What a horrible year it has been. You get your reward for being a good person by being screwed to the wall and here I am feeling like a boxer having gone 9 rounds and using the ropes to fend off the blows. All the while my resolve gets weaker and weaker and yet I realise I must not buckle to this onslaught.
Business and just living are taking a mighty big slice out of my life. Things are not enjoyable, not how they "should be" in my imagined perfect world. I've always had this problem that nothing turns out the way that I imagine it will. Holidays, events are just a few that leave me disappointed and try as I may to not have preconceptions I still do. That's a problem that I probably need to tackle. Then there's this whole retirement business too. It's very different and not what I expected it to be either. The house, the build up of cr@p and detritus needs tackling but if only one of you wants to achieve that, it too adds to my general level of low esteem.
Of course I've had this a lot and there is an answer but it's disruptive and expensive and I very much doubt that it can be achieved at the moment either.
So 2025 can do one I'm thinking and 2026 can perhaps begin to make some changes. It needs to as I am in a darkish place and don't want to stay here much longer.
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