Spoke to the funeral celebrant

And my Uncle, Aunt and Cousin turned up to the house and then went on to the Hotel.  My Uncle is my dad's older brother.  His younger brother can't get over from the US.  It's been a long time since they'd seen mum and they haven't seen my brother for 20 odd years, his son - well never seen him and his daughter perhaps when she was around 16 or 18 I guess as I took mum and her to a party.


I think that is terribly sad but sort of gives you and idea what I'm dealing with here.  Anyway, I've written then eulogy and practised it a few times. I've had a few beers and a some tea and I "Think" I am ready for the morning now.  My wife and daughters are coming up tomorrow and on the way picking up the mobile phone I bought for mum but that had failed to be delivered.


So all is set ready for dad's funeral and I hope that I can get the very last bit of my eulogy out, it's an interesting few lines, I managed to get it - I think - just right - a touch of sincerity and a touch of humour too..


It's a difficult line to tread, my brother has turned into some religious zealot and we've got a humanist type service with a little bit of "religion" in it for him.  Believe it or not, this explains everything (kind of).  It now makes sense in a way of all his strange postings in facebook but of course, he doesn't practice it, he does it for himself.  That really is different.  So it's been like treading on egg shells.  I thought he'd explode when I said to him that reading something and understanding it were two entirely separate things.  By that I meant that he'd pick up something, copy and paste it but the problem was that he'd not get it's meaning.  For example his poem that "He'd died tragically young".  Well at 81 years old and after a year of being ill, you'd have to stretch that a little.


However, here is the main thing, after tomorrow he may finally just settle down a bit.  He's taken it all very badly.  I seem to be relatively stable - not sure how tomorrow will go though, it is, after all, my dad.  There is something more important than that and that is to ensure that I do my dad's memory justice and deliver the Eulogy as best I can.  It's as much for mum and my brother, my wider family and me that I should say these kind words.  Words, I hasten to add I'd probably say to him myself and words that express the fun we've had in the main and express slightly the solemnity of the situation.  I fear that my brother's printed eulogy, in the order of service is just the most awful gushing, embarrassing, self centred and guilt laden pile of pooh I've ever had the misfortune to read.  It acts as a confession of someone who has never quite come to terms with the situation and who doesn't feel comfortable with their relationship and borders on the sentimental and a justification of "his" positioning in this.   


I doubt anyone would take him to task.  I've asked him if he felt that it was wholly appropriate and added in any way to dad's memory rather than an admission of his own guilt....  Oh well, we let it go and we let it ride.  Mum hates it, I hate it, I don't know if anyone else feels similar but it is just an annoying side show.  I hope that I will redress that and that I will be able to give a proper eulogy that reflects the humour and fun as well as a good idea of who he was as a man.