It was OK this morning as the new Train timetable has an earlier train with longer carriages and so I get plenty of room. They are still stupidly over heated even though it is minus 4 or 5 you don't need to boil passengers like they do. Me? I have to take off my coats and scarf etc. to sit down and yet others doggedly sit there with full hat, scarf, gloves and all on and honestly the carriage has to be 25 or more degrees C. It is crazy. Tonight I decided to get an earlier train and feel that I may now do that more often as it goes about 20 minutes earlier than the one I normally catch and is a little less crowded. I still have these claustrophobic reactions and tonight needed to open the window on the train for 10 minutes or so before we moved off. Again just so hot I could hardly breathe.
I notice that since my treatments I am a lot hotter than other people, I am always warm and need to be in cool rooms and transport. If I have to sit in the furnace like conditions of some of these trains I get problems breathing which takes me a lot of effort to control.
I have arrived home to find that a friend's wife has died over the weekend. She had been ill for many years and had not been in great health. I often hear the words "it was a relief" and maybe that is true for her and her husband but even so, it must still be a shock to the system and I've been asked not to call and so I wont. I do not deal with death particularly well at the best of times and post BC find it acutely upsetting when experiencing it at funerals or similar situations. I could handle it quite well before all of this and can gaze on my own demise stoically but show me anyone else suffering or losing a loved one and I find that I am not able to cope with it. Let me talk to a cancer victim and discuss the symptoms, treatment, potential outcomes etc and I'm fine with that too.
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