Friday, April 13, 2007

Why am I not celebrating

I just spoke to my friend who is cancer free and therefore cured. Same with him, no reaction apart from thank goodness, that's good, nice, great etc.

We were working out whether that is because it isn't a binary thing. It doesn't just happen. That the stress and trauma of the past which is all bottled up and generally hidden is suddenly released and that is suppressing your elation.

Perhaps because you are geared up to hear the absolute worst case scenario and then get almost the opposite news - it is just so hard to take it in. Who knows - the shrinks would have a field day and I'm sure I could find my Kubler Ross area - if so then I am probably "testing" at the moment.

It is weird as I am gradually and quite cautiously letting people know and yet although I am happier today than I was yesterday I'm not ecstatic nor am I anywhere like where I thought I'd be.

Have I become over cautious, more pessimistic or perhaps something else has changed in me. I mean after this news I'm meant to pack it all in, buy a yacht and sail around the world or something like that and I don't feel like that either. I suppose we will have to see how it pans out over time. Sorry not to be leaping up and down and whooping and yelling. :-)

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