I got to reflecting today about one of the strange things about these past experiences. That was actually going through with some of these procedures and facing them. You know you have to and so you do them but I never thought I'd be able to.
I'm thinking of the sheer fright and stress prior to these things. It has eased up a lot since hypnotherapy and since I came to terms with it. I was just remembering the utter horror of the X-Ray - some may think that strange but it wasn't so much the X-Ray and the stuff they pump into you it was the laxatives that cleaned you out prior to that - I don't think I have ever felt so miserable and I hadn't long been out of Hospital either so it was a double blow.
Could I do it now? Sure if I had to. I'd probably whinge a bit but I know what the Consultant would say and so I'd do it.
The whole area around what you have to do is the key. These things are done to save you and cure you so you go through them and yet you'd rather not. Before all of this I hated hospitals and operations (who actually likes them?) and now I am resigned to having to go in regularly and to suffer whatever it takes to make me well again. I never thought I'd say that either but that is true.
Finally I never thought I could lie down while someone shoved a catheter into me (no local anaesthetic) and instill BCG into me. However, I have done and will need to continue to do that for many years to come. It is all about what you get used to and knowing that this is saving your life.
That in itself is enough to make you do things that you never thought you could do, go through stuff that fills you with horror and to tolerate far more than you would normally. You know that if you don't it can actually mean your life. I think the stakes are high enough to make you understand why you soon come to terms with things.
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