Tuesday, January 12, 2010

What the hell is wrong with me

It can be frustrating that I just don't seem to be coming to terms with who I am, what I want to do, the way I am now and all that good stuff.

I just cannot make up my mind what I want to do for the best.  I got to work today and caught up with 4 or 5 day's worth of work in as many hours.  I cannot say that I enjoy the journey - it has become a chore and a experience that isn't pleasant and is almost frightening.  I am so glad that Ii didn't go in last wek as I heard tales tonight about some of the journeys and it made me feel queasy just listening to them.  SURELY there has to be something else I can do from now on that doesn't put me in situations I don't like, doesn't make me do things that are mediocre when I can deliver such value from my experience to others? 

Travelling in cattle trucks to and from work to do stuff that I can do as well at home just seems churlish to  me.  

I'm back where I was some years ago at some sort of crossroads and once again, I just don't know what to do with myself for the best and for my long term mental and physical health.  At present I could happily kick my job into touch.

I don't feel like going in to work tomorrow at all.  I will take a view when I see what the weather is like in the morning.   Life is opening up to be a cul de sac at the moment and I really want it to be so much better than that.

At least I found out tonight that the journey up to town was as bad as I had anticipated and I am glad I made the decision not to go now.  I think I would have ended up at an asylum if I'd have gotten on one of the over crowded trains they described to me.  


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