2 hours to go

And the countdown is well and truly on. I had a good night's sleep and got up at 6 for a light breakfast and a coffee. I packed down two large glasses of water and I am allowed to drink (although I will only sip) water up until the time I go in.

I'm surprised that I am quite as calm about this as I am. Sure, there is a little apprehension, I don't know anyone who actually enjoys the experience after all.

I managed to sleep after breakfast - had the strangest dream about the cruise we had been on (or part of it). I've woken, had a shower and I'm about to upload some MP3s to my player to take in with me. Going through my head is the Antony & the Johnsons track that was playing just before the first operation - not the brightest of tracks but one that is now connected to the whole experience.

So 15 months (well it will be tomorrow) since discovering this I'll be having my 4th General Anaesthetic and 3rd set of biopsies. So far (touches wood) each has shown an improvement in fortune and so I am quietly confident that this will continue that trend and things will get better.

I am also convinced that this will be a change in emphasis this time and that I can get back to running my life and not having it run for me. Sure there will be deadlines and milestones for this as treatments and peek & Poke sessions will be needed and followed.

I am going to get this over and done with now and I feel better than I did last week going for pre-assessment. The back of my wrist is beginning to twinge a bit as I know the Cannula is going in there but other than that and I can feel some anxiety, I'm OK - I know the drill now, I know how it works, what is expected of me and what will happen (so there is no need to worry about what they are going to do). I know to ask for my water when I wake and to take it easy so as not to pass out like the first time :-)

Curiously I can feel the slight churn in my stomach but that will pass and now it is 1 1/2 hours before I go in.

Fingers crossed that they find nothing this time. If that is so, then we can crack open the "Internet champagne" - if not - it may take some getting used to, but I'll have to re-plan accordingly.