Will he be the death of me?

The order of service is approved - apart from my brother's Eulogy which makes airline sick bags required equipment when you read it.   The Celebrant (Humanist) has been around to see mum and an order of service, totally in tune with dad's wishes has been agreed on.  My brother's poems are incorporated and the 4 tunes are now in place.


I have the Order of Service and have been struggling with the Eulogy that I am to give.  More so that I only have 5 minutes.  I reckon 8 is about right and so I am adding and removing things to try and make it suitable.  I have yet to do this out loud and I have yet to practice getting past the sticky bits where I well up when I'm writing.  It was great tonight to go out with my mates and have a few beers with them - we cheered dad and they disappeared off home, my friend and his son who works at the pub (born the same day as A) were there and so we had a beer or two and then the heavens opened, rain dropped out of the sky like a biblical epic - luckily they dropped me off home but the roads are like rivers outside.


I have until tomorrow evening to get my speech together and get myself ready to go up and stay with my mum.  I'm going to do this and stay there until she kicks me out to come home to my daughter, A's graduation which is next Monday.  It's been a hell of a July.  Mum's birthday on Sunday the 1st.  My Anniversary of finding out I had something seriously wrong with me on the 2nd.  A -- starting her job on the 2nd, Dad being told they couldn't do anything for him on the 2nd too.  The 3rd, an interview for me, returning home to find my dad had died a few minutes before.  that evening blowing myself away with films.  The 4th my birthday and a muted celebration, we have loads of stuff going on in July.  I will remember it for many reasons but it is often the case that deaths appear close to birthdays, holidays and other milestone events.


At last we have an order of service that dad and mum would be happy with, we have my brother's self serving eulogy to be printed in the order of service and we have a middle of the road set of songs that dad would have liked but which are not really evocative of the real him.  My mates were taken aback tonight at my annoyance of my brother's self serving, self centred actions.  At least he came up short today when mum vetoed the whole thing, dumped the vicar and got the celebrant in.  I've told her that I will fight that corner but I think that my sister in law has also listened to reason and will rein my brother in.


My mum went to see my dad today and she was able to hold his hand and say goodbye to him.  He was at peace and it made her feel good and she was able to say her good byes to him.  I can't tell you how sad that made me feel but it was nice to hear her so uplifted by doing that.  I don't think I'd have the bottle to do that.  


Now she has said goodbye everything is in process and progress for the funeral on Friday.  I think that I will be OK until the very end of my Eulogy - where I have to say goodbye.  I have a nice uplifting idea to do that but I have to man it out for the last two lines.  I want things to be a celebration of his life but as it is my brother wants it to be the gnashing of teeth, the wailing of a thousand grieving slaves and so on.  It will be what it will be and I will not give away the plot (apart from to my uncle in the US) before the funeral.  It will be a surprise and a celebration but giving me 5 minutes is difficult - it should be 10 - I think I can whittle to 8 so we will see.  As long as I don't blub I will do fine.