The Rolling Stones "I can't get no satisfaction" comes to mind. I was thinking (dangerous I know) that I am going through that awful state once again of not being satisfied with what I have, wanting something different, regretting past missed opportunities especially in relationships at the moment.
There's nothing to suggest that any of those paths through life would have made me happier, richer, poorer, more satisfied and that's the reality of it all. I am where I am and I should be happy with that but the ego is always trying to beat you up and take control. It's pretty apparent to me that what I thought I wanted will not come to pass even if I win the Lottery or something else comes along that might change circumstances.
It's not easy at the moment as I feel disconnected from just about everything.
It's twelve years today since my Dad died. Twelve years ago I was with my Ex and my daughters still lived with us. It's been one hell of a ride since then. Not sure why I'm not happy at the moment other than imposing unrealistic expectations and yearning for different outcomes to situations long ago in the past.
I'll know tomorrow I think, it's my birthday and perhaps that will shake down any doubts I may have. I'm deliberately leaving this vague as I think it is a sort of test that will leave me in no doubt what the lay of the land is.
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