Loss or Lack of Interest

 I've never really enjoyed certain things put on for "entertainment".  Sure I go to them normally if forced and in the main I tend to enjoy them.  I have never liked or enjoyed crowded places.  I've been to a few festivals and can get myself tucked away from the crowds.  I'm no great lover of theatres or cinemas especially those with little leg room and I need to sit adjacent to the walkway aisle so I can satisfy my claustrophobic nature.

So today I was just thinking along the lines of what to do and where to go and I don't want to do anything at all.  I want to get myself out of my rut and I know I should but I just cannot do it at the moment - and I just don't know why that should be.

My mind is doing stupid stuff like dreaming up and digging up past relationships and I could make myself busy but the great stealer of time, procrastination, interferes.  I've got some stuff planned for August but nothing else.  Last year's holiday to lovely Mauritius was not a great success, I felt deflated rather than elated.

I cannot be bothered to do things that I suppose I should do and I know that I've got to do the Elephant eating here and just do small achievable things to get out of it but at the moment, that's not happening.

I keep saying to myself, I'll just get "such and such" out of the way, there's a few things going on this week, and then I can settle down and concentrate on myself and some jobs that I can do.  I've got all the materials to do them but haven't gotten around to it.  These are things that I could easily achieve in a reasonable time.

Perhaps I am also feeling that I'm "on my own here"  by that I mean that my Ex always did things with me when she could or if I was doing things she was around to feed me coffee or food whilst I did the heavy work.  That doesn't happen now and generally I'm out there on my own doing stuff.  It feels weird and perhaps there's that to it.