I feel a lot better now that Christmas and Boxing Day are over. As usual, it's a big anti-climactic event. I do get down a bit at this time of year, always have done but more so of late. I haven't hosted by my own family since I split up what must be 11 years ago now.
I used to host around 14 for Christmas Lunch and it's nice now with just a few of my new family but it isn't the same and I don't get to see my children or grandchildren much around Christmas. It shouldn't play on my mind but recently I've left that chink open for the pain body and ego to run amok in my head which really hasn't been pleasant at all.
The thing is you know what is going on in your head but stopping it is actually quite difficult to achieve. I've picked up a New Earth by Eckhart Tolle again and I'm around halfway through it. Somehow, I've detuned myself down to about half my anxiety levels of last week and I am intent on doing that some more. It's hard work to get back to my real self, taken over, as I am, by stupid thoughts and burning resentments and other nonsense all being cooked up in my brain. I have no doubt that I'll get past this and the only thing I am not sure about is quite how I'll achieve that.
Today, my other half is out and off to London for the day to see the decorations and other stuff, she does this every year and that's her thing. It interests me not at all. So I have the house to myself and I can just sit back and relax at last. Just me, my thoughts and perhaps I'll get the fire on and just enjoy a day of leisure.
Whatever I do, I intend to get my head back into a good place and not allow these thoughts the room to nag and annoy me. Obviously, you have to keep your guard up against this stuff coming back to haunt you.
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