Has evaporated - I can't concentrate on anything at the moment. I've got one train of thought running around my head. It is going to be one of the bad days.
This is one of those days where your brain takes over and starts to beat you up - all sorts of things can get dragged up. Stuff from your past that perhaps you regret, stuff that hasn't happened yet and the consequences into the future. Stuff to make you question how you feel about yourself, your family, your friends, your life and so on.
I don't think that this is new but it is just heightened since diagnosis and I get into periods like this where all I do is try and break out of the torture my brain is putting me through. It's a malaise that just stays with you all day long. I think the scale of the issues facing me are such that this is the brain computing all the options and kicking around how to react to each potential outcome. The trouble is of course, you can't predict the future so why try. The other side of that argument is that you do probably need to work out what living with cancer is going to be like for you going forward and you need to manage it.
I'm making my head hurt now so I'll stop :-) You can still keep your sense of humour during these periods of brain over-activity. :-)
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