Bang

2 am - huge crack of thunder and a cloud burst and that was sleep gone for a good hour or so, the road outside was like a river and the noise of the rain was tremendous. Two of us woke up and the rest of the house slept through it.

It is a beautiful morning out there and I was about to start exercises when my nephew turned up and so I haven't done that this morning so perhaps I will do that this evening as the damn Eurovision Song Contest is on.

With a bit of luck I can get on and get this backlog of small jobs off of my desk today.

Wish me luck as I'll need it

An Early Night

I haven't had one of those this week so I am just going to take my blood pressure and then turn in - I have a stack of things to do but they can now wait until the morning when I can get some sense and order into my life - I hope.

I am going to wish myself well for that as I doubt that it will actually go to plan :-)

The phone hasn't stopped ringing

Well it has or I wouldn't be able to write this. It has been chaos this morning. However, all good chaos if you know what I mean? All positives and some very interesting stuff coming up.

The main thing is that I may well have this job I was after. That will be great. It will mean a lot of work of course and a fair amount of travelling about too but it could be just the ticket as it means I can work and be based from home too. More I am sure later.

All sorts of other things are rearing their head and I am trying (still) to find enough time to cover off everything.

Not long to wait now before I get the outcome from the consultant and know with some clarity what the future holds. Today for the first time in a long time I actually feel like I can look forward to something and pick up and run with it. Perhaps, de corporate speaking it. I now have something that can pick up and hold my interest a challenge that I can use to move out of where I am now and something I think I will enjoy.

A great evening

Again, a fantastic evening. I think that I now really appreciate a good night out whereas perhaps last year it would have been something I just did. Now it is something to savour. Like yesterday, a superb meeting and a lovely meal afterwards. I was a bit disappointed as the letter of invitation promised Orange Mouse and when I got there it was Orange Mousse - I was so so upset :-)

Anyway, so good to get out and about but it plays absolute havoc with my diet.

OK Today or it seems to be

Thank goodness all appears to be OK today. No blood bits.

I again left off exercising this morning so as not to antagonise things any further.

I hope that the remainder of the day goes as well and I can not have the minor anxiety every time I go to the loo.

Thursday

Well last night was special and I am out again today. It involves a further meal and the requisite amount of alcohol for toasts etc :-)

I had a bit of a shock today as I measured my waist - I normally go by my trouser size but the tape measure must have lied as it was 4" more than my trouser size. I've got a new chart to plot body measurements and weights and it is a more accurate measurement of progress and you can the calculate BMI (Body Mass Index) and also overall fat in the body. I'm not intending to frighten myself stupid but perhaps this will enable me to focus in on key areas to work on.

It is surprising how quickly you can lose weight but to keep it off you must do it gradually. Combining weight loss with exercise and a different lifestyle are also contributing. With the new chart I'll be able to monitor more accurately what I am doing to myself and how effective it has been.

I'm fully expecting that this week will be more or less static and next week I should be able to get back onto gradually losing more weight. Also, I have just eased off with the few little blood clots/scabs appearing and it is better to take things easy than do any damage.

Hypnotism - Mumbo Jumbo?

We were discussing earlier on this evening about the "healthy Scepticism" that we had about hypnotherapy.

Now I think that the stage shows have misled people along with the swinging pendulum nonsense as well. It isn't acting like a fool nor is it something where you are in some one's power - in fact you are in control. The participants on the stage shows "want" to be controlled and are eager participants.

I am a BIG sceptic as anyone would tell you and as this blog probably testifies. However, I do now hold with the fact that hypnotherapy has actually been really useful in making me face up to the challenges I have to face and to keep a positive attitude to them.

Quite how this works is difficult to say but I have always been terrified of even going for an appointment let alone being ill and having to have something done to me. So to take me from close to terrified to close to accepting that I have to be seen can only be a good thing. It isn't "all the way" and I doubt you could convince me to walk in and get my arm chopped off or something but, to get me in and relatively calm has got to be a good step.

So it worked for me - a real sceptic and I wouldn't recommend it unless I felt that it would actually give you an opportunity to breathe easily, rest a bit and to accept your lot and move forward.

What A Great Day Out

I have just been treated to the most fabulous afternoon and evening out and I'm still buzzing from the experience.

To go into one of London's Livery Halls is something special on its own. To go into Plaisterers' Hall is something else. It is the most amazing building see www.plaisterershall.com and we dined in the hall with the three large Chandeliers. It was pretty special I have to say and I am so pleased that my friend invited me.

Getting a Taxi in London when it is threatening to spit with rain was another matter but we eventually succeeded and got a cab and then a train home. Luckily my local was open on the way back so I slipped in for a crafty beer on the way home.

So a great day and I'm afraid that the only thing to marr it was that I was again passing a small amount of blood when I got home. OK, it is very small but even so, it sort of worries you even if you do know what it is.

I am still so surprised at how injured I am when I don't really feel it.

Anyway, CD, you know who you are! Thanks for a wonderful day out - I cannot even begin to tell you how much it means to be even able to go out like this and thanks for inviting me.

WOW!

Bank Holiday Phase Shifting

That is the trouble with Bank Holidays. I keep thinking that it is Tuesday when it is in fact Wednesday and my whole week is screwed. I have a huge backlog of little things to do and it just seems to be taking me ages to get through them.

I almost certain that by brain is waiting for the appointment with the Hospital next week and the outcome of that before deciding what to do next. Perhaps it is because I have other things on my mind then that I'm not achieving all I want to do in my day. Things do get done but slowly and it tends to take hours rather than minutes to do them.

Once next week is out of the way I can plan again and I will sort out that holiday too.

When now actually means next week

I'd quite forgotten how work is. I am doing some work that should have been delivered on Friday night but wasn't quite ready as there was some data missing.

Yesterday I spoke to everyone about it and it was no worries, not in until the end of the week and it can wait. That threw me a bit as I was fully expecting to have my ear bent that I hadn't delivered it. I'm still waiting for the data of course which I might get on Friday.

The fun of it all. I keep expecting people to work at my speed and throughput and that just doesn't happen.

I'm not sure quite how I am going to return to work as I am sure I am going to get the maintenance treatment and probably another 6 weeks of Immunotherapy treatment. That takes 2/5ths of a working week out for me so I could do with finding a three day a week job for 6 weeks. Perhaps I just ought to set my sights on finding Hen's teeth and rocking horse poo, they'd be an easier ask!

All clear

This morning all is OK and back to normal. I decided to skip the exercises and to take it a little easy as I don't want to antagonise the situation.

I am looking forward to going out this afternoon - I have been invited to a Lodge that meets in the City of London and I don't have to do anything except sit back and enjoy myself which is always an easy thing to do of course. I am also going up to London tomorrow but this time it will be the Central/West End.

I don't think that I have been out and about so much for at least a year and so it is a bit of a treat to get out and to enjoy someone else's company.

Even without exercise the blood pressure readings are good again. I suppose there is a bit of a silver lining after all when you see that other problems I didn't know about have come to light and been tackled.

On Off On Off

I got the tiny little blood spots every other go tonight. Luckily the last two have been clear. It is a little bit frightening when you see this despite knowing that in no way can it be a tumour and it is more likely just to be the scabs dropping off.

What it does mean though is that I just need to take it easy and not overdo it. I was only saying a day or so ago that I thought I had been pretty good about slowly building back to normal and yet today's little warning obviously says I'm not ready for that so I will drop back to medium exercise again.

One of the problems - and I've said this before - is that you can't see or really feel too much wrong with you and so you can easily overdo it. Your body just revolts against this and you get the little warnings and set backs like this.

Forgive the running commentary

About my urination frequency and contents :-)

The last one was totally clear so I am guessing that all that is happening is that the biopsy and the resected area are just releasing their scabs.

Roll on the day when I can just go and have a pee and not worry about it :-) At least the post operative sharp intake of breath just as you are about to pee has gone and things are back to normal now.

Carbohydrates for dummies

I need that book :-)

I just worked out what I was doing wrong on my diet. I cut out loads of things that really I shouldn't have done. The primary one was, as you probably remember, I cut back heavily on bread and just have a little homemade bread now and then - I am no great lover of rice or pasta and so didn't have those and I had potatoes but I doubt I had them every day so it appears that I inadvertently cut down too much and lowered my carbohydrates too far. hence blood glucose levels were shot to pieces.

It also appears that the way I tend to eat fruit, generally all in one burst in the late afternoon or early evening is also not to be done either! I should be spacing that out.

It appears that in my eagerness to get the salt out of my diet, start to get the weight off and ramp up my exercise regime I managed to screw up my bodies metabolism.

So - as of today, I have changed my diet to make sure that I get carbohydrates three times a day and that I spread out all the healthy things to balance those out across the day too.

No one ever said that lifestyle changes were going to be easy.

Oh dear bit of blood

I thought there was a bit this morning and this afternoon another small bit. It could be the scabs coming off I suppose as it looks like tiny little clots and only one at a time not a lot at a time like I've had before.

Whatever, it is quite alarming to see even these tiny amounts. It takes you right back to those early days. Mind you there is a big difference, I actually have a good idea what is going on now. Then - well - I was just in a state every time I went to the loo.

I might have overdone the exercising now that I am using a more strenuous regime and then again, the wounds do need to come off and the bladder repair itself properly. I can't imagine it is anything other than that as these things don't grow that fast at all.

Worrying just the same and I just need to keep my eye on it.

Exercise, Diet and Blood Pressure

I recorded really good blood pressure readings this morning, almost as low as those when I was on beta blockers. It hasn't just dropped to these levels it has been gradually going down over the last three weeks and today I was recording 110 over 70 which is almost the lowest I've ever had. I keep a chart of my BP readings and do morning and evening. It has been quite gratifying to see things dropping down and normalising over time. Mind you it isn't something that is particularly accurate as you can have a high reading one minute and five minutes later it can be normal. You do need to follow a set routine which I now try and do. Rushing to get it done is bound to give you raised readings.

I also had a nice surprise on the scales. I haven't put on weight but neither did I lose any either. However, I was convinced that I should have put weight on given the excesses of last week.

Unfortunately this week I have two more meals to go to and I am certain that these too will put the weight on or keep me where I am.

Working on a Bank Holiday

I finally got all the important paperwork out of the way about 5 minutes ago.

I now need to tidy up my desk again which looks as if a mischievous Elf has ruffled the papers and put them in to all the wrong piles.

I still didn't manage to get the little bits and pieces done - you know those odd e-mails out to people that aren't really important but never get off your "to-Do" list. I need to make a concerted effort tomorrow to get a little more focused on this.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) my lunchtime appointment has been cancelled tomorrow. I was actually looking forward to getting out for a short while and so I can probably put a lot more effort into tomorrow to get things done.

The trouble with doing too much

I have given up a lot of things, not necessarily through having Bladder Cancer. However, like a lot of things you do, you end up running things because nobody else will or because they do it so badly.

It is difficult to walk away from some of the things that I've been instrumental in building up but I don't want to be seen as interfering and in all reality I would far rather not get involved, leaving things for the new man. Like all clubs I suppose those who actually do things end up doing them.

The trouble with doing too much is that you don't get time to yourself (I am doing admin on a bank holiday) and you don't get much time to yourself. If I had disappeared I wonder what would have happened?

Good News

We made £3500 on Saturday at the old people's home. That will allow us to finance the new garden furniture. They have a lovely garden area where we also hold the Easter Egg Hunt and the existing parasols are beginning to get worn out and we need decent ones as they get so much usage.

I didn't think we could make that sort of money on the day and it is easily the most we have ever made.

To think that this time last year I hadn't even heard of Bladder Cancer!

Changed the Exercise back upto the next level

I have been working my way back up to the levels of fitness I was at prior to going into hospital. It may surprise you just how much a short procedure like I had takes out of you.

It has taken me close to 3 weeks to get back to where I was. Today I upped to a 30 minutes straight routine on one of the harder programmes. I normally do 3 lots of 10 minutes on a relatively simple 3 peaks of effort in each 10 minutes. The one I did today takes you gradually upwards 3 times to three plateaus of effort.

There are a few reasons that you cannot do exercises straight away - one is that you have a number of cuts inside your bladder and they are healing, the other is that you are pretty sore from the pulling around and you feel a bit groggy from the anaesthetic. When the use a rigid cystoscope they also stretch you out internally. Your urethra - now ladies, your transit is a bit better than us lads is the way they get in to undertake the procedure. If you imagine the lads urethra goes up then bends down and back up through the prostate and then into the bladder so a sort of "S" shape. Well sticking that pipe in you straightens everything out and believe me, whilst it isn't painful particularly but it is uncomfortable and this also sort of limits your ability to climb Mount Everest or even do a little off road cycling. You can imagine that the bladder being balloon shaped means that the pipe needs to be viewed from some pretty odd angles and be twisted and pulled into place. Thank goodness you are knocked out during this procedure. You certainly don't want to start exercising before a week is up - I think that I waited for a week and a half.

Anyway, so almost three weeks after I started again I am back to where I was and ready to go on a bit further. It is surprising how much it takes out of you. I can see why I was so weak last time I had the more major procedure.