It's over. It's been 11 years since you last met her / saw her and whilst you occasionally drop a note to each other and so on, it just isn't going to happen is it?
You see, I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic and we couldn't carry on because of complicated circumstances and whilst I accept that was what it was, I never really stopped loving her and that's a problem isn't it I suppose? It's that we couldn't be together was the limiting factor and me hoping that anything might have changed in that setup is just wishful thinking and fanciful romantic mindset.
It's her birthday today and I sent an e-card and a copy of my playlist that I made recollecting our interest in music and the songs we liked. I don't know whether that was worth doing really?
So here I am feeling OK about things, after eleven years that should be the case as what else can I do? I can't force the situation and I cannot change her circumstances and I suppose I cannot change my circumstances either.
Get over it I tell myself and I will in a day or so. The music from the playlist goes around in my head for now though and one song in particular is giving me the ear worm. She said she liked the playlist and of course, that's not surprising given how we shared these things together.
I am still working out what I intend to do with myself really. I don't feel that my current situation is entirely good for me and I imagine that has set off my wanting to look back at an amazing time in my life? I need to work out what I am to do and this week will release me of some outside commitments and that may help me to get off my arse and actually do something - there's plenty to do in and around the house but I'm doing most of this stuff on my own and rarely get any assistance. Maybe that's it?
Wow, what a time I had eleven years ago. Such a shame it didn't work out.
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