We Have Forgotten Who We Are

 I am old enough to remember that despite the troubles of the 1970s and 1980s when London could be dangerous with bombings and the like, the people were generally law abiding citizens and you didn't seem to get the anger and dare I say it, self entitlement that you do these days.

Rose tinted glasses perhaps?  I liked London for all the reasons a young hot blooded youth would.  Live music, drinking (not so much restaurants) later on the theatre but you could have a good time and generally not have any trouble or problems, travel was easy and getting there and back wasn't a problem plus I had the stamina of youth - I probably didn't need to sleep for a month (no not really).  I could do a day's work then meet some friends go to various places to see a band have a beer and then get the second to last train home and be up two or three hours later on my way to work again.  I was only limited by the amount of money I had and we were paid weekly back in those days and in cash!

Today I look at the deceitful politicians and the way people treat each other and it really is quite different.  I'd go and see my grandparents and they were obviously from a generation that had lived through the war as adults, my parents had as children and there was I with my long hair and flared trousers, platform shoes and the next generation but we had manners and let people on and off the trains before us and would help someone with a pram or shopping up and down stairs or escalators, we'd use words like please and thank you and mean it, hold doors open and offer your seat to people.  Courteousness and civility, they seem to disappear with people's self entitlement.

I always smile, say please and thank you and when on the phone I will never use bad language or be nasty to a phone operator as they have a hard enough job as it is.  Always get their name and use it when talking to them and always than them for their help.  It costs very little to make other people feel better about themselves, to perhaps slightly brighten their day but also, they've helped you out too.  

The lies and deceit of people, the in your face hypocrisy - just look at the behaviour of the BBC for example and the number of people entitled to tell YOU what to do.  These are thick illiterate bastards as far as I am concerned and those are the people I am beginning to hate.  Thinking of my career (my first one) I had to go to college for three years to get my qualifications all the while working on site.  If I did something wrong I could kill someone so that's why it is important.  After many years I was promoted and then, and only then, could I tell (I actually ask normally) someone what to do.  I had the experiences, skills, practical background and qualifications to do so.

Today, look at the dross the reel out to tell you what to do.  Politicians who have never had a real job and have existed in the system from leaving University.  Councillor, lobbyist then a local MP and what do they bring to the benefit of their constituents?  That's right, sweet Fanny Adams.  They are a bunch of pathetic, entitled no nothing naive fools and that's insulting fools!  What gives them the right to be as utterly stupid as to think they can pontificate on any subject is beyond me.  I'd rather trust Wikipedia or the Guardian than one of these low life smug gits.

It doesn't stop their either does it?  Football pundits who know exactly what is going on is Israel or the Middle East and telling us which way to vote and what we should be thinking and actors, yes actors, those who's whole life is pretending to be other people demonstrating their financial (in) competence and explaining why socialism and communism are good things all the while sipping their Campari and Soda from their multi-million pound villa in Jean-Les-Pains.  All the while the gullible drink it all in, bloat on reality TV and Soap Operas and pick up all the bad habits of selfishness, greed, excess and gluttony and think it is how to behave.

Roll on the day when the Electricity system falls apart from mindless green stupidity and we no longer have to watch TV, look at our phones and tablets and emerge blinking into the sunlight and talk to each other, be nice to one another and go back to having real lives.  Maybe we will reawaken that greatness and pride we once had without being called racist which everything is these days or some other slur like denier words used when you cannot discuss things and want to stop the conversation.  

Filing And Shredding - Getting There

 It's quite a process but I am getting there.  Four large dustbin bags full of shredded paper and a fifth under way and space in the office where there was none before.  Small steps and achievements.  It was a little sad to see the old company stuff go but go it had to, it was 15 years old and you no longer need to keep those records and other records, over seven years, have also been shredded. I thought it would bring back memories but not so much.

What was funny was to find my 1976 diary where I did band practice in Hammersmith with Dave catching the 88 bus and getting home really late.  We had interesting times and he said that he thought I played guitar well.  Also in there was a note about Dora.  Now Dora was a young Turkish lady who worked for another company but was on block release at the same College I was at and we got chatting and used to hang around together at lunchtime etc.  All I recall about it was that I suggested meeting up but it appears that I got her phone number now this is highly unusual for me as I was the absolute worst at asking such things of young ladies.  It must have been some achievement as it made it into the diary but as all things when you are young, we lived a long way away and I got transferred to another college a lot nearer me and so it wasn't to be.  She was really nice too and a woman in a man's world of Electrical Engineering.   The diray also mentions the Moorgate Tube Disaster which a few of the lads from my year were on, mercifully they were not badly hurt

So my diaries have survived now I suppose I need to decide what to do with them.  They tell an interesting tale for me of what I was up to.  There is also a bit about my friend (who I have recently reconnected with) Penny who was at the Royal London training to be a Nurse.  She is now in New Zealand.  I have no idea if she knew how much I really felt about her but as I was often in and around her area, we used to hang out together, platonic friendships I guess, I don't know, may not be all that platonic :-) 

Another full on attack on the paper and filing today and hopefully Ill get somewhere near organised.

The other thing that flew through my mind was this bloke who's being an arsehole is that whilst there's been a lot of what he is going to do and legal action etc., the bottom line is that he really hasn't been involved in the company in well over a year and indeed he never was.   His actions, and his alone, are the cause of all his nonsense and if he did take it to some sort of legal action, there would be some eyebrows raised as I offered arbitration and it was flat out refused and in the same breath there is the classic denial that he ever was part of the business.  Surprised he wasn't dissuaded from using that as what is it all about if he wasn't?  Yes - there's sufficient amounts of contradiction in place that it will be looked on as vexatious and the use of ad hominem attacks will be looked at poorly.

So that in a way assists me in my thinking about whether to continue with the business or not as I am reviewing that now.  It is difficult as the App is now on its second version and looks great and so what do I do, take the easy way out and shut it all down or do I run with it in the short term and see where it goes?  The battle in my head continues but at least there is space for me to operate in the office now! 

Driving In The Dark & Wet

 The M25 is hairy at the best of times but it was coming off the Motorway that the "fun" started.  Quite what takes over people's minds to drive so fast and carelessly in the wet and not to consider standing water and aquaplaning I have no idea.  Van driver cam up the hard shoulder and undertook us going across two lanes on the roundabout and so cutting right in front of me and you could see the rear was sliding.  He held it together but fish tailed away in front of me and then to cap that I had the guy come over from my right to then cut in front of me - it's two lanes people so the van made his own lane and matey boy - God knows what he was thinking.

I am by nature a defensive driver, having driven 30 to 40,000 miles a year when I was working in the 70s, 80s and 90s and so you tend to work out what is happening and treat absolutely every other driver as a full blown idiot.  You just know that again, like last night in all the spray and rain people move lane with not indication, cut in front of you or come speeding up to the rear of your car.  The behaviour is mitigate in some way by the power of braking systems etc.  Talking of which auto and electric drivers - stop touching your brakes when driving at 70 mph! 

Anyway, it was one of those terrible rainy, spraying nights, hidden puddles and idiot drivers.  I was glad to get back home.  I do like my AWD car though as it certainly assists in driving conditions like yesterday.

Advent - Here We Go

 Again.  Yes here we go towards Christmas and it feels very different this year.  I am being very careful with my money as I do not know quite how much this new pump will have cost me yet and so where I'd normally buy a bit more than I probably should this year I have bought a bit less.  

In many ways I am still not quite right either in my head and subsequently, that sort of makes you feel physically fatigued too.  I do feel mentally and physically drained and it's all been too much this year.  Whilst Christmas is often time for a great reset (that doesn't last much beyond mid January to be fair) I actually do need to do something about it all.  I launched the new version of the App this morning but I haven't told anyone (other than the Developer) and I really haven't fully decided what to do about the business.  My heart has gone out of it with all the threats and brickbat throwing of the divorced "partner" in the business.  

I wouldn't normally kowtow to bullys but this has gone a little too far to be comfortable and it makes me ill just thinking about it.  The crazy thing is that I know, in a straight argument, it would be laughed out of court but who wants that to go that far anyway?  His arguments are preposterous and his attempt to remove me from my position was also interesting in the fact that he even thinks he is justified in doing it.  A narcissistic egotistical act.  As I am not dealing with a business person or rational actor it makes things edgy I suppose?  If the business had some income and some money behind it then we could engage a solicitor and make this all go away.  We don't so it hasn't.

Anyway, that decision is hovering between just giving it all up or running with it and seeing where it takes us.  

So a month of pretending that this is all jolly and fun coming up.  Will I get into the Christmas Spirit?  Who knows. Right now, not so much.  Perhaps in a week or two I might feel a bit better about myself, the business and my situation?  Maybe.