Dreams

It is strange but I don't always remember my dreams, night dreams that is but there are some that I do and also I have recurring dreams that come back and must have some sort of significance.

The claustrophobia one is common although it doesn't occur as often these days.  It's always been a problem in real life and sometimes I look back on the horrors of being in places that I find overwhelming - not everyone understands it but it is pretty awful and I hate it.  Cinemas, Theatres, trains etc.  Definitely not my thing.

There's a transport dream and that is all about being on various trains and knowing the layout of the underground so well as to use all the hidden passages to navigate my way around.  A lucid dream is traversing London through subterranean passages, walkways, narrow bridges, through offices and so on.  This can also manifest itself as if travelling through a very large office block - a big triangular one over many floors that is based on one I actually used to work in which had trading floors, offices, deserted floors and so on so I never know exactly where I am.  

The one's losing your clothes or being in a stated of undress are also occasionally thrown into the mix.  

Recently the dreams have quieted and I find myself reliving specific scenes of my life and imagining that these had a different ending.  The love of my life in a relationship that could never be.  I can see, and almost smell and touch her.  It is most strange.  I don't recall many of these waking fantasies I'll call them. I can travel back to a scene at work, in my car, on a journey, in a meeting I'm sure you get the idea and replay a certain moment that's obviously etched on my mind.

Old girlfriends and what "might have been" seem to be more to the front of my mind and I don't think it is regret.  It's not that.  I hear the phrase along the lines of being asked "Oh my God, did you.....?"  and me replying "All my life!"  What might have been and perhaps in that parallel universe it may well have happened.  I suppose I've always wanted to know "what if?"  what if that had happened, what if we'd stayed together, what if something else had happened and so on.  I wonder if other people think and feel the same way too?

Destiny and circumstance are very strange things.  How you navigate life and what turns out and how it turns out.  Is there a plan?  Is it all "meant to be" or is there a serendipity here?  It is what it is and can not be any different.  Here I am, all these things have happened.  Was I just lucky, did I make my own luck? Right place at the right time or something else pre-planned preordained?  

I am unsure why I know I dream and yet I have only the vaguest of memories about what is was I dreamt about.  

Cancer - Dealing With It - Reflections (some 18 years I think later)

 I somehow got to thinking about the good things as my little grandson and granddaughter had a party yesterday and my other grandson (he knows me as that) went along and they all had a wonderful time as children do.  It's not always the toys and the like that are important it is how they enjoyed playing with each other, making up games and the rules as they go along and interact with each other, the laughs and the tears, the bumps and falling over, overcoming their shyness until after a while they lose all of that and just enjoy being children.  

I forget that it is sometimes these simple things that are the most fun.  Maybe not for us but for them and it is their fun that's important, making memories and all that good stuff.  I bought some blow up hats that sit on their heads to make them look like different animals.  It wasn't expensive but it was good fun and they all enjoyed taking a hat away which is great.  It made me happy that they were happy.

So what's this to do with Cancer?  Well it made me think that at one time I never thought I'd see my own children grow up.  There yo go that's sobered things up.  When you hear the word cancer you immediately think it is a death sentence and it isn't really.  I like that people with a terminal diagnosis are able to face up to their future I'm not sure if I would have liked to face it all those years ago.  Of course I actually did think that I had a big possibility of having a terminal disease.  I am glad that it was found and acted on early, that it was treatable afterwards and after a while (if you read this blog from the beginning (it certainly is a cure for insomnia) that you can see how it slowly dawned that things were a lot better than seen at first sight.

You don't know that or anything at the beginning at all.  Gradually you understand what you have, what you may have to go through and that there's a balance.  I mean within 6 months I was cancer free and I was almost entirely free if I think about it after the first operation that removed it.  However they operated again to prevent reseeding and then I had the Immunotherapy which prevented any recurrence - I had another series of operations after that to check that things were OK and of course, here I am.

I'm cured.  I no longer need drugs or treatment and recurrence is unlikely (but it can come back - it's one of the worst for it).  Generally if you are clear 10 years you are pretty unlikely to recur.

So what am I saying about dealing with it?  Well it's not something that happens immediately.  You kind of grow into dealing with it.  It grows on you (sorry about that).  As you begin to understand it, understand yourself and then alter your life around it and your family acceptance grows but in my case so did the gap between myself and my Ex.  I do feel sad about that, she looked after me throughout the whole episode really well and I feel guilty that it ended up like it did.  No nastiness just huge sadness.  

So What Would You Do?

 I've realised that I have (unlike me) bowed to other people's wishes for too ling now.  It's not a fault really as the other person was very nice and didn't want confrontation etc.  All very well but now he's no longer involved in the business it struck me quite hard how un-business like I've become.  I ran my own business at the same time as this one and didn't let sentiment get in the way but perhaps because this chap was so involved I deferred to his wishes even though my head said no - I was convinced otherwise.

We had agreed that after delivery of the product we needed from the supplier I would have a quiet word with the supplier and explain what major contractual faults he had made and how to avoid them and also warn him that anyone else would have made commercial and contractual mincemeat of him.

Six years or more later and we still aren't there, still not delivered and I've now had to read the riot act to them.  We've paid for the product and we haven't got it, we've paid extra (and more than they wanted) so we could get it to get trading and still it is not ready.  This is not an insignificant amount of money, more than I get in pension per year and more than that still!

If you;d have paid for something in full and still not got it and then paid extra to get it, you'd believe that you were swindled at best.  The conversation I had was one of those casual conversations where you wont get part one in the full specified version and they might do a few tweaks to get it right and the other part I'd have to wait a further 9 months for!  It's not a baby BTW.  So after 6 years, full payment I haven't got the first part anywhere near the finished article and it seems that the second part hasn't even been started.

SO, I've explained what this amounts to in legal terms for them, I am giving them a chance to make amends and to sort it out.  At this point in time I don't care about their personal circumstances, what other work they've got on or anything other than what I've paid for.  I hope that I have got the message through.  I hate litigation and all the work I'd have to go through to recover the money but that's the bottom line (that they don't seem to comprehend).  They "Think" because they've got half a product that there's value in there.  If I don't have it and I'm not selling it, it's worthless absolutely worthless and they don't understand basic economics of business.

If I had paid for a car (it's about that value) and you told me after 6 years I could have half of it and the other half when they got around to it, I think you might get a feeling for the absurdity of it all.  

Freedom To Do What I Should Have Done

This is a strange one.  It's been a very strange week indeed.  The "resignation" of my business partner was the kick off along with 9 after 9 years) a threatening letter the relationship was terminated and with it came the threat to the business which is still there now he's gone.

After the shock and a response acknowledging the defection I was left with a business to try and run.  I had been (fighting is not the right word) trying to get things moving but despite the business partner not being part of the business, it was his baby and I just managed it and what he wanted.  The trouble was he didn't want any conflict with the supplier and he would keep changing his mind and wanting to do non-business things.  I could only advise and caution but there we go, we are where we are.

When I spoke to the supplier he told me stuff that was not what I wanted to hear and the reason was he suggested a cut down version and a delay not of a short period but a further 9 months to the delivery.  This after we have just voluntarily funded him to a further 50% of his original contract value and this latest late delivery was just another in a long line of failures.  SO I thanked him for the information and said I'd get back to him.

Dear reader, we are already six and a half years late!  The new information would make it 7 years late.  I was fuming and rightly so because this was a six to eight month project in 2018!  So now, free from my ex-partner who would have been (well not happy) accepting of the delay I set to with a Risk Analysis and of course, if I'm not selling the App that this guy is developing, I'm not making money for that is what the business was set up to do in 2016. 

So I now have the freedom to make my feelings quite clear to the supplier and to set out his options for him.  Like some mystic I've read him his future!  We have paid for the Apps in full.  I don't think he gets this.  He is almost 7 years late on small contract and I mean you can pick up more expensive second hand cars for this money we are talking about.  I've had to explain that if you have paid for something and then paid around 50% more for delivery, the last thing you need to be told a month before delivery is there is a further 9 month delay.

So I did my RAID Analysis and then explained in very simple terms and very nicely what his problems are.  If you've bought something and the contract is fulfilled and you don't deliver then it's a matter of law and your rights as a buyer etc.  Anyway, you get the drift I imagine if you'd paid for an item and paid in full and then were delayed by years I'm sure you wouldn't have let it go.

So he's now received both barrels and should be in no doubt what is required of him.  He understands that it is unacceptable to receive money and not to actually deliver.  He has remedy but I am not going to do his job for him and I've reminded him how shaky the ground is on which he treads.

Suddenly after a very stressful week the pressure is off and over to him.  My business cannot survive if he doesn't deliver and if he doesn't deliver his business goes down to the depths with mine.  I would love to get the business running and try this App out in the market but at the end of the day, if he doesn't deliver I cannot and so I hope he now understands the gravity of the situation.  Whether he understands that he is stopping me making money and costing me money remains to be seen.

I was worried about closing the business down which I will have to if this chap doesn't deliver but at least now I am free to kick some ass and get it across the line something I am afraid I should have done a long time ago.

It is however serious but at the same time a huge relief and weight off my shoulders that I am free to run the business in the way it should have been run all along. 

Gaslighting

 When I was around 18 years old I recall discussing with my parents and uncles and aunts that I felt that the national newspapers were only giving me the news they wanted me to see.  I also opined that the TV was also only giving a narrow view of the world.  Of course, there was no internet but there were some alternatives although given my distrust even those were looked on cautiously.

Many years later and you can probably see that social media and online sources added to newspapers and TV still have a massive influence although I am pleased that not so many people watch the TV as they used to and many, like me, just don't listen or watch the "in your face" biased reporting you get these days.  

The MSM seems to permanently be in a state of mild shock that many people hold different views to them.  There are very few people who talk on TV now who I think "oh yes, they're telling  the truth" it no longer happens.  It's like I'm looking at a bunch of lying scoundrels and I know what they are saying is a lie whether they believe it or not.  You just have to scratch the surface and the rancid scent of bullsh1t arises.  Does what you've just heard pass the "So What?" test.  I doubt it.  They spout stuff that is incorrect, not abased on fact or data or science and what worries me is that people actually believe this stuff and happily argue with you about subjects they only know the buzz words about there's no depth of knowledge here, just tropes and propaganda.

I'm getting fed up of being accused of being a "Climate Denier!" or a "Covid Denier!" I mean break down what those words actually mean and it's like the school bully who's vocabulary is limited to the number of grey cells between his ears calling you a nasty name!  I like the argument where someone was rushed off their feet because they were at 110% capacity in the "Covid Ward" at the Hospital.  They were, honesty, going so red in the face and their necks were swelling up I thought their blood vessels would burst, it was not a nice thing to see or hear as they were almost screeching at me.  The reason behind this reaction?  Well, I know the Hospital in question and I knew that the ward housed around 40 people at most.  It's a big Hospital but how can professionals with all their training and the resources at their disposal (don't forget all other procedures were more or less cancelled) not be able to cope.  Run off their feet indeed.

Climate change - ye another yelling rancid soap dodging git telling me I'm wrong and I don't know anything and yet I can certainly point out that the diagrams and predictions don't seem to align with data.  A computer model and real world data ought to correlate.  They actually don't work.  Like my staff who used to prepare spreadsheets and plans for projects that you could drive a London bus through the cells!  A best guess to two decimal places if you were extremely lucky - these things never ever have a bearing in reality. They can make you think and speculate and do risk assessments and base a judgement but no matter how hard you try, it's someone's best guess what is happening.  If you are paid to predict disasters you'll never guess what answer will appear?

Yep, it's all gaslighting and it's all guess work.  WAKE UP PEOPLE.  It's about time, the majority who are asleep actually woke up to what is going on around them and started just applying some basic logic questions to these things.  A bit of the good old Rudyard Kipling:

I keep six honest serving-men

   (They taught me all I knew);

Their names are What and Why and When 

   And How and Where and Who.

I send them over land and sea,

   I send them east and west;

But after they have worked for me,

   I give them all a rest. 

I let them rest from nine till five,

    For I am busy then,

As well as breakfast, lunch, and tea,

   For they are hungry men.

But different folk have different views; 

  I know a person small—

She keeps ten million serving-men,

  Who get no rest at all! 

She sends 'em abroad on her own affairs,

   From the second she opens her eyes—

One million Hows, two million Wheres,

  And seven million Whys! 

And Now? Well? Now We Deal With The Fallout

 I have to say that I felt wounded yesterday as if someone had literally stuck a knife in my back except it was my stomach and chest that I could feel the tension in.  I could be outraged I suppose that someone who I have worked alongside for I think 9 years now could round on me quite aggressively and it hurts in a way to have expended all that effort for it to be wasted and to go nowhere just because they've had (what appears to me) a mental ablution.

It is a massive act of self harm really as on one day he gives away part of his business empire (it isn't built yet BTW and so is worthless as it stands) and threatens me that the new owner must have their shares blah blah blah blah.  Well, it doesn't take Einstein to tell you that if you then torpedo the business by leaving before it is launched then there's every likelihood that there isn't going to be any reward for those shares anyway?  Sometimes I shake my head and say "It's not me is it?" It's utterly crazy.

I've put everything on hold for a short while whilst I decide what to do about the business.  I can close it down, in some ways a blessed relief from all the pressure.  I'm retired I only did it to help him out in the first place.  It's now complicated.  I dislike complicated.  It needs some capital to get it over the line.  Am I prepared to put more investment in to get it over the line and in front of people?  I only need to sell a few of these a year and I can cover the costs.

So I am being a spreadsheet jockey and doing my Excel gymnastics with the figures to see what impact this has had on the business and on me.  I really, really don't need all this cr@p.  Not at my age FFS.

So I am left to deal with the toys out of the pram moment and I suppose as he no longer wants to talk to me have anything to do with me that is going to be that.  It's bizarre almost as if his Ego has taken control of his head but I can't do anything about him just the fallout I've now inherited.

Well, I wasn't Expecting That

 People.  They can be unexpectedly and inexplicably stupid and vicious and unfathomable all at the same time.  It's what makes humans humans I suppose.

So yesterday I received a letter from my "business partner" which you might as well have stabbed me through the heart with.  He'd been a "bit weird" last week but this was full on toys out of the pram tantrum and the upshot is, after about 9 years (I think) just as we are about to actually go live, he pulls the plug.  Mmm.  I'm the business person not the ideas person.

It's reminiscent of a story I told him about people who talk themselves out of something it becomes a "Self Fulfilling Prophecy" and you see it a hell of a lot in business.   This guys has stewed away for days possibly longer that I'm up to something.  That's a bit difficult as we aren't even trading yet.  Despite me being transparent with him (as I was showing him the tender for Accounting services) he started to get really agitated that I was on the take. Of course, that really cannot happen with the small amount of money in the bank and we aren't making any money just spending it!  

Next he wants to dilute his shares.  OK that's fine but oh no, apparently I didn't do it fast enough for him (he didn't give me the proper address nor did he answer his phone) so I had to find the address myself.  Now I've got a serious threatening letter to deal with on top of that.  Trying to contact him and eventually finding the information myself took a few days.  You'd have thought I'd have brought the end of the world in upon him!  The letter went off a few days late and I imagine he got it yesterday but oh no, worse was to come.  He's quit the business, left me to run it on my own and at the same time threatened my person too.  Yes all in writing.  

I've been left with no choice but to accept his resignation and all the other stuff but of course, it probably means that the business will now fold and the shares he's given to his friend are worth..... yes you've guessed it, absolutely nothing if I shut the business down like I'm probably going to have to.  A nice gift idea that will backfire on him big time.  All because he wouldn't take my call and thought I'd talk him out of it.  I don't really care what he does with his shares, he can do what he likes. I care that after all this time he's "gone off on one" and destroyed our relationship, his business (albeit I run it) and that's it, all his dreams and ideas that we sweated over and honed over the years undone in a few moments careless writing and a few days stewing in his kitchen getting angrier and angrier to the point that the prophecy became fulfilled.

So now he and all the other shareholders may or may not have a business left.  I've got a disturbing set of threatening letters and he's got no further part in what's left of the business.  I think he hasn't actually thought about this properly especially giving shares to someone else (for their birthday).  Imagine being the one to give you a worthless piece of paper in your birthday card and thinking you've done a good thing.  Up until yesterday the gift may well have been worth a lot of money, as it stands today, not so much!

I feel betrayed, of course I do and once my anger had subsided as I dislike being called anything but a professional in my job, I was able to write the business acceptance back to him, lay out the considerations and what his actions had done to the business and I have a few days now to decide what to do in the interests of the company and its subscribers.  What a complete waste of everyone's time and money and for what?   Human nature, Ego, Pain Body, Pride perhaps and we all know what comes after Pride.

I'm annoyed as we can almost taste the launch.  All the website, social media and so on are in place and running (well until today that is).  It's going to be a decision to launch with risk or shut it down completely and I need to work that out in the next day or so!  What a sh1t show of the first order... 

Almost There - Trying Not To Give A ....

I think there's a point you reach when you decide not to give a flying f*** about things.  I'm quite close now because I have always tried to be a good citizen, help people out, hell I've helped raise other people's kids and helped them out getting onto a career ladder often at my expense and my time and last night I was thinking about what I wrote yesterday which set off a series of thoughts and reminiscences about my life.  

Life disappoints.  Not life in itself but people.  They never quite turn out to be as good as you first expect of them.  No one is quite (as good as I am) being an INTJ will be part of this problem in the way that I fully expect the same level of commitment and quality from those around me as I'd give myself.

So today I am looking at moving my savings out of where I've always had them because the Government of the day not content with taking away fuel for winter and doubling the price seem intent on taxing everything so I might as well use all the allowances available and secure my savings in another way.  That's the sort of people they are.  Having saved all my life and put myself in a position so as not to be a burden on the state, they are coming after me and my money that will if they carry on make me a burden on the state and if I had been a lazy bugger all my life and not made such provisions I'd be fine as they'd be throwing money at me! 

It makes no sense but the politics of envy never does.  I really hope, hard as it will be on us, that the financial impact embarrasses them and we see the curtain pulled back and finally observe what we all know that these amateurs have no idea what they are doing (well I hope they don't know).  Never interrupt an enemy when they are making a mistake is something I've always lived by and this week onward it will be me watching them all accelerating into a car crash that everyone but them can see coming.

So I now need to eat my own dog food or eat the frog and so what I'd advise people to do and that's not to give a flying f*** about it all.  Look after number one and observe these complete muppets impale and disgorge themselves on the reality of the world albeit it at our expense and making us all poorer in the process - I like that they will dazed arise from the car crash with incredulous eyes, shrugging their shoulders, wiping off the dust and debris and asking each other "What happened there?" 

Decision Time

 In regards to the business partner nonsense.  I've decided that it is just that, nonsense.  I'm sure this chap is talking it over with other people and thinks I am pulling the wool over his eyes and as with many people who aren't actually in business or have never "enjoyed" the ups and downs of business ownership, hiring and firing, litigation and all that sh1t these sage advisiors really don't know what they are talking about, have no experience and have read it in a book somewhere.

I recall listening to "business people" telling me all about Venture Capital and Business Angels having never been involved in one themselves and Mentors who hadn't managed to mae a million out of their chosen profession.  

And so, I thought about this and decided to do nothing.  Nothing at all.  I've switched off from doing anything to do with the company or the imminent launch of the product.  Three or four months now I've been engaged every day in producing social media campaigns, signing up for platforms, getting accountants briefed and so on.  I've invested all that time and effort and I've also been drilling deeply into contracts and the like.  Insurance and other stuff is also all bubbling away and sod it.  I'm leaving it all to just sit there.  He can't be bothered to answer my calls.  Fair enough, I imagine he's hiding.  I don't know what his next move will be either.  He can't actually affect the business as such.  I suppose he could get the shareholders together and remove me but I doubt he is thinking like that either.  

His letter throws a big left hook followed by a cheery let's get on and do this.  SO my turn to not answer telephone calls, not instigate them either and just let him think about things for a while.  It's all so familiar to me, these huge incidents of self harm inflicted on your own business and your own ideas!  Attaching the very person who is willing and able to get you to where you want to go.  I used to say that they'd rescued defeat from the jaws of victory or that they in themselves fulfil their own prophecy of doom.  This self immolation this huge and scary act of self harm isn't rare.  So many times have I witnessed it and tried to stop people doing it that it is best to let them commit their own ritual seppuku, or hara-kiri - they are compelled to do it, like a moth drawn to a flame there's no way you can stop it by logic or reason.

So, let them do it and as long as the business isn't harmed then I can pick up the pieces and move on from there.  I just need them to have the space and the length of rope long enough to get them their lesson learned.  

It amuses me that the "Brain of Britain" as I shall call him at the same time as his cortex explodes, gives away a significant number of shares of the businesses (to be fair they are his to give away) to a non participant, way more than other actual participants are rewarded.  In doing this, his controlling interest is diluted which makes life interesting for me as sole Director!  

In a way I'm sending him to Coventry for a while to see if he can decide for himself what he might have done wrong and to consider atoning for his behaviour.  I'm going to take a well deserved rest from this now.  I've worked too hard and put in far too many hours to then be abused for running the business within the law, within its Articles or Association, on behalf of the shareholders etc.  My duty of care has been rewarded with a metaphorical kick in the teeth and so a rest is not unduly won I'd say. 

Now That's Sad

 Sir Chris Hoy, Gold Olympian and who appears to me to be just a thoroughly nice human being says he has terminal cancer diagnosis.   To top that, his wife has just been diagnosed with MS.  They found a secondary cancer tumour in his shoulder some time ago which was traced to prostate cancer.  How awful.

When I heard that and I also saw someone talking last night about their cancer treatments I got quite a strong flashback to my Immunotherapy sessions.  It was a shock to feel the pain (yes) and the body shakes and then recollect the side effects of passing out stuff from my body.  Suddenly I felt the sadness of it and I feel tears trying to escape as I type this because it was something I went through and it was necessary to fight the cancer I had.  It was a lot worse than I let on to anyone because you protect them as much as you are trying to protect yourself (if that even makes sense?).  But I was aware of something a lot more that that.  I was really sad because my Ex nursed me through all of it and I felt bad about that.  She really did look after me, drove me to and from the appointments (there was probably no way I could have driven back).  Looked after me, fed me, brought water, made sure I did what I had to do (timings, changing position to let the stuff I was infused with get to all parts of my Bladder.  She brought food up to me when I was lying and recovering in bed and on top of that she looked after the girls and the house and all that whilst I was pretty much incapacitated for at least two days a week.  After six days I'd go and get it done all over again and believe me, this stuff is cumulative.  If you felt bad at week one, by week six you'd had about as much as you could take. 

And I feel a sh1t that I broke up with her.  I feel sad and bad and upset and annoyed, regretful, a bit of a bastard that after all that, things changed so much that I wanted out.

It's strange I suppose.  We didn't row or fight or be massively angry with each other and she was very tolerant of me I think.  Things just fell apart towards the end despite some effort on both of our parts.

Today I really feel bad about it.  The balance will be that it was probably better to walk away than to stay where I was slipping in and out of depression. 

I suppose it is better to be regretful than hateful?  I don't know, today feels like a bad day, reflecting on the news and then remembering stuff that I try not to think about.  Blimey it was tough but the upside is that I am still here.  The treatment worked, perhaps a few too many scopes and operations that weren't needed but you never know do you?

So, What Happened To The School Bully / Bullies?

 I just saw a clip on YouTube where the Labour party was described as those annoying kids at school always interrupting and I thought about those kids that were bullies as they too were one of the hates at school weren't they?  So the late 60s and early 70s were my school years - senior school that is and I was one of the bullied, as I suppose a number of us were.

 I like to remember that we did actually do something about it when we were able and the main thing was to get the school bully alone in a dark alley and belt the crap out of him.  You just had to disguise yourself and use gang tactics.  Some learned their lessons, some not.  We had two Judo champs at school - no one knew as they'd just joined but the bullies got their comeuppance when they rounded on them and as I recall there were some hospitalised wounded.

When I left school I didn't have much to do with them but one guy decided to try it on and be a smart arse.  As a trainee electrician I was a lot fitter than he may have remembered me and frankly he was no match and went down like a sack of spuds.  I was pretty fit if I say so myself.  I wouldn't mind being as slim and well built as I was back then.

Then I got to thinking and you hear things and when meeting up with old chums and chatting you also hear of the fate of these.  Most as far as I can tell are dead.  A few had particularly sticky ends, one died in a road crash and another got something horrible and died in his 20s.  As far as I can remember there isn't one of them left now.  I wonder if they were rotten inside and karma just sorted them out from the gene pool?   You'd like to think so after all they made hundreds of lives miserable and they weren't really good for anything.

I imagine you might think me very harsh to say this and suggest that it is cruel but when you've been on the receiving end of this thuggery, threats and bullying it's good to hear that they eventually received their own medicine many times over!  

So, What To Do About It?

 Blimey, that p1ssed me off.  So now, what do I do about it?  I am fuming a bit but actually when I analyse things I'm in the pound seats here.  You see I am the sole Director in charge, there are no staff and just the shareholders to be accountable to.  Now, given that the other chap has diluted his shares, that makes me the majority shareholder.  The other shareholders prior to this all had some connection to bringing the invention about.  The new shareholder has no connection whatsoever all I believe they know a lot about the business as a confident.

I have signed on behalf of the business all the contracts and I have copies of these. I own the domain names, email system, website and so on.  So, I think I just "go dark" the affect of that is that the chap giving me a hard time will not be able to reach me or find out what is going on.  Whilst stuff is happening outside (contracted work) he can't see it nor has he access to it unless I grant it.  He has no Internet or any other way of getting access to the company business and I can see his number on my phones so I don't need to answer just as the way he hasn't answered me.  Now this seems petty but in fact, I'm just going to step back and let things happen at their own speed and see whether sense will prevail?

It's not the first time he's thrown his toys out of the pram either so I should have expected it.  The trouble is that whilst he is an intelligent sort of chap he isn't business savvy nor is he very good at contractual and financial things - hence he's gotten hold of the wrong end of the stick entirely and after being shown and talked through the utter bollox he's talking he's now playing silly buggers too!

I need a rest from it anyway, I've been working nose to the grindstone for months now getting the launch setup which can now just change to a soft launch rather than a fanfare as I had planned.  Such a shame but it will just have to be at the speed it goes without me pushing it.  

Royally P1ssed Off

 I know I shouldn't be but people are just well, stupid, dumb f***wits, ignorant etc.....

Let's take my online butcher.  I've had very few occasions to complain.  However when I do it is like pulling teeth.  Contact us on Facebook - I've done that and never had an answer back.  Use our Chat system online yep did that still nothing.  Use our chat on our App yes done that no response.  Email us, yes on both emails no response.  The only way you get hold of anyone is to phone them and maybe you'll get through.  Pathetic. Eventually I ring and get told my delivery would be delivered tomorrow - three days late.  No it doesn't arrive so I call again asking where it might be?  Oh yes sorry we had to deliver to restaurants - well matey it's three days late.  I eventually get the delivery only to find that some of it is missing so you've guessed it, you are meant to contact them as above. 

Well, I am cancelling my Christmas Order with them as I can't trust them and I'll happily tell them as I like writing reviews.  I'll go back to my other butcher!

So then my business partner accuses me of taking money from the business.  OK he's misunderstood what I said to him so I explain that our Agent who sells our stuff takes the money not me.  

I then get a letter where he's disposing of some of his shares to someone who has no input to the business, no skin in the game, in fact totally unrelated whereas everyone else has been "rewarded" well if we ever make any money as we haven't launched yet.   So he's giving 10% away and diluting his shares by 25%.  I've tried to call him as this erodes his shareholding sufficiently and to the point that I am now the majority shareholder but, for some reason he will not take my calls!  I need to make him aware of this as a duty of care.  So I've drawn up the shareholder stuff and posted it off so he can give a 10% interest in the business to his acquaintance but of course I am not really sure if he appreciates what he's done.  He's free to do whatever he likes with his shares of course, it's just he's gone from principal shareholder now.

Blow me down if I don't get another letter from this chap saying that I am taking him for a fool and not to do that?  I'm flabbergasted as I run the business and he really has no idea about it other than he is the inventor and designer.  He hasn't a clue about company law, accounting, insurance and agency agreements etc.  So here I am sitting writing this and wondering who really is the fool?

He's p1ssed me off and so where I've been working for sweat equity, I'm thinking why bother?  He's accused me of something that I've demonstrated is wholly incorrect (in fact there's no way I could do what he's suggesting) and he's given away his control of the business (in so far as a shareholder can - he's not a Director or an Officer) by diluting his shares.  

He's fulfilling the prediction I made maybe 8 years ago about the "self fulfilling prophecy" - another start up I was with had guys who had been burnt before and so they were forever telling us about this experience and how it had left them bitter.  You could tell there was something wrong and two of us were ringing alarm bells about these gusy but the rest of the company wouldn't listen.   They eventually just exploded and threw their toys out of the pram citing this problem they'd had in the past - it had nothing to do with our piece of business but they self immolated and left the business having not done anything except talked themselves into yet another failure.

So that's what's happening here, he's sat down and taken the business briefing I gave him as that of making him appear a fool.  I know I didn't do that but he's sat at home and brewing away with no one to check him and now he's blaming me for making him appear a fool?  

So be it, I need to decide where to take it.  As he's not answering my calls, there's not a lot I can do.  I've followed his instructions to transfer his shares, I've done due diligence on who they are going to and as I've been unable to discuss it, the transfer is now complete.  I wonder when he will wake up and realise how he has given away his interest in the business?  I wonder if he realises who the sole director of the business is and his position now he has less shares than I do?  

It's so silly, it's childish stuff really and the problem is that people don't "get" business, they don't understand what a limited company is and why it is there and they do not understand that I'm governed by company law etc.,  If he paid the very basics of attention when I showed him the books and if he could do a bit of mental arithmetic he'd realise that there is insufficient funds in the business to pay me anyway!  

So these two have p1ssed me right off in the last few days.  One will lose my business, the other has lost his business (or a great deal of it) and he's probably lost his business partner and director.  If he has to employ someone else to do my job it will come as a massive financial blow to him.  As for me. I'm actually happy to walk away, I really don't need the hassle of running a business at my age particularly with people who think I might be on the take or indeed doing anything other than working my butt of to make him (and the rest of us) richer.

It reminds me of another start up where the rewards were huge, lottery style money but the boos who was an oaf (some village somewhere was missing an idiot big time) was a greedy person and not a leader at all.  No one realised that to make lots and lots of money you actually had to work for it.  Another one who couldn't work out how to run a business and yet another company I had to resign from as they weren't trading properly.  

Weight and Booze

 I haven't had a drink of alcohol for 2 months if not 3 - I stopped in July and only had a few when we were away in August on a mini break.  I've only been drinking zero beer when we go out and we haven't been out that much.  I've been following (as far as is possible) a keto / carnivore diet although perhaps that's not the right word for it but nevertheless I am limiting carbs to a very low amount if I can.

So, beer, I miss it, there's no doubt about that.  Food - well I don't mind just eating meat and I've been doing the intermittent fasting for at least 3 days a week which is not eating for 16 hours and only eating in an 8 hour period.  So for me that's missing breakfast and then having a late lunch and dinner in the evening.  I've noticed that it has had a dramatic effect and in the last two weeks I can feel the weight has come off quite substantially.  I need to keep this up and see how much I can lose  My trousers and tee shirts now fit loosely so that's a good sign.

Anyway, it's good, I feel fine and it's easy enough to follow and if there's one day where I might grab a sandwich rather than just the filling I'm not going to worry too much about it as it's only one day.  

I'm going to have some drinks at Christmas time but other than that I am going to try and maintain zero until then.  

Reflecting Past Loves And Lives

 I find that my mind is going through a very nostalgic activity at the moment.  I've reflected on perhaps the greatest love of my life and it's still something that I'd give anything to be able to change but of course, that cannot really happen.  The past is, of course, the past and if it was to have been it would have.  

Then I was reflecting on some of my school and early adulthood girlfriends and how that all worked out.  It's funny when you look back with experienced eyes how the relationships came and went and some of the nicest were with platonic girl friends who were just mates which was great although on two occasions that nearly changed.  I hadn't really guessed about the second one as it is only now when I look back that I realise that there was something going on there and I just hadn't realised.  

It's interesting to reflect on these relationships with that historical "what I know now" view and realise that things could have turned out quite differently and then I probably wouldn't be where I am now, I'd have not had my lovely children and so on.

I wonder what would have happened though, they were all very sweet in their own way but one was really fiery.  Gosh she was amazingly outgoing and extrovert, headstrong and I'm sure we would have clashed all the time but making up would have been nice :-)  Another relationship doomed by circumstances beyond our control.  

Oh well, it's all part of life I suppose.   It's nice to look back and remember with fond memories though and in some ways wish I had this head on my young shoulders.  

Preserve Us From Career Politicians

 This lot are a joke.  Saves us from these people who just don't appear to have any idea that making policy in one area affects another or many other areas.

The crass statements that are coming out of their mouths just upsets the public and investors alike.

You've an energy secretary who thinks that stopping our own production of fuels and importing them makes sense. One who thinks injecting people who don't work and are over weight will miraculously improve getting the (lazy)  unemployed back to work.  Difficult when other policies in employment law make it less than encouraging to employ anyone at all as it costs too much.  One who wants to spaff £200 BN in slave reparations even though we as a country ended slavery at a massive financial cost (read your history).

I see that the investment that was to be lost has miraculously been rescued - ministers calling people (businesses) out and names will end up costing investment and jobs.  Huge tax rises leaked to the press, taking away winter fuel allowances, disrupting kids education with a 20% VAT raid on fees all are the actions of those who have some ideological ideas but NO CLUE what they are doing.  There are law of unintended consequences coming because, frankly, they don't act as a team, they don't do impact assessments and non of them has ever worked in the real world, as a business person or even holding a responsible job in commercial areas.  They've come through a system of education, Uni, then some political type lobbying job until a seat is chosen for them.

It is like being run by children.  They'll be arguing soon about who's got the crayons and why they didn't do their homework whilst playing their music too loud and not washing for a week, leaving the lights on and their dirty clothes in a messy pile somewhere in their bedrooms.

Never interrupt an enemy when they are making a mistake Sun Tzu or Bonaparte said it I think.  Or just watching them crash and burn.  There's no charismatic minister I can see, no leadership, no direction or strategy to follow, it's a woefully under skilled under IQ bunch of mediocre politicians to be generous in their skill level.  A Train Wreck in slow motion and we can see it, even bits of the MSM can see it but we are all watching as the wheels come off, the party tears itself into its various factions and even their paymasters can see it too.  Some of the stuff coming down the track is worrying but perhaps its best to let it happen and let everything crash and burn?  Perhaps this failure will finally wake them and us up?

One of my favourite guiding lights was Sir John Harvey Jones (Chairman of ICI) who said:

Planning is an unnatural process; it is much more fun to do something. And the nicest thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression.

You can only imagine their faces when it all starts to tumble around them and they lurch from one crisis to another, fixing one thing only to be presented with another problem arisen from fixing the last thing.  That's exactly why you need leadership, discipline, risk analysis and mitigation plans and a plan in the first place might be a useful thing.

Yes, I think the time has come to just watch them screw up and enjoy it despite the fact they are ruining my country and our economy!  Pratts!!! 

Amateur Hour

The one thing you can pretty much guarantee when you get unqualified politicians (i.e. those who have never had a job and come through the system) is that sooner rather than later, their inexperience shines through.

It's been all of one hundred days since we got this Labour party in charge (even though they hardly got enough votes to do that) and they've already p1ssed off 10,000,000 pensioners by withdrawing their winter fuel allowance and I can tell you it's bloody freezing here today.  So around 15% of the population already pretty much hate them.  

Today's fiasco is cracking I have to say.  Not content with now closing down the last coal fired power station, then the loss of jobs at Tata Steel in Wales and Oil Jobs next year in Grangemouth their latest foot shooting moment has just arrived.  Now the way P&O dealt with some job loses a few years back wasn't great but the Transport Minister and the Deputy PM recently waded in and let's say they weren't particularly complimentary about the P&O people.  The parent company who were about to make a £1 BN investment in the London Gateway docks just pulled their investment on the basis of those comments.  Oopps.  When you've got a big investment summit coming up starting Monday that's a little naive shall we say.

I also heard that foreign investors are reviewing pulling out of owning UK businesses based on rumours of what Rachel Reeves (Chancellor) is about to do to CGT and other taxes.

The firm I used to see a lot of was a Demolition Company,  Syd Bishop & Sons (Demolition) Ltd.,  and it reminded me of their famous slogan 'Watch it Come Down'.   Well, it's interesting to "watch it come down" as these amateurs try and deal with home economics and their reputation on the world stage ought to be one of ridicule as we already know that some bandy words around about other world leaders and support the wrong side, have little or no idea about geography or local politics in far away lands and just make themselves appear ridiculous.

I see some of my lefties loving friends still stick to their old ways but are wondering why this Government aren't doing what they "promised to".  Well they didn't actually promise anything so they've delivered in spades on that.  I like that the important thing to one of the people I know is the plight of the Just Stop Oil protesters who are in jail.  Now they are there for massive disruption to the public, closing down an arterial road and many missed holidays, appointments (including Cancer treatments) and so on.  Some people died as an indirect or direct result.  If not them then those that threw paint and soup or priceless works of art.  Obviously that Van Gogh geezer was bad for the planet was he?  These aren't as he would say, just going about honestly expressing their right of opinion or their right to protest.  It's way beyond that and they have been punished accordingly.  I think they should also pay everyone's lost appointments, expenses, wasted fuel and so on.  Large businesses should take them to task - these "protesters" cause thousands of pounds of damage as they are actually vandals - they should pay for what they break not the insurance companies or the businesses.

So onward, these are the sort of people who think that this government will actually do stuff that's a Utopian dream and always will be.  These "saints" are as bad as the previous incumbents and take a bribe and are as stupid as you'd probably guess they would be.  Incompetence would be their prime skill I'd suggest.  There are no statesmen or stateswomen figures anymore.  To borrow Black Adder's words "I wouldn't trust any of them to sit the right way up on a toilet!"  

In the past you may dislike some politicians but they were people you could listen to and agree or disagree with.  I was never a great fan of Tony Benn but he was a good orator and some thing he said resonated with me.  You knew what you were getting and you understood his politics and dare I say his conviction to his cause(s).  One short speech he did that always struck me was his five questions and they are:

“What power have you got? Where did you get it from? In whose interests do you exercise it? To whom are you accountable? And how can we get rid of you?”

It is a shame we no longer have politicians of integrity or indeed, of any great IQ.  They spout their learned phrases and social media chants not knowing what they mean or who they affects and now, they are getting their comeuppance.  I just love to see how they blink in the lights at their latest gaff and have no idea how they screwed up so royally.  Silly buggers the lot of them.  

Fault Lines In My Brain

 I have a strange way of thinking and using my brain power, quite different to many people I think.  The INTJ mind is analytic and also it doesn't exactly do empathy or such.  Despite my best efforts there is something very strange going on these days which is "interesting" to me but not at all productive or I suppose neither is it destructive (at the moment).

Here goes, Let me see if I can give you an example.  Many years ago before I knew my ex that well, I had a number of girlfriends and knew quite a few socially, platonically I suppose you'd say but of course there were sparks and things in there - there has to be I suppose.  INTJs are notoriously bad at picking up the signs, absolutely dreadful would be my assessment.  I wouldn't know if a girl was coming onto me unless she grabbed me and gave me a ful smacker kiss or some other blatantly obvious sign.

So having set the scene, my mind wandered the other day back to an embarrassing (now) scene where I spoke to one girl about going on holiday and she wasn't keen and so I took another where upon said first girl turns up out of the blue.  Now I've only just realised what that probably meant and it's dawned on me, especially since I saw a few photographs with the both of us in that perhaps I didn't pick up on the messages at all and the photos also seem to reflect that.  She was a lovely girl too, dark black hair and beautiful eyes.  So now, it suddenly all becomes clearer than it was back then why she was put out and also that things could have been different for the other girl was my ex and we were married 32 years and had two wonderful daughters.

So, the past is the past and I kind of live by that but this has bothered my subconscious especially as a friend mentioned the young lady to me a few months back and we both mentioned how much we "liked" her.  Truth being that it's like the Bear's Den song, Evelyn - a personal favourite:

"Evelyn, our relationship was strictly platonic

If platonic means I was madly in love with you

And a part of you was oblivious

Another part of you knew and kind of liked it"

It got me to thinking and of course, it's love's old story again.  There's a couple of times that I was reminded of how things might have worked out differently.  Perhaps that parallel universe I am so often wishing for might come into play for thinking about it now, I wonder how my life would have played out with her rather than my ex?  I imagine that life would have played out quite differently.  Then I realised that I really did fancy this girl a lot but I enjoyed all the company of the girls we hung around with.  One, who I fancied a lot has been in touch recently from NZ where she's moved to recently and we used to just be drinking buddies and had a really great time.  I wonder if she realised?  Probably although you know what, much as I liked her and some of the other girls and spent time with them - I was far too shy to take things any further.  I suppose they enjoyed my company because I didn't flirt with them and just treated them as I might do any other friend.

I have no idea why my brain is wired like this and what it is trying to achieve, working its way through a scenario that didn't exist but I suppose that is why? It's computing the various outcomes and of course, it's fantasizing about something that never was and in this version of the universe can never be.  

Interesting Dynamics

 I was thinking as it is my Nephew's birthday that I haven't seen him for over a year now and before that 2 years and before that 2 years again.  OK, sure he now lives in Holland or Denmark maybe, I'm not sure so I sent him and electronic card.  My other cousin I haven't seen for 7 years.  

I say this as we were all very close.  For the former I was a bit of a father figure as his father left home and lived a long way away as a consequence.  They get on fine but I spent a lot of time with him, holidays and all that sort of stuff.  My cousin lived with us for a while and then got a house share nearby and so I collected him, drove him a fair distance home, we gave him a room and all that sort of stuff.

It's a funny old world where you merrily go on your way and suddenly detach from your past like that.  It doesn't worry me as in many ways, they are independent people with their own lives to lead etc.  I find it curious that this has happened but I don't go out of my way to do anything about it I was just thinking after all that you do for people should you expect a "reward" that they'd keep in touch?  Perhaps not.  I hope that whatever influence I might have been on them was a good one and that they'll be using those in their lives.

I wonder if later in life things will change?  Given the way that I haven't stayed in touch with people, I'd be somewhat surprised if they do, I only have a very small circle of friends.

Just How Effing Difficult Is It?

 We live in a lane that has one way in (unless you drive down a green lane and have the keys to the barrier at the end about a mile away.  Thirteen houses in the lane, we aren't part of the management group that looks after the houses further down the lane.  They maintain the road etc

So today, the road is closed, no notice, certainly none with the County Council that I can see.   Now, late for an appointment we are told that we should have had a text on a WhatsApp group which we are not members of.  In fact I think that four or five houses are not part of the overall management group.  Eventually after merry hell is kicked up we get through.  Call me old fashioned but perhaps a note through the door would have been polite?  I've a tanker due to deliver fuel and another delivery and OH had a meeting to go to, if I'd been meeting the Accountant I too would have been held up.

They of course said but Hey, you can go down the green lane but little did they know that too was blocked off with a set of emergency vehicles making repairs.

I am hoping that we get at least an apology for this - it's a bloody nuisance but if, as happened last time, we knew the lane was going to be closed, we could at least plan around it like parking the car elsewhere and holding deliveries back.

What a bunch of numpties and Muppets if they couldn't work out that they hadn't informed everyone - there's only 13 houses FFS!  Not even heard of the person who was meant to be organising it either, luckily I can work out who it was and where it lives.  Given what they do for a living it is surprising that they couldn't manage this simple task.  

I Really Can't Be Bothered

 Yet again I find myself thinking (and not doing anything) I can't be bothered.  It's become normal and I can't say that I like it.  I was always Mr. Busy and was always on the go but now, not so much. 

I'd like to get on and do most things but can't get the enthusiasm together.  Things are too much bother and whilst I do set myself things to do, I find it easier to not do anything.

It's crazy as I'm going to get busy with the business and I've been working on the website, social media and all of that but even that I am not getting things done as I should.

It's definitely part of this general malaise I'm in and it's annoying as I kind of think I know what it is that's giving me this slough I'm in.  I suppose that I really should address it but its big I think and a decision perhaps that I may not want to take.

We will have to see what happens I suppose and whether I'll tackle what the root cause is or dance around the symptoms.

A Year On

 Ew, I was bad a year ago, very down in the dumps.  I'm a lot better but no where near as good as I should be.  Not sure why that should be.  Old age, now a pensioner and not really clicking with life the universe and all that still.  I;m OK but just OK if you know what I mean?  Things aren't getting done and I'm still procrastinating but not as much as I used to.  I still dislike going out or going to events even though I'd probably like them.

So I'm thinking about what to do about it but we are right in the launch window of the music app and I need to be doing stuff for that, despite technology and my developer not cooperating with me to achieve it.  Once again we've fallen at the last hurdle and it gets somewhat depressing that we are back here, two years after I read the riot act to them and 18 months later than the promised delivery. 

My mother isn't well and at 87 I need to make a decision to go and see her I think.  She has tests next week and that would be worth going along to offer some moral support.

It's adding this pressure in the background but at least I'm not carrying around all the cr@p I was dealing with last year.  But, I just need to cast off this malaise and get myself going again.  It's all very mundane and routine here and routine seems to stop me doing things which isn't great!

At least I know what it is and I think I can do something about it and I kind of wonder if I actually know what I need to do but I'm not prepared in the back of my mind to actually do it?  It could well be that you know.  I already know the answer but my mind is burying it away from me?

Carbon Reduction Plant

The children are at it again aren't they £22BN for something that's not proven to work so they can take CO2 out of the air and store it.

When I was at school 50+ years ago they taught the Carbon Cycle and you'll never guess what is brilliant at taking CO2 out of the atmosphere???

That's right TREES FFS TREES that's all you need to do but we are ripping the bloody things up, millions of them to stick Windmills in their place!!!

PLEASE can we get some grown ups in charge PLEASE!!!

Rantings

 It seems all I do these days in rant on about stuff.  Today is no different.  So yesterday that Carbon Capture sh1t that didn't work but is sure to now even though it is unproven and untested, yes that.  £22 BN thank you very much.  Where on earth are they getting all this money?  Of course from us...  They are rank amateurs this lot and indeed the previous lot weren't much better.  My old mum could do better.  She kept a tight rein on the finances and she wouldn't invest in any stupid stuff, she didn't borrow money and you only had it if it was absolutely necessary, was the price she was prepared to pay for it and was value for money.

Other stuff makes me annoyed that perhaps shouldn't so today an interesting advert came through for a 2 week trip to Egypt and a Nile Cruise and I thought that looks a good price, I wonder how they can do that?  Well one click and without reading much further it was clear that this was only part of the price (around £500 each) you then had to add luggage, around £70 each then you had to add excursions around £200 each and that's as far as I got as I imagine there were more charges for fully inclusive and so on.  VAT is meant to be shown inclusive but not all companies do that so you have to check you aren't going to get shafter with a 20% uplift to your purchase! 

I notice that Brighton Council were blinking in the bright light as they walloped their car parking up to around £30 a day or some such and to their utter amazement people didn't come into Brighton any more?  No sh1t Sherlock, really?!!  Well, without doubt you learn the hard way.  I imagine when business start failing through low footfall then the business rates revenue to the council will then decrease and once again they'll be wondering why.

Locally too, the parking went up a couple of months ago and two businesses who had been established a long time have shut down citing lower footfall.  Another is trying to combat this by offering to pay for people's parking who come to their store and spend a certain amount.  I see that our own "clever" Chancellor has suddenly realised that Non-Dom taxation won't work as these highly mobile individuals can choose to pay the Government of just move on, when your'e that wealthy, what would you do and why would you help out the Government of Envy?  The 20% whack onto education fees is backfiring as they say around 80,000 children need to come out of private education and go into the state system.  It looks as if they didn't calculate that either.  They don't understand cause and effect they never do.  If they just stopped all vanity projects, called people in charge of large operations to task properly and stopped spending money like its going out of fashion, they might make a fist of it but like all of these people, they kowtow to their masters.

I also see that the £1.5BN saved by stopping the pensioners fuel payment may also be backfiring on them too as more and more pensioners sign up to Pension Credit that they hadn't been claiming before and that starts to kick in.  It isn't just the heating they get but also other benefits like dental and eye care and their state pension gets topped up too.  I really hope that kicks them in the teeth (metaphorically) as they haven't got a clue.  

It's nice to let them make mistake after mistake and get exposed for what and who they are.  A bunch of amateurs for sure, a laughing stock in the wider world and they make Joe Biden look coherent and competent.   

There's plenty more to rant on about I'm sure but this will do for today.

Same Mistake - But It's OK, It's Your Money They're Spending

 I do not suffer fools gladly, never have, never will.  If you've been on the end of one of my terse put downs you'll know.

Seems our Government are at it again.  You need to realise that the way you prove your case to the public is with evidence and data.  My mantra has always been to use the scientific method, look up the work of Richard Feynman and how he worked and you'll see that if you have an idea, a hypothesis, you then test it with experiment and data.  If experiment and data do not prove your hypothesis or idea then it's wrong..  It isn't half wrong, partly wrong, almost wrong.  NO It's wrong!!! 

So our bright a a button environment bloke or joke as I should call him is now going, for the second time, go for carbon capture as a way forward.  So this is sucking out of the air some of the 400 parts per million of CO2 that wicked nasty life giving element that he alleges can heat up the world.  Go on you try the experiment.  Take a 100,000 seat stadium and pop 40 people in the crowd and let them warm up the rest of the people....  Utter bolloxs, complete nonsense but everyone seems to buy it. 

So he failed to do this last time and spent sh1t loads doing it and failed and now he wants to double down and do it again!  The bloke is certifiable, he's completely nuts, he should be off the streets in a straight jacket.  It doesn't affect him but we all have to pay for his folly.  When the lights go out in a few years time he'll blame something else but we will still have to pay.

Why oh why do we have these complete numbskulls in charge?  He's got no idea.  YES I do, I used to work in the energy industry and so can actually explain all of this.

The great unwashed make me laugh though when they state that the wind and solar whilst intermittent, the electricity can be stored in batteries.  Well, you'd need batteries the size of counties to do this.  The cost would be absolutely eye watering, they'd not last long say 15 years at best and they just don't have the capacity.  Think of all the heavy metals and nasty liquids these things are made up of.

I honestly cannot believe how we are even in this state, fo people not listen, not understand basic physics, economics and scale?  How many of these people survive in the real world I've no idea.  A thousand years ago they'd be the ones who'd be useless at hunting, making fire or anything else!  

I hope that it all ends very badly for these idiots in charge, I imagine the damage done to the people and the economy won't even be reviewed.   

Sad Terminal Cancer Patient Not Seeing His friends At The End

 I happened across this story earlier today and a young man, I think he was around 27 or 28 hasn't got long to live, his cancer is terminal and his friends have melted away and that is sad.

We don't know how to deal with death I think. I'm as bad as the rest, I did try talking to my friend who died last December as much as I could but he couldn't really hear me and I made a typical hash of it as he knew he was dying and sort of said so much to me and I wasn't prepared for that. I should have been, I knew he was ill (but not terminal) and so perhaps I should have made some notes of things to talk about and cheer him up.

It sort of lines up with my own experiences in that only close friends really stayed by and I was surprised that some people who hardly knew me took time out to visit, that was most unexpected.  Close friends melted away and some barely spoke to me and others, you could see were visibly shaken when they saw me. I bought the Tee Shirt which (as chance would have it I am wearing today) which was from Monty Python's Spamalot and has the words "I'm Not Dead Yet!" across the chest.

When you say you have Cancer that's the immediate thought that people (who have not had it) think.  "Are you alright?" probably means "You're not going to die are you?" Human nature, lack of understanding about the disease and our inability to deal with dying and our friends dying especially.

I'm called a lot of things and one of them is cold.  I am cold, my father's death whilst it was sad, was not unexpected.  It was a blessing as he really didn't deserve that last set of weeks in the Hospital with some staff not really being the caring professionals you'd like to think existed.  Luckily we were there to effect responses during the day not so much at night but there you go.  

So people ask why I don't do the "Facebook" thing you know, "Happy Heavenly Birthday Dad!" or "It's x years since you left us" or "I know you are looking down on us".  I don't get the point of that at all.  He is no longer here and like all those before him we said our goodbyes and life goes on.  He never wanted a memorial for people to pilgrimage to his headstone and I think likewise. Yes, he was my dad and a good one too, we had great and not so great times and in all of this he lives on in me and in my head so what more do I need to do?  If I didn't say enough when he was alive and I'm all cut up about it, what would posting in Facebook achieve?     

Back to the point, this poor chap has sort of found out the hard way that people cannot really deal with the facts that he isn't going to be around for long.  I have sympathy for both him and his friends but I think it's a shame that they don't go over and see him.  Grab some beers and crisps and go say goodbye with some dignity and perhaps some light humour for not to be there will surely play on their mind in the future.  They'll probably turn up at his funeral and all say what a great bloke he was but not that they were scared of going to see him in the run up to his final days.  

We have a very bad time with death - we perhaps shouldn't but it's another taboo sort of subject.  I wonder if the do-gooders have something to do with that?  

Here's How We Are Signalling Our Virtue Today

 I have just seen an advert where an electricity and gas company the ones that supply the public is offering heated blankets to old people and in another move, food boxes.  How about bringing the prices down first?

On a slight tangent how can you be selling something one day and then taking 50% off of it the next?  That's some profit margin and you're still making a profit selling it at half the price. 

There's a lot to be said for just selling stuff at a price that's reasonable and both the customer and the supplier are happy.

It seems that everywhere, businesses are signalling their virtue and jumping on the latest "thing" whatever that may be.  You can take any current "thing" and someone in the marketing and PR department will push out some utter twallop about how their company supports <insert latest cause here> but actually, if it backfires on them, they drop it like a sack of hot spuds.  Why?  Well, they don't actually believe in the "thing" that they said they support if it doesn't positively impact their bottom line.  That's the bare truth of the matter.  If you signal your virtue and your revenues and profit can be attributed to said virtue then that's great and shareholder value is positively impacted.  The moment it ceases to do that, is the moment the campaign is dropped.

I dislike any of it and the TV gets switched off, the website changed and so on.  To me, it's callous use of peoples current emotions in pursuit of that great God PROFIT.

There's not a day goes past when others, not Corporations, pick up some metaphorical gauntlet and proudly display to the world (or at least those who will listen to them) that they are, I don't know, let's pick at random, Vegan or Net Zero of Just Stop Oil you know, something like that and off the go on their uninformed way, yelling at people, using charged language and not really understanding what they are on about.  

I know it has happened for a long time but I'm totally fed up with the brainless mindset of these people, they are constantly wrong, and often really do not know their facts but that doesn't stop them, they don't stop talking long enough to listen and they fire off warped and unproven "facts" and raise their voices if you attempt to tackle their views scientifically.  I hope it stops as it might end up like one of the jobs I did years ago where we got slated for a problem that wasn't ours.  At the moment when we were getting berated for the problem by some senior management types, a chap from another organisation walked past, bold as brass, and proceeded to do exactly what we were being accused of doing.  Not once, but at every desk, he basically destroyed our work.  Someone went over and dug him out.  There was a stunned and very awkward silence.  My No.2 then said "Well, do we get an apology or does someone get a smack in the mouth?!"  We did get a very grovelling apology and were taken out for a very fine meal.

Someone With A Bit Of Courage

I defined my working life and many jobs by the way I wouldn't stand for any nonsense and I'd walk rather than suffer it.  I'm not an easy person to get on with because I demand high standards that I keep myself.  INTJs are wont to do that.  They set high standards of themselves and others.  If you fall short professionally then after a few chances and no improvement your'e generally going to be toast!

A politician has resigned on principal yesterday citing the PMs and his cabinets propensity to, how can I put it nicely?  Have their interests elsewhere than the people they are meant to represent.  They are making a laughing stock of this country and they look like a bunch of total amateurs - more like children in a sweet shop than serious politicians.  I don't suppose they see themselves as we see them.  I'd send them to bed early with no supper that's how petulant the little buggers are.

Anyway, someone has stood up - they haven't forced a By-election which I think they should as it would show what the people think of her as an individual but also the Labour party's standing.  Hey, she's going to be an independent.  However, she completely exposed the Labour Party for what it is and in doing that, respect to her for her stand.  Her constituents will be better served in some ways but the financial pain and the sleaze will not go away.  I'm not sure what wil hapen - the Budget is in a few weeks and I imagine we will see what happens after that.  We are all expecting that they will come for us for more money.

I recall the other times they have come for us, especially when I was a business owner.  On one occasion my shares were destroyed by a Banking collapse that my shareholding company had to pick up a failed bank and lo and behold, my shares (which are still seriously damaged) now count in pennies rather than the many pounds that they were.  At around the same time there was a bit of legislation aimed at disguised employment that was a sledgehammer to crack a nut - IR35 it was called.  It affected my business and so I did what anyone else would do, I changed the business to suit my own circumstances, arranged financies and contracts accordingly and shut it down.  So in the end, I'd rather not work my arse off for someone who waved their arms and did me harm.  Covid legislation killed my business off a few years ago too.  Lots of people made shed loads but not my business which having just been fed with a large lump sum of my savings to launch it and no chance of getting the advertising revenues back and no previous trading history, lost the lot! 

In business I've nearly always decided to leave them to it rather than suffer fools.  Back in the day I could pick a phone up and start with a company the next day if needed and so when I got fed up and sick to death of all the politics and back stabbing, I'd just leave and let them get on with it.  So what if they fell flat on their faces, maybe they'd learn something, but I doubt it.  Human nature is strange.  Why pick a fight with me in your own company and make my life difficult when it was difficult enough working in these circumstances.  Just leave and let them get on with it.  Then give a wry smile as you knew they'd be up for hours and hours trying to rescue things.  

More and more I'm just saying to people, "F off, do it yourself then"  Even recently I'd been trying to alert someone to something and then they, out of the blue started getting all verbal about the situation that I'd alerted them to, trying to blame me so bang, cut them off, block them, mute them and forget them.  F*** them and any of their ilk.  I don't need that sort of nonsense in my life and I no longer suffer it.  

Just do it, it feels great to shut these f*****s out of your life.  Courage.  Do It! 

Getting Away With It

I wondered as I read the latest sleaze allegations and the pathetic way our new politicians carry out their duties on the domestic and world stage how they actually get away with it.

When I made it to senior management, I'd had years to observe, record, in myself amend and work out how I was going to conduct myself when I reached high office.  My late father recommended that I start "at the bottom" and work my way up even though I was qualified to go straight into a higher graded, office job.  So I started as an Apprentice, on building sites, going to training college and part time block release college to attain my qualifications.

Being the way I am, I was able to watch how people were treated and how they reacted to such treatment and worked out, early on, how the majority of my fellow workers wanted to be managed.  I've said it before that if you want to get the best out of people then you treat them as you yourself would wish to be treated and being an adult and not treating people like kids is also to be recommended.

I could write a book on this but let me get back on point with our "Glorious Leader" who parades around glorifying in his suit, his wife's clothes and so on, bungs from donors and thinks that whilst asking us to cut back he can spunk away money on clothes given by someone else to the tune of £20,000 - many of us, Pensioners, get £12,000 a year!  So nice of dear Leader to run our noses in it.  The others are the same, it's coming out already (normally they have the sense to do this 3 or 4 years into their term of office) and they all look like hey are on the take.  On top of their salaries they are getting money from unions and other donors and some are very well off indeed.  Why would you want to sponsor an MP?  Yes, we all know why.  It's always been the same but this isn't some African or South American dictatorship, this is the United Kingdom FFS!

Who in their right mind then tells us, the people, that we have to expect big pain financially yet these lot spend money like water, our money for there is no "Government Money" that does not exist any thing they spend come from us.  They just spunk it out and put their hands in our pockets to pay for it.

I'm not sure how this will end really.  I don't think anyone has the patience to wait for four more years or five to get rid of them.  They are truly hated and need to somehow be brought down to earth.  Our Foreign Secretary wasted no time in telling th UN that he was an oppressed black man forced into slavery or some other bollocks (I switched over at this part).  I think he was meant to be putting the UK view on Israel but no, ten seconds in it was all about him and his oppressed background.  I hope people laugh at him to his face.  This man who turns up in a suit but wearing trainers!  Dick head.

I really hope that they all are enjoying not being able to be out in public without getting verbally abused.  That their local pubs are banning them after all they have their blades out for pubs with the no smoking in public nonsense also coming along.  Like prohibition, and we all know how that ended, these things don't actually do what the theoretical politicians and bureaucrats want to do.  It goes underground.

I like that us Log Burner folk (well we don't have mains gas here or drainage - like millions of us) are threatened with a fine for polluting over a certain % or some such nonsense.  Where I live, everyone has a log burner or open fire and I'd be surprised if anyone would report someone for the odd smelly or smoky chimney - it happens occasionally - more so when everything is cold and you are setting up.  I have my meter so can happily show someone the readings before sticking the meter up their arse!   Why, all of a sudden?  I imagine that as they can't tax Log fires they can fine their owners.  For sure, in Town perhaps there's a point and if people don't actually know how to run a log fire efficiently then perhaps I can see their point but as usual some numpty thinks taking control of my life is what they'd like to do.

This petty interference with our day to day lives is getting beyond the pale now and surely people will kick off about it.  

I'm going to do what I usually do and that is anything to make life harder for them.  Getting back to old fashioned letters that someone has to take the time to answer.  Calling out every mistake and contradiction.  Asking for clarity you know, being a pain in the arse for these people.  To me, if they want to play silly buggers, then I'm your Huckleberry for sure.  Just be politely awkward (such a difficult word to spell) and make them run through lots of circles.  If they are after £20, let's have 10 letters forwards and backwards and let's pay it in loose coinage.  After all it's only fair that I give these people as mush sh1t as they give me, plus some.

What A Mess

 The international press must be having a right laugh at our politicians and their bizarre sets of faux pas made, it seems on an hourly basis at the moment.

What with stopping Oil and Gas exploration by one minister which means that Tax revenues won't flow to another minister.  To a Foreign Secretary making "reparations" for climate justice!!  Perhaps he should have asked the minister who looks after that and then try and tell us how the books balance where there £12Bn going to reparations but they are taking £1.5 Bn off of pensioners?  I could go on but it just beggars belief.  The early release of prisoners (some dangerous ones) has also resulted in the wrong prisoners being released early.  They happily had their mates pick them up in flash cars, cracking open bottle of Champagne.

Then there's the bungs and stuff going on and everywhere you turn someone is making something up to curtail our freedom, take our money and at the same time rub our faces in it.

I don't know  how long this will last, normally they have the grace to wait a few years before we uncover this sort of nonsense. Right now it's right in your face.  Accepting £20K here and there when you can already afford it yourself and guess what, you can't pay your pensioners their £300 a year fuel allowance after stuffing a further 10% on the bills as well?

I suppose I just ought to buy in more popcorn and watch them implode!

Breakfast With An Old Friend

 When you have Cancer, it can be a lonely journey.  By that I mean that even with the support of friends and family, no one really "gets it".  Many want to try and help but their "How are you?" question is really, more like "Oh God, you've got Cancer. Are you going to die?"   which is why I bought my Monty Python Tee Shirt with the words "I'm Not Dead Yet!" on it.

Everyone means well but the internal horrors of what it does to your head and the actual horrors of what it does to your body and the blitzkrieg that is the surgery and treatment are far from their minds when you respond.  In fact, it is more likely that you do, what I did and end up reassuring people that you are alright and more importantly that they are alright because they are SO uncomfortable and just want to know that you aren't going to die.  That's the bottom line I think.

So, my friend and I had similar but not identical Cancers and we were both in surgery at the same time and we were both recovering and not saying much to the wider world.  Our shared experience meant that we came together to work on a project after we had recovered and we remain in touch and I think we are "strange bedfellows" as we have business and cancer connections but we aren't particularly friends who go out together for much more than the occasional beer, curry or, like today, breakfast and we chat through things.

We both have  our head struggles and we are both quite different from normal people.  Sounds bizarre I know, but what I mean is that we are both "scientist" type personalities.  We were both heavily involved in an industry of absolutes. So what on earth does that mean?  We both worked on facts, data and right and wrong, yes or no, real world information and objectives and outcomes.   Neither of us dealt with or accepted bullsh1t as that in itself would not get the projects done.  Chancers and idiots could not be tolerated.  In my early days, I was trained to not kill people because every action I did could indeed do that.  If I had wired up a system incorrectly, it could easily do that and I carried this through in all my work.  If you mess something up it can have repercussions, maybe not terminal but certainly it could affect many people in different ways.

So we both have minds that question everything, challenge accepted thinking etc because it wa our job and what we do.  So we click on many things and whilst we are similar, we work in different ways and like different things but our bullsh1t detectors and spider senses are almost identical.  We may not produce identical strategies but we tend to arrive at the same conclusions. 

It's good to get out together and chew over the cud so to speak.  We probably tackle politics, head stuff, meaning of life, emptying the mind of lots of stuff and so on.  We agree on much but have differing views and approaches about it.  It's refreshing and we both normally come away feeling a lot better.  It is interesting how we can be up or down at the time too.  This time I was all calm and clear where previously it may have been the other way.  

Anyway, it was good to talk and nice to meet up and I ought to do it more.