Time for a barbecue

At least it gets everyone together these days. Daughter 2 seems to spend a lot of time contemplating the inside of her room these days. Daughter 1 has grown out of that. In fact she went out driving with her mum today. You don't want to know how much the insurance costs for a learner driver these days.

We have made a deal that I don't get involved in this sort of driving experience thing. I'd be screaming "Watch out for that car", "Careful of that pedestrian" and my daughter would probably be saying "We haven't actually got off the drive yet Dad!"

So we have insured the little car. Mine stays where it is and is driven by me!

Did the Earth move for you?

It did for us apparently this morning. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6602677.stm

Mind you we are a fair few miles away from the epicentre and at that time in the morning it could easily have been passed off as wind :-)

Despatched in Mentions

Well kind of.

Young Suze had her procedure this week. She is a brave lass as this blog will testify http://cancercomicstrip.blogspot.com/2007/04/this-wont-hurt-honest-arrggghh.html I have to say that I am not particularly able to take an epidural for this sort of procedure being a little sensitive.
Suze has linked to one of the funnier moments of one of my visits here http://my-bladder-cancer-journey.blogspot.com/2006/11/flying-catheter.html

Have a read of more of Suze's anecdotes - there can be a funnier side - it just take you a few weeks after the events to realise it sometimes!

A Few Pints Later

And I am feeling back to my old self again. The Sun has come out and it is quite warm - time to go and sit in the garden and chill out for the rest of the day.

Blood Taking by Professionals

It must be me but these guys are great at the Hospital. I hardly had a bruise last time and this time I hardly felt anything at all. I suppose that if you do this for a living (a strange job if you think about what you would be doing every day) then you'd be good at it.

I've had some good and bad experiences with this in the past and yet so far, both times have been good. I have to say I don't fancy making a habit of this though.

The BEST Bacon Sandwich - EVER

MMmm!

Well that worked I got seen inside 25 minutes, nice lad and was surprised I'd starved as long as I had but I did say to him about the wait last time and the fear of getting trampled to death by the geriatric sprint to the seats. He told me that they actually start picking numbers up at 7:30! I got there at about 10:45 and was seen by 11:10 - I think I was actually walking out at that time.

I went past the Cafe but it was packed there was only a seat outside on the pavement which I didn't really fancy. So I then walked past the pub - I know - good temptation control for me and then got home.

I have just had a double bacon sandwich with white bread and HP Sauce. I realised that I haven't had a Bacon Sandwich for more than a year!! It was absolutely brilliant - ahhhhhhhh.

Also today my Bladder Cancer Awareness wrist bands arrived from the USA. you can get them at www.bcan.org or I have a small supply if you want one. They are a rather fetching dayglo orange colour.

So far so good

I'm just getting ready to go to the Hospital and just doing some final messing about and then I'll go and see if my cunning plan has worked. I'm not hopeful but you never know.

Here we go again then! This time drink something dummy!

I have made sure that my liquid intake today has been up as the results showed I was dehydrated. I hadn't quite got it right and thought I was allowed sips of water not to drink as I wanted to. I suppose I am so used to the procedures where with BCG you don't drink for 2 or 4 hours before (I forget which now) and of course on the operations - whilst you can have sips of water I tend not to.

This time I will get that right. I've eaten well today and ensured that I have had plenty of variety, I've not touched alcohol since Tuesday and so I am hoping that my results actually show some blood in my alcohol stream this time.

All this blood letting - if he mentions leeches next week I'm running for the hills :-)

And so to bed!

Time is almost up

I have to go on to the fasting regime in less than an hour. I shall mark that with a drink of some sort (not alcoholic unfortuantely). Then it will be water only until 11 or so tomorrow. As I will have to walk back past the cafe and the pub I could be tempted to eat, drink and be merry on the way home!

Next Blood Test

I look forward to these as some people look forward to having a limb amputated without anaesthetic.

Tomorrow I intend to get up a little later, do my exercises and then to have a slow wander up to the Hospital to get there about 11 or just after. I am hoping that the crush of people having their fasting blood test (which this one is) will have died down and that I can get my test done a little quicker than last time. We live in hope.

As I haven't been eating sugar sandwiches (all the rage when I was a kid) and I haven't been drinking alcohol or anything else silly, I hope that the results will be back in the normal level and I can move on from this. I certainly do not want to be doing this every week.

I go back to one of my earlier posts about whether or not people realise that with all this time off and testing and prodding and poking that somewhere in the time left I need to find a job and to actually do some work. I have some work next week but I have a feeling that it is going to get disrupted through appointments and the like.

All OK this morning

Apart from the Internet being down - I can get to this site but I cannot get to most of my main web sites and I have no e-mail either.

I will have to wait for it to come back I suppose. Certainly I've not had the lightheadedness of yesterday. That was peculiar but I'm sure it is just settling into these tablets and also other factors like when I take them, whether I have eaten or not before and so on.

Suddenly this lot popped out

I was doodling around and started to jot this lot down. I hope that it makes sense.


My Bladder Cancer Journey


My Bladder Cancer Journey
Has only just begun
Yet like a West End blockbuster
It’s set to run and run.

My Symptoms, like many others
Start disturbingly, passing blood
In between the waves of panic
The stress hit me like a flood.

My GP reviewed the evidence
My guess is that he knew
An urgent request to refer me
Gave an appointment and review.

A Local procedure frightened me
A device that checks you bladder
Inserted where you can’t believe
Diagnosed cancer that made me sadder.

I think I knew that all along
The Consultant then told me so
You have a bladder tumour
It must be operated, removed and go.

What do I tell my children?
What do I tell my wife?
I have a dangerous illness
It may well cost me my life.

Within days I was in Hospital
So scared and so afraid
The worst was almost over
My family and friends all prayed.

How poorly I felt and helpless too
I lay wounded, wasted, tired, upset
As the scars healed within me
I researched and searched the Net.

The day came when half healed
After starving and laxatives left me weak
An IVU X-Ray procedure
Made me stressed and made me weep.

I’d never felt so wretched
So unloved, alone and bled
I’d have taken up any offer
I knew I didn’t want to end up dead.

Results of biopsies and X-rays
Consultations and knowledge provided
Another operation required
To check out what they'd decided.

Waking from this operation number 2
Something wasn’t right I knew
Spasms and pain racked my body
To keep my senses was all I could do.

Results this time were much better
Reviewed and checked and defined
BCG Treatment directly instilled
It sure played a lot on my mind.

Six instillation, rough times heading
It was meant to be so, of course
Renewing the bladder’s lining
Then limiting the cancer at its source.

The waiting is so stressful
Has the treatment worked or perhaps not?
These delays they are upsetting
A letter arrives and your stomach contracts in a knot.

In quiet moments I cried
Too proud to let you see
The trauma and the pain
That racked my mind and my body

My bladder cancer journey
Has only just begun
Now I’m past the first few stages
I'm sure I can overcome.

This poem, the first of many
I hope will put into rhyme
That hope it springs eternal
It happens all the time.

Calling on unforeseen depths
Your body can depend
A positive mental attitude
Will help you in the end.

Keep faith and love and rely upon
The help you get from others
If you are in a similar state
We all are sisters and brothers.

Your consultant and your nurses
Are there to set you right
And once that you recover
You sleep well again at night.

Somewhere, someone else is suffering
And I’d like to let you know
Yes – It’s personal and it's frightening
But you’ve got to reap what you sow.

My poems almost ended
I hope that you’ll discover
Cancer is mainly treatable
And chances are that you’ll recover.

Keep your spirits high
As high as you possibly can do
Lean on family and friends
And see the whole thing through.

I wish you well
I hope that you will find that it is so
That on your own journey
Your travels will help you grow.

That was a bit strange

I'm still feeling light headed I checked my BP and it is normal and not particularly low. I'll have to have a chat with the Doc when I see him next week. Anyway, I had an hour lying down and I'm certainly feeling a bit better.

Light Headed

I think that the tablets and exercise and the drop in my blood pressure is making me light headed. I've noticed it today quite a lot. I'm just being sensible and taking it easy - suddenly getting up from a chair and so on are to be discouraged.

Now it could be a much simpler reason than this - I had my hair cut yesterday so perhaps it is that? :-)

Back to previous levels

On my exercise regime I am now back to 4 1/2 miles a day and that seems to be just about right. You should be slightly out of breath and sweating moderately. I've never fancied being one of those people that looks like they are about to expire after having been exercising.

I worked at a place once where there was a lunchtime running club and everyone looked absolutely knackered by the time they came back. It can't be good for you :-)

I also realise that I am doing this exercise in the morning and that is OK but at some point in time I may need to think about switching when I can do this so that I can fit some work into my exercise schedule!

A great evening and now it is time

To go on the wagon (lay off alcohol). If the posts get intelligent, meaningful and useful you will obviously realise that the removal of alcohol has in fact worked.

On Friday I expect them to be able to find some blood in my alcohol stream!

Wish me luck :-)

Where is my appointment

It has been two weeks tomorrow since I had the cysto and I've not had the letter to come back and have my out patients appointment.

I'm not too worried about that as up to a point they did say what they had seen and what they expected to happen. If I haven't got anything by tomorrow I'll drop them a line. As I'm looking at notable dates this time last week my contract ended and this time next week I will be up in London to undertake a task I never thought I'd make. Now that will be a massive milestone in my recovery as it will mean a lot to achieve something I've always wanted to do. Nine months ago I wasn't certain that I would be around and if I was I'd be in any shape for it either and so to me it is one of those things I'd put in my head as achievements and goals or milestones. Once that is out of the way, a crucial and new era awaits.

I think I had better go set some more goals and milestones - these will be things that I really ought to do now that I am on the mend. I also realise that I haven't listed those down perhaps now is the time to do that?

Do you expect me to talk Goldfinger?

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!

I just had this vision of that laser cutting towards James Bond and thought that the parallels to having a flexible cystoscopy are too close to call. I mean you know which bit is going to get zapped first right? James Bond is tied to the table, you are not, he still has his trousers on - and you - oh well - that is too much detail for this paragraph!

I wonder if I should say that to my Urologist as they approach with all the equipment. Do you expect me to talk???

No, we expect you to lie perfectly still and take it like a man :-)

I was wondering whether to question the nurses about why they would possibly want to do this job? What motivates them exactly? Could it be revenge :-) If I can think that clearly next time I have one I might ask it but frankly, I'd be in no positions whatsoever to defend myself.

Night Out

Lad's night out tonight - the old school friends and we each have to bring 3 jokes along - we ran out of them last time :-)

I have written mine down plus a few extras! After tonight I am on the wagon, especially following the blood test results last week and the wobble that gave me. I will also be on best behaviour and make sure I complete all my exercises and eat properly too.

So, tonight should be fun, organising our 50th birthday party (2 of us are joining together for that) and reminiscing about how it was in the old days! I think it is brilliant that we have known each other for 40 years. Two of them have grown up together so almost 50 years for them.

The recent travails have made these friends very precious (Oops I sound like Gollum there for a moment). Perhaps very special to me or is that just as bad? All those years of growing up, getting married, having kids, holidays together and all sorts of scrapes and incidents along the way. Perhaps even better is that we have remained in contact with more friends from school and so there are probably 15 or 20 that we could still get in touch with.

That's Interesting

Someone wants me to interview for a job based here in the South of England - that will be good.

I'm just ploughing through the details now and it is an interesting proposition. That's cheered me up a bit. Not sure of the full picture and timescales yet but if the first stuff I have read is anything to go by - it could be an interesting ride.