Here I go again

Back to the Hospital tomorrow for an assessment. I thought I was doing alright but I'm starting to get slightly wound up about it. I'm hoping for things to be not so bad - I've supposedly lost a fair bit of weight, lowered my blood pressure and calmed down a bit I think.

We will just have to see what tomorrow brings I suppose? They can always call it off again if they want to. Not sure the consultant would be over pleased about it though.

Weigh Hey!

Excellent - another 2 Kgs off this week, down below "obese" category and on the way down which is great news. I'm well pleased with that sort of loss that is close to 2 bags of sugar gone but I was feeling a lot better towards the end of the week (excluding Friday of course).

I can actually feel the loss so I knew before I got on the scales this morning. Now I need to keep up the diet and to keep up the exercises too.

Back in my Office

Pleased to say. The party I believe, given by the slow way everyone is getting up this morning must have been successful. It looked like a bomb had gone off in the dining room and kitchen obviously because young people are so uncoordinated that they cannot keep food on their plates.

I upped the exercises to 40 minutes this morning - also pleased to have recorded the lowest blood pressure reading I've seen as well.

I have the assessment tomorrow and so I am hoping that I can keep relatively calm to keep the BP within the bounds of normality.

Shutting Down for a short while

Whilst they use my office for one of the party goers to stay over - nice of them to tell me after it had all been arranged by them!

Logging off but back tomorrow

The Waft of Party Food

All I can smell are sausages and the like being prepared in the Kitchen - the little apprentice human beings have offered me a couple to try but so far I have resisted. I have escaped up to the office but will now go and lock myself tortoise like into the back room.

Thanks

So I just got an e-mail.

"DaDaer sir
we got your name and your addres true internet that you are one of exporter of used shoes an clothes and we are one of lmporter in our local market we only been buying from uk companys.pls can we know the wey you uperate both your price even am now in uk"

Nasty stutter at the start?

So I've suggested that they write to me as they have my "addres" - whatever that may be :-)

Party Tonight

Not mine - my little baby is 17 soon so she and her apprentice human being friends are around tonight banishing me to the back room and perhaps the kitchen.

All is looking set fair, cakes is made, food is beginning to be cooked and prepared and all valuables and things that could be knocked over are moved, next door neighbours have been warned to expect a bit of noise and to complain if it gets too bad. perhaps I should have paid for them to go out for the night?

More worrying than having a party is that Driving Lessons also start in a day or so too. Not for me for her!

Cheered Myself up

I just cooked a really neat soup for lunch using Water Cress. Really easy to make although trying to find Water Cress is a nightmare. You can get it in packets but not loose anymore.

I beginning to sound like my parents reminiscing about getting stuff in newspaper - although I remember going to the shops for my Mum with a bag and getting x Lbs of potatoes tipped into the shopping bag. If the Greengrocer missold anything to my brother or me - mum would be around there and give him what for as I remember. We had the treat then on spending a few pence on sweets - much to the delight of my Dentist I imagine.

Anyway get down to Waitrose and pick up a copy of the recipe or perhaps from their web site. It was really good.

Additionally, the latest from the kitchen is that bread consumption has gone down 75% as had cheese too. We have had to throw out some Ham we bought last week as it is past it's use by date. Also we are having to replenish the fruit bowl three times a week now.

As you can probably tell I am feeling 100% better than I was earlier - I have no idea why wearing a stupid piece of kit should have made me feel as ill as I did? Now I feel fine - stupid, really stupid.

Bloody Typical

I just ran a set of tests on my BP monitor here. I'd verified that it was reasonably accurate yesterday as it was within a few percent of the larger BP monitor.

Back to normal readings. Not happy about that of course. I'm also feeling a hell of a lot better, less tight across the chest and easing down.

I think I may have to take up tai chi or some such relaxation stuff to see if that might work, I don't want to take tablets if I can help it. I might have a word with a friend of mine who is a hypnotherapist and see if he can help.

I can go and stand in front of hundreds of people and talk, I do loads of things confidently but get me within a 100 metres of a Hospital or the GP and my body goes into nervous meltdown.

The only thing that comes near this are those famous words

"Dad, can I have....?"

Over for now

I really found that an unpleasant experience - I know it was only a blood pressure monitor but, I have been wound up about wearing it and I can still feel how stressed I am even though I have just taken it off. Sounds stupid I know but whether it was the spying nature of it or the uncomfortable nature of it I don't know.

I'm sure it didn't help knowing I am back in on Monday for pre-assessment. It's all a bit deja vu - I just hope I can keep my BP down well enough then. Knowing what happened last time isn't actually going to help either. Actualy got to wander over there now and give this back.

I lose all my common sense and upbeat outlook when I go to these places. It's just the way I am.

Not such a good day

I can't stand this thing attached to me, it keeps going off and squeezes really tight and I might as well throw my BP Monitor in the bin reading the measurements this one is recording.

I really haven't felt well all day either - no doubt that is stress too and getting the letter and having to go through assessment again on Monday. At least it is an early operation on the 11th by the looks of things as I'll have to be there at 7:45.

I'll see what the night brings apparently this little baby only acts like a Boa Constrictor every hour instead of half hour at night. Thoughtfully it bleeps to let you know what it is about to do and then pumps up and does it stuff. I can imagine sleeping through it's asthmatic ritual will wake me up too.

I just checked my own BP monitor - it too is reading high. I wouldn't mind - I'm normally 20 or 30 points lower than this. Damn!

I Guessed that would have to happen

Got the letter to go in for pre-assessment on Monday. Do you think that they'll have the results back from the tests by then?

So am I a little stressed? You bet. I am going to go and just sit down for a short while and take things easy and then I can wander over to the Hospital a little later.

You couldn't invent timing like this - if it were in a film script it would be unbelievable.

30 minutes later

Having given the cross trainer a thrashing I'm feeling a bit better now and not quite so tight. I'll take a cool down, have a shower and very slowly get on with my day. It is pretty clear, I have to pop to the Post Office either on the way there or on the way back - it depends what the queue is like. I can then wander up to the Hospital at a slower rate than I did last time so that I arrive there relaxed rather than half out of breath, heart pounding and BP up.

The rest of the day is taking it easy really I have a couple of minor chores on the PC to sort out but other than that easy is the name of the game.

Spent a horrible night

Awake most of the time, dreaming or recollecting going into Hospital, wheeled down to theatre and reliving the yuk bits and there was no way I could get that out of my mind. I tried the old listen to music trick - nothing and I finally got to sleep in the early hours.

Perhaps it was posting the BCG stuff yesterday or finally realising how serious things are. I don't think I have been kidding myself but then again, perhaps that is how I am getting through it like I am.

I certainly don't need to be wound up and stressed out going to have my blood pressure monitored now do I?

Right - this off my mind for a moment I shall go and do my exercises.

Getting Wired Up

Tomorrow - 11:30 - what kind of time of day is that? I suppose I could walk back from the Hospital past the pub but I'd better not :-)

I suppose it will prove one way or the other whether I've got blood in my alcohol stream or vice versa and indeed whether there is actually any blood at all - some have expressed the belief that it was anti freeze all along.

We will find out soon no doubt. Talking of which I haven't had the letter to go back in yet - might get it tomorrow.

It is annoying that by now I would almost have had my results if it hadn't been cancelled the first time.

The report was well worth reading too

This was the report and it's "sort of" OK - these are the sorts of things that are pretty good reading if you read it one way and not so good if you read it another way. May I suggest you read as I would in an optimistic fashion - thank you:


"Bacille Calmette-Guérin (BCG) is an effective conservative treatment for managing patients with Stage T1 high-grade bladder cancer, say investigators. In their study of 78 patients with the condition, who were initially treated by transuretheral resection (TUR), adjuvant BCG was effective in around two thirds of individuals.

"TUR alone is associated with a high rate of recurrence and progression to muscle invasion and is clearly not curative in 40% to 60% of patients," note David Margel (Rabin Medical Center, Petah Tiqwa, Israel) and colleagues."Early cystectomy, although offering the best chance of cure, would probably constitute overtreatment in many cases. Consequently, most urologists favor initial TUR of all visible tumor and adjuvant intravesical treatment.

"The researchers investigated the long-term outcome of patients with Stage T1 high-grade transitional cell carcinoma of the bladder who received TUR followed-by intravesicle BCG. Patients received initial 6 weekly instillations of BCG, with half of the patients receiving at least a further seven monthly instillations. Among the 78 patients treated, 34 (44%) were still alive after a median follow-up of 107 months (range 16 to 238 months).

Among the 44 patients who died, 32 died from causes other than bladder cancer. A total of 27 (35%) patients experienced a recurrence of their condition. Most recurrences occurred in the first year after treatment, at 55%. Progression was seen in 14 (18%) patients, 12 of whom died from their disease. The team reports in the journal Urology that the overall 2-, 5-, and 10-year recurrence-free survival rates following treatment were 76%, 72%, and 62%, respectively.

The corresponding rates for progression-free survival were 92%, 82%, and 80%.The disease-free survival rates were 99% at 2 years, 90% at 5 years, and 85% at 10 years."BCG is an effective conservative treatment of patients with Stage T1 high-grade bladder cancer," the researchers conclude.

They add: "More than one half the recurrences appeared within the first year, but a small risk remains throughout the patient's life."Progression during follow-up appears to carry a high risk of cancer-specific death."


Free abstract: http://dmail.organon.com/cgi-bin2/DM/y/nhga0MyNmI0MUM0Bbu10Eg


MedWire: Urology

When you go for BCG

This is what I try not to look at. This picture just arrived with some more information on BCG. Actually there is a bit more here than I have and the syringe on this one looks wrong as the one I have is much bigger than that and all the valves and bits aren't on mine. But anyway, as a guide, now can you see why my blood pressure would go through the roof and equally why I don't look and take a stress ball in with me? Thought you would :-)

Exercises Back on

I got back to exercising this morning and the rashes on my legs have faded right down so not sure what all that was about but at least I can get back to keeping fit and dropping the weight off.

I'm still doing the 30 minutes with 3 x 10 minute programmes but I have upped the programme to do 1 easy one followed by two harder ones with far more resistance on them. Once I get to the point when they become easy I will switch to a couple of the really hard programs - the one that looks like the ascent of Everest was particularly difficult I remember. So I will try and get to 30 minutes on the harder programmes and then after that perhaps increase the time.

Despite now having the new date

and feeling a little uneasy about it - because after all you do start to build yourself up to these sorts of things - I don't feel too bad, I'm still feeling as good as I did earlier this week and pretty much full of vim and vigour (there's a phrase you don't hear that much these days).

I am also hoping that whilst I might be heavier than I was last year I am actually a lot fitter and so I hope that it will help me to recover quickly. I think that I will have the same ground rules as last time which include not driving for a week. I'll probably not be allowed to exercise either in that case. It seems perverse that to check that I am OK will mean that I'll be bleeding again and need to take it easy.

Safety Valve

I think I blew that last night a bit. I was a bit more extrovert than normal and a little louder too.

The pressures of the past few weeks and the delays, more tests, life style changes and then getting the news to go in in less than two weeks meaning the delay probably wasn't necessary all add to the stress of living with something like Cancer.

It really is difficult not to react like this occasionally - sometimes you just want to scream but of course you don't. The trouble with bottling it up is that you lash out somewhere else and most often inappropriately. Alternatively you get slightly loose like last night.