Taking a long time to repair

I was considering that I am still not right. Not as I was before the diagnosis, not as strong, not as quick and I have little stamina.

Again, it comes down to how serious it really was I suppose. I'd taken it seriously but perhaps I didn't foresee this particular result. By serious, you probably know if you have followed this that part of the strategy of fighting this was almost to ignore it, or believe it was happening to someone else. So what I am struggling to say is that I took it seriously but part of the defence mechanism I put up was not to. Still doesn't make sense does it :-) Anyway - it appears now more serious than it did then! I think perhaps I got it with that statement.

I was up a lot last night with what can only be called uncomfortable insides. My urethra aches and I'm certain, as I said yesterday, that this is like a bruise coming out or the internal bits all rearranging themselves after being straightened out by the rigid cystoscope.

The upshot is that I feel dreadfully tired today and not particularly upbeat at all. I need to go down stairs and eat something now but even after a shower I am feeling drained physically. I need to put some focus back into exercise, eating and building up my strength. Of course I know that in a month's time I'm probably going to be wiped out for another 3 weeks with the BCG treatments. Ho hum :-)