It should be 4 weeks from now that I need to go back in and have these biopsies. I'm pretty certain that I won't have the surprise I had last time of having a second operation or even more done than the first.
The little frightening bits have started creeping in already and the dread of Hospitals, needles, being put out and catheterisation are all looming up in the distance. I haven't felt this for a while and it is actually quite disturbing and it starts to play gradually on your mind and will reach a crescendo a day or perhaps a few hours before the event. I haven't had the letter yet but 3 months is around about the 12th March.
The trouble is it affects your ability to concentrate or to be assertive and commit to things. I can feel my conversations tending towards this and so every thing is preceded by after my operation or I'm not sure if I can do that - and the reasons are, I really don't know how I'll feel this time. Last time they assured me I'd be out in a day and need the week off but to take it easy as I'd be back to bleeding and would need to take it easy etc. Doesn't help does it? Last time of course I ended up back on the 3 weeks not doing anything trip.
So there you are, I am obviously beginning to psyche myself up for the Op and 4 weeks isn't a long time. I remember straight after the treatment thinking that 3 months or a quarter of a year was a long time to wait until they found out how successful the treatment had been and here I am staring down the barrel.
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