we followed when we were 15 or 16 years old at the local school.  The trouble with Pancreatic Cancer is that it really does have a very poor rate.

It was nice to see some very old friends tonight and we had some chats about "the old times".  It is such a shame that these guys don't get out and about anymore - I enjoyed their company and so it was a pleasure to meet them again tonight.  I suppose I ought to go to them if they can't come to me?

A Lot Better Today

How could it possibly be any worse?  I at least had something constructive to do and went to see a car for my cousin who lives some 200 miles away.  It was a nice trip out and an easily found place and nice little car too.

Back home and going to get ready to go out shortly.  I will probably take a relaxing walk down to the hall and there is a meeting and Burns Supper to be had which I will hopefully enjoy with some of my mates.

I need to motivate myself to get doing things and in some way next week will be good as I will be able to concentrate on getting back on my diet, getting fit and that should also improve my general well being - carrying all this excess weight isn't good for me either.  I'm going to go back to the Tim Ferriss 4 hour body diet which is a modified type of Atkins diet and I hope that it will be equally as good as last year when I did it up until the time of running up and down and seeing my dad.  I just fell out of the habit but this time I think I should be able to stick to it and I also have a strategy to stick to the diet whilst out and about.  It's all about sticking to the plan and last time I did it the pounds just dropped away like magic.  I suppose the only concern has to be if I do end up working in an office environment again quite how I'll work it but I'm sure there are ways around it.

The key thing is to make sure that I have goals to achieve and that I keep myself focussed on them.  

An All around Horrible Day

I have been in a horrible place all day - not I hasten to say the despair and Black Dog of previous years.  No, this is more concerning really it is something to do with what lies ahead and I was in mini panic attack mode on a couple of occasions over things that hadn't happened (and aren't likely to either).  I was able to work my way through things today and that got me through but did warn Mrs. F. of the terrible place I had been and the shortness of breath and suffocating feelings really weren't needed.

It's probably a good thing as a reminder why I'm going on a diet, beginning to sort out getting a job (or not) and all those good things.  I'm surprised that since I got cancer that I'm like this as I didn't expect to be having depression and similar episodes but in my own way I think this is all telling me that I need to stop the procrastination and sort things out one way or the other.  I need to have some uncomfortable conversations.  I've been trying like crazy to make changes but it hasn't really made much difference to me or those around me.  Perhaps it's best just to tackle the problems head on.  Much as I prefer this, most people don't and I realise that I'm clinical, direct and non emotional about things that probably need tact, diplomacy and and a certain amount of political dancing.  Trouble is, the message can be lost that way.  

Tomorrow I'm off on an errand which will be a good distraction to check out a car for my cousin and later in the day I am off to a Burns Supper which will also be nice.  Hopefully I'll be in a better frame of mind at the end of it.

Nasty Start

I feel absolutely horrible this morning.  Just dreadful, I've gone from being really positive this week to suddenly having a mini panic attack in the bedroom and needing to get up and moving.  I had sudden forward flashes of not wanting to attend a couple of meetings due this Saturday to just wanting to be out of the house and breathing properly.

I'm calmed down now - it didn't take long to reason with myself but I'm really emotional and upset now although I feel in control.  I'm guessing I've kicked out an adrenalin surge in a fight or flight sort of way and that's coursing around my body with no where to go.

In many ways the diet can't start soon enough for me - I'm starting this Sunday and neither can the benefits that will bring with a healthier lifestyle, less weight, some exercise and I hope some sort of distancing myself away from these claustrophobia attacks.  These little panic attacks are quite disturbing even though I know them to be based on nothing and have no grounding in fact, they are just something my sub concious is torturing me with.

The Thick Plottens

For such is the strange world that is employment.  Someone wants me to work for them, their HR department are spending an age getting me sorted out for a basic test that is a bit of a laugh as if I didn't have these basic skills (this is normally for graduates) I'd never have the CV and experience I do. I've left them to go internal warfare whilst they sort this out amongst themselves.

I find it amusing that even some of the best names in the industry are as bad as each other.  Corporates are just awful sometimes internally.  I've hated this sort of stuff all my life but hey, they might just give me a job and I might just enjoy it and who knows, it might sort my sorry arse out and stop me floundering around.

I' just wish they'd hurry up and sort themselves out so I can take the damn exams and then get on with the interviews.  

Facing Your Demons

I still think about my cancer every day and it's not what you might think - it's not a self pity thing or anything like that.  It's more how lucky I am and also most of the time it is something reminding me about it but I don't look back to the really bad times or at least not a lot.  Occasionally I get a reminder of those times and whilst I've considered how other people reacted I've never really explored it.

If I can make an observation about people in general (so it is a generalisation).  I find that they tend to assume a lot and don't understand why you aren't grieving (in the case of my dad), in some sort of ecstasy for beating my cancer nor can they understand why my hair didn't drop out with the treatment - so many things are stereotyped and expected and if you "act" outside of the norm they don't get it.  I'm sure that some want you to perhaps deliver some sort of uplifting message for the assembled to take away about how you beat the Big C.  

Today I read a blog from someone who is coming to terms with their imminent demise and how they are combating the pain and how the family members are now beginning to come apart at the seams.  You can't be a hard bastard all the time and despite what you may think, many people have a stake in you, your health and well-being.  I can see his problem and he's talking about funeral details, number of cars, music and all that.  In a way I'd have liked my dad to have left a few notes for guidance but there you go.  I've written some notes myself which are sufficiently woolly so as to allow those left behind to do what they'd like - it's not as if I'm going to be bothered.

I've blanked a lot of the nasty stuff away and hidden it somewhere stored away and try not to remember the operations nor the BCG treatments.  They are the things that saved my life of course and so you can't dismiss them as such but the truth is that they weren't pleasant and added to the stress of the diagnosis they are some of the low points.  I can't say that I was in much pain - some but not a huge amount although the treatments, as I've often said, aren't for sissies.   It also depended on how your body reacted on a particular day as to how you'd feel.  

When I get these flashbacks (for that is how they appear) they are very disturbing indeed.  I don't know if they are exaggerated or whether they are realistic?  I don't recollect if I was just manning up for the treatments and operations or whether they were that nasty and I blocked it out.   What I do know is that they often catch me unaware as did that blog this morning.  Just reading the issue he was having to deal with and suddenly it all came back to me like a wave.  It was quite upsetting and made me feel really sad and a little ill at the same time.  

Funny Thing

Ended up having a beer and chatting and the lads told me about a chap I sort of know and they were discussing his cancer and operation and how he now has to have enzyme tablets etc.  Then they suddenly recollected that I had been ill and the dynamics changed and it was a strange thing to hear how many see Cancer as a death sentence.  It is 50/50 I believe with this other chap but he's had radical surgery and ongoing treatment and only time will tell with that but of course I was the living proof that you can survive it.

Of course I still think that it's coming back to get me at any time :-)  Such is the impression it can make on you.

Voldemort

Interesting that people wouldn't say his name in the Harry Potter books/films.  It's similar in the Cancer world or is that the "C" world.  No one likes to use the word at all and I suppose we can all understand that - it has bad memories for very many people and we all know someone who has had it or died from it and so it strikes fear into people.

I get asked "how is you little problem?" which isn't quite the sort of thing you'd ask a gentleman now is it? :-)  "Are you alright now after your experience?" but no one mentions Cancer directly.  

So that's just one of those observations that is ongoing as I remember early on finding that no one really wanted to say the word - I wonder if they didn't want to upset me?  Perhaps. 

And once again the link doesn't work

It drives you mad doesn't it but I guessed that the link to the test wouldn't work as it has been over 10 days and it just had to be.  So I swatted up this morning and was ready to take the test and it didn't let me.  Oh well - perhaps another day when they issue the next link.

At least I have some idea what will be in front of me.  These tests are actually quite difficult to do with distractions and so I need to lock myself in and concentrate on them as there are a number of areas you can easily trip up on.

Feeling OK still which is good, my spirits are up and once I get myself motivated I can really get moving along - the maths tests are fine but I take a while to get cracking at those.  I think I need to get myself some squared paper for that but verbal reasoning I seemed to do OK in although the way the questions are constructed isn't the way I talk or think but there you go, a means to an end.

I will proceed with this application and see where it leads me.  I don't have high expectations for it as I had already dismissed it last year.  I also turned down another opportunity today but I really didn't fancy a 60 mile trek around the M25 (each way) each day and also knowing that the money would be half of that with this present job.

If I get this job so be it but I'm thinking that it may not happen and so I can fall back on plan B.  The former makes things easier in some ways and puts me on a footing to control my destiny a bit.  The trouble is, I'm not certain that I really, deep in my heart, want to go back to doing what I used to.  I may have been "born for the role" but it doesn't mean that it will be the right thing to do.  It may be the right thing for the wrong reason for example.  Oh well let's see how it pans out.

The Gap Between

It struck me tonight that there is quite a gap between what I want or like to do and what actually happens.  For example, I really fancy going out a couple of nights a week to have a meal or go to some live music or just for a beer and I'm the only person in the house that does nights during the working week.  Most are in their PJs at 9:00 and off to bed not much later.  Me - I can do 11 or later most nights always been able to and can just about do that still.  Used to do it after 10 or 11 hour days too.  No need to look at why my lifestyle may have contributed to early onset of cancer I suppose.

However, here I am looking at the extra time I've been given and thinking I ought to do something with it and yet it's just me that wants to or has the inclination.  I don't abuse this and in fact more often than not I stay in even though it gets like a ghost town shortly after 9 at night.  I like the fact that I'm told how tiring this all is for them when I regularly used to be up at 4:30 and home at 11 or later day after day :-) 

I think this will make for an interesting conversation for us to have.  It occurs to me that this is also one of those incompatibles that needs to be dealt with.

I'm feeling a lot better in myself at the moment and hope that continues a little longer than usual and I can stay up for a while.

Starting the process

It's amazing that some 2 or 3 months ago someone asked me if I was looking for a job and we started this process off.  Now, finally, I get the link to read what they want me to do after it taking an absolute age.  So now I've read it I can perhaps go for these tests tomorrow as they are only 20 minutes each and I might just run a few exercises first.  That is if the link is still working.

It's taken about 6 weeks to get the link sorted so I kind of wonder what value HR bring to the party - from what I've seen - they delay things so long that half the candidates probably don't want to continue the process but there you go.

Anyway, let's see what happens.

2013 - Let's See What You Bring

Don't feel too bad this morning and we didn't overdo the drinks last night as Mrs. F. had to run A to Heathrow so she can go to New York for a holiday.   The 2nd time she has been to NY and this time she is with her boyfriend rather than her aunt who previously held her up from doing what she really wanted to do.  She's there for 10 days I think and so she will be able to fit in a lot more than she previously did.

I'm tackling my diary at the moment and then I'm going to work out what I want to do in the next few days.  I have a number of important things to sort out not least of which is to get some accounts into regular order.  It is a nuisance that we haven't been given a decent set of model accounts to use and so I have had to build up my own set and use those.   I need to adjust them now to make them more user friendly - they work for me but are hideously complicated where I'm sure a few tweaks could make them easy to use.

I've this set of mini exams to take which I might tackle tomorrow and I have to work on clearing the decks to start my diet etc.  That's all very well but the food that we have left over from Christmas and the New Year will need to be frozen or eaten first.

The sun is shining at last and things always look pretty good when it does.  Having had rain for what feels like 11 of the last 12 months it really is a nice start to the year.  Resolutions for this year are few really - I need to sort myself out and try and work out what the hell I want to do with myself and perhaps who I want to do that with.

All the best for 2013 - Happy New Year!

Coffee with Flocky

Nice change of scenery and a few coffees and a chat and a few beers on the way home - all good stuff.  It's nice to get out and about.  New Year's Eve already - where has this year gone?  It's been one hell of a year and it all looked so different this time last year.  Here's last year's post.  

You can't tell (of course) what will happen and whilst some of it was inevitable some was openly speculative and didn't quite turn out like I had expected.  I will again go for some more lifestyle changes as soon as the next few weeks and this mountain of food is eaten.  It will be a combination of a number of things I think.  Almost certainly the Low Carb diet and this time with some exercise and also using the juicer too as I used it a lot but then it was put away and didn't get used at all for a couple of months.  

As for friends, family and work well that is a different matter and needs to be worked on speedily as I can't get my head around it at the moment.  I feel I'm doing the wrong things for the right reasons and vice versa and my usual logic and thoughtful approach isn't working as emotions are getting in the way of my decision making.  

2013 will I hope be a healthy one and I'm just trying to work on the other stuff too to see if it can be better than 2012 - let's hope there aren't as many traumatic times ahead.

Bump bump bump

Bumping along the bottom and I've been somewhat down this Christmas - even been noticed by some people that I'm not my normal happy cheery self and indeed I'm not.  I'm kind of in a strange old place really as I have many roads that I can choose to go (Oh sounded like Stairway to Heaven for a moment).  Of course you can't predict the future and you can't always work out what is the best thing to do.  If you did, well we'd all be rich and happy and satisfied with our lot.

I had the most awful vision as I climbed into bed last night, it was of my father dying and lying helpless in his bed at the Hospital and it really took me aback and unsettled me.  Somewhere there was a shift in me last night that brought that on - I believe it was from a couple of programmes that were on TV and it sort of flashed in front of me and made me quite anxious and upset for a short while.

It's New Year's Eve tomorrow and I'm hoping that I can finally get some sort of cut off point and sort myself out.  I have all these ideas and opportunities and yet I know that until I get the stuff that's messing in my head out in the open and discussed I won't be committed to making proper and well founded decisions.

Wonder when

My mobile phone will be fixed.  I'm using the old trusty Nokia - you know the one that lasts for a week on a charge and allows you to talk to people!  :-)  The other one died when I was at my mums and looked pretty terminal when I took it into the shop last Saturday.  Let's hope that they can fix the damn thing.

Lots of people around tonight for a party which will be fun (I hope).  Still communicating in mono syllables here at the moment and will need to tackle that pretty soon.  Pretty fed up in myself though - not sure but have been very flat this Christmas.

Just got news that another relative has died this year - that makes three (excluding my dad) and this one also died of Pancreatic Cancer.  I'll write a little note to his widow - I hate it when you don't know and send a Christmas Card to someone who's died.

Have had assurances that the Piano will go in January - let's hope so and also hope that the temperature change by sticking it from house to garage won't overly affect it.  There was no way we could get 14 around the table (tonight) with the Piano in situ.

I'm just having a breather ready to commence preparing the meal for tonight.  I just need to go and work out a schedule for that. It should be easy as it is sit down and easy to prepare stuff, Italian Anti Pasta, Seafood, Cheese, Cold Meats and that sort of thing.  I think I may be cooking some Chilli and some Lasagne but need to find out from Mrs. F.

Shattered

Shattered indeed and also not in a great sense of humour this morning either.  I do tend to work at keeping everything going during the day and do whatever is needed in terms of cooking, drinks and so on.  Today, whilst there are people in the house I think I've actually only had a one word exchange and it's gone midday!  Today is a rest day as we have another day full on tomorrow with our friends over.  There's plenty of food to be eaten and my smelly cheese is lined up ready to be tackled too.  Plenty of beer in the garage as well.

I will see if I can hold back my current feeling that I want to rip someone's head off :-)  

Christmas Eve - Bam that came around quickly

Last year we had a good Christmas as I recall but tinged with some sadness as we knew dad would be unlikely to see this one.  He was recovering from a massive operation to sort out the infections he was getting regularly and whilst this did give him a little respite and probably prolonged his life I'm not sure how he would have balanced that out himself.  I suppose at least we didn't have his death at Christmas because of this.

I'm marching off down to the Hospital to get my blood test done - I admit to engineering this in this way because I'd gotten into a habit of going at Christmas time and it means the place is almost empty.  I will go in a short while, get my test done, wander back to the Greengrocer and pick up some odds and ends and then I might pop into the Cafe for a Bacon sandwich or something similar.  I can walk home or go via my local pub for a beer and say hi to the Landlord and staff.  Then back here for preparation for tomorrow.  Party tonight is also on the cards.

It's highly unlikely that the piano will go and so I need to put some pressure on after Christmas for that to be sorted out.  I think otherwise I will re-offer it to the family and if there are no takers I will see if I can just get rid of it or break it up - it's a sad thing to do but it can't sit in my garage for ever.

I'll probably sign off here for a few days so Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.  Let's see what 2013 brings.....

Almost upon us once again

Christmas that is.  Final bits and pieces are being picked up and acted on - a bit of shopping here and there, some gifts as we may have an unexpected guest on the day and odds and ends like that.

I'm busy transferring my music from vinyl, tape and CD to my hard drive and also now the stuff I got from my mum (dad's stuff).  I must have doubled my DVD collection and have a hundred CDs and Cassettes to rip and store.

It's actually quite nice that dad and I had similar taste in films and music although I doubt he ever got my French and bizarre film collection - not many people do :-)

I'm having trouble being "nice" to people - it is the same every year - why on earth people get all stressed out about things is beyond me - no one expects it to go as planned surely that's part of the fun?  Taking out their stress on me isn't the best way to make me sympathetic or help out - I tend to have to bite my tongue very hard indeed.  At least stuck up here by my PC I'm not going to get involved too much!  :-)

Early Morning

Some idiot trespassing on the lines so A can't get to work, what is wrong with these people?  Anyhow, meant a rude call and Mrs. F. has gone and picked her up and taken her to a parallel line into town so hopefully she can get to work on time.  I could go on about our transport system especially having used it for 30 + years myself.  The number of incidents you get that stop the damn thing working are a joke.

So that's us up and about this morning.  Let's hope Mrs. F. is in a better frame of mind than she was yesterday - you'd have thought I was some sort of mass murdered the way she treated me when she got back from work - I've hardly seen her all week and all she could talk about was the couple of boxes I'd brought back from my mum to give to A so she could sell them.  Rather than leave them and look in the New Year it had to be unpacked (and then re-packed) there and then, on the spot, in the hallway which then means your sort of cut off from getting anywhere else in the house.

Christmas has arrived

My Turkey arrived mid morning and is sitting in the fridge ready to go along with other bits purchased and all the veg I bought yesterday.  So at least we can eat :-)

Business partner came over and we had a few beers and lunch and a chat which was nice.  I need to take my mobile phone in to the local shop to be sorted out - perhaps I will do that on Monday (if not tomorrow).  Will try and arrange to go to the Hospital on Monday too so I can get my blood drawn for the Doctor so I can go see them in the New Year.  Also need to see the dentist too - both of these are at least 6 months overdue but I really wasn't in the mood I have to say.  I think maybe I can use 2013 as a "turning point" allowing me to move on a bit.

I'm concious that the inaction has gone on long enough and now is the time to declare interests and to make decisions.  At least I don't have too much to worry about at the moment apart from the Piano which is now in the garage.  I think if I don't get an answer or the thing moved that I will just recycle it.  

Back from Mums

Not a sign of the Piano being moved and so glad it is stuck in the garage.  In some ways it gets rid of one problem for me and reasserts my belief that if you want a job done - you'd best do it yourself.  * sodding months it's taken and it still hasn't been Moved!

Had a good couple of days at my mums.  Amused me going out with my brother, the one with the really important well paid job where he took a 5 figure drop in pay a few years ago which equalled the money I earnt in a year!  For the 4th time in a row I've got him to come out and meet me and I've bought the first round, My mum bought the second and his father-in-law bought the 3rd.  I notice things like this the tight sod!  Of all of us in the room he's got the money to buy a round but even with the empty glasses staring him in the face he waited until his father-in-law offered.  Oh well, why am I not surprised by this?

The rain has caused chaos on the roads but my journey was uneventful until a Dutch lorry rammed a car outside of the Dartford Bridge in the narrow roadworks!   Crazy stuff but as luck would have it I was about 20 cars behind so managed to get through and keep moving.  I've done all the veg shopping and see that my Christmas is on its way from good old DHL.  I hope that it will arrive in the morning which might allow me out for a beer with a friend.   Fingers crossed.

To make things really bad my phone has died on me :-(  It is pretty annoying as it looked as if the battery needed charging which I did and then the phone just wouldn't work and kept turning itself off.  So I need to get onto the manufacturer and sort that out - it is just annoying though.

Commitment

Not  where they stick me in a home!  No commitment where you ask someone to do something and they do it when they said they were going to do it and how you agreed to do it - the sort of stuff I've lived with all my life as a Project Manager.  Why oh why can't people just commit and that's it instead of saying one thing and saying or doing another?

The words I used to dread were "I've used my own initiative" or "I decided not to do it like we agreed" or "Did I say I was available tomorrow? Well I'm not now"  Call me old fashioned but this is just another one of the failings in modern society no one (sorry over generalisation but I'm having a flame and it's justified) just gets on and does it these days there's always some stupid excuse or they want some sort of commitment from me when they aren't willing to give one themselves.

Had a good evening out with Flocky down in Sussex and had a great meeting and good fun with the lads (we tend to all meet up on "the circuit" as we call it).  Luckily it wasn't a Christmas meal but a really nice Beef Bourguignon and a fabulous cheese and fruit board afterwards.  My nemesis is a cheese board.  Once Christmas is over I will need to get back onto the diet and cheese and many other things will have to be put to one side and only had on cheat day.

It is getting towards Christmas - one week on and it will almost be over for another year!

Glad I'm Going Out

Sometimes I wonder just what I'm meant to be able to do when I get whinged at because someone hasn't done something, hasn't got time or hasn't done something.   Can you drive me to ..... well no actually I can't I'm getting ready to go out at that time.  They made the appointment 5 minutes ago, it's been known that I'm gong out for months and that this week is a bit of a difficult one.  Suddenly I'm the villain of the piece or is it peace?

Once one starts on me then it's fair game for all of them to round on me.  That's the one that rattles me, suddenly I'm the whipping guy for all sorts of sh1t and when I try and assist or suggest there's always some sort of reason that won't work.  So I end up telling everyone to forget it and walk away.  It just annoys the hell out of me and I was in a pretty good frame of mind this morning.  Now - well I'm going to leave earlier than I would normally have done and get an extra hour in at the pub waiting - I can at least have a drink and work on some notes and important stuff. 

I'll be back late so at least I won't have to interact until tomorrow - I have a friend coming round so I can sort out some problems they have with their computer and then the hairdresser and then we are off out for a meal in the evening.  I'd better pack my suitcase too I suppose as I'm off to my mums.

Crazy week.

Hell of a week coming up

Out Monday and Tuesday Nights off to my mums on Wednesday and Thursday and Friday my food arrives.  I also hope that the Piano gets shifted this week - after all it's only been about 8 months!  I need the space for Christmas.  

I still need to make sure that I have case available for odds and ends - I'm buying all my veg up at my mums where there is a great big farm shop and the stuff is at least half the price it is here if not more.

I need to do some more paperwork too.  Suddenly the time pressures are back on!  Oh well keeps me on my toes I suppose.  

In a better frame of mind at the moment and Mrs. F. is getting better though not 100%  Just fingers crossed that none of us goes down with it - it was pretty disgusting I have to say.

Mrs. F's Birthday

She's a bit better than she has been and at last was able to get out of bed - have a bath and eat something.  Poor lass but at least none of us have it which is a good thing.  

So we had an interesting day eventually and it's nice to have L home from University as she is very good around the house and good fun - I miss her as she is good company too.

I've convinced Mrs. F. not to go to work tomorrow - she is too weak and the last thing she needs to do is to either pass on what's she has had or just get completely knackered trying to do a full days work with kids after being stuck in bed for close to 2 days.

Tomorrow I'm off to Sussex for a meeting in the afternoon and then on Wednesday off to my mum's for a couple of days.  Mind you one of the roads I normally use is now flooded and so I need to work my way around that somehow.

A little calm restored

Mrs. F. is a lot better this morning and at least able to take some food (well Rich Tea biscuits) and some water and now some tablets for her headache.  Poor girl has had a horrible day and night but a good night's sleep.  I also managed a good 7 hours sleep but did have a few Ginger Wine snorters before coming to bed :-)

I have had a headache for a couple of days now but that's being stuck inside and doing the Thursday overnight vigil.  Anyway, so far I appear to have gotten over having the same things so I hope that it is an isolated incident and more food poisoning than Norovirus - but time will tell I guess on that.

I've now catalogued my DVDs, have decided to discard my VHS tapes (those that remain) and see if I can transfer them to DVD - not hopeful about that - I may as well just buy the DVD replacements for the odd ones I have still.

It's a bit like going through my Cassettes and Vinyl records and making them MP3 before selling or dumping them (whichever is most appropriate).   I was meant to be out tonight but just in case this is viral or can be transmitted I'd best not as giving it to a further 20 or more and their families is not a good Christmas Gift.  If I can keep well then I am out on Monday to my last meeting of the year.  We are out Tuesday and then I'm away Wednesday and Thursday to see my mum and then Friday - Christmas arrives (well my Turkey and all the trimmings).  Now to hope that the Piano gets sorted too.

Not been a great day

Poor old Mrs. F. has had a horrible day today and can't keep anything down but at least she is sleeping now.  I'll hang around downstairs for a while and then try and get a bit of sleep - I've been disinfecting all day and running water up and down the stairs.  I've also managed to start to catalogue my DVDs at last and that's helped me to work out where some of them have gone (like in my daughter's room) and some I've lent out.  At least I can now track them.

I think I'm OK but haven't felt great all day - perhaps that's because Mrs. F. has been so ill.  I've cancelled tomorrow's party just in case I've got anything.  

Sleepy and heady

Ever worked right through the night?  Well if you have you'll recognise that slightly heady and very tired feeling you get.  I've had a couple of hours sleep I reckon but poor old Mrs. F. is throwing up regularly at about 1 hour intervals so after I've sorted out cleaning and resetting and then nodded off the poor woman is off again.

I don't feel good myself but then I've never liked to see anyone suffering.  I've forced some food down my neck, had my tablets and can definitely feel slight cramps in my stomach but that just might be something else - I sure hope it is.

I've cancelled going to a party for a friend tomorrow - if I'm carrying this I don't want them to catch it.  

On more mundane things I'm planning to get back to some serious diet and exercise in the New Year mainly because it makes sense to do so after the excesses of the Christmas period are gone.  I've been careful about what I eat but with 4 to 6 weeks of being out and about I've noticed a big increase in my weight and also in my physical appearance.  I'm also puffed out coming up the stairs etc and so out of condition.

I intend to get back to the Tim Ferris diet (a modified Atkins) and to get back to using my juicer, my exercise X-Trainer and Vibration Plate on a regular basis.  It just goes to show that when you get sidelined by an event it is quick to fall back into bad habits.  This time I actually hope to take my weight back to before I was ill and if possible back beyond that.  

Yes, it IS 2 in the morning

I'm up and awake as Mrs. F. has been ill for the past 2 hours or so.  Not good - looks like Norovirus to me and that's scuppered a number of things.  She wont be going to work like this in the morning and from what I've heard, despite all my clinical precautions I'm next in line for it as is young A as we have all been in contact this evening.  That also probably means that I ought to cancel going out on Saturday night as I may well be a carrier if not already have the damn thing by then....

That's one of the problems with Mrs. F. working with young children and also today was the school play so potentially anyone could have brought this in with them!  Oh well.

I'm not going to disturb her by trying to go to bed so I'm going to hunker down in the office a few yards away and I can at least fetch water, clean out buckets (yep - yuk) and try and keep the bathroom sprayed down with disinfectant etc.

It was all going so well up until then too :-)  I thought we had managed to miss it altogether.  

It appears that most people have been put on this earth

To p1ss me right off.  The craziest of which today was when asked to confirm my date and place of birth with a call centre (which getting to a live person past "speech recognition" suitable only for Martians and those of Eastern European dialect).  I correctly go my birthday right and where I was born but did sub-district, post town, region.  Then asked what my password was I said I didn't know.  They they suggested it was where I was born.  So armed with that I gave the 2 and 4th letters or each of the originally correctly answered questions before and guess what - there's no way it was any of them!

So when I had the conversation that how did they originally say where I was born was OK but now it was different I had to call back and speak to security.  What a pain as I asked for a direct line as I didn't want to go through all the nonsense a second time.  But yes I did have to go through it all but made sure that I spoke like a Ukrainian this time which appeared to work some of the time.   Eventually things were resolved but it was entirely unsatisfactory and I can see why Mrs. F. is normally loathe to leave me to deal with this sort of sh1t on a day-to-day basis.  

Surely there must be other pragmatic down to earth people out there :-)  Whoever thought of voice recognition on the phone needs certifying as the experience was painful to say the least and just serves to make customers angry.

Christmas is wrapped up and ready to rock and roll and I'm just completing copying over my CDs to my hard drive so that I can use that to stream music in the house.  Apparently my dad's collection is coming home with me next week (CDs, Cassettes and DVDs) I already have the record collection but have been unable to find a suitable buyer for that although there are some good albums in there.  Maybe in the New Year.

I suppose I ought to start moving all my Vinyl over to hard drive soon too - there'll be a lot of that to do I guess.  It also needs some attendance on the tracks as well to make sure that the record isn't jumping and to clean up the hiss and pops from the surfaces.

I have my accounts to complete as soon as it is the end of the year too so I may as well get started with those too as I have some time available.  It's actually nice not going out but that all changes again on Saturday...

All Wrapped

Yes - I managed to get all Mrs. F's birthday and Christmas presents wrapped up and stored away and I just have one more set of presents to complete - once I've worked out a little poem to go with them.

Other than that - I am busy ripping my CDs to my hard drive and onto a pen drive so I can play them on my surround sound downstairs.  I've now got the ability to stream music and film but don't have the devices to actually play them (to the quality I want).  I have a number of cassettes and vinyl records I need to transfer too at some point.

Later today I need to concentrate on my remaining tasks.  The company that I was meant to do the test for have now confirmed that I am waiting for them to get back to me (not vice versa).  I wonder do I really want to work for a company where this has happened.  Mind you it probably means that no one has questioned it before....

Somehow I need to start having a meaningful conversation about the future with Mrs. F.  neither of us has much time and I've been out and about for what feels like 4 or 5 weeks now and hardly around and so it is difficult.  However I need the conversation and to make some decisions.

Bait not taken

I decided not to go to London today - I'm a little bit wary about what the Charity want to talk to me about.  Mind you, I wouldn't rule out doing something active for them as long as I'm not expected to be in the office all the time.  But I digress.

I shall see what they have to say but probably in the New Year.  Actually a part-time role may be good and I've digressed again - you see the way my brain works filtering and reassembling to make things fit? :-)  

Oh well - now to make use of today and go and get presents wrapped up and sorted out ready for Christmas.  It is also Mrs. F's birthday and so we have to get things that are non Christmassy for her and then only after her birthday can decorations and the like go up.