Revenge of the Black Dog

Well I had written the last blog entry and all seemed OK.

Went to the toilet and a full stream of blood and bits came out non stop, it was horrendous and catapulted me back to the early days. There was blood everywhere and the shock of it rocked me. There were lots of bits of all sizes and dark blood not traces this time. I know that a little blood goes a long way when it is watered down but this looked just like how it had when I first got the symptoms. Ugh!

To say I was in pieces might be an understatement. It was pretty horrible and I couldn't believe it, it was as if the last 15 months hadn't happened. It took quite a while to gather myself together and go back down stairs as we were just about to watch the Rugby World Cup Final and wife and daughters were sitting there. I guess my eyes were a bit puffy and red when I got downstairs and no doubt I looked as white as a sheet - I do when I get a shock or feel ill.

C noticed straight away and I told her privately what had happened. I drunk a couple of pints of water and watched the game. So far everything is clear. I have resolved just to take things very easy for the next few days. I can't imagine that it is anything serious now, given that there has been no repetition and I have been a number of times.

How fragile my mind is though, I was in blind terror when I saw this again. I can't even begin to explain to you what it looks like or feels like.

The Black Dog shook me about and even now I catch myself hesitating to go to the toilet and feel my heart beating a little faster than it should and the tears are subsiding but that really wasn't a great couple of hours to live through.

Unfortunately your brain jumps to conclusions, if it had continued, how long do I wait before taking myself down to A&E etc.

I am off to bed now - I hope I can sleep. Not surprisingly I will not be exercising tomorrow or for a few days as I take things easy. I'll talk to the consultant, my guess is that it isn't particularly unusual and lets face it - I had this sort of thing (on a very much smaller scale than this) before. Maybe they took larger biopsies to be absolutely sure?

Whatever, it brought me back to earth with one hell of a bump and I haven't been this upset for perhaps a year or more. I'm obviously not as mentally strong as I thought I was, I must be aware of that going forward. I still feel a little tearful but nowhere near as bad at the moment. I can feel the slight sting of the blood still but it isn't painful.

Well, lets see how I fare overnight. I really wasn't expecting this sort of day or the shock of that. Take it easy, plenty of drinking and perhaps I can get back on course.