Breaking The Cycle

Here's the thing.  We all do it, we all have egos and we all have something called (in Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth) a "pain body" it is where bad news accumulates and sucks out your energy, it keeps you down when you should be up it makes a victim of you (in my case) and it thrives on anger and pain and it never really lets you go.  Your ego too has a built up fictional version of who you are.  Your name, date of birth, school days, jobs and career, wife and family.

Yesterday I had a long chat and then watched that part of the Oprah / Eckhart Tolle webcast about the pain body and I realised that I wasn't going to suffer it any more.  In addition I wasn't going to push to make stuff happen anymore, I'm not going to be sitting here waiting for stuff to happen, people to call and so on.  If it makes me feel bad why should I?  This morning I woke up and I actually felt refreshed for once.  Felt like I had a good night's sleep, felt like lots of the pack of troubles I carry around with me day to day had disappeared - not all of them - but a lot of them.

Today would be about changing the approach and it's already lunchtime and I have no idea where the morning has gone.  Better than that I don't really care where it has gone, I don't care about what is going to happen this afternoon because it is just going to happen whether I worry about it or not.  

I'm training myself to recognise stuff reemerging from the past and stopping it - it's in the past.  I'm forgetting about lots of things like that - letting go of them they aren't doing me any good.  Things that drain my energy (normally people) will no longer do that.  I can't do anything about the past, I can't do much about the future that will happen I can do stuff now, in the present, in the now.  That's what I'm doing.

It's difficult I grant you not to be off on some fool's errand or to be sulking and upset over something that happened some time ago.  It's difficult not to try and plan a future but planning and doing if I consider it never have become reality - no, never.  You can risk manage and mitigate of course, you can save for a rainy day by all means but to think and dream (although I enjoy my dreams) they aren't reality.

I also realise that I'm trying to force things to happen and I've stopped that as well.  If things are going to happen they will and there is nothing I can do to force the situation and I've been working far too hard at relationships these past 3 months or so now.  I've drained my energy and I'm flat and out of gas.  That sounds bad but actually it shows how hard I've been working and once again I realise that I've had to do that but it is time now, I've come far enough along this road that I don't need to work hard at it, I need to work smart not harder...

Still embargoed - will let you know when it isn't.