Back on subject

I suppose all these things going on have a bearing on my well being. However to get back to the subject and the bladder cancer and all of that. I was surprised that I felt like I was overheating at my friend's house the other day, I had to keep stepping outside as I was too hot. I get this a fair bit and I think it is the treatment. My immune system appears to be able to cope with people around me all having colds and so far, I haven't had one this year.

I find warm houses a problem and yet I have not found problems with hot days? Strange. I am still feeling tired and can fall asleep in my chair at almost anytime. I then go to bed feeling tired and get the thoughts rattling around and cannot get to sleep. That throws me out for the next day time wise and the cycle starts again.

Other than that, I feel OK but I know that I am neither fit nor what I would call well. By that I mean that I know I don't have cancer and that I am getting better each passing day but I am not fit, nor do I feel quite right - out of balance perhaps is the right way of saying it. I just feel not 100% If I were to put a figure on it I'd say 75%. Something isn't quite right and it may be everything getting to me at once, it may be an imbalance in the way my body is fighting one particular area of problems and other areas needs some TLC. Who knows? I think that I will just have to work slowly to tackle each area. Fitness, Diet, Physical and mental agility, whole boy wellness.

It is quite a peculiar thing to say that I don't feel completely right I suppose - but it really is as if there is something missing or something not in the right place. You can't put your finger on it and it isn't all the time. Often it is a malaise or melancholy but generally it is a listlessness or a form of procrastination. I know once I get myself up and out that I will enjoy going somewhere - I just sometimes don't want to get up and do anything.

I'm aware of these things so I can deal with them - I doubt that it is any different for anyone else coming out of an 18 month fight - I would think your whole body and your mind are shot to pieces with all the things that have happened to you. Trying to keep up appearances and lead a "normal" life are probably as taxing as anything else you do.

It will be interesting to see how I deal with this in the coming months.