Tuesday A Blues Day?

No, not this Tuesday it isn't although it is a quiet sort of morning.  The advert I set up yesterday doesn't appear to have done much at all really so it has been tweaked to see if any traction can be had from that.  It's important as it is an experiment on the App and whether it can be seen, downloaded and more overly bought by some of the people who download it.

It's the acid test really to see if it is going to be viable.  I need to have given it every chance to succeed before pursuing it or closing it down.  There aren't that many options left open to the business if no one sees it or buys it.

It's one of those things isn't it? It is out of my hands at the moment until the results arrive and frankly the overnight results were - well - nothing at all! So a few tweaks to see if the system needed a few more dollars spent to get it to activate.

I feel that I have given it enough in the past 9 years and so it only really remains to give it the final acid test and if people buy it, great and if they don't well I tried.  

Blue Monday Apparently

 follow the money!:

"Blue Monday, typically the third Monday in January, is popularly dubbed the "most depressing day of the year," a concept created for a travel company's PR stunt, not based in science, but it serves as a timely reminder to check on mental well-being during a gloomy winter period of post-holiday blues and bad weather."

My Monday is going to be a bit different I think.  I have some accounts to complete and then I am going to do some business analysis and do a short exercise in sales and advertising / marketing.  Having got a very few downloads I am going to try an experiment with paid product placement and see where that goes.  When the period of experimentation is up or I run out of £s to run it, I can review the success or failure rate and then it gives me the information I need to either go forward or rethink the whole venture.

I would imagine that either way will be interesting as an intellectual exercise but in the back of my mind I am coming around to the idea that if I close it down then I at least get my life back and can properly retire something that this has prevented.  But who knows?

Interesting Week Coming Up

 Today I am off for my Lodge meeting and I have a fair bit of work to do, tomorrow will be banking and doing my Treasurer bit and then on Monday I will do either the first or last thing with the business.  What do I mean by that?  Well it is a make or break exercise to determine if there really is a market for the App.  It will be an interesting exercise in an area that I am unfamiliar with and we will see if people like and more importantly will buy the App.  It is a freemium offering which means you can download and try for free and if you like it you can do in-App purchases but it isn't a subscription model.

Based on that exercise, I can determine if it is worth running the business or just pulling the plug on it.  Either way, it sets the direction for 2026.  In some ways it is a key moment as in my heart of hearts I've had enough of it and I really don't feel like going through all of hassle I've suffered this past 18 months or so.  

It may be that it is freedom calling and freeing me from any further obligation to people who 2 to 3 months ago didn't want me to run the company on their behalf.  I probably should have let them win then and sit back as it all fell apart as they have / had no idea what was setup and how to operate it.  It would have crashed and burned.  It will be what it will be of course and that will be that.

Over Compensation

 On Tuesday I was late to get to the Garage because of roadworks and I guess it was about 20 - 25  minutes delay.  I did get to the Dentist in time as I had planned extra time.  Not wishing to be caught out I left 1 hour for my journey to the Dentists today.  That would allow me say 30 to 45 minutes of delay and still get there in time.

You know what's coming next, of course.  I left with an hour to spare and I was through the traffic lights and the roadworks, parked and parking paid in 14 minutes. I was in the dentist reception as it was throwing it down with rain and windy just 50 minutes early!  I didn't stop for coffee or food like I might normally do as I am sure my Hygienist would not have appreciated it.

I would rather be early than late.  Anyway all was good and so a visit in 9 months to scale & polish so that's OK then.

More crazy stuff from our politicians.  If you are distrusted and despised, keep lying etc.  What would you do?  I think I'd be on some sort of charm offensive to win back support but no, not our lot, they continue to double and triple down on policies that are there just to spite us.  There's no reason to do them, they show complete disdain for us and it appears that they'd rather be the MP for Gaza or somewhere in Pakistan than actually roll their sleeves up, dirty their hands and look after their own constituents.  

They truly are a disgusting bunch of low life scum with little or no understanding where their loyalties lie.  They need to fix stuff here, most of which they've broken in the first place.  As I wrote to our recent Council consultation "If it ain't broke, don't fix it or try to make it better" because, they never do.  Pathetic meddling and interfering with our lives and freedoms and liberties will come to a head and then we will see which way up is.  My old boss used to put his stupid oar in where it wasn't needed.  My jobs were successful despite him not because of him.  I was forever repairing relationships with customers and firefighting where he had stuck his nose in where it wasn't wanted.  Best of all is where we lost a multi million pound contract and I got the potential customer to write to our Chairman about it and why through my boss's interference and stupidity they could not award the contract to us.  We were the preferred contractor until he gate crashed a meeting and then made an arse of himself in front of the customer.  How I didn't deck him as we left the meeting I don't know but the bollocking I gave him in the middle of the street was excellent.  

The top man called me into his office to tell me off for yelling and swearing at my boss.  So I explained my position and the huge loss of revenue and the circumstances and said a letter would be forthcoming about it.  I looked around for a new job and got it a few weeks later and left them to it.

Is That Any Way To Run A ####### Ballroom?

 The phrase "Is That Any Way To Run A ####### Ballroom?'" refers to the phrase that was part of a recurring comedic line, often delivered by one character to the other, usually involving the criticism: "Is that any way to run a ####### ballroom?" It was, of course, a phrase used by the alter egos of British comedy duo Peter Cook and Dudley Moore (also known simply as "Pete and Dud"). 

Indeed the phrase comes to mind every time I hear or see a Labour politician these days.   Have they no idea how pathetic they sound, how disjointed their arguments are and how awful they appear to ordinary people?  They ignore evidence right under their noses, they argue that black is white and vice versa.  It's like listening to a child arguing and having no logical clear thinking.  It is as if none of them has ever actually tackled anything bigger than ordering a sausage roll from Greggs - even then, I'm not convinced they'd not burn their mouths when attempting to eat it.

The more they argue or try to communicate the more they dig a hole for themselves.  Nothing gets better and their continued appearance pissing on me and telling me it's raining, is wearing mighty thin and not only is patience running out with them but they are now so regularly awful that it is beginning to become apparent what a shambles these politicians are to the wider public (and it is about time people started to see through it).

The slow motion car crash has taken just 18 months (or thereabouts) to demonstrate that they have no ideas, no plan, no vision, dreadful communication and things are accelerating to a financial and social disaster.  They've already run out of other people's money.

My daughter is leaving the country for "a year or two" and I wonder if she will return?  That's a difficult thing, given my age and medical history.  She's not the only one who is leaving.  Those young enough and mobile enough are "Getting the hell out of Dodge!" It is difficult enough for them to get on the housing ladder and any hard work is rewarded by vicious theft via taxes and as usual ideology trumps hard work.  They never ever get it do they?  If you punish enterprise and ambition you get nowt, zilch, nada, nothing.  Socialism has never worked but those who voted that way are now learning that they really are scumbags.  They have no idea how the vast majority of us live, not a clue, the politics of envy they call it and this is right in your face, no shame, no pity and let's hope these evil gits are drummed out of office and shunned by all reasonable law abiding people. 

What Interesting Times We Inhabit

 I find it quite hilarious in some ways when we look at the current state of politics and generally any utility business and some of the people in local Government too.

You have (or had) one job!  But rather than spend our money wisely on the services we require, they go off on some crazy vanity project or squander money on stuff that isn't actually important.  I saw one council spending money on a mural, another on suggesting that flags some 15 metres in the air made it difficult for car drivers to see!  Really! Then there are the other pseudo science things - some 150 councils have signed up to Net Zero and are haemorrhaging our money on that.  Some are putting parking restrictions and parking fees and fines up so that anytime you park it costs you.  At the same time they wine on about no one visiting the town centres and blame it on online shopping.  I suppose that is true as I can get the same things with no parking fees, no hassle, no carrying for miles to get to my car and generally 10% or more cheaper.

All the while they stuff up business rates and make the place unattractive to visit, they continue to support minority groups with grants of our money and yet ask them to deliver the services we want and they look at you as if you are mad!  The do the basics well ethos has gone, no one is sacked for cocking stuff up and more often they are rewarded.  I see one councillor screwed up so often and conducted themselves in a less than professional way but got a New Year's Honours gong anyway.

The Water company boss who presided over a complete failure of the one job he has - to supply water to people gets away with a light slap on the wrist.  In all the years of privatization it appears that they forgot what their primary role was, there is no planning, no sort of contingency plans and everyone suffers as they just do not deliver what they said they should, what they are paid for!

It's a real nightmare watching the PM and the Government just digging themselves into holes and making things worse and then telling us that they are the adults in the room!  They have no idea and don't seem to realize that we can all see how awful they are. they command no respect whatsoever and just appear to be the best incompetence duffers of a bad bunch.  It's pathetic to watch them squabbling and weasel wording and still doing nothing.  They complain about stuff not realising that they, themselves, have the absolute power to change things.  Not a bloody clue.  The most hated politicians ever I'd suggest.  Yet they think they are the complete opposite!  

It's all falling down and crumbling before our eyes but they cannot see it, do not appear to even sense it.  I kind of hope that it does come as a complete surprise to them and they fall as only those who occupy high position and are totally clueless can into the fiery pit of public anger and outrage.  How these low IQ people ever got to power if beyond me.  These sorts at my old school were separated from those who could into classes that had low expectations of any achievements at all.  

Dentist & Car Brakes Mission Completed

 That sort of worked out OK, dropped the car off at the garage but delayed due to having to take OH to the station and then running into roadworks but a quick call and five minutes late seemed to be OK.  Then the Dentists who were running late anyway, a quick inspection but need to go back to check on a spot on the gums in a month and I'm back there on Friday for the Hygienist as well hopefully the traffic will be a little less but I know now so can plan for the delay.

Back home via the Butcher and Supermarket and so that's another chore done.  Boy was it cold and I had to divert to have a breakfast and then a coffee on my way back to the garage.  It is -6 or so and it felt every bit of that.  When I got in it started to snow but that appears to have passed through now.  

At least that's the big expense on my car out of the way.  The mice have returned by  the looks of things too, I thought I saw mouse poo and put the traps out and one presented for me to dispose of on arrival to the Kitchen and so I need to check it out regularly.  I was surprised we hadn't got any this year so far but I did have the holes in house filled last year because we had so many Mice.  Way over 40.  The Sheep have disappeared from the field again.  They have been doing the Hokey Cokey this past month or so.  

Anyway the New Year is busy to start which is probably a good thing.  

Gosh It's Cold Today

 A good few degrees minus I'd say and the small amount of snow we had on Friday remains where it is in the shade.  Another day of slow but steady progress today and alleluia the accounts balanced - I hate doing accounts and I'd almost got them to balance but the chap who audits them for me is really good at finding these little errors. I'd found one of the big ones (accruals are a pain in the nether regions).  A few odd typos and we were there.  Anyway, with those done I can get onto catching up with another set of accounts and seeing how they do.  Hopefully it should be easier now.

My other accounts are done and so I just need to tidy those up and hopefully I can do that later this week.

I really do feel cold though, my hands particularly as I am typing away and the whole house feels bitterly cold.  I need to make sure I wrap up warm tomorrow as I need to take my car in to get its brakes fixed and whilst that is happening I can go to the dentist about 15 minute walk away but I imagine it will be pretty chilly walking through the industrial estate and the High Street. 

Next week is make or break with the business.  Whilst I'd set myself a target of March - sales are non-existent and actual downloads are in single figures - double if you include last years.  At least I will be able to make a decision based on some hard business facts and then will have to face the reality of it all.  

That's The Ticket

 A bit at a time and small steps works.  I have just done a few hours work on the business and in just over a week I go for a trial to see if I can drum up any interest at all as sales are sluggish to say the least but the competition is quite fierce but my model is different.  That needs my full attention and so it is a week and a bit away as there are cars to be fixed, dentist and hygienist to see as well as some other pressing jobs.

It is kind of make or break in a way to see if I can get the sales moving and it requires a little investment (speculate to accumulate) and so a short term experiment is required.  It will determine whether or not to pursue the business.  At least it will give me some ideas of where it is headed and whether to close it or not.

It's perishing cold outside and bringing in the bins was a chilly affair.  My hands still aren't warm and I've been in for half an hour!

Anyway, quite pleased that I have at least got some constructive work done and will be able to do some more this afternoon. 

I Cannot Get Going Again Today

 It's one of those things I suppose.  I want to get tucked into some work and getting things done and I just cannot get motivated at all.  I don't get it.  I have a list of stuff to do and yet three hours in I have only achieved one thing and that's it.  I go to start, get distracted, nothing gets done. Crazy. Actually two things. 

Mind you it is cold today and my fingers are freezing, overnight snow but mostly melted now and just not a lot to get me motivated.  Having said that I have actually done a few things on my listing but mainly the easiest things there is other stuff to tackle.  

Elephant eating is required and I will attempt to do that by breaking stuff into bite sized chunks.  Here goes, once more into the breach...

It's Not Easy Trying To Get Yourself Up

I think once you#ve dug yourself into the rut you are in it is quite difficult to get back out of it.  You know you need to do it but somehow, just letting it all wash over you for another hour or day is OK even if you feel bad about letting that happen.

Of course, these things cannot happen overnight and take time but I observe myself just wasting my time and deciding to play a game of Solitaire rather than getting on with what i need to do to break free.

It's a slow process and I will get there it will just take time and effort and determination to achieve it.  At least the first hurdle is out of the way - there's no more beer in the house and it was all too easy to pour a drink, watch YouTube and wallow in my depression.  I need to set to and start to tick these tasks off of my to-do list.  I managed to do some quite complex tasks and finish them before Christmas so it is achievable, I just need to settle down, get distracted less and do it.

Roll On 2026

New Year's Day. It's just another day but you can treat it as a milestone and make various changes.  I am making a few changes and the business is the first one to attempt and then my health as I cannot quite believe how much weight I have put on in the last month so I will get back on track with that.  I am not drinking either and ceremonially drank my last beer just before midnight.

It's make or break on the business and in July it is 20 years since the Bladder Cancer presented itself.  If nothing else I need to make myself fit again and to stop injuring myself with alcohol and the wrong food.  

Moving forward is the way to go without doubt but I still have the odd flash back and regrets about the past but there's nothing that can be done about those and so I will be working more on that too.  I have too many ups and downs and it needn't be so.  I think too much and get lost in endless analytical loops.

Roll The Dice

 If it were up to me I would have let the bloke take over the business and watch as it crashed and burnt to the floor but no I had to look after everyone as I should have done.  That leaves me in a bit of a spot though as I now have had no real sales in 3 months and I gave myself 6 months to see if it was viable.  2 of the first 3 months were taken up with all that nonsense and now we are at a fork in the road.  No sales at all and a last roll of the dice beckons.  An experiment focused purely on sales over a limited period and then we will see if a direct pay per click through brings in the right audience or not.  

A short swift trial and then I can decide what to do.  No one seems to be interested but I haven't been doing targeted sales.  In for a penny in for a pound as they say.

Another Circuit Around The Sun

 What a horrible year it has been. You get your reward for being a good person by being screwed to the wall and here I am feeling like a boxer having gone 9 rounds and using the ropes to fend off the blows.  All the while my resolve gets weaker and weaker and yet I realise I must not buckle to this onslaught.

Business and just living are taking a mighty big slice out of my life.  Things are not enjoyable, not how they "should be" in my imagined perfect world. I've always had this problem that nothing turns out the way that I imagine it will.  Holidays, events are just a few that leave me disappointed and try as I may to not have preconceptions I still do.   That's a problem that I probably need to tackle.  Then there's this whole retirement business too.  It's very different and not what I expected it to be either.  The house, the build up of cr@p and detritus needs tackling but if only one of you wants to achieve that, it too adds to my general level of low esteem.

Of course I've had this a lot and there is an answer but it's disruptive and expensive and I very much doubt that it can be achieved at the moment either.

So 2025 can do one I'm thinking and 2026 can perhaps begin to make some changes.  It needs to as I am in a darkish place and don't want to stay here much longer.  

Another Disturbed Night

After a nice  lunch with my girls I came back to a house which is slightly divided shall we say.  I find the current situation one that I have been in before but this is quite different I have to say.  I woke with a start again around 3:30 and then my mind kicked in again and I was running through things that I shouldn't do and it was a maelstrom of thoughts and ideas but with no answers or dead ends on every turn.

When there appears no way out it makes your mind race even more to find some sort of resolution and that wakes you more and corners your options and there you are in some spiral of despair for no reason.  After about an hour (it could be less) I managed to go back to sleep.  It's these restless nights that are becoming a habit and I need to work on them. I am still tired from my previous fitful night and so I must work on getting past this current feature of my sleep pattern.

There's that nagging feeling once again that it will all end badly coming down the track.  I hope not but you never know, it feels vaguely familiar! 

The Struggle Continues

 Last night was pretty disturbed by any accounts.  We both said it was hot in the house - which is surprising as the thermostat had been turned down the day before.  

Got into bed and I felt so hot that I had to get up and come downstairs for an hour or so to see if I could sleep down there.  A little fitful sleep and so I decided to go back up and then sleep came and I got about 3 or 4 hours I suppose.

It didn't help that I was mulling over the situation I am in.  The business doesn't look like it is going anywhere fast and I don't have the capital to do any targeted advertising.  So I was thinking do I run for the three months I have given myself or just cut my losses and close it down? Home life is not particularly smooth either and I have bad thoughts again which need to be banished back to whence they came - this is trapped, claustrophobic and wanting to flee and just stop the world stuff.  It is not great I have to say and there's just an aimlessness pervading my thoughts and my actions.

I'm having the death thoughts as well and so struggle with an internal fight and no, it's not the type that required calling The Samaritans - it isn't 'that sort' of suicidal thoughts although they are there it is my mind processing stuff and like I said this time last year, I miss my family a lot.  I suppose I shouldn't feel like that it was, however, me that left the family unit after all those years and I have to live with those consequences but it's happening again and I am back to where I started when I left because of the situation I was in.

Apart from a video call I haven't seen my grandchildren at Christmas.  I will see my daughters tomorrow but not the grand kids.  I said last year I would make more effort and perhaps that is the change I need to make?  I am still quite wounded by the crap that's been thrown at me over the business, hence I would prefer to just shut it and walk away.  Of course I need to give it a bit more time and see is sales can materialise and if they do then what am I going to do?  I'd have to run the business then and that's another chore I may currently not want.

I hope that I can shake this malaise off as I was doing OK up to a point in controlling it all but obviously not.  

I know what is going on and worse than that I know what the answer is but I am not brave enough to tackle that right now.  I give my self until March to resolve the business (or in the next week LOL) and then I need to seriously consider my situation.